You clearly need some help. Both for the physical problem and the emotional damage you've experienced. There is hope for a full recovery but you need to have the strength to ask for that help.
Is there somebody who can support you to go to another appointment with your GP so you can explain the state you are in? If not a partner, maybe a good female friend who will help you say why it is so hard for you?
Another route might be to contact one of the senior midwives at your unit and ask for their help. There are usually one or two who particularly deal with clients who have had problems and might need special follow-up. You could write a letter or e-mail addressed to the head of midwifery. The midwives will be able to get hold of your old notes and know which consultant would be most helpful and sympathetic for the healing issues. They might also be able to offer an opportunity to talk about the birth and answer any questions you have about it. There may also be a midwifery counselling service to offer extra support.
I had a very bad birth an episiotomy 3rd dergee tear and internal tears 10 months ago and it's still not healed from what i can tell this isn't normal, what i want to know is can anything be done about it and if so what?
I know i should have been back to the doctor and have gone twice they have made me 2 app at the hospital but both times i've been too scared to go. I was sent back to the hospital 7 weeks after birth and they has to make a small cut again because the wound was gaping no stiches were needed. This was done by a consultant who tbh looked like she couldn't be arsed i was white as a sheet crying and shaking at the thought of being cut again but she didn't bother in the slightest just done it and dissapeared.
I'm terrified to go back because either they are going to tell me to give it time which means more pain and no sex life or they need to 'fix' it which i'm guessing would involve being cut and restitched. I feel physically sick thinking about it and am crying just typing this.