Bringing DD to hospital day of c-section - your thoughts??

(142 Posts)
Mummy252 Fri 03-May-13 15:47:55

Ok, so dd is 21 months and I'm due for an elective c-section( after very bad birth with her) in 2 weeks!!
To be fair dd and I may have some attachment issues, we literally spend every waking and sleeping for that matter moment together. She doesn't go to nursery and is with me 24/7, we tried nursery but both of us hated it.

Anyway, I'm dreading being away from her overnight as I genuinely don't remember anyone else ever putting her to sleep/ getting her up etc and I know she will be very confused.
My mum is coming over in the morning as we leave very early for hospital so dd will wake up with her. I know there's 3 of us booked in that day and they usually only book 2 so no idea when I will actually go down to theatre.
My question is could dd come to the hospital with us? With my mum of course? Then we can be together and wake up together etc until its time to go to theatre? I want her to come see me and her baby brother after the birth anyway?
Just wondering how others played it with their little ones when they went in?

BlueberryHill Fri 03-May-13 17:26:39

Your body isn't failing, it is producing a baby, it is just coming out slightly differently. It will be a nervous day for you as well, give yourself and your new baby a break.

As for letting your daughter down, she isn't going to remember in a couple of months. Try to prepare now to make is a bit easier for all and so that you can worry less about it on the day, you will have enough to do then. Good luck

What did you think was going to happen about overnight? Surely you knew, given the damage the last time, that a section was the most likely option?

I don't mean to come across as harsh, but you really need to start getting DD used to Daddy/Grandma/Whoever - you'll have a new baby to attend to soon and sometimes that baby is going to have to come first.

GettingObsessive Fri 03-May-13 17:28:43

I think you need to practice having your mum put her to bed - when you are not there. Of course she's going to ask for you if you are just downstairs. She'll never settle for second best if best is available.

QTPie Fri 03-May-13 17:30:10

I think that you will be surprised if you "leave them to it" (ie your mum/DH and DD)....

If I am in the house, then DS always wants me. If I go out or someone takes him out, then he gets on with it and is as good as gold. Yes, if she knows that you are around, she will cry her eyes out until you give in.

Completely "closing door after the horse has bolted", but building flexibility into childcare over time (so a child is happy in the care of others) can be completely invaluable. Especially when you have a second and there will be many many many times when your first child will not be at the top of your list if priorities.

Good luck.

tourdefrance Fri 03-May-13 17:31:20

Really sorry you had such an awful birth last time OP. I had a c section for ds1 and did not get home for 3 days so I think 1 night is massively optimistic. I had a natural birth for ds2
Can you keep your options open and see how labour goes? You can get c sec if necessary but it may be much better this time around.

Mummy252 Fri 03-May-13 17:32:15

She won't have to take a backseat at all when the baby comes, I have no intentions of depriving her of anything. I have 2 arms and can do anything she wants whist carrying/ holding baby! When she was a baby it never stopped me doing anything and we were always together!!
I'm not breast feeding, didn't with her either so I plan on involving her with much of the babies care, from bottle feeding to passing me wipes when he's pooped. Dd has been well prepared for life after baby is here, it will be 3 of us not 2 of us 24/7 but she will still have my 100% attention as will baby. She will continue to do all her clubs etc and baby will come along in our harness. It really is just the hospital time that is worrying me, after that I can handle the rest, and do so in a way that dd never misses a minute of my attention!

Mummy - I mean this kindly. You are living in cloud cuckoo fairyland if you think she won't ever have to come second when the new baby comes.

Print out that post and read it in 6 months.

It's a physical impossibility for 2 children each to have 100% of your attention.

outtolunchagain Fri 03-May-13 17:36:54

Were you in the house for your practice with dh putting to bed? It may be completely different if you are not there ,with one of mine if he even slightly got the sense that I would do it then there was no stopping him but strangely if I was completely out he was no problem.Its a bit like a baby being able to smell the milk.

I have to say I feel a little sorry for your new baby as his welfare doesn't seem to figure at all in your plans . What will you do if he has jaundice or something and isn't well enough to go home after 2 days ; leave anyway because your daughter wants you ?

Sorry I know that sounds harsh but sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette , you dd may be upset but in the long run she will gain from learning to use another adult .

Mummy252 Fri 03-May-13 17:38:37

I look after my nephew who is in a wheel chair all the time. Trust me if I can push him and carry her (she weighs 28lbs) whist being 37 weeks pregnant then I'm pretty sure I can manage her and a newborn without ignoring her.
They don't make pushchairs that attach to wheelchairs for 10 year olds! He weighs a lot more than her. She walks a lot too but he takes a lot of looking after, can't feed himself etc, she does it all with me and is never left out!!

BlueberryHill Fri 03-May-13 17:38:37

Aah bless, that is so sweet OP and so unrealistic.

outtolunchagain Fri 03-May-13 17:39:29

Sorry meant to say trust another adult .

With all due respect, he's your nephew. You look after him. A baby of your own, in the house 24/7 is a totally different kettle of fish.

ExcuseTypos Fri 03-May-13 17:42:24

I agree that you should leave the house when someone else is putting your dd to bed. It's natural for you to be upset when you hear her cry and she will k ow you're in the house so will cry even more.

You say she is bright, so tell her you are going out and daddy or granny, will put her to bed. Tell her you'll see her in the morning, and do it!

You should do this a couple of times before you go into hospital so she gets a chance to get used to it.

Mummy252 Fri 03-May-13 17:44:17

And my nephews welfare is never second best either, I do everything either of them want / need. Yes I go to bed exhausted and my back has been killing me for about 10 weeks now but my kids never know it and it never stops me or them!
I took the 2 of them to Chester zoo for the day a couple of weeks ago, stayed overnight and did blue planet aquarium the next day. It's all about organisation (which I do when she's in bed) and outright determination.

