Self harming in very young children

[justjuanmorebeer]

I am just posting quickly for now as only have a minute so can't explain the whole context but will be back to do so ASAP.

Does anyone have experience or knowledge about this or can direct me to any good resources?

My DD is only 4, we are seeing the GP on Wednesday.

[windchimes23]

I started self harming at 4, won't go into details but it does happen in very young children. I was mature for my age, but very sensitive.

I had underlying issues which led to it. I think if it had been picked up earlier I may have had less problems in later life as it became an ingrained part of my personality. A hard wired addiction in my brain if I'm honest.

I hope your GP can help. Caught early you've got a good chance of stopping any habits developing.

Has there been some sort of trauma that started it. Mine started after I found out I was adopted.

[justjuanmorebeer]

Hello thanks for your response.

Yes there has been a trauma for her. Me and her Dad broke up 14 months ago just a few weeks before her 3rd birthday.

He was and continues to be emotionally abusive to me. I now know he has started playing mind games with her too. The whole situation is awful.

For a few months she has been hitting and scratching herself when in a tantrum or not getting her own way (could be over anything). I tried to play it down and just calm her in other ways and hoped it was a phase.

In April we went on holiday and she got a few insect bites. The itch of these seemed to trigger something else and since then she scratches this area when she becomes stressed. She has started scratching her face now too when in a rage.

Things got worse on Saturday after her Dad introduced his new gf to her in badly thought out circumstances. An hour later when she was back with me she had a complete meltdown in a cafe and started srarching herself, throwing things about the table saying she hates herself and she wants to kill herself.

Like you she is very mature for age, clever, huge vocabulary etc. She is also very big for her age, in size 6-7 clothes, tall but muscular so very strong.

She has also become violent against others, close family members such as me rather than other children though. She often hits, kicks and bites me if she isn't getting waht she wants (usually snacks/food) am worried there are concerning food behaviours creeping in too.
GP have already told me on phone she is too young for CAHMS so I don't know if there are any other agencies?

[windchimes23]

Mine was like this at three when her younger sibling became mobile. There is a children's mental health forum on here, you could try that?

Is it possible that you could cut all contact with your ex, I know it's not the done thing but that seems to be the trigger from what you've said.

My DD1 scratched herself raw after DD2 was born. She also started biting and being aggressive. It was a stage and it did pass, but gosh it was hard work.

I would bath her daily in oatmeal and smother her in Eurex cream to stop the urge to itch/scratch.

At four I was cutting myself with scissors and sticking pins in myself when alone in bed. She sounds more stressed than mentally ill.

Your ex sounds like a nightmare, I've never been in that situation but someone out there must know if you can stop contact with him on welfare grounds. Did you have any domestic violence issues when you split or is he just one of those mind twisting types?

[justjuanmorebeer]

No cutting contact is not an option. DV in the form of emotional and financial abuse but not physical violence.
It is an awful situation.
I didn't know there was a childrensental health board I will look for it thanks.

[windchimes23]

I wish you the best of luck, hopefully you'll get some answers. So sorry you've got this to deal with

[TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet]

Hi OP
We've moved this to our children's mental health topic

[cestlavielife]

Unless there is a court order for contact then you can certainly cut contact until you have got her referred to camhs and seen a family therapist.

[cestlavielife]

Go back to gp and insist on referral. There will be play therapists and family therapists who work with young children. Look online in your area for family therapy / child psychology services. Or call Anna Freud centre in London see if they know where to go in your area.

[cestlavielife]

If she is at school then talk to her teachers they can also help with referrals. Do over emphasise her behaviours . Keep a diary . Ask teachers to record any they witness.

[cestlavielife]

My dd was older when she did family therapy due to issues with ex etc but there were certainly younger children of 3 or 4 in the waiting room...