Having your mum with you when you're in labour. Personally I can't imagine anything less helpful!

(85 Posts)
TepidCoffee Thu 14-Feb-13 17:26:11

But it seems the norm? (based on extensive viewing of OBEM).

Don't get me wrong, I love my DM dearly, but she worries so much and I find it stressful. Plus I would hate the idea of giving her an eyeful <boak>. I'm an awful prude grin.

SamSmalaidh Thu 14-Feb-13 17:31:20

I don't know anyone who had their mums in real life! And lovely as mine is, she wouldn't be my first choice - though she would be excellent at being bolshy with medical staff if necessary grin

YouHaveBeenOutbid Thu 14-Feb-13 17:32:00

I hear you! Mine's the last person I'd want there at any future births (didn't have her at my first either!). She'd spend the whole time telling me about her labours grin

bananananacoconuts Thu 14-Feb-13 17:34:38

i must say i don't get on particularly well with my mother but she was an absolute god send whilst i was in labour!
66 at the time, she rubbed my back with her best moisturiser, kept my ice chips filled, talked to me to keep me calm, and let me squeeze the shit out of her fingers when pushing! all this while dh went out for a kebab, brought it back in (my god the smell!) and wandered around the room in a state of panic! he was bob useless, she was a gem!

Wereonourway Thu 14-Feb-13 17:36:37

I had mine there through labour. I was rushed to theatre so she wAsnt there for the actual birth.
I asked her because I knew she would be supportive and that it's probably the greatest gift I could have given her.
As it happened ds was 6 weeks prem and rushed straight to nicu so she didn't actually see him til the next day but given the circumstances it was good to have her there.
She has since said it was the worst thing she has ever been through, not knowing whether I'd be ok and because ds got stuck.

TheCountessOlenska Thu 14-Feb-13 17:39:42

I would if I didn't have DH. I am very close to her, and she is a nurse so wouldn't bat an eyelid at the gore. The only thing is I don't think she would cope well with seeing me in pain, and would worry about me - so although I bet she would be great she probably wouldn't want to!

I think I ought to have. DP for the tending to me, feeding and rubbing etc, and my mum to boss people around and get bolshy with staff.
Kinda considering having her there next time. Might help.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Thu 14-Feb-13 17:45:25

I agree, love my mum but she's a panicker
(Sp?) you can't tell he you have a headache for the fear that its a brain tumor! That's not what I wanted in the delivery room. I'm not sure she's forgiven me or DS for not letting her in. My Aunts have all been in for their gc births so it seems popular now.

CailinDana Thu 14-Feb-13 17:45:52

No way on earth would I have my mum. She can't handle anything anyway stressful at all. She would be beyond useless. Anyway she would refuse to come in in the first place.

shrimponastick Thu 14-Feb-13 17:46:17

Hell no.

I am not likely to be having any more babies now - but I truly would probably rather do it alone if the father of child wasn't present.

ScottyDoc Thu 14-Feb-13 17:47:52

I was adamant I didn't want my mum there during labour. I had a horrendous first labour/birth and in hindsight I wondered if it may had been better if she'd been there. For my second birth, I allowed her to be there throughput labour but said I wanted my birth partner (best friend) to be there. It turned out I sent my friend home as I didn't think she actually was the right person to be there and she was making me feel stressed, so my mum was there, and was absolutely brilliant . Dh and me have her on standby for the next one now lol. Don't rule anything out during labour, it's a well known phenomenon that some women who have been against having their mums there in labour have been known to demand them in the heat of things!

Shakey1500 Thu 14-Feb-13 17:50:28

I was also adamant that my Mum wasn't to be there when I was giving birth. We don't get on particularly well and just about tolerate each other.

shrimponastick Thu 14-Feb-13 17:54:51

shakey

Also for this reason.

MortifiedAdams Thu 14-Feb-13 17:57:53

My DM and I get on great, socialise together etc. I wouldnt have her there. I am and always have been a prude and exceptionally shy of my body so I teally want to keep the childbirth to me and DH. Plus, she is quite a big character and DH is so laid back and chilled that he would be shoved in the corner.

Even if DH wasnt around for the birth, I would do it alone.

