WWYD regarding bad midwife/home birth experience?(9 Posts)
I'm not going to go into all the details of my last birth
unless anyone really wants me to but to cut a very long story short, I had a homebirth & felt the midwife could've been better. I'm aware that she had a bad back & it was 11pm when we called her after she'd been working all day so I'm trying to be understanding & decided that it wasn't necessary to take it further.
It's now 17 months later & I'm planning homebirth #2. Until recently I was under the impression that I'd never have to deal with said mw again as she worked in a neighbouring area. Things have changed & she's now one of the midwives in my area. I found this out when I went for my last appointment & she was the one I saw. Seeing her again instantly made me feel tense & anxious. She was lovely & friendly during the appointment & I mentioned my issues at a previous appointment which happened to be with her supervisor who seemed genuinely surprised & insisted that people usually think she's wonderful. I have no reason to think that she's not a competent midwife who was just having a bad day.
Having said that, the fact that just seeing her for a standard check up nearly induced an anxiety attack has made me realise that I really can't have her at my next homebirth. I'm considering asking if we can call on the day I go into labour & be told which community midwife is on call & keep the option open of going to the local mw-led unit if she's our only option. I don't want to cause a fuss & try to demand that they send someone else to my homebirth if she's the one on the rota. There's about a dozen or so midwives on the rota so it's not likely to be her but I'd really like to have a plan in place just incase!
I'm struggling to think rationally about this so I'd appreciate opinions. Do I continue with my homebirth plan & request that we're told who's on call when the time comes or do I just abandon my homebirth now, suck it up & start planning to go to the mw-led unit?!
don't give up on your homebirth because of 1 midwife! Talk to the supervisor again and say you want someone else, they will have a back up. If she's as good generally as her supervisor thought maybe she needs to look at not asking her team to work in the day and then being on call overnight!
no advice I'm afraid but watching your thread with interest- hope you don't mind! - as I have a similar problem. I really want a home birth but one of the midwives was hopeless when I had DC1 - and recognised as such by other staff - so would rather give birth in the back of a taxi than depend on her. But she's only one of the midwives and the rest were fab so it feels like defeat to abandon my plans because of her. Of course if you've got 6 midwives on, its unlikely to be her so if you can't specify maybe just focusing on 'going with the flow' on the day I suppose! Hope someone more knowledgeable will be along in a mo!
ooh .. just googled and there's a sample letter that came up on http://www.homebirth.org.uk. You need to click down a bit on the page Can I have a homebirth, if....? but there is a section on how to deal with not getting on with a midwife. Maybe some help? Sorry I can't link direct!
I totally get the back-of-a-taxi thing! I'd quite happily stay home & do the whole thing alone rather than have her there!
Thanks for that link - it took me a while to find the letter but it's absolutely perfect. It sums up exactly why I don't want her there! I'm so glad I'm not the first person to have an issue with a midwife & I'm not just being hormonal & silly!
Hi. I had a very similar situation! (Does her name begin with J?)
When I was pg again the CMW asked me to write a letter stating that I did not wish to be seen by X during the course of my pg due to my lack of confidence in her, following my previous birth experience. How I felt anxious about meeting her and worried about a second negative birth experience. It was to be addressed to the Supervisor of Midwives, My PCT. I also added that I did not wish my letter to be treated as a complaint, I just did not want to see her again.
It meant that if ever she was called in to do clinic they would let me know and I could go to drop in the following day instead, or have a home visit.
It meant when she was on call there was a back up so that she wouldn't attend my birth. (I think,in reality,it would have meant her going in to hosp, and a hosp MW coming out to me).
And I never saw her again :-D
AIMS has a template for a letter to request that a certain midwife not be involved at all in your care. It phrases it saying that you do not want to discuss the reasons why. I used it to ban a MW from my care. 4 years later I have no regrets using it. If a MW's presence is upsetting you, then you have every right not to have her involved in your care. PS not saying she is a liar but of course her team manager will tell you that she is 'lovely'. The thing is you had a v negative experience with her at a very vulnerable and life changing time. Your feelings towards her are the only valuable ones to you. Don't feel emotionally blackmailed to go against your gut feeling.
Doesn't matter what anyone else says - she did something to you that now makes you feel uncomfortable and you shouldn't have to put up with that. You're not over-reacting. I'd follow the advice you've already been given here. It can be hard to stand up for yourself, but it's worth it if you feel more comfortable and reassured.
Be warned I have complained about two medics in the past and due to limited staff had to then - have them both in my home again!
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