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X Box Live is dominating my sons life!!!!!!!(42 Posts)
I am at the end of my tether over my sons obsession with his xbox and playing online with his friends from school. He is 14 years old and has very little interest in anything else apart from gaming on his xbox with his friends online. I am about to have a baby and really want to get some rules and boundaries down around this so he is not sneaking on it everytime my back is turned. Has anyone else had issues with teenagers and xbox live usage and what is a reasonable amount of time to play?? at the moment he only has one evening a week where he dosent play it, he plays for two hours a night the other nights and on the weekends it is hard to get him to do anything else!! To make matters worse...his friends from school are on it all the time...it is like their virtual socialising!! It is not a healthy past time and I would really value some advice on this one. Thanx x
Dear Email Reader!,
Please let me introduce myself, my name is Tracey I'm 42 and I just a regular Mum trying to do the right thing and I need something bigger than myself and this email to help me make a difference , I'm Mum to Oakley, my 13 year old son. I really hope you can take the time to read my letter through as it has taken an awful lot of courage to send this to you. So Please don't throw this email aside , make it count .So on to the reason for getting in touch.
My son is a Super keen Gamer and he is Year 9 at School and gearing up for his GCSE's and my dilemma is that I have a constant battle to get him to spend quality time with his homework/revision, I have found he is gradually becoming more hooked . So I thought maybe do something positive about this situation that many Mums like me find there self's in and get a Responsible Gaming Company on my side, I can then arrange a meeting with the head of the school and form some kind of support network which I feel is needed in schools for Mums that battle every night with there kids.
I feel that times are changing , and like there are guest speakers invited to schools for eg, sex ed, fire services, careers advice, now is the time to introduce assemblies involving the subject of gaming during GCSE's, and the importance of time management put in to studies . I am confident that I am a good parent , I have no doubt about that, but many will argue its all about the parenting, I have tried every strategy I can think of and still gaming /social media win the battle, and gets more attention than studies should.
I feel it is Now or Never , this is a crucial time in our children's education , as it will be for generations to come, and I completely understand that we can not fight technology , this problem is not going to go away and I would like to think that a Responsible Gaming Company would have the belief that Kids should enjoy gaming but should enforce the importance of there education. Im not adverse to gaming but I have a son that deserves to and should do well in his exams but it feels like this could slip away from him , (as many parents also feel) , only for him to regret when its all to late.
I have never approached any idea like this before , so im also a little ???? as to how to take this forward but I believe there's a niche for something to be introduced in to Schools , it just needs to be kick started and with your support and in conjunction with the school by providing and educating the kids on a healthy approach to gaming and time management regarding homework/revision this can only have a positive outcome. Can I just say also that in turn it will take the peer pressure away from kids like my son that feel there friends are still gaming hours after they have left the game , I am aware too that some parents will not be interested , but 'how interesting' would it be it see just how interested parents actually are interested in there kids education and to have a healthy attitude to Gaming , and if the kids know the parents and schools are all on the same page, and that may involve some kind if a contract drawn up by the schools ,signed by the parent and child this problem is automatically resolved.
I have a had a great response from parents already that would welcome some kind to intervention, and this is what has spurred me on to contact you. I just think it would be a shame to not have tried.
my husband got a xbox 360 for our teenage son when he was 12 ,he was a bit of a loner kept himself to himself , had very few friends maybe 1-2 and even then he couldn't be bothered unless I took him to see them so we decided on an xbox for him , we never knew what was coming , it quickly become an obsession , the only time we would see him was when it was dinner time , he would then scoff his food quickly to get back on the xbox , at night we had to shout at him to get off the thing , he would come downstairs and go straight on his laptop watching himself play games via you tube , he's 18 now and has no friends , stays in all day , expects me to cook and clean for him , he relies on me so much that it has become a burden . my son hits me if he doesn't get his own way , I lie to my husband about the bruises , he would throw him out if he found out , that scares me , my son would not survive . my son bullies my other 2 children as well , hits them very hard . xbox has destroyed my sons life don't let this happen to you
I agree with gymboywalton. You are the parents - dont allow it! My son is 9 years and we have no x box or play station. A find it soul destroying that so many parents are prepared to allow their children on this mind numbing rubbish for soo many hours. It's basically a cheap babysitter in my view. My son does trampolining, karate, swimming, BMXing and also plays musical instruments. And when he has friends round and they all turn up with their iPads and tablets I tell them they can have them back when they go home! I'm not prepared to have children round to play/socialise and have them all zombied out on computer games! They have bikes, skateboards, tennis rackets, cricket bats, scooters, footballs, diablos etc to play with and if its bad weather they have Lego technic, mechano, loom bands, top trumps, match attax, games, they can turn the house into a den if they want to! And if they want to watch a DVD they can do that. And as a parent you have to lead by example and spend time with your kids! We go on bike rides together, on walks together and take picnics. Kids love walking through woods and splashing through streams if you can be bothered to take the time. I've spent hours stood at skate parks with my son! At the end of the day do you want your kids to have childhood memories or not?
I bet he's the lowest level out of the entire school. He just get bullied
2 hours a day sounds reasonable to me.
ds (also 14) is obsessed with his xbox, he has the timer set on it for 12 hours a week and how he divides that up is up to him, it is blocked from the internet 9pm-7.30am too. Thankfully he really only plays fifa and that is "rubbish offline".
He moans about it, but it saves arguments and gives him a little control.
As for people growing out of it both dh and I play games on the xbox/laptop/wii and we are in our 40s I don't see much likelihood of either of us giving it up any time soon.
