Hi all
I'm not looking to jump on any bandwagon 'hoping' that this is the case at all (far from it) however, can I explain some stuff about my son and see what you think? I'm trying to determine in my own mind if he's just withdrawn and depressed or just being a bugger, or if it's something more.
I'll start with something recent. DS is 17. He only really enjoys playing Xbox and does no other social activities, never goes to friends houses or vice versa. The only time I hear animated speaking is when he's talking thru his Xbox gaming with his mates. So that could just be normal or it could be one of the traits of preferring own company.
He is a July baby so already quite behind his peers. Recently I've required him (because he should be able to do it at this age) to catch the train to go meet his dad for contact. Because I work F/T and because if I got stuck in traffic he could miss his train I said to him whilst it's light (this was a couple of months ago) take the bus a few times then if ever it gets past 5.20pm you'll be able to say right I'd better get the bus mum's not going to be back in time. I even created a map so he'd know exactly the route and where to get off. Well come the first night I wanted him to do this I made sure that I didn't get home in time because I just had a feeling there were going to be problems. Lo and behold when I arrived home a good 40 mins after his 2nd train would already have departed, there he is, 'hiding' in the bathroom with me conversing through the door - why didn't you take the bus? I didn't want to. Why? Just didn't want to. When he finally came out I had a long conversation - he just was not having it. And not in a babying way but I could see that there was something about it that perturbed him (so not being a snowflake but something else as I think if I'd gone on about it he would actually have cried). Cut to the last few Mondays and he's been cutting college (not telling me of course) and weirdly this coincides with classes that start 1pm and don't finish until 4.30pm - and they have to get to that campus by bus!! I actually think that's why he's cutting class. Does that ring bells with anyone? Is he just being a berk or could it genuinely be distressing him? He puts f all effort into college and I'm seeing his tutor next Thursday to discuss it all because frankly if he's going to piss about and not put the effort in he'd be better flipping burgers at McDonalds than going to college to do courses that he clearly can't be bothered to put the effort in with. This is an ongoing pattern since GCSE years - not working hard, not revising hard, not even trying his best - just scraping by with results that are several grades lower than he's very much capable of achieving. So a lot of lying and not engaging and forget communicating with his teachers - about anything. If he finds a situation he can't deal with he just goes head in the sand/avoid.[Much like his dad]
Cutting back to when he was a baby. We were really really close. When my DD came along I had a shock moment. I was taking her upstairs for a nap and she snaked her arm round the back of my neck - DS had NEVER done anything like that and it wasn't until she did it that I realised he never had! There was love aplenty but he's really really undemonstrative. I actually don't really try and hug him now - he doesn't respond. His dad hugs him and he kinda half responds but he's very stiff throughout.
He's always been a singular child - he was incredibly sensitive to loud noises and fairly sensitive. Now he's deadpan most of the time, if I didn't speak to him he'd leave and re-enter the house without saying goodbye, he has no social life other than through Xbox, he won't do ANYTHING else at all, when he talks to me he's often monotone and only animated of voice when he's on Xbox. I would say it's all me but his dad mentioned that he's often highly uncommunicative with him too. To be honest I often feel like he hates me but that could just be me. I just have so little to do with him - he's literally in his bedroom apart from when he comes down to eat and that's about all I see him. I offer to watch a film with him and so on but he's never interested.
Whilst he avoids socialising day to day if he's with family he's ok - he played guitar for us all last Boxing Day at my brothers. He doesn't do anything like avoiding eye contact or anything like that.
But it's this bus thing - I just cannot decide what that's all about because to be a snowflake who doesn't feel he should have to set foot on a bus is one thing, having some kind of bus phobia is another thing altogether!
Can any suggest any good checklists or anything or what should I be asking his tutor at college next Thursday?
Any help or advice gratefully received and I know this is in mental health so I'm not sure if this is the right spot as I know it's a genetically inherited neurological condition but I wasn't sure where else to put it.
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Child mental health
Could DS 17 be on the spectrum?
9 replies
Pollyanna9 · 23/11/2016 19:55
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