Oreocrumbs Thu 14-Feb-13 17:58:01

I had no intention of having my DM with me, she was dropping DP and I off at the hospital only. I really thought that it was a place for the mother and father only.

However when the day came, DP was bloody useless. He tried, don't get me wrong, but he just didn't get it.

DM did. I begged her to stay with me don't think she was too keen.

She was a God send. She sat on the floor and rubbed my back for hours, while I hung around DP's neck.

When DD was born she retreated into the background, so it was just DP, DD and I, which was nice.

Now when we have another I want her there!

Actually thinking about my closest friends, all but one had both their DH/P and their mothers with them. And the one that didn't has quite a scatty mother so perhaps that is why.

I went to vist my mum 2 weeks before dd2 was due as i was getting really tried and it was half term ( dd1 did playgroup and they closed for the week) so we travelled the 3 hour train journey the next morning my waters broke and was rushed in my husband at the time was at work and had to get the train to me. Mum was there and it was actually ok husband wasnt very supportive with dd1 but mum kept looking at my bits which was really embrassing and aslong the midwife questions
At one point i recall thinking omg she knows i have had sex even though i had been married 4 years and had dd1.

Mil thought i did it on purpose as only my dc were born outside there town.

My mum thought i did it on purpose so dd2 would be born down sarf.

And husband thought i should of not pushed untill he got there

Oh and my mum screamed in shock good greif the baby has its eyes open when dd2 head was out !!

TepidCoffee Thu 14-Feb-13 18:11:17

Scotty, this is DC2 - we were living with my parents when DS1 was born and DM panicked so much when I went into labour that she actually persuaded me to go in too early 'just to be on the safe side', which of course slowed everything right down. Love her but she really is a worrier. I need calm, strong, confident vibes (hence having a doula this time).

She's supposed to be looking after DS this time but is already worrying away. If all goes to plan hmm then I will have a home birth and we might be able to manage DS between us. Nighttime would be perfect!

ScottyDoc Thu 14-Feb-13 18:23:38

I bloody hate nighttime as my labours go on all night until the next day sad not much hope for the next dc. If your mum is indeed a worrier then yes it may be better bit to have her there as its a tense situation already without someone adding to it. My dm had strict instructions though: no touching me, don't ask me if I'm ok, no sympathetic comments, all of which she stuck to. Dms will always naturally worry about daughters as they know what it's all like and some hide it better than others.

NatashaBee Thu 14-Feb-13 18:37:04

My mum called me up to tell me that she wasn't going to be with me in labour as she would find it "too stressful to watch me in pain". Luckily that was perfectly fine with me as I hadn't had the slightest intention of inviting her along.

TepidCoffee Thu 14-Feb-13 19:30:28

Natasha grin

PoppyWearer Thu 14-Feb-13 19:33:03

It was bad enough having my DMum at our house as I went into labour and headed to hospital with DC2 (she was there to look after DC1). She was a nervous wreck having had two awful labours herself, and looking at her made me nervous! Would no way have wanted her with me in hospital.

Luckily my labours have been more straightforward.

OddBoots Thu 14-Feb-13 19:38:06

I had my mum with me for both my own children's births and when I gave birth to three surrogate children and she has been great each time.

Funnily enough my mum suffers from panic attacks but they are quite situation specific and are mainly when she doesn't know what is going on so if she hadn't been there she would have been very worried and I in turn would have been more worried about her. I really wanted her to take some of the pressure off dh, he really doesn't like hospitals so I wanted him to feel able to pop out to clear his head as and when he needed to.

I think it really depends on the relationships you have with both your mother and your dh/dp.

fluffywhitekittens Thu 14-Feb-13 19:47:38

I really had no intention of having my Mum there, however dd was prem, DH wasn't at home and ended up having my Mum with me for a fairly quick labour and birth. I'm glad I had someone there and to be fair she said she really hadn't wanted to be there if there had been any other option smile

Lionsntigersnbears Thu 14-Feb-13 20:31:44

There is no way I would let my mother into 'what I call' the delivery room and would keep her out with a lion tamer's whip and chair if it came to it. I love my mother but bloody hell NO!

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