Having your mum with you when you're in labour. Personally I can't imagine anything less helpful!

(85 Posts)
TepidCoffee Thu 14-Feb-13 17:26:11

But it seems the norm? (based on extensive viewing of OBEM).

Don't get me wrong, I love my DM dearly, but she worries so much and I find it stressful. Plus I would hate the idea of giving her an eyeful <boak>. I'm an awful prude grin.

My first labour was pretty traumatic and dh really struggled (not in a wimpish way!) and he said that he thought it would've been easier if my dm had been there, as she would've kept me calmer than he did. She was there the 2nd time and it was a much better experience and we were both pleased she was there to share it with us.

RightUpMyRue Thu 14-Feb-13 20:40:46

I would worry she was uncomfortable, tired and bored. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on labouring or birth. I'd be too worried about her, she's quite aged now.

That's not to say I don't care that DP might be uncomfortable/tired/bored etc but he can cope with it while I birth his children!

bluemintygel Thu 14-Feb-13 20:44:45

I had my mum there. She was more helpful than DH.

And my labour was so long it meant they could do shifts, so they could have breaks but I always had someone with me.

PuffPants Thu 14-Feb-13 20:45:54

Oh god no, she'd want to talk about it forever more! Every gory detail.

LemonBreeland Thu 14-Feb-13 20:46:14

I would never want my Mum there. Much as she asked to be called the minute I went into labour with DS1. At that time we lived over 3 hours away from her, and I just don't have that kind of relationship with my Mum.

A lot of the people on OBEM are very young and I think that is why they have their Mums there.

MiaowTheCat Thu 14-Feb-13 20:46:53

My MIL rolled into the delivery room last time (just by a series of coincidences too long and convoluted to explain now) and since everyone was driving me nuts with the "oooh push push push" thing and she started doing it - I kicked her out!

Wouldn't want my mum there for emotional support (she's not that kind of person and it's not that kind of relationship) - however she's on hand to be a figure of menace and arsekicking if such is required again (didn't have a good time last time) - if needs be I'll put the fact she's an ex award winning journo into use - she's primed to be on hand in that capacity if required.

Hubby - last time he complained about the chairs, complained after doing two back rubs his arm was aching - has been warned I will manage to kick him in the family jewels if he does this crap again this time (wonder if I can get that in the birth plan?)

TwllBach Thu 14-Feb-13 20:54:06

My DM has always just assumed that she would be there and I haven't ha the heart to tell her that I probably won't allow it. I'm a really private person anyway and because of the relationship we have, I would find it incredibly stressful to be in pain/vulnerable around her.

It would be fine for her to be hovering outside though grin

Ragwort Thu 14-Feb-13 20:58:38

No way, and referring to Lemon's point as I was 42 when I had my DS I didn't even consider 'inviting' her to the occasion hmm - as she lives 250 miles away it would have been entirely impractical anyway. I personally think that, unless you are a single mum, or your DH/DP is away it is very intrusive of the mother to want to be with her daughter when she is giving birth, it is almost as if she can't accept that the daughter is a grown up adult with her own family now.

Notmyidea Thu 14-Feb-13 21:34:34

no way in hell! My mother was over a decade into having dementia when I started having children but she wanted to be there. Fortunately she was dependant on my sister for transport. She'd have driven me and dh absolutely bonkers.

McPheetStink Thu 14-Feb-13 21:37:52

My mum was amazing. I'd planned on having her there to support me and exdp. As it was, I ended up with a csec.

TheSecondComing Thu 14-Feb-13 21:42:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sydlexic Thu 14-Feb-13 21:42:26

I was there when both of my DDs gave birth. It was not a nice experience.

Skyebluesapphire Thu 14-Feb-13 21:45:41

My mum was there and I'm glad she was. XH was bloody useless, he simply didnt know what to do, he was nearly in tears at seeing me suffer. He didnt hold my hand or anything. The midwife kept sending him out of the room.

