Sex after birth: how long did you wait? How was it? When did you find the time?

[coveredinflour]

Had DD nearly 4 months ago but have still not even attempted to DTD. Partly because I have never felt less sexy, partly because we seem to have no time but MOSTLY because I'm slightly petrified its going to hurt. I've had problems with penetrative sex in the past and now after a nasty 2nd degree tear (and occasional mystery shooting pains in that department) am worried about giving it a go,even though i know it should be healed down there now (dr has told me that it is healed). It doesn't help that my libido isn't hugely high to begin with.

Anyone experienced any of these issues? How did you find sex after birth?

[Irishmammybread]

Hi, DS(my DC1) was a Keelans rotation and forceps delivery, I had a lot of bruising and a big episiotomy, which broke down and then had to heal by secondary intention so it was a slow and painful recovery. At the 6 week check I was assured everything had healed .We resumed normal relations(with some trepidation) shortly after and it was actually fine,not the painful experience I had anticipated . It was also lovely to resume that intimacy with DH.
Everyone is different however and you must wait till you feel ready,there isn't a "normal" or a timetable, it's just what's right for you and your DH. Finding the time can be difficult and I know I felt it hard to feel sexy with a saggy tummy and leaky breasts! I felt that things would never be normal down below after the trauma but it's amazing how the body heals,it was fine.
Don't be worried, just relax and go with it when you feel the time is right.
(I can also remember the doctor suggesting using a lubricant the first few times!)

[lauratheexplorer]

I was in your position OP. Nasty tear and scared of the pain even though I felt healed. I waited for 6 weeks and decided just to go for it. I told DP my concerns so he made sure I was extra comfortable with a lot of touching, massaging and kissing beforehand. We used lube and went slow starting with fingers before anything else and well...it was fine. Pleasurable even. Once I got past the initial penetration I just kind of eased into it.

I wasn't feeling my sexiest ever but DP had watched me give birth to our daughter. There really was no time like the present then!

As for finding the time we did it straight after DD had gone to sleep after a feed. We put her in the next room on her motion sensor so we could be alone and didn't have one interruption. Luck? Probably

[Throughgrittedteeth]

I think we waited about 2 months and tbh it was quite uncomfortable the first time but I knew I needed to battle through and a couple of goes later it was great. I definitely needed to psyche myself up though!

[Doodledumdums]

I could have practically written your post OP! Except I have an almost 4 month old DS not DD, and I had an emergency caesarean, so I wasn't too worried about it hurting downstairs as i've got no damage other than my c section scar. I actually started a thread similar to this the other day, so it's reassuring to know i'm not alone. DH and I have DTD twice since DS was born, but it felt weird because we took ourselves off to the spare room while DS was asleep, which just seemed odd. Also I totally understand what you mean about not feeling sexy. My libido is low at the best of times, but couple in leaking boobs, baby in the bedroom, and a total lack of feeling like anything other than a very unsexy Mummy, then regular sex is likely to be off the cards for a while in my house I think! Poor DH!

Sorry this post isn't very helpful, but just thought it might help you realise that you aren't alone :-)

[DessieLou]

You're definitely not alone OP! I have a 4 month DD and have been trying to psyche myself up for dtd for the last week. I have a very low (practically non existent) sex drive anyway which is making matters worse. If we waited til I was truly ready it would literally never happen! But poor DH hasn't had it for a year so I'm going to have to bite the bullet...how bad can it be, right?
I know what you mean about finding the time. I just want to sleep when I get chance not start frolicking around the bedroom in my big knickers & breast pads!
Sorry I've no advise, but good luck! :-)

[coveredinflour]

Thanks everyone! It's good to know I am not the only one DessieLou and Doodle - and that its probably not as bad as I fear (everyone else). Perhaps we'll try this weekend... That's if MIL doesn't come to visit (another problem - we've always got visitors...)