Family with autism... Wondering if my 4 year old is on the spectrum also?

[Perriwinkle9991]

Hi all,

I have a 4 year old. His behaviour lately is odd. The more and more I look into it he has quite a few autistic/Asperger traits.
For example-

Cries if children touch him and he doesn't want to be touched.
Cries if someone touches him with sticky/messy hands.
Cried today because a girl called him the bad guy- he said he wasn't a bad guy he was a good boy. Didn't grasp the concept of goodies/baddies.
Starting to want to play more on his own.. Today he played for an hour on his own at soft play and had a meltdown because there was people in the area he wanted to use.
Won't get messy with paint or sand.
Won't initially respond if you say his name..might have to say it twice and we usually get huh?
Doesn't get sarcasm.. For example he was scared and I said oh dear you almost pooped your self and be checked and said in havnt pooed
Behaviour is getting worse... Starting to physically hit other children
Hitting out at parents
Hits himself in the face when angry
He struggles to see consequences for his actions such as its always someone else's fault or he didn't do it. I explain in detail about the correct way to act and respond and he says ok and then 10 mins later he repeats the same behaviour.
Talks in a high pitched tone quite often,
Obsession with trains... You have to play trains his way. If you don't play the way he wants he gets frustrated. He knows every character of Thomas. Has a good imagination with his trains though.
He is a fussy eater also. Not picky eater but very fussy. Only eats safe foods... Reluctant to try anything. Sleeps well. School report says he's doing well... Exceptionally bright with number.

I don't want to look for a label that's not there but he has a few cousins that have autism on different levels, other family members with severe social difficulties. It seems to run quite high through both sets of family on the paternal side.

My worry is the fact he screams when we're out and he's struggling in a social situations... But seems to be getting worse as he's getting older. The fact that I can't get him to drink from a cup and he starts flapping his hands?

I don't want to look for something that's not there but I don't want to ignore a possibility. He had speech and language from 20 months as he had speech regression then but was discharged.

Any thoughts?

[Sherlock35]

Ask for a referral for a paediatric assessment would be my advice.

[Perriwinkle9991]

Thanks Sherlock. My worry is the lack of support from the GP. I know In our area CAMHS waiting lists are long and GP are not supportive. In all truth I am scared to go. I'm scared to say what I've just wrote

[Sherlock35]

My own referral came through our speech therapist actually. Would your HV be worth a go? I've had very little to do with my GP are DS's autism. Could you try another GP in the practice?

[Perriwinkle9991]

I've never approached my GP yet. It's weird cause DS was in the garden last week and we had meltdown about the cup and he started flapping his hands and he reminds me of the autistic girl at work and I said don't do that your not autistic?

Weird. It's only the past few days where I've been watching him like a hawk to notice these little things. He had a meltdown about his hair being gelled and is inconsolable and for the past 2 years he doesn't like to be touched and I've always said to his dad don't wind him up if he doesn't like it... Guess I've always never looked to deep but when I think about it I think today's really done it for me in soft play.

Do you children have autism Sherlock?

[Sherlock35]

My son does, yes. He's 7 in a few months.

[dietstartstmoz]

My son has ASD and he is 9. I would encourage you to try your GP for a referral. You should also speak to school to express your concerns you may find as he gets older his behaviour is a problem at school and he may struggle more socially as friendships become more complex.
There are enough concerns to request a referral even without the family history.

[SilverBat]

Is he at preschool, if so, have they mentioned anything?
It is worth visiting your GP, even if you think they may not be supportive. You might have to be assertive, and definitely go with a printout of what you have written here as a checklist. Say that you would like a CAHMS referral.
IME my DS (aspergers) noticeably changed when he started primary, and if I had known the signs before he started and he was 'in the system' so to speak, it would have saved several years of heartache.

[Perriwinkle9991]

Thank you all.

School has said he's a wonderful child. Kind and caring with others... Overly nosey though. It bothers him when someone misbehaves at school apparently. And he goes out of his way to know why they've been naughty. He's never had an issue yet with behaviour in school. The only thing his dad has said is if other children touches him he does this awful whine. I know the sound as I hear it. And he gets stressed if someone touches him if it's not what he wants.

One thing I will say is I can take him to new social situations for example I work in a school so I've bought him with me before and left him in the class for half a day and he settles in well and mingles ect.

It's more so since July and probably now I'm off work and I spend more quality time one on one I've began to notice it

I work in a school and there are children with asoergers who have less signs than my own?

I am worried the fact of we went with a school friend to soft play and instead of playing with him he decided to go off and play alone and he's been to this place before but could not and would not play on the sensory board because someone was on it. It's like he glazes over when you try and reason with him... He won't look at me when I'm trying to explain things like this to him. However, eye contact isn't always an issue.

I queried this to the speech and language back a few years ago and she said he was way to social able to be autistic. Is this true? I work with a wide range of children and the autistic boy I know is more outgoing than some of my "normal" children.

Don't know what to do for the best... Not sure wether to see if he settles into reception and wait to see if this is just developmental behaviour with angry outbursts or to seek a referral.

[Perriwinkle9991]

Silverbat, what type of behaviour changed when your LO started school?
DS starts reception in 2 weeks. I have a meeting with his teacher and not sure wether to mention it To them. I think I'm afraid to approach the subject as I know what teachers often say behind parents backs... About behaviour, lack of control, seeking a label. Just really puts me off.

I am very strict with behaviour. I am a Familt support worker so I know and use different methods and our parenting is consistent..

God, I hate this. You have 1000 what ifs roling through your mind.. I have loads now as I type. What if he's a strong willed little boy who is extremely stubborn and needs more structure than others or what if it is something else. His cousin has high functioning autism... He is and I hate to say it very much like rain man. Dates, numbers, repetitive ect , high pitched voice and I think that doesn't help as that's my comparison

[SilverBat]

There's a saying Perri 'if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism' 😀
My DS used to 'act up' at school, but wasn't a problem at home. Other children can be good as gold at school, but then let it all out at home. Some do both! We were never taken seriously as we obviously looked like we were the parents who couldn't see any wrong in our precious little boy. But, we were strict and consistent with him. Going to primary is a big change from play school, a lot less predictable and scary.
As an example he too has sensory issues so hated being touched by anyone apart from family. That made carpet time a problem or assembly, as he was in too close proximity to other children. His reaction was to kick out, shove or make animal noises (he used to do a cracking dog impression lol). But it got him the desired result, which was to be removed from all the other children.
There were loads of things that he used to do, some funny, some not!
Please don't worry about what teachers might say behind your back, what they think isn't important, your son is. Might be worth having a chat with the school SENCO rather than the teacher.

[Sherlock35]

I would also concur and encourage you to seek professional advice. It's really hard doing the self diagnosis thing and trying to fit behaviour into patterns or attribute behaviour to diagnoses. That way, stress and anxiety lie.

Please do try and get some professional help. The National Autistic Society has a helpline which might be useful.