As a kid I'd say the Xbox is a great way to interact with your friends. However it's really easy to become addicted to it cough me I used to spend up to 12 hours on it and then the next day do just the same.
After a while I realised this was getting out-of-hand so I unplugged the Xbox from the TV and now everyday I'm out meeting people in REAL LIFE and doing REAL THINGS.
My boys are 2 and 3. This thread has disturbed me greatly. Sorry I don't even know what an xbox is ( I am 42 and a fullime professional working mum in PR ). WE don't have a pc in the house. WE live in rural italy. The children have bikes, footballs and do swimming, etc etc..
You are the boss not him.
What would your parents have done if you at 14 years old spent 7 hours in front of a screen daily? Is this normal in the uk for teenagers now?
ps What is an xbox?
ha ha sounds like there are few gamer phobics on here, and whats this business of 'growing out' of games all about? People of all ages play games these days, even my 60 year old parents. I tend to spend about 2 hours a night on xbox as i prefer it to watching tv.
Like everything else as long it is done in moderation, then there shouldn't be any problems. Also it can be made into a multiplayer family activity too if you are worried about your kids spending too much time on their own in their bedroom.
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Crystal meth - bloody hell!!!!
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My son was on it all the time when he was 13, to a ridiculous degree, and now at nearly 15 he hardly uses it, and in fact I am ebaying loads of his games and accessories at the moment.
Actually we have done a bit of the ebay listing together and it has been
a relief fun!
My DP obviously missed the "growing out of it part" he is nearly 30 and he still goes on it every chance he gets ...
However i don't personally see the problem with it for children as long as homework is done, they have had their tea (and socialised with the family a bit), done their jobs and showered ... what's wrong with them playing on it for a few hours before they go to bed .. however if they take the piss, sell it and buy yourself something nice
What would you like him to do in tge two hours he would be xboxing? Surely all his friends will be occupied on it so no scope for playing out. As long as he is getting all his homeowrk and chores if he has them.done, why drag him.off it? What are you wanting him to do instead?
Our 15yo foster son would be on X-Box Live all day every day if he could. Like all teens he desperately needs to be "doing" something all the time and it is so easy just to pick up the controller and start up X-Box as soon as he wakes up and immediately see who is about for company. It is sort of a habit and gives instant results. Husband solved this by turning off the internet at 8.00pm week nights and we do not have it on in the day at the weekend. Luckily, he is in his GCSE years so we said we were doing this to help him study (bit lame but all we could think of a the time and actually we do want him to do well!). Having no X-Box winkled him out of his bedroom and out to find his mates. It costs us more when he goes out as he needs money for bus, swim, etc and lunch if he goes out but we prefer this. It is up to the adults to set the limits (and up to the teens to moan like mad that we are so horrible and mean until they do discover that there is a world outside of X-Box!). I am actually monitoring the length of his thumbs as I am sure they will grow enormous with all that X-Boxercising on the controllers!!
My son has grown out of it, he's 15.
He went from going on it a lot, to not using it at all.
It's called growing-up.
Advice honestly from a mum who has been there...
.. unplug the lot and sell it!!
any comments or thoughts like 'they grow out of it' and 'at least you know where they are' is not helpful as my husband had assured me this was the case!!
Although Every child is different and parents tend to know their own child best, its very easy when you have a baby to give in to that extra time gaming and end up with an addict.
All their friends would soon come out for a real game of football if more parents pulled the plug... talk to his friends mums!!!!
At 19 my son is totally barred from x box..they do not grow out of it!!! i wont allow one in my house...he is restricted to an hour a day for internet and has at last become more sociable, active and pleasant to be around.. its been hard work and very traumatic for us to get here so just follow your instinct!!
I really wish I had but with a new baby myself the x box was a great distraction and as his older brother went through 'a stage' I presumed it would be the same for him. Online was the biggest mistake as his brother never had that so lost interest.. do yourselves a favour and dont go there!!
I have joined Mumsnet today just to find advice on this topic!
My 14 year old boy would spend every minute of the day gaming on the computer if I allowed him, and one of his friends has spent his entire summer, yes, all day, every day, bar the odd visit to the doctor, on his. Sometimes other Mums make me feel like a bossy dragon preventing my teen from 'developing his independence', hence my relief at some of the sensible comments, especially Gymboywalton.
I spent some time reading various web-sites on addiction and it does seem to be potentially quite a problem. Surely its common sense that we should protect our children from new exposures and at least limit them (remember thalidomide drug). I found advice recommending a maximum 'screen time' of 2 hours a day. I have actually found myself encouraging my son to watch tv more because a) it is time spent with the family b)there are some great education programmes amongst the drivel, even if it is 'social'education showing such things as body language (missing from the gaming situation). The above mentioned child who spends all day on the computer is now diagnosed with aspergers, where such things as body language is not well understood. Could there be a link with excessive gaming?
My 14 yo DS also spends alot of time on internet and gaming X box, but use this to your advantage, I pop up every hour asking what he is doing today, has he contacted his pals, at least 1 day out of 3 he goes out with them, better than nothing.
The pin causes loads of arguments? Tough. IMHO.
My DCs are 14,13,8 and not allowed Xbox or ps3 during the school week.
Max 2 hours during holidays and weekends.
You are the parent, can't you just set down the rules and if he doesnt follow them, take it away for a week?
If I left my 8 y/o ds2 to "self police" little big planet on the ps3 he would play for 12 hours.
It's not his fault you live in the middle of nowhere.
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