Hi h27
sorry to hear you were so traumnitised by your birth experioence. You will feel better as times passes and make sure you see a good consultant before trying for a new baby.
I had DD by ventouse devivery which resulted in a bad 3rd degree tear. TBH I wasn't all that surpised because I knew all along I should not have had a vaginal delivery but that's just how it all happenend in the end.
I was very traumitezed by the whole episode just like you and have seen a consultant etc etc. Fortunatelly for me, DH has been extremely supportive of me so I felt at least someone cares about my feelings and my future.
I practical terms, after delivering DD, the doctor stiched it all up on the delivery bed but it all went wrong and stiched it all very badly. Also, i could feel every time the needle was used. It was horrible. Very quickly the doctor then decided I need to go to the theatre to unstich everything and do the job properly so I was taken to surgery, they gave me an epidural and got to work. The actual procedure thsi time was not bad because I could not feel any pain and I was chatting to all and saundry in the theatre whilst the stiches were being re-done. I was on very strong pain relif afterwards for about a week or two and healed pretty quickly so no actual pain. Just slight discomfort when sitting down for about a week.
I had regualr checks for quite a while and saw a specialist a couple of times too. I rememebr he used to have a nurse with a huge torch .
I had absolutely no desire to try penetrative sex for about 9-10 months afterwards and DH was really good about it all and respected my wish and never tried to push me with anything like that. I think he was shocked by the seriousness of it all actually.
I had no pain during sex when I finally decided to give it a go.
I ahve been doing Kegel exercises religiously since giving birth and I think that helped with a fast healing at the time.
It's all fine now down tehre, it's still tight etc but I still get upset when thinking about it all.
I was told to go back to see this specialist if I ever get pregnant again and he would observe how it all progressess and advise on how to deliver next time. He also told me that contarry to what people might think, most of the damage to the pelvic floor happens during the actual pregnancy when the wieght of the baby presses down. that cannot be fixed if it occurs, whereas actual birth problems might be remedied easier.
Me and DH also went to discuss our birth notes at teh hospital after having DD because we were both affected by what happened and that helped too. I also read as much as I could at the time on this topic and that helped a bit.
One thing I rememeber clearly was a couple of days after coming home, DD was asleep in the moses basket with DH downstairs and I went for a lie down upstairs. I heard a good friend of ours coming in to congratulate us and see the baby and I did not go downstairs to say hello. DH assumed I was asleep. But I was just lying in bed crying an dfeeling srry for myself that ithis happened to me/us. That was the only time I cried about it all and it did me good. I felt better afterwards!