Completely unsure of options in delivery, not for the fainthearted

(33 Posts)

Almost 10 weeks. Already been physically sick several times at the thought of returning to the same delivery suite where DC1 was almost killed (and left disabled) by labour mismanagement, there are no other hospitals within an hours drive.

Saw MW today, she classed me as high risk and told me I could not go post dates (40 weeks maximum), that an ELCS or induction were my only options, she freely admitted that induction when the womans body isn't 'ripe' often leads to a cascade of intervention. I started to do some research on CS and although not afraid of pain I want to hold my baby as soon as it is born, to do what I never did with DC1, not to be told I will have my baby taken away cleaned weighed and wrapped up in a cloth and handed to DH.

I think I'm asking the impossible and I am fucking terrified I do not know what to do, I believe in birthing options and freedom of choice, my pg with DC1 was great, just at the last minute someone made a bad call. What if my babies need longer to cook, what potential damage am I doing by evicting them early? Yes I should have thought all this through before I fell pg again but I had no idea my emotions were running so high, right now all I want to do is protect my child and in my eyes that means keeping him or her as far away as possible from intervention.

I have no practical advice I'm afraid, but couldn't read and run. I'm sorry to hear about your traumatic first labour and your fears now. Congratulations on your pregnancy though grin

If you're high risk does that mean you will have appointments with a consultant? Can you ask to have your first meeting soon so that you can discuss all your concerns and (maybe) be able to relax a little for the rest of the pregnancy?

wheresmespecs Mon 12-Nov-12 20:52:27

You sound very distraught - I am sorry you had an awful experience with dc1.

I think you need to get counselling and your level of anxiety needs to be flagged up to your gp, and your mws. I would ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team (sounds a bit serious - I was referred to them, the person I saw was very helpful).

You can consider a number of birth options in your situation, IMO - but you have to be sure you are making calm well informed decisions, and I don't see how you can do that in your current state of mind. I don't mean that emotion will play no part in what you decide (emotion is a huge part of all birth plans, ime, and I don't think that is wrong!) - but you have to give yourself the best chance here.

You are only 10 weeks pregnant - you have plenty of time to investigate various options, but you really need to get your anxiety managed so you are not in a blind panic. Please, go and see your gp.

TBH I think your views and thoughts are very sensible and valid.

Did you have a c/s with number 1?

ohmeohmy Mon 12-Nov-12 20:57:47

the aims hotline is a good place to start.no one can force you to do anything in childbirth. They are preying on your understandable fear and bullying you What you have been told is one woman's opinion. No one can make you have an induction... You just don't turn up. No dates are exact, how can they say you are at 40 weeks exactly? Get the right facts, and the right frame of mind and you are more likely to get the birth you want. You have plenty of time to sort this. Don't make yourself sick over something that does not have to be.

wheresmespecs Mon 12-Nov-12 21:02:09

To be clear - it is not that I think your thoughts are not VALID, op - I just can't see how, when you describe yourself as being 'terrified' and have already reached such levels of anxiety that you have nearly physically vomited, that you in the best state to be able to make decisions about your birth.

There is no shame in suffering from anxiety and all kinds of very difficult emotions after a traumatic experience. There is no shame in asking for help.

thank you for replies.

I will be referred to consultant led care

I am very upset that is true, I have been referred to the MH team as we have no MH midwives or antenatal MH workers in our PCT. The GP and MW are 100% supportive and recognise the fear as very real, the GP carried out a questionnaire which indicated PTSD was also a factor.

I didnt have a CS, a CS would have saved DC1 but despite a trace over many hours showing no fetal response they refused my plea and induced <- that being the bad call they made.

DH wants CS, but I don't feel it is that clear cut. Now if I thought I had even the remotest chance of naturally labouring before 40 weeks I wouldn't be panicking but I don't, 42+ weeks with DC1 and a maternal history of very lengthy pregnancies.

I know AIMS would listen and I wasn't feeling bullied as such, post gestation carries with it an increased risk, I know that I accepted it with DC1 and I got bitten on the arse by it. The doctors don't really know why DC1 stopped moving and became compromised but being very post dates was a factor (+17) hence why knowingly going substantially overdue again is simply NOT an option.

And there is no 'nearly' sick about it - I was sick when I was told I had to go back there and HB was again not an option

wheresmespecs Mon 12-Nov-12 21:41:05

Sorry anothercereal, I misread your post - you did say you had actual been sick several times.

I am glad you are being taken seriously, being referred to a mh team and have a sympathetic gp.

I hope you are able to make a decision you are happy with. Btw, I am sure people here will advise you you can hb against medical advice, although this may not be what you want - you will also,find people,like me' who had a planned cs (not emcs) and had very good experiences.

You have a lot to think about, plenty of time to think about it, and I do think anything you can do to reduce your anxiety levels will (a) make you feel less panicked and unhappy and (b) help you make a good decision.

Bue Mon 12-Nov-12 21:41:14

OK, why are you classed as high risk? Why have these been given to you as your only options?

So sorry to hear about your previous birth sad

They cannot make you do anything. They can advise you but not force you. Why did the MW say you had to be induced at 40weeks? There are some reasons why I would have considered being induced early, but also some where I would have gone for expectant management. Do some research into the risks, arm yourself with information.

Have you considered someone like a doula or IM? It might help you to have someone who you completely trust and can be forceful with medical staff for you, rather than you or DH having to do it at a stressful time. That's not to say that you will have to be forceful, but it could help you to feel more in control and secure. I think you can hire trainee doula's, or get money towards it if money is an issue.

