Mumsnet Talk

I'm having a doula for #2 and she's sent me through a birth plan questionnaire thing to discuss at our pre-birth meeting.

Two of the questions are 1) whether I want to use a mirror to see the baby's head crowning, and 2) whether I want to be able to touch the baby's head whilst crowning.

My immediate reaction is that both are, well, unnecessary to be honest. I'm not squeamish or prudish in any way, but these things just seem a bit too much (like seeing the placenta - I see no need to look at it...). But then I'm wondering if I'll always regret NOT doing them, particularly if we don't have any more babies..

Any views? I didn't miss not doing them with #1 but maybe that's because I didn't know they were options!

as far as I'm concerned, there is a reason why your body is designed not to see what is going on down at the business end!

each to their own but it's not something I would have considered doing and I did know it was an option

My midwife tried to get me to do this with both my DC (touch the head, not the mirror thing) and the thought of it just made me feel a bit bleurgh tbh. I have no idea why as was all for a natural birth, babies delivered up onto my tummy, looked at my placenta etc but just didn't want to do it.

For me it was just a definite no at the relevant moment in labour when I was asked 'pop your hand down and touch the babies head BiBi' 'NOOOOOOOO - I DONT WANT TO! JUST. GET. IT. OUUUUTTTTTT!' if I remember correctly. Maybe you could just be open minded about it and get her to ask you during labour. You'll either want to or you won't and whatever you decide will be the right thing at the time.

Good luck and congrats on number 2!

I touched DS's head as he was crowning. It was pretty darn gross if I'm honest, and a bit weird. I'm not sure I want to do it with DC2. I absolutely definitely do not want to look with a mirror, no way.

I didn't get a choice as midwife grabbed my hand and put it on ds's head. I nearly climbed backwards over the top of the bed! I don't think I would have missed out if it hadn't happened. It was a 'ewwww' moment!

I thought I would want to with dc2 but when it came to it I was comfortable on my hands and knees and didn't want to move. I don't think I missed out in any way. Could you put it down as a maybe and see how you feel on the day?

I second being open to it & getting doula to ask if you want to at the time. It can help reassure you or spur you on but you'll probably know at the time whether you want to or not.

Thank you! The way forward definitely seems to be a 'wait and see how I feel on the day' which seems sensible: with #1 I wouldn't have wanted to waste the time I was so keen to get her out!!

DH agrees with you too: he was at the business end with #1 and said that I definitely didn't miss anything by not seeing it ;)

Glad I'm not the only one a bit grossed out by it..

I touched both of mine. I just wanted to see / touch them as soon as I could. I found it helped keep me focussed on the fact that I was about to meet them.

I was asked if I wanted to touch both times - I didn't want to but did anyway - not sure why! It added nothing to the experience for me, tbh. Just found it a distraction.

No chance to touch DD's head and I think had I been able to see the horror of the forceps, the baby and the fanjo I may have passed out!

I did touch DS's head just because the midwife asked if I wanted to and I thought why not. It was really quite minging and added nothing to my birth experience, personally!

I ended up pushing my ds out whilst kneeling over a mirror, the midwife had been using it to see what was going on and I just kind of started using it instead, I think it gave me the impetus to get his head out.
I certainly did not intend to!

No idea but I didn't want to do either for any of my births. No interest (or time between contractions for that matter) by that stage, just wanted the little buggers out and the pain over.

It's hard to plan these things....you just don't know how you will feel at the time. I instinctively touched ds1s head as he was crowning, although tbh my instinct was to pull him out and I had to be stopped! With ds2, no instinct to touch at all.

Re placenta, I didn't want to see, but my mum took some amazing photos of it, an I am so pleased that she did....it is properly awesome!

Good luck!

I touched the baby's head as he was crowing - loved it, and I will NEVER forget it. Didn't really want to see anything at the time, but I think next time I might ask for a mirror.

If you don't see the need, you don't have to, don't feel that you 'ought' - I'm sure it's not something you will regret if not.
It does feel a bit weird having to state these things in advance. It's easy enough for the mw to just say, well if you want to you can feel the top of the head with your hand now' or something, and you can ignore or not as you feel at the time.
I was asked at 36week chat how do I feel about being encouraged during labour - I found that odd as well. Apparently a lot of women say they don't want to be spoken to at all.
Personally I think it is cool to feel the head - I was just curious really - if only to help you believe you are nearly there, but wouldn't have done the mirror thing - bit busy having contractions really.
On the other hand I do have some graphic pics that DP took of baby coming out in his sac under water which I like to look at in retrospect - not sure what came over him!

Reminds me of when I was having DS1.

Midwife asked if I would like to see his head in a mirror- I assumed that the mirror would be a little handheld device.

oh no- in she wheels this big six-feet high contraption on wheels and places it right in front of me.

horrifying.

Like staring into The Abyss.

I think had I been asked if I wanted to do that at the time my response would have been more along the lines of "fuck off, can't you see I'm busy here?".

I can remember bellowing 'I CAN FEEL THE BLOODY HEAD AND DON'T NEED TO SEE IT - JUST GET IT OUT' at top of my voice when midwife offered me a mirror

I think I wnat to feel the head (pregnant with #1) but I find it an effort to whipe after going to the loo with my big bump in the way so i'm not sure i will want to be reaching round my bump in labour.

As a mw i'm hearing you ladies….

But, one of the most memorable moments for me has been the woman who being told the baby is coming says "Its not! You're lying to me" being encouraged to feel the top of the head and smiling a smile that lit up the whole room…..

With DC1 I'd had an epidural and couldn't feel to push. I was getting tired, and they offered me a mirror to see how well I was doing. (I didn't believe them)
I found it really helpful as I could see he was coming and it made me push better.
Didnt want one with other DCs (2).
I hadn't expected to want to watch!

I thought I would want to touch the head. But at the time, when DS was crowning, the midwife asked me if I wanted to - tbh there was nothing I wanted to do less at that moment. I just thought FFS, i can feel his head, it is out, his body is in, this is bloody uncomfortable and painful, JUST GET HIM OUT!!!!! It really grossed me out at the time and I don't regret it.

No mirror and no touching! Too busy pushing and thinking F*CK ME THIS HURTS to be looking around. I don't have any regrets not doing it either.