In 6 weeks I fully plan to have all 3 of them out and about!!!

I mean this kindly. You are in for a shock. And a bit of a rude awakening. And so is your DD. You're doing her no favours if you don't step up and get her used to someone else in the next couple of weeks.

TerrysAllGold Fri 03-May-13 17:45:50

Take it from a mother of 2 who had an elective section with the second and who is very independent and determined, hates hospitals and very self-sufficient:

1. If you leave hospital within 48 hours of the section you quite possibly will have to crawl out of there.

2. Your firstborn will have to come second, will have to wait occasionally. She will not, however, die or self-combust because of it and neither will you.

3. You won't be carrying a baby in a sling or carrying a toddler immediately after a section. You really won't.

4. You will re-read this in a few years time and want to curl up in a hole with embarrassment.

BlueberryHill Fri 03-May-13 17:46:29

Sorry, that post looks out of place now, it was in reponse to your post at 17:32.

AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 03-May-13 17:49:08

it will be 3 of us not 2 of us 24/7 but she will still have my 100% attention as will baby. It really is just the hospital time that is worrying me, after that I can handle the rest, and do so in a way that dd never misses a minute of my attention

Okaaaaaaaaaay. How will they both have 100% of your attention? confused It sounds like your newborn is just going to have to fit around your DD in every aspect. I think you're in cloud cuckoo land and you may want to reread this thread in a few months! Er, good luck?

Blatherskite Fri 03-May-13 17:53:15

You need to start getting her better bonded to your DH fast!

Maybe for the next week, the three of you do bedtimes together starting with you taking the lead and DH just being around and gradually phasing so that your DH is doing the most of the work while you are just there. Obviously, it would have been better to start this weeks ago but there's no point stressing over that now.

When I went in to have my ELCS with DD they promised me that if all went well, I'd only need to be in 1 night rather than 2 - I was still in for 2 nights even though everything went perfectly.

ExcuseTypos Fri 03-May-13 17:53:35

I too have had 2 CS. I spent a couple of months getting dd used to the idea of staying over with her grandma and I told her she would stay there for a few days when I had the new baby.

She did come in and see me the day I had the section. I wish she hadn't. sad I was in hooked up to numerous lines, I couldnt sit up or cuddle her and she really was confused.

I wished she'd visited for the first time, the following day when I was up and about and pain free.

Do you absolutely have to have a section? DS1 was born in theatre by ventouse and I had 3rd degree tears. Was told afterwards that if I had another child then I'd need a section but another obstetrician I saw just before DS2 was born was much more in favour of a vd saying there was no reason I should tear again. I had DS2 in a birthing pool in a midwife-led unit. He popped out easily. The obsteician was sadly wrong and I did have horrid 3rd degree tears again and sitting down and walking were pretty uncomfortable, to say the least, but it was much easier to recover from than major abdominable surgery and I was home within several hours of his birth.

handcream Fri 03-May-13 17:58:14

Op - I am really sorry - but are you in a Disney movie? 100% attention to your DD - what's left for your new baby?

You sound a bit daft tbh - you have got yourself in this position and are now wondering whether your toddler can come to the hospital with you. Sorry - once again but you are in for a horrible horrible shock.

You are also I fear setting yourself up to raise a little princess who will kick and scream once she realises she is not the centre of your universe.

This isnt one of those joke threads is it?

Iggi101 Fri 03-May-13 18:01:36

As a teacher I kind of dread teaching anyone like your dd, meant in the nicest possible way! You are doing her no favours to treat her like this, and what role do other caring adults get to play in her life?
My second child did split the attention I was able to give, but you know what? Dc1 adores dc2, and is happy with the new scenario - he would not swap back to when it was all about him.
I have waited 8 hours for an ecs once, wouldn't fancy it with a toddler.

cocoplops Fri 03-May-13 18:04:44

Not sure how helpful all this chastising of the op is?! She's worried about her dd and being away from her. You're definitely going to be shared between your dd and new wee Ds and that is quite a challenge! I'm sure you're not expecting it to be a breeze anyway.

Anyway....I'm sure you've got the idea that probably you won't be allowed her on the ward before you go in or during the post op recovery phase (which lasts until you're stable enough to go back on the ward). My recovery always seems to take a good few hours but I don't react we'll to the morphine and feel really yuck. If you feel sick take the anti sickness meds they are great!

I was like you a bit - was so worried about my first Ds and knew I would miss him. Had had a c section before but still was planning on having him come to ward that evening after having op early morning. Actually cancelled it as felt too bad and looked quite frightful too. You can be pretty incapacitated for 12-16 hours (longer for me - I'm a wuss!). Anyway you may be fine - a friend of mine was decathed and up and about (gingerly) the same day.

Your dd will be fine. I know its easy to say, but your DM and DH will manage. It's a very short amount of time in the grand scheme of things.

pizzaqueen Fri 03-May-13 18:13:21

Where does your DH come into all of this? What does he want? And how do you have any time for a relationship when you DD is with you 24/7? Don't you have any couple time? Even a dinner date without her? I feel a bit sorry for him, it seems like he's sidelined for your DD.

I don't think it would be fair on your DD to see you so soon after major surgery. She will be confused and may not want to leave again. Get your mum to plan lots of fun things for the two of then so she doesn't even have the chance to miss you, and to tire her out for bedtime. It will be fine. What if you had an accident and had to spend time I hospital your DD would just need to adapt, at least you have time to plan for this.

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