No birth partner- what will happen?

(16 Posts)
MammaCici Sun 07-Apr-13 09:26:28

I had DH and a doula for my first birth in 2010. I live in Sweden. I'm pretty sure that my doula was part of a group who offered a free doula service to mum's who would be alone and couldn't afford a doula. Perhaps there is a similar group in the UK. If money is an issue you could find a doula training programme and ask for a volunteer. Or place an advert. There are bound to be trainee doulas looking for expeience. Best of luck. xx

Pollaidh Fri 05-Apr-13 23:36:50

Have just noticed that NCT now offer doulas.

Graceparkhill Tue 02-Apr-13 20:28:09

Hello-I gave birth twice without presence of DH( I didn't want him there which I know is very unusual )

Anyway I had a great time-was never alone. Had lovely student midwife with me the whole time for DS1 and fab midwife who never left my side for DS2.

In my experience staff go out if their way to help if you are alone.

Pollaidh Tue 02-Apr-13 20:20:36

I looked into doulas and it seemed like a very good idea (I didn't go ahead as I had my husband). Interview a few until you find one you click with.

I was left alone with a mw for a few minutes and I didn't even notice as she kept stroking my hair. I think on my own though I'd want someone who was there just for me, like a doula.

FennCara Tue 02-Apr-13 10:08:58

Yes to live birth thread grin.

Thanks, feeling a lot more positive.

I had DD alone.
DP dropped me off at the hospital and saw that I was settled then took DS home to give him dinner etc.
My mum was on standby but I didn't really want her there. (She later told me she was relieved I didn't call as she was scared for me and didn't like to see me in pain!)

The midwife didn't leave my side. She was brilliant. I was only there 5hours in total, it was pretty quick, but she said she would be with me the whole time.

She took my phone from me to take a photo, and even wiped the muck out of my hair!

She obviously knew all the right things to say and I didn't feel I had to be self conscious. It made the experience so much easier than first time round. And DP isn't traumatised like he was after DS. he fainted

Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine.
You could always do a live birth thread!

MiaowTheCat Tue 02-Apr-13 07:06:36

On the more trivial note - the hospital staff will happily take a picture for you in my experience - they've always done so for me to get both me AND hubby in with the new baby!

WeAreEternal Mon 01-Apr-13 23:01:17

I was alone when I has DS.

DP works away and was not able to get back.

My best friend took time off to be with me, but unfortunately I was nearly three weeks overdue and went into labour the morning she had to go back to work.

She drove me to the hospital and stayed with me for a few hours but then had to go ( she was shattered bless her, and had a 8 hour drive back to work with no sleep).

I didn't feel comfortable with having my family there. I am pretty independent and I am a pretty private person, my best friend and DP and the only people who I would ever let see me like that.
So I just decided to do it alone.

I wasn't really sure what the hospital would do, I had talked it through with my midwife as a possible situation and was told that I would be checked on more frequently and have a student or maybe a midwife to sit with me if they weren't too busy.
But that didn't happen. It wasn't busy, they were apparently quiet that day, but nobody came to sit with me, or really spent any extra time with me.
I was given my own room as it was quiet, which was nice but actually made me feel even more alone.

My labour wasn't long, 9 hours between arriving at hospital and having DS, but I spent most of that time alone, they only checked on me a couple of times and then came in to deliver him and then left me alone again. After having him I was made to stay overnight and only checked on once the next morning when they told me I could go home at 11am.
I actually had to go and find someone to discharge me at 11.30 as nobody came back.

At the time I wasn't bothered. I had my laptop and some DVDs and my phone so I was ok, but I was very emotional and had nobody to talk to. The midwives were nice but didn't seem to want to chat so I was quite isolated.
Plus I was slightly bullied by one midwife (who tried to force me to have drugs against me will and my birth plan 'for my own good') and because I was alone I had nobody to stand up for me it made me feel very vulnerable and helpless.

I would definitely suggest visiting the hospital before hand for a tour and discussing things with them, my midwife was useless as she gave me lots of advice that was completely irrelevant to the hospital.

RandomMess Mon 01-Apr-13 22:34:16

Not the same as dh was there to carry the bags and read his book but my birth plan was for the midwives to be my birthing partner and I had 2 midwives with me from once things got started until after delivery. It was my best birth by far!

FennCara Mon 01-Apr-13 22:29:06

Much the same situation as me Lou, although this one isn't pregnant (yet...).

Good news that the midwives don't leave you. I know how manic it gets on labour wards and how stretched they are.

Thurlow Mon 01-Apr-13 18:53:55

Not quite the same, but I spent several hours alone with the mw as DP had gone home to sleep as things seemed to be going slowly. I had my epidural and a foetal blood test before DP got a call telling him to rush to hospital! The mw was wonderful and stayed with me the whole time and basically did the birth partner role - held my hands while they put the epi in etc. I actually felt better without DP there, it felt calmer with just professionals around.

It might be worth asking if they have student mw's though. You might be able to arrange to have one with you the whole time, they might like the experience?

Hello Fenn.

I'm 40+5, and don't have a birthing partner as such. I have a friend on 'standby' who I've asked if she can come to the hospital with me at the start (if it looks like it'll be a longish labour). Then my Mum is also coming, but I've said to her I don't want her in the room when I'm actually giving birth. I'm not sure I would feel completely comfortable with a friend or my Mum there for any graphic bits.

And they both know me very well and are fine with it.

My H walked out (got another woman pregnant, unbeknown to me) 5 days before I found out I was pregnant.

Good luck! smile

FennCara Mon 01-Apr-13 16:36:00

Thank you for your replies. A student doula or midwife would be a good idea.

I have good friends and family, but nobody I could feel totally uninhibited with. I think that would be worse than nobody when trying to relax and let it happen. None of my friends or siblings have their own children and I am absolutely sure they would not cope. I really wouldn't want to be fretting over somebody else at that moment.

Obviously when H was on the scene that wasn't a concern!

Snuppeline Mon 01-Apr-13 15:29:38

Didn't want to read and not post a reply. I'm sorry you have to give birth alone and I do hope you have a friend who, if they knew you would be alone, will offer to be there for you. I know I would for a friend of mine (sadly not in the UK so can't be of much help to you).

If you truly have to go it alone I would assume you would be looked after closely by at least one midwife or nurse. Perhaps a student one if no other is available but I don't think you need to worry about being on your own at the end. When it comes to the other bits don't worry about crying or being emotional - we all are. Speak to your midwife/GP at your next appointment about your concerns and also add in to your birth plan the extras you would like, like picture taking and anything else so that the midwifes know that you would like them to take pictures for you. And of course they will.

You should also check to see if there is a student doula out there who may want to take you on as a practice case. I would think a doula would be a lovely companion. Check on here for a thread topic, or start another asking for a birth partner. You never know you might help someone else whilst getting some support yourself smile

Littlefish Mon 01-Apr-13 15:19:40

Do you have a friend you could take with you instead?

FennCara Mon 01-Apr-13 15:17:37

No relishing the prospect, but had two before so not scared of the birth.

Will they check on me more? Tend to lose myself towards the endand can't be sure I'll know to get help if I need it.

It's the part afterwards I'm worried about. I will definitely cry my eyes out. And will anyone take a picture..? (The things you worry about).

confused

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now