You could always come up with a plan that you feel comfortable with, like natural birth if you go into labour before a certain date, then a CS after that date. You can also come up with things to put in the birthplan like the not washing and discuss it with the consultant - I spoke to my consultant about various things that were contra official policy and got him to write it in my notes that he authorised them.

There's no reason why a baby born after a planned section at term couldn't have skin to skin with you straight away other than convenience for staff. They can observe baby with you and can always ask to move baby away if it seemed to need help/checking. If you go in with "I want X, I have considered risks Y and Z and am happy for W for happen if nec" then they tend to pay attention.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and unmumsnetty (((hugs)))

Bue I am classed as high risk to to complications in previous labour, my pg was fine but they will want to for extra tests this time to ensure placenta is functioning.

gobacktosleep thank you, I didn't see why I couldn't have skin to skin after CS, why baby had to be all cleaned up, I want to be the first person he or she hears.

I'll reply properly to posts tomorrow.

ohmeohmy Mon 12-Nov-12 22:18:20

If you think c section would be good for you then look into natural c section... Tries to preserve some of those important bonding moments and keep mum and baby's best interests paramount

crunchingautumnleaves Mon 12-Nov-12 22:29:55

I'm not sure here of all the ins and outs, but if you do consider an elective c-section, especially past a certain date, you could try to get an obstetrician who would consider doing a 'natural'/'skin-to-skin' c-section.

I tried to talk to the MW (who was really lovely) about natural CS and she said it was like a conveyor belt in out hospital and they would just open me up, get baby out, show me their face then take them to be washed and dried and checked then wrapped and given to DH.

I don't want that ^

stinkinseamonkey Mon 12-Nov-12 22:40:34

you can hold the baby straight away with a CS www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5RIcaK98Yg&feature=youtu.be
you don't have to book an ELCS for 39 weeks, mine is booked for 41. You can have a semi-emergency CS if you want if you go into labour before that.

I had a dramatic emergency CS last time and I held the baby before DH, yes the baby did need to go away for about 60 seconds first, CS babies don't have the fluid squished out so sometimes need a quick suction

HTH

Skiffen Mon 12-Nov-12 22:41:02

Try to contact a Supervisor of Midwives at your hospital and ask to discuss all of thi. They should help you.

stinkinseamonkey Mon 12-Nov-12 22:41:44

I second the suggestion of seeing an independant MW, you can hire them just for a second opinion/run though your options without actually hiring them for the whole thing

piprabbit Mon 12-Nov-12 22:43:42

Have you got an appointment with a consultant to discuss your situation?

It might also be worthwhile contacting your local Supervisor of Midwives to talk through the options with her.

steppemum Mon 12-Nov-12 23:06:55

OP I was induced for all of mine

ds 2 weeks late long labour that wouldn't progress, lot sof intervention
but
dd1 induced 2 weeks early (I cook babies too long, so for her this was probably 3-4 weeks early) Needed 2 lots of pessaries to get going, then proceeded as natural labour, quick, strightforward and no inervention. not even pain relief

dd2 induced at 10 days over, pessary no good, no labour in sight. MW broke my waters dd2 born 45 minutes later. Again, once started no intervention.

I guess what I am saying is that induction itself doesn't mean intervention, nor does being induced early before you are cooked. I think it is what sort of induction you are getting.
For me, (now I know my body and am never going to need this knowledge again!!) for me, if the pessary/water type of induction didn't work, so that I would need the drip etc, that is when I would want to re-think, and maybe go for an ELCS or something in your situation.

You need someone in the room who will be vocal on your behalf. If your dh can't do that, can you find a friend or a doula who will?

stinkinseamonkey Mon 12-Nov-12 23:09:05

you can also use hypnobirthing with induction which can reduce the likelyhood of a cascade of interventions

crunchingautumnleaves Tue 13-Nov-12 11:36:08

Unfortunately a natural c-section isn't widely available, so mw was probably right that it's like a conveyor belt at that hospital. But, you're only at 10weeks, which means lots of time to talk to consultant obstetrician, get research & persuade them to do one OR find another hospital where an obstetrician would be willing to do this. Also, check out Invisible Midwives group on Facebook. Post a question and hopefully you'll get lots of useful info. Kemi may be able to suggest a doula or independent midwife in your area who can advise or support you, according to your needs.

NAR4 Tue 13-Nov-12 11:49:29

Is it possible to stay with a friend or relative at the end of your pregnancy, who lives near a differrent hospital that you would feel happier with?

You could try talking to PALS about your first birth and make sure a plan is put in place early on that would help put your mind at rest.

I hope things improve during your pregnancy that help to relax you about the birth. X

Does anyone know if you can have a water birth after an induction?

I will investigate doulas/independent midwives although I suspect that money will play a part in that decision. I was looking onto the idea of a doula before and did post on a few sites but very few people got back to me. I don't have the option of another hospital but I will be proactive in discussing and searching out information about induction, I did hypnobirthing and yoga daily in my last pg so I do intend to try that again.

Thank you for support and for the pm's

Karoleann Tue 13-Nov-12 22:17:03

Two of my three have been induced at post 40 weeks, I cook for longer, but my placenta doesn't last that long! (had an abruption with DC1). No probs with induction, but DC1 was in babycare and i was in HCU after abruption.
My risk it.
Book your ELC
At each appointment state you want to hold your baby afterwards.
When you go in for delievery state it again.
We have managed pregnancies as so many women and babies died years ago.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now