Can I ask what you all do with your children when you go into hospital to give birth?

(24 Posts)
monkeyfeet Sat 23-Feb-13 07:08:45

Hello, dh and I are having a bit of a dilema about what we will do with our children when I give birth to our third baby. Baby is due in September so both dd and ds should be at school. We have no family close so they would have to come and stay. My mum is a bit useless with the children even getting them ready and feeding them would be a problem let alone getting them to school. DH mum is great would be fantastic but the problem is dh sister is having a baby about 2 weeks before so we cannot rely on dh mum.

So our options are 1) home birth, not likely though I think as I have had complications before and may need to be admitted to hospital. 2) heavy reliance on friends for favours, dropping kids to school maybe having overnight, but this feels like too much to ask 3) can we hire someone to be here? trouble is we have a very small house 2 beds so very cramped at the best of times.

Does anyone have any good ideas, i know its a long way off but I am already starting to feel panic rising. Any suggestions really appreciated

PPT Sat 23-Feb-13 07:16:38

I'd ask you mum or friends- it'll only really be for a day or two before your dh can be back at the helm. If they're a bit late for school or have had tea at a weird time (or odd food combinations) its only a short time! I you feel you can't ask your dm then hose a friend- they'd probably be flattered that you've asked for their help!

PPT Sat 23-Feb-13 07:17:39

Chose a friend... Not hose a friend!

We lived in different countries to both our DPs when we were expecting DD2. In the end, DH's parents came here for an extended holiday of 1 month. We shared costs of renting a small appartment for them. They spent lots of time with DD1 in the last days of my pregnancy which was a huge help and they had built up a good relationship/routine with her for the moment when they were then on their own when I went into hospital. Plus they could help with chores/nursery pick up etc when I was first out of hospital.
Well worth the cost!!

jkklpu Sat 23-Feb-13 07:42:17

If it's not feasible to ask family you need to start investing in your friends and, ideally, have several on stand-by. If it's your 3rd child, there's a good chance the birth itself won't take very long, so in practice, it could be for only a few hours. I'm sure there are parents of your kids' friends who'd be really flattered to be asked - imagine if a friend asked you, you'd be chuffed to bits and say yes, wouldn't you? The incentive to sort something out is that the fallback is your dp has to stay with them and you labour on your own, which is what lots of people end up doing. Best of luck.

My parents came to stay when I had DD , looked after DS whist DH and I were in the hospital .
A lovely older lady neighbour had already said she would come to the house to baby sit if my parents weren't there ( we lived in Norwich , parents in south Wales )
Ask friends or neighbours , I would help if some one asked me ( be flattered actually !)

AlisonL1981 Sat 23-Feb-13 08:49:05

I used to babysit regularly for a family. When they had their second child I was on call to look after their son. Got a called at 6am to go to theirs. Stayed the day until dad came home in the evening.

flubba Sat 23-Feb-13 09:02:15

I worried unnecessarily too - With my 3rd I had a couple of friends on standby and my mum (who lives further away) as the main back-up, so when I went into labour a lovely friend who lives close-by zoomed over to babysit the others (it was night and they were asleep) and my mum was also called so she set off at the same time and took over from my friend when she arrived.
Although I was kept in hospital for a few days with DC3, DH went home in the wee hours, took the other kids to and from nursery etc (he toook paternity leave) and so my mum and friend were only needed for the few hours while I was actually giving birth.

MammaCici Sat 23-Feb-13 09:17:19

I live overseas and DHs parents are 500km away. We're expecting DC2 in early May. My mum is coming 2 weeks plus 2 days before my due date and I haven't booked her a return flight. DS will be 2 and a half and is quite a handful. I've told my mum that she should do whatever is the easiest for her when we go to hospital. She can spoil DS and stay home with him. I'll have easy to prepare meals ready for her. No need for bathing him or anything like that that can wait.
Sounds like your kids are a bit older. I'd go with asking your mum. I'm sure if you speak to their head teacher and explain the situation the school would accept a late morning or two. You could have standby meals in the freezer and whatever up front preps you can do to make it easier for your mum.
I'm really looking forward to spending time with my mum before baby comes. I don't get to see her much so I'm seeing it as a special time for me and her. DH will look after DS to allow mum and me to spend some quality time together. I'm not sure what I'll be able for but even if it's just nice lunches out or some retail therapy it should be fun. I think being here for the birth will make my mum feel more connected. Skype is all very well but you can't beat seeing your mum in the flesh and feeling supported by her at such a special time.
I'm also asking one of my friends here if she can serve as backup if my mum needs any help/support. This friend has already agreed to look after DS should baby decide to make an early show.
If all our plans fail then DH and DS will accompany me to the hospital. DH will have to wait outside in a corridor with DS. I've heard unofficially that if they can spare someone a staff member will switch with DH so he can be there for the final minutes.
Best of luck making your decision and plans. It was huge weight off my mind when my mum said yes. Having another friend or two as extra backup is also reassuring. I don't worry about that now. Now I'm concerned with the actual birth!

ZuleikaD Sat 23-Feb-13 12:15:14

DH stayed at home and I went to the hospital.

Birthhippy9 Sat 23-Feb-13 13:04:02

I stay at home. I tend to give birth at night, if in the low chance I'd transfer then next door would look after the children. I'd want my husband with me and newborn if I was so ill to need hospital.

monkeyfeet Sat 23-Feb-13 16:10:46

yeah my children are older my dd will be year two and my ds reception, we do have alot of friends I guess as it is still early and no one knows I am aprehensive about the whole thing. Home birth would be easier though. I am sure my mum will come through in the end and having friends on stand by will be the back up.
Interested to know if anyone has hired anyone though too?

