Loose fanjo after birth - is there anything which works to improve this situation ??

(33 Posts)
Blushed Thu 11-Apr-13 18:10:09

I gave birth 8 weeks ago to DD1 (back to back, ventouse delivery, purse stitch inside my perineum required + some grazing).

My husband and I DTD a couple of days ago. Whilst he is too lovely, caring and petrified to say anything, I was definitely much looser. And I could tell that it really wasn't doing the job for him either, so I finished him off with other means which took 2 seconds.

Sex is a bit of a sore point anyway as my libido is much higher than his...I really don't want to face the prospect of less fulfilling sex for me and less desire for sex (him)...or tbh a life of continually finishing him off with blowjobs. That's depressing.

So. Do any of you know anything which works to tighten me up? I've seen a few gizmos on the market.. Plus heard of Holistic Pelvic consultants. Any recommendations on these?

And, finally (!)... I'm a bit scared about a second birth as I found the first one a bit traumatising, and now am worried it may do even more damage. Anyone got any experience on this front too?

Ps apologies if tmi!

Blushed Thu 11-Apr-13 18:14:49

Bumping.

marshkat Thu 11-Apr-13 18:16:15

Glad you asked these questions, looking forward to response as sort of in same boat!!! x

HotCrossPun Thu 11-Apr-13 18:19:23

Sorry, I've no advice either. Didn't want to read and run though so - bump!

Hopefully somebody will come along with some good advice soon.

trikken Thu 11-Apr-13 18:19:34

8 weeks is fairly recent tho. Im sure it will improve on its own, mine did.

TerracottaPie Thu 11-Apr-13 18:27:23

It's only been 8 weeks! I was still bleeding at 8 weeks with DC3.

You have to give it time really. And then go from there if no improvements. But the likelihood is you'll be fine. smile

Wommer Thu 11-Apr-13 18:28:32

Yup defo give it time - will certainly tighten up alot more.

Blushed Thu 11-Apr-13 18:31:54

When we say tighten up of its own accord is that just time or with pelvic floor exercises? Am doing mine madly.

MissLurkalot Thu 11-Apr-13 18:32:54

No recommendations other than I think week 8 is too early to be worrying about it being looser. It will be... You need to give it bit longer before trying to find things to help.

Regarding second birth.. Much easier! And I'm pregnant with no4!

Blushed Thu 11-Apr-13 18:37:10

Maybe I'll hang in there for a bit then before panicking that I'm doomed to a life of crap sex. Any particular length of time I should wait IYE?

Thanks for the replies btw smile

5madthings Thu 11-Apr-13 18:39:34

Give it a bit of a time and also do pelvic floor exercises.

badguider Thu 11-Apr-13 18:40:37

I know nothing at all about childbirth (expecting my first now) but I do know a bit about other soft tissue injuries (sports injuries) and the normal amount of time for healing and return of muscle tone in the absence of really serious damage is about three months, so I'd guess that 8 weeks is very early to expect to be back to 'normal'.

5madthings Thu 11-Apr-13 18:41:30

www.pelvictoner.co.uk/

These have been recomended on mnet. You can get them.on prescription or you can just buy them. They are £25?

Zara1984 Thu 11-Apr-13 18:44:28

I was in in same situation as you. It DOES get better!! Much much better! At 5 months my fanjo is within 25% of what it was pre-baby. I just bought a pelvic toner this past week, going to start using it. D your pelvic floor exercises!! Apparently a DVD called Habit is very good too.

As for second birth.... Trying not to think about it!!

Blushed Thu 11-Apr-13 18:52:33

Madthings, Zara and badguider, thank you so much. You have given me hope!

Zara1984 Thu 11-Apr-13 19:17:31

It'll be ok. Promise!! This is probably TMI but DH and I find that from behind is most enjoyable. Am still too loose for missionary and me on top.

Once I've tackled the chores and done the baby bottles am going to use my pelvic toner!!

Blushed Thu 11-Apr-13 19:22:16

Ah yes, we did missionary, will try from behind next time.

Out of interest, did you discuss with your DH? I've not said anything yet but was planning tonight to say 'look, I know it's looser and I'm not expecting you to agree in case you get bollocked...but I want you to know I know so it doesn't become an issue, it gets better and give me some feedback on when it does!'...

umberellaonesie Thu 11-Apr-13 19:27:48

It just takes time. And will be different after every birth it has taken different lengths of time and has felt different than before. I have had 3 births.

Zara1984 Thu 11-Apr-13 19:30:35

Oh yes, we discussed. But DH and I are quite frank with each other about these sorts of things. He said that my fanjo looked open/gapey the first time which was shock. It looks better now but not the same as before baby.

I'm giving myself until DS is 1 before I contact a gynae. I would like to get back to what I was like before baby, at some point in the future.

5madthings Thu 11-Apr-13 19:32:53

Dp and i discussed it. But it does get bwtter but do pelvic floors. All women should do them regardless of if they have had a baby!

I concur with zara re doggy style blush

StrangeGlue Thu 11-Apr-13 19:37:09

Yes. It will tighten up naturallt but you can also start some post-birth pelvic floor exercises which will help. If it stays loose go to gp and get referred to gyn-physio.

Companies have so much money to make out of telling people this and incontinence is normal but is isn't, its common (theres a difference) and there's stuff any gp can do to help you with almost every problem. Don't be shy anyone, ask for help.

Zara1984 Thu 11-Apr-13 19:58:10

Also do not read baby centre posts that say "my fanny is tighter now than when I was 18!"

Blushed Thu 11-Apr-13 20:09:15

So glad you say that about Baby Centre posts, what planet are they on!

Right, chat with DH, pelvic floor, toner and then gyn physio,
If, after a decent amount of time no improvement. .. It's a plan. Thanks!

Ezza1 Thu 11-Apr-13 20:27:39

I'm interested to know if the pelvic toner is any good. Can it be used during pregnancy? I do pelvic floor exercises but am pretty sure that since having DC3 I'm not doing them effectively.

I am 17 weeks pregnant with #4 and everything down below is already...err...not as it was (big babies, quick deliveries!)so am in a panic about what it will be like once I have this little one shock

5madthings Thu 11-Apr-13 20:56:33

I think there was a review thread of the pelvic toner on mnet?

It is one of the only ones you can get on prescription because it has been proven to be effective,

I think itprob says not to use in preg but given people have sex, use sex toys etc in preg I would think its fine, obviously you don't want to go mad with it depth wise but I don't think you can looking at the design if it? It basically is something to 'squeeze' against so you can feel your muscles more and provides a bit more of a workout for your pelvic floor.

Tmi but I practised pelvic floor exercises during sex so dp could feel me squeezing and surely that's the same as using a pelvic toner?

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