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Tween panick attacks over school

(4 Posts)
Willow2016 Thu 29-Sep-16 12:58:10

Does anyone have any experience with their child having panic attacks about school?

My 11yr old has been bullied at school by a couple of boys for a while now, off and on. The school deal with it then it starts up again. One of the boys has left but the other is still at it. (not just my son but others too, was on verge of being excluded but still there)

I have tried everything to get ds to deal with this in a variety of ways but he is very sensitive and emotional. Plus I dont think that the teachers are aware of how annoying this boy is when they arent looking but when they do see him being disruptive they tend to give the whole table into trouble and not just him for not getting on with work iyswim. I have told my son to tell the teacher if he cannot do his work for this other boy being disruptive/annoying him but he doesnt want to keep 'telling tales' as this makes things worse.

We are fed up with the pushing and shoving and have told him to push back harder or use his matial arts to 'block' him and push him away. This kid just doesnt give up though. We are at the stage of telling him when this kid hits or kicks him to hit back harder and we will back him up.

He has said he wants to change shools but none of the schools around here seem to be very good at stamping out bullying, the bullies just get passed to another school (which rules out one of them as his other bully goes there now) Our school seems to be first port of call when bullies are being moved, we had 3 at once last term. And yes they were moved for that reason, small rural area everyone knows everyone else and many parents are angry that we keep taking disruptive aggressive kids from other schools. It would be ok if there was somewhere they could go to have lessons without disrupting other kids but there isnt.

I have an appointment with GP tomorrow to address my sons anxiety and try to get him some help and just wondered if anyone had experience of this. TBH I have little faith in the local cahms as my other son had counseling with them and it was a complete waste of time. Counselor spoke in such a whispery baby voice, very slowly like we were 2yr olds it completely drove me mad, for example apparently they thought that if they asked my son if he would agree to get off pc at a certain time each night (major trigger point for him) and he said yes then that was the end of it! (They did this while I was in the meeting, I just looked at her in disbelief, my son could tell her anything he thought she wanted to hear, I thought they were supposed to be trained in spotting manipulating behaviour!) They didnt address most of the behaviour issues I had spoken to them about, they did some ptsd chats and blamed everything on his dad and I splitting up (even though the behaviours were apparent before that but were getting worse and he had been previously assessed for adhd!) But to be fair the primary school help he had was better so fingers crossed.

I feel like the worlds worst parent, I know teens are challenging but sometimes when my teen goes off on one at me for stopping him doing something he screams abuse at me and despite trying to do the whole walking away, staying calm stuff he will follow me and continue his diatrade and eventually I will respond. I cant help but think this has a detrimental effect on my other son.

Anyone give me advice as I feel like a complete failure today. I handled ds2's panic attack today badly and it was just out of sheer frustration that a small thing was turned into nearly an hour of tears and arguing culminating in panic attack again. he did eventually go to school and I told him I was proud of him getting through it and going to school. Am seeing his teacher next week yet again but really wonder if there is any point.

Sorry for the essay.

Peterandrew29 Fri 14-Oct-16 22:56:15

CAMHS are utterly clueless. My sons were not diagnosed till late teens with Asbergers. One could not deal with the bullying like your son. Gather normal drivel PTSD.
Can I suggest you look on PlanetAutism Blog page. There are info sheets giving lots of advice. There is also a name and shame page for blatant incompetence .
There are numerous articles like the pressure cooker effect, worth reading on her FB page. I am now trying to get an an additional diagnosis of PDA, Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome .
Also check out the co Morbid like Dyslexia, Dyspraxia Dyscalculia Irlen Syndrome.
If it is As edgers the quicker you get help the better, anxiety is the biggest issue .xx

Willow2016 Fri 11-Nov-16 16:11:10

Peter
Sorry I didnt get back to you sooner, had given up on anyone actually replying!

Will have a look on your link thanks. I am sure my eldest has some PDA traits too as after much research and comparisson, doing the scoriing etc he scored pretty hight! Surprise surprise his 'cousellor' hadnt heard of it! After giving her plenty info on it she came back to say her supervisor didnt believe in it so they werent pursuing it!

Still waiting for the letter from CAHMs fro my ds2..

Willow2016 Fri 11-Nov-16 16:12:36

Sorry for all the spelling misteaks, in a hurry as expectinig someone soon!
'scoring'
'scored pretty high'

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