Almost 10 weeks. Already been physically sick several times at the thought of returning to the same delivery suite where DC1 was almost killed (and left disabled) by labour mismanagement, there are no other hospitals within an hours drive.
Saw MW today, she classed me as high risk and told me I could not go post dates (40 weeks maximum), that an ELCS or induction were my only options, she freely admitted that induction when the womans body isn't 'ripe' often leads to a cascade of intervention. I started to do some research on CS and although not afraid of pain I want to hold my baby as soon as it is born, to do what I never did with DC1, not to be told I will have my baby taken away cleaned weighed and wrapped up in a cloth and handed to DH.
I think I'm asking the impossible and I am fucking terrified I do not know what to do, I believe in birthing options and freedom of choice, my pg with DC1 was great, just at the last minute someone made a bad call. What if my babies need longer to cook, what potential damage am I doing by evicting them early? Yes I should have thought all this through before I fell pg again but I had no idea my emotions were running so high, right now all I want to do is protect my child and in my eyes that means keeping him or her as far away as possible from intervention.
I'm now 12 weeks and struggling. I don't want to be pregnant and I am not enjoying the pregnancy, not happy about it, not excited. Actively disengaged from the whole process, and spent much of today shopping for clothes that hide my expanding waistline.
I've attempted to get to see my mw but I have my scan and high risk meeting next week and so will beg for some support then.
I'm sorry you've had such a horrible time <understatement> I think you are incredibly brave going on this journey again.
To me, it sounds like you need to talk to someone who can tell you all of your options with all of the pro's and con's. Not 'we will do xyz' and 'you won't be allowed to do xyz'. Never mind the fact that most of the things you 'aren't allowed to do' are total bullshit.
I had an IM for ds2 & 3, and it was some of the best money I have ever spent. The first time I met the lady who was later hired as my IM, I wept all over her and felt like I had a friend and someone on my side.
I have looked into an IM and we simply cannot afford it.
I have however found a lovely doula who tells me one of the consultants at the hospital we have to use has in fact been open to the idea of more natural c-section, she doesn't however do post natal visits so now I need to speak to another doula to see if she can help us.
I'm still very unsure if we have done the right thing by conceiving another child, but once work are told and we have found a supportive consultant then maybe eerily will relax.