I think my son has Asperger's syndrome

[vicki2010]

Hello lovely mumsnetters!
Just sitting here looking at my son after spending a day together.
I have, over the last 12 years suspected there has been 'something' not quite right with him.
From around 9 months he was a very highly strung child who had temper tantrums which were very extreme. I can honestly say I still haven't encountered a child who can have a tantrum like him (and I'm a childminder! So many years experience!).
Anyway, long story VERY short, we have always wondered if something else was going on with him but have always tried to parent in a way that supports him and gets the best out of him where possible.

Just a little insight into his behavioural traits. He has always been hypo sensitive to touch, anything that gets on his hands that he doesn't like he would flip out and panic. Could be anything from a baked bean to piece of fluff but generally anything wet.
He was (and still is) constantly on the wind up with his brother, always rocking the harmony boat and hyper actively trying mess up anything that is running along smoothly. He's always been an attention seeker of such. For example if they are playing a game he will cheat, or if it's a computer game he will get really stressed and demand to take over and it's always 'his turn!'.

He has always been sensitive to foods. He is a good eater but is very sure of what he won't eat, will NEVER touch anything new! Almost like a phobia.

He's extremely emotional. He has always needed his sleep and acts like a new born over tired baby if had more then one late night (after 9.30pm!).

His diet definitely has a huge impact on his behaviour and I have realise that it's not sugar but the caffeine in any fizzy drinks hey may consume that cause his attention deficit.

God love him but he's honestly got to be one of the most annoying children I've ever met, don't get me wrong I love him dearly and he's such an interesting, imaginative boy but life is always just so much easier when he is at school or at away from us. I feel awful saying that but it's true, he's a right royal pain in the butt sometimes. Life always takes 'work' when he's around and when he's not and it's just his brother it's so so easy as his brother responds in a 'normal' manner where as the other doesn't. The older son always need huge explanations of everything, always need reminding to play nicely, to calm down, to stop being annoying etc etc etc..
Anyway I could go on forever. He's very intelligent, has always excelled at school. Always top of the class and just finished his first year at senior school. We really worried how he would fit in socially but he hasn't been phased by it. He is quite blasé about any issues that have arisen and isn't easily affected by friendship concerns. He is in the top stream and seems to take it all in his stride academically (thank god) but so far this summer holidays hasn't seen a friend or heard a peep from anyone, but isn't bothered either!
When i think back to myself at his age, almost 13 I was never home!

Anyway, I have been researching Aspergers syndrome and I think he ticks so many boxes.

My dilemma.... I don't want to get him labelled but I worry for his future and should his behaviour continue he will Carry on being hugely misjudged and not given the support he may well need.

He's always being seen as 'guilty' when anything happens but I can honestly say, if he had the ability to act correctly for each circumstance he could have avoided these situations. As he gets bigger and stronger it's looking like he's a badly behaved, rude, disrespectful young man and I know deep down he's massively misunderstood.


What would you advise me to do. Would you push for some tests/diagnosis? I'm feeling really confused whether to take my thoughts further.

[Finola1step]

From what you have described, I think you should discuss your concerns.

I know a family with a young adult dd who probably has Aspergers. I say probably because despite very obvious concerns, her parents have refused any form of discussion and/or assessment. This has resulted in the dd never getting the support she has needed. The parent's reason was that they didn't want her labelled.

My dsis does have a diagnosis of Aspergers (as well as other needs) and with continued support, lives independently in her own flat and volunteers for various charities.

Talking to your GP and the SENDco at school will not suddenly label or change your ds. But it might just put the wheels in motion in terms of recognising and understanding his longer term needs.

[vicki2010]

Thanks for your response. I have always thought that if I didn't act on my concerns he may well miss out on support he could need at any stage during his life.
I think what's putting me off most is the GP or teachers kind of looking at me like I'm a parent in need of a diagnosis simply to excuse his behaviour. Without being too judgemental I do know a few people who's children have ADHD but it's concerning because they all (yes all!) literally sit in front of the tv/xbox/play station all day, have no routine, eat as drink as much junk as they like and then the parents can't understand why their darlings behave the way they do.

Sounds terrible but our second son is growing up responding to our parenting techniques as any average child should and so the way my first born is stands out a mile and I just simply feel there's more to it if that makes sense?
I know firstborn children can generally be more demanding, needy buts I know it's more then that.

[mckenzie]

Vicki, our DS (13) has mild Aspergers. He was only diagnosed a few years ago although we always knew he was quirky.
The diagnosis has helped us to better understand DS and how he works and to help us all learn techniques for dealing with some of the fall outs that arise because he us who he is.
I would press for an assessment.
Once you've got it, you can ditch the label (we have, we still just say he's quirky) but in our experience it has helped.

[vicki2010]

Mckenzie
Thanks so much, that's a word that had arisen sooo much over the years he's Quirky!! He had a teacher in year 5 who was quirky and ds had the best year ever because this teacher really 'got' him.

[anthropology]

I think it's worth an assessment, although a diagnosis may be harder, as many kids have 'traits' but don't meet all criteria. My DD was quirky and bright, and struggled emotionally and with severe depression through teenage years 14 - 16. If we had identified her vulnerabilities earlier, it may have been easier for her. I found a WISC4 educational assessment useful in identifying strengths as well as vulnerabilities educationally.Btw, she is now off to Uni where there appears to be more accessible student support than at schools. good luck.

[emma16]

You sound exactly like me & your son sounds exactly like mine!! I've just put a long post on actually as in desperate need of help :(
If I were you I would ask for a referral...not sure where you live but with us its about a 2 year wait to get to the multi disciplinary team. DS had an initial diagnosis of Aspergers & ADHD in Oct last year, it was a relief in a way as it meant he wasn't actually just an annoying pain in the arse but at the same time I was so very wary of it all.
It does help in a way as at least you can try to understand them more, use different ideas/techniques to deal with them, but a diagnosis doesn't change them or who they are.
Definately ask for a referral though & good luck!