Mumsnet Talk

Firstly, to prevent drip feeding - I am in Canada so things are not exactly the same as in the UK.

I am 38 weeks pregnant and will be having my baby in a hospital under the care of my midwife. ThIs is not the norm in Canada - most people think I am a crazy hippy for going with a midwife rather than the standard ob. Butt my DD was born in the UK, so midwives are what I am comfortable with.

Early I the pregnancy I made the mistake of telling my midwife that I would love a home birth, but that I was opting for the hospital as I knew myself and I needed the gas and air (there is NO pain relief for home births). She seemed fine with that.

As my date is approaching she keeps talking about how she will labour me at home and will then go to hospital "if there is time". She has given me a list of items I need to prepare just in case I end up with a home birth. I have no intention of having a home birth and no intention of labouring at home. I want to labour in the hospital with gas and air and I want to deliver in the hospital with gas and air.

My next appointment is Monday and she is doing it as a home visit? Why? I don't understand this at all. Now I need to run round like a crazy woman tomorrow cleaning the house from top to bottom!! And for what?

I adore my midwife - she has been fabulous but please give me some advice on what to say to her on Monday to make it 100% clear that I want the hospital!

Tell her that you have changed your mind, you want to be in hospital and you will sue her if it is a home birth.
Alternatively do not clean and make her realise your home is far too unhygenic for a birth

Oh my god I couldn't let her in the house if it wasn't clean! My grandmother would turn in her grave and I would have heart palpitations.

I will try again to make her aware at Monday's appointment. I know my pain tolerance and I need to know the gas and air is there if needed. Thanks youngemother!

What about telling her again - using suitable quotes from Ina May Gaskin and twisting them to suit you (i.e. you will be so stressed about a home birth that sphincter law will come into play and you'll probably end up needing to be transferred anyway) and if she doesn't take it on board, then let her think what she wants. When you go into labour, call her and let her know - from the hospital!

In Canada when do you call your midwife or hospital? I ask because here they try and hold you off whether home or hospital birth until you're having regular contractions so therefore if you were having a hospital birth you'd go to hospital at this point. Do they like to come out from the very start?

Maybe hold off calling her until you think it's established enough just to go straight in, last thing you want is to be trying to get there in advanced labour if she were to come out and try and keep you at home.

There's your solution. Don't clean, don't let get in, don't have the home visit. She can't let herself in

I don't think she's here from the start. They've already gone through the procedure for when to call and even they said "strong and regular and 5-7 mins apart. To me, that's when I would be heading to the hospital! Not having my midwife to the house. I'll talk to her tomorrow and again try to make it clear that at 5-7 mins apart I would like her to meet me at the hospital. Hopefully she gets it.

Call her when you're actually en route - say "I will be arriving at xx time, see you then"

That was exactly what my husband said to do and it's probably the best idea as it doesn't leave her any choice.

Of course you shouldn't feel that you must have a home birth. But why can't you have gas and air at home? I had two births planned to be at home and both times the mw brought gas and air. Had five tanks with ds iirc!!

Sorry-reread op and realise you are not in uk. Good luck with your birth.

I think you need to be really frank and upfront with her. It is not the norm for all midwives in Canada to come and labour with you at home first (usually if you've chosen hospital birth they'll meet you there) so there is no reason for this home birth visit in the first place!

I thought they had gas and air for home births there now? (I am thining Ontario, perhaps you're elsewhere.) That would put me off HB too.

Why did you say tell her you'd love a homebirth when it's clearly a million miles from the truth?

You need to be really clear with your mw - tell her you don't want to have your baby at home, full-stop. Say you don't know why you said you wanted a home birth because you definitely, definitely don't.

I told her I would love a home birth because I would. If I thought I could do it without any pain relief then that is exactly what I would do. But as much as I would like to have this baby at home I can't do it without drugs and I know that

just tell her, and if she starts argueing ask her if she is refusing to go to the hospital wiht you. Then I would also do what others have said and call her en route to the hospital.

Have you tried to give birth at home without drugs before?

this is your labor and birth. seems she is trying to take the wheel and impose her personal preference. but it is your body and baby and far too important a matter to be swayed on. it is her job to support your choice and i think you are going to have to make it clear in order to have confidence in her ability to support your choice. it is nonnegotiable and that is the bottom line, isnt it?

Thank you so much for all the advice. I will speak to her today and make sure she is aware that i have no intention of labouring at home or delivering at home.

I have never had a home birth without pain relief. DD was born in the hospital (in the UK) with a midwife and gas and air. That was enough but I know I couldn't do it without anything at all.

Well I met with my midwife today and she went through everything with me - it turns out I was simply being a crazy pregnant lady. Our local hospital will turn you away if you are not at least 5 or 6 cms dilated. So when contractions get to 5-7 mins apart and over a minute long my midwife will come to me. She will do an assessment and when I am 5cms dilated we will head to the hospital. So I overreacted.

i am glad to hear you are on the same page. completely understandable to have worried!

As my date is approaching she keeps talking about how she will labour me at home and will then go to hospital "if there is time". She has given me a list of items I need to prepare just in case I end up with a home birth. I have no intention of having a home birth and no intention of labouring at home. I want to labour in the hospital with gas and air and I want to deliver in the hospital with gas and air.

Clearly at some point you have said "Okay" surely if you had clarified the not wanting a home birth she would have stopped. Seriously just phone the midwife and tell her you want to have the appointment at the doctors surgery or hospital etc and you TELL her you will NOT be having a home birth as it is something you are not comfortable or happy with and that this nonsense stops NOW!

cross posted with oPsorry

Glad you got it resolved

I had a quick labour with ds1 - about two hrs, and everyone banged on about how I should DEFINITELY have a home birth with ds2. The very idea scares the shit out of me! As it turns out, I nearly didn't have a choice, I woke up with strong contractions in the night and he was out within the hour! We just made it to hospital but no time for the lovely gas and air

Good luck with everything

Thanks everyone. I l

Thanks everyone. I love the idea of a home birth but I really don't think I could cope wih the pain without any relief.