My mum kept him calm, kept putting a cold flannel on my head, tried to keep me calm when I got hysterical with pain.

I was so glad that she was there.

smellysocksandchickenpox Thu 14-Feb-13 21:47:56

I can't think of anything worse! no WAY would I have my mum there - eugh!
DP was a bit lost with no1 but FANTASTIC with no2!

Jellykat Thu 14-Feb-13 21:52:33

I had my mum and step dad with me for labour with DS1, or i'd have been alone.

However for DS2 it was just me and my bezzy mate who happened to be a midwife! they left us to it which was great. smile

Karoleann Thu 14-Feb-13 21:53:30

I really really like my mum, but I couldn't imagine her being there when I gave birth. For me it's a private thing between me and dh (plus midwife ob/gyn, student doctor etc - but they don't count).
My mum is always fantastic helping after the birth though, but I wouldn't feel comfortable her being there during it.

I was quite surprised that my SIL had her mum (and brother) there during her labour. We later found out her mum had only been given a few months to live. She obviously wanted her to share the experience as she wasn't going to see her grandson grow up.

tazzle22 Thu 14-Feb-13 21:53:47

I had the very great pleasure to be with my daughter when she had DD2 , a very special day for us both.

Its an individual thing and not for everyone.

exoticfruits Thu 14-Feb-13 21:54:55

I love mine to bits - but definitely not!

bluemintygel Thu 14-Feb-13 21:55:17

I agree with sydlexic though, it wasn't nice for my mum.

She was upset towards the end when it all started to go tits up sad But I wasn't cross with her for getting upset because it WAS upsetting, but I was a bit beyond emotion by that point. The midwife was very stern with her and told her she should go and get a cup of tea and calm down like she was a naughty school kid. Which was weird cos I've never heard anyone speak to my MOTHER like that before (she's quite formidable) grin

Rache1S Thu 14-Feb-13 23:01:26

I would choose the Chuckle Brothers as birthing partners before I would invite my Mum. I can't imagine anything worse.

BraveLilBear Fri 15-Feb-13 12:52:43

Will not be inviting my mother. No way. She's a former nurse and is VERY good at getting people to do things (now in sales) but I couldn't handle it. Also, OH hates her and would feel very upset if she was there and taking charge.

Plus, she lives 150miles away, which makes things tricky as she'd HAVE to stay with us or nearby which would put enormous pressure on us in first few days afterwards. I really want as few visitors as possible at home.

Bizarrely, have been considering OH's stepmum as an in-case-of-emergency (no idea if she'd want to be there, mind!) - she's very non-judgy and I think she'd keep me sane with her normalness. Plus she's local.

NAR4 Fri 15-Feb-13 13:57:00

There is no way I would ever have my mum at any of my births. I would much rather give birth on my own, which it looks more and more likely that I will this time around.

Dogsmom Fri 15-Feb-13 16:48:50

Mine is the last person I'd have there, I do love her but she knows EVERYTHING and apparently women who wince or squeal in labour are 'making a fuss' as it's no worse than toothache. hmm

She's also calling the baby 'my baby' or 'our baby' and I think if she was at the birth it would tip her over the edge into full belief that it really is her child.

consonant Fri 15-Feb-13 17:23:45

I had my mum there for the birth of my first child. She was great and very supportive. I didn't feel I needed her for the subsequent births but by then she was too busy with the older DC smile
She says it was an amazing experience, watching her firstborn give birth to her firstborn.

Pontouf Fri 15-Feb-13 18:16:13

I'd actually quite like my mum to be there when I give birth. We have a brilliant relationship and she is a calm in a crisis, no nonsense sort of person. However she has said she doesn't want to be there, that she would find it difficult to watch me in pain. Also DH has said he wants it to be just the two of us so I've never told my mum I'd like her there sad
Have no idea how my DH will be but I'm sure we'll muddle through.

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