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Sat 23-Feb-13 20:44:08

No family near us so we're relying on friends. Have asked 3 or 4 sets of friends to be on standby, only people DS knows and is happy with. If its daytime though then nursery will be first option if they have a space.

I've been the friend who got called on and was honoured to help out, whatever the time of day. It's just one night of tiredness and its a wonderful thing to be able to do for a friend.

If you wouldn't want your mum there once you get home from hospital, then probably best not asking her at all.

Don't think home birth would get you out of the issue as you still need someone on standby in case you need emergency admission.

Hoping it'll all just work out. Worst comes to worst DH can just drop me at the hospital and look after DS himself.

Teapot13 Sun 24-Feb-13 14:44:12

We are both foreigners living in London. I have worried about this a lot, and I have also had to decide whether to try a natural birth or have a repeat CS (DD was breech). For various reasons, I have decided on a repeat CS, and one advantage is that we know with a degree of certainty when we need childcare for DD. Our cleaner (whom DD knows well) also babysits so we have booked her for the day of the CS. I wouldn't want to leave DD with someone she doesn't know.

Our families can come to help but they are coming after DH's paternity leave is over, to spread things out, and they live too far away to come twice.

Several friends have volunteered to help and we will take them up if Plan A falls through.

When stop and think about whether my decision to have CS was influenced by this I have to admit I feel a bit silly because I think it was a factor. . .

MiaowTheCat Sun 24-Feb-13 15:48:34

We've got a couple of friends on standby and hopefully one set will be able to step in when needed until my mum can get down to take over. Of course this depends on my husband getting a better location for where his work friend lives than "that bit of town, on a corner"... only been asking him to sort that out for about a month now...

Beatrixpotty Sun 24-Feb-13 21:09:44

I'm about to have my 3rd.I have a pre-schooler and a 2 year old.It's easier in that I'm having another c-section so have booked them in for extra days at nursery and pre-school that week.The night before,in laws are com

Beatrixpotty Sun 24-Feb-13 21:16:12

Sorry,iPhone posted too soon,in laws staying the night before to get kids up on section date as have to be there at 7am.If anything happens early I think I'll just have to go on my own,the hospital can look after me but DH will have to look after the kids.I have been looking into getting a part-time nanny/mothers help and agencies seem to have emergency & stand by nannies who can help out in these kind of situations.I found some really great nannies when I started to interview so if you plan before & see who is around in reality it might feel much more comfortable.also try www.childcare.co.uk for local nannies/childminders who can do emergency standby cover.

milkymocha Sun 24-Feb-13 21:18:09

Whereabouts in the country are you OP? smile

amyboo Mon 25-Feb-13 07:54:23

Ask friends. You'll be surprised at how much they don't mind helping out. We live abroad - no family anywhere nearby. DS3 was born by emcs at 4am on thursday. We felt really bad calling our friends at 3am on a school night but they were fab! Picked up DS1 took him to their house then drove DH to hospital to join me. The next day they took DS to school and picked DH up from hospital. Another friend picked up my Mum from the airpprt! When I thanked them all they all said it was absolutely no trouble.

Seriously, your friends won't think you'rr being a burden. I'd help out any of my friends in a similar situation.

redwellybluewelly Mon 25-Feb-13 22:39:34

Ask your friends!

I have had several offers of help from friends to take DD (almost 3) to nursery on the days I am in (CS) and my SIL almost burst into tears when we asked if she could provide wraparound care before and after nursery she was so happy to help out.

I'd be happy to help any friends out but their families are usually a darn sight more useful than mine who are all busy that week hmm

Teapot13 convenience was a major part in our final decision to opt for an ELCS, don't feel bad about it

AlohaMama Tue 26-Feb-13 06:39:05

We have asked close friends with other friends on standby, and have asked them to keep mobiles on all night. I'll drop ds off on the way to hospital. I am another friends standby if her baby arrives before her family do. It's nice to be asked as it shows trust, then you don't feel bad to ask for help when you need it. I'm sure you can find a way to show appreciation afterwards. Our family are halfway around the world so not really an option.

DeadlyLittleMiho Tue 26-Feb-13 14:59:58

hi, have you considered having a home birth? I had a home birth with my 5th last October and it was a really cool stress free experience. i remember being really worried about sorting the kids out and packing them off to family when i was going into hospital with number 3 and 4, this time that was not even an issue. i found it took a lot off my mind. while i was in labour in the livingroom my partner was dressing our oldest 3 for school and just popping in and out the room with our toddler. both my partner and toddler were in the room when he was born too so it was kinda special. honestly I didn't realise just how much the whole "getting the kids ready to be minded" part had stressed me out until I didnt have to do it smile

DeadlyLittleMiho Tue 26-Feb-13 15:04:34

oops just read that you may not be able to have a homebirth due to past complications. i had a hemorrhage with number 2 and lost a lot with number 3 to the point they didnt want to sent me home the next day but it didnt get in the way of a homebirth. I found all my midwives to be really really pro-homebirth actually.

leannac Tue 26-Feb-13 22:08:43

I'm going for homebirth partly to know dd1 will be looked after at home but partly cos I had horrific time last time due to majorly rubbish medical care at hospital. I lost 5litres of blood & was in intensive care for days after dd1 was born but am still allowed home birth - just have to have most experienced midwife taking care of me throughout pregnancy & labour. Worth you checking about homebirth? If I have to go in for an emergency I have hopefully enough mummy friends nearby that even though it could be a huge inconvenience someone could take dd1 for the 4/5 hrs it would take my mother to drive here

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