I know legally I can read my notes. I can see that in cases where there has been a really traumatic labour or with a terrible outcome that this is justified and no one would question the need for it.
The thing is since ds4 was born 5 months ago I keep playing his labour and birth in my head every night. Its not too bad in the day as I am so busy but in bed every night without fail its all I can think about.
My pregnancy was not planned. I had a terrible pregnancy and felt very ill and generally struggled. I gave up work and then he was born at 35 weeks. It was all very unexpected and I had a quick labour (2 hours). The thing is it was so overwhelming that I felt very out of control. Not what I was expecting or wanting.
As he was early the midwife had to get a junior doctor to examine me. I didn't even think to ask how dilated I was or anything. I was kind of on another planet with the gas and air. When he was born he was quickly taken to the special care unit as he had low oxygen levels and blood sugar. They had to give him formula and I could not see him for a couple of hours. When pregnant I had hoped the reward for my horrible pregnancy would be nice skin to skin and early feeding etc. As it was he spent 2 weeks on the NNU tube fed and under lights. I struggled leaving my other boys and I subsequently was found and treated for high BP which I have only just stopped but it has still not fully resolved. It seems I must have developed problems between my last midwife appt and delivery.
My previous deliveries were not ideal either. Instrumental delivery and shoulder dystocia, polyhydramnios and CS etc. I was so hoping this would be the one that cancelled the others out.
Now I know I am lucky. DS is well and thriving. I have bonded with him totally and have no PND. But recently a couple of friends have had 'ideal births' with quick hospital discharges and I got upset again. I am very aware that things were not bad at all compared to many of the stories I have read. So why do I keep playing it over?
Would it help to go through my notes? Would they even say anything useful? Would I be allowed and who would I ask? I don't really have good reason. I am seeing my midwife soon as she runs the local FPC and I wondered whether to mention it to her. I have not spoken to DH as he would think I was mad!
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Childbirth
Do I need a good reason to read my notes from labour and would it help?
destinationanywhere · 30/09/2012 20:34
i wish I'd read mine sooner after DS1's birth. like you i felt weird and cried on hearing about other people's more straightforward births. this went on for months, i remember crying in the shower when my niece was born 4 months later 
i was in labour for 2 days and ended up with an emcs. DS1 was fine.
i asked the HV about whether i could talk to someone about it but there doesn't seem to be a reflections type service here.
i got as far as requesting the form from the hospital for viewing patient notes, but never sent it in because i needed a witness similar to a passport application! i couldn't think of anyone to explain it to.
i guess i stopped thinking about it so much eventually.
even though i had a comparatively calm (although quick) VBAC for DS2, I've actually thought about requesting notes for that too.
hope you feel better whatever you do. :)
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