Loosing hope and benefits

[bettina46]

Hi, I'm new here but have already read some of your threads and need help.
DD suffers from depression and stays in bed most of the time. She is under the care of CAMHS and on medication at the moment but it's been going on for a year and she is not better. She will be 18 in July and I'm not sure what chances will she have to come back to normal if any... At present she is a 6th Form student but she hasn't been to school since January and she will not continue her education from September. I'm a single mum on low income and I'm not only loosing hope but I'm also worried how to make ends meet. I'm loosing Child Benefit, Child Tax Credit and reduced Council Tax. DD's student travelcard will expire soon and she will not even be able to go to see her doctor for free and I will have to pay for her medicine, dentist etc. How to seek help? I've got another child. DS is 15 and still in High School.

[LIZS]

Could she claim ESA ?

[bettina46]

losing not loosing
I'm not a native speaker but I don't usually make such mistakes. I think I'm losing my mind too. My daughter's illness is so frustrating...

Thank you for your answer. I don't know if she can claim a benefit. I need to find out.

[anthropology]

I am sorry things are so tough. It does not sound good that she has been in bed for so long. However, financially you can still get the benefits if she stays in further education until she is 19. If she leaves college, I wonder if its worth looking into local colleges offering other further education qualifications as well as A levels, as if she was just to do one subject she still likes, art or a foundation type course in English/Maths ,as long as she is in some form of further education the benefits should continue for a year. Also it would be good for her confidence if she could step back into something, even one day a week. When I looked into for my daughter, our local further education college offered jewellry making qualifications and ceramics too. Finding some way she feels able to integrate into some sort of activity outisde the home will be important. Post 19, if she is ready she can go back into education more fully as a mature student. Also bus passes etc continue to nineteen if she is registered at a further education college.

[bettina46]

Thank you anthropology.
Two years ago DD got great GCSE results - most of them were A and A* and a couple of Bs at English which is her second language. She has always been a very bright student and did very wellI at school. I was very proud of her and was absolutely sure she would easily complete her A levels and would get a place at university.
Two years passed and I've got a deeply depressed child who panics and runs away whenever she is out and sees her school mates coming out from school. She doesn't keep in touch with anybody and going back to her present 6th Form college would be a torture for her. We tried everything - individual and group theraphy, taking her out, getitig her gym membership, engaging her in a voluntary job at the local theatre and a project a the local youth centre but it all ended up in lots of crying and going back to bed.
When I mentioned a new college and a course that she would enjoy eg. Drama or Performing Arts she started crying and said she would not like to experience teachers shouting at her again for not doing her homework well. When I or her father ask her what she wants to do she says she doesn't know and wants us to leave her alone :(

[anthropology]

so sorry. If she is bright, at some point I hope she will find education again. Its very different in further education colleges or tutorial colleges with mixed ages where you dont have to socialise , so you just go in for lessons.Also, she may find other teens like her who have missed a bit of school. My DD found the social side of schools difficult for a while but liked learning. I would try to encourage her to visit colleges with a mix of people/ages as teachers are very different and its more grown up than she might imagine. Private tutorial colleges are good in these cases if you can get bursaries and funding which is what we did in the end. I had to pay some of it, but it was worth every penny. Theatre and drama are quite collaborative subjects, maybe if she did something which didnt require as much social effort to start with. Given her response have you had an educational assessment for her (WISC 4) it might reveal why she finds school so stressful My DD turned out to be dyslexic with short term memory issues, which had been missed as she was so bright. Understanding herself why exams had been so stressful (and contributed to depression) really helped her change the way she coped. We got a bursary to get one done through a dyslexia charity and camhs will sometimes do a less detailed one. The information was the most helpful thing we had and it was great to have a document to show schools which lasted until the end of A levels. My DD was in hospital and it was her peers there who got her through the toughest time. she kept the odd school friend, but its true that many teens and families find depression hard to understand and in my experience, its best to let that go and both find the people who do understand . My DD tried to go back to her school and you are right, its a mistake as she will be judged. Sometimes the LEA has funding for private education options if they can;t offer anything suitable so do look around. Is there a relative or slightly older friend she will talk to, if she wont talk to you ? someone who has been through this. My DD was hospitalised which was awful, but her peer friendships were part of her recovery. it must be very lonely for your DD, particularly if she was doing well academically before. Please don't lose hope .

[bettina46]

Hi again, thanks for your responce.
I mentioned Drama or Performing Arts because DD did BITEC Performong Arts at High School and did really well - she got a Distinction* at the end of it. I thought she'd enjoy it. She loves theatre and has been performing on stage since she was 3 years old. I don't think DD would not like to socialize. She'd love to make new friends but also she's so afraid to be rejected again. Her High School was a school for girls. Her present 6th Form college is a shool for boys with a few girls and she felt horrible there.
I'm not able to encourage her to go and find a college or a course for herself. I'm lucky if I can encourage her to take a shower once a week or change clothes. It's that bad unfortunately :( She takes her medicine once a day, and sees her therapist and her doctor at CAMHS if she can manage to get out of bed and that's
it.
You sound a lovely and very helpful person, anthropology. I wish I could meet you for a coffee and have a proper chat with you. Let me know if it's possoble at all. We are based in West London.

[anthropology]

bettina 46.just seen this. maybe you could talk to the LEA(ours was a london LEA) about what they will fund . My DD probably wasnt quite ready to return to education , coming straight out of hospital, but as she tookonly a few hours a week, we managed, and she did credit it with giving her back a future to look forward to. I am away for several weeks as my DD goes away with friends (scary), but do message me personally if it would help. I felt very isolated for the worst times, and didnt believe things would get better, but with quite a lot of battling for help they did, and I really do appreciate every good day for both of us.

[bettina46]

Ok, thanks. I'll pm you :)

[vibrantlinda]

HI sweetie. Yes I do feel your daughter could get ESA .first of all you'll have to get the Dr out to her. Ask the receptionist to get Dr to ring you at home about your DD .explain the situation and he will come out if you can't get her to the surgery. Then he will write her a sick note to send to the benefits pension place and you'll need to become her appointed person to talk on her behalf in case she's not able to. You can get help from cab and welfare rights because of all the difficulties you're suffering and you can ask about food bank vouchers too. The Dr could prescribe different medications and if they help then an improvement will be seen.

But if they don't then you can keep sending sick notes off and she should get Esa as she won't feel fit enough for work or education just now. Hope this helps and if you want to chat. You can and I have lots of experience with this as both sons are on e s a because they have depression and anxiety and autistic spectrum difficulties.

[bettina46]

Hi again, we've just come back from a long holiday and my daughter is better now. She's been on Sertraline for a month now and maybe the new medicine helps or maybe tha holiday time or both.
There is another problem. She is 18 and no longer under CAMHS. Yesterday she was supposed to see her GP and was 15 min late for her appoitment so she was refused to see the doctor. She was offered a new appointment on 1-st September. The doctor didn't want to talk to me because my daughter is 18. Nightmare! Does NHS treat all their patients with mental problems in the same way?

[HolgerDanske]

Poor you and poor your daughter. I'm so glad things are looking up for her.

I know it's frustrating and upsetting that you could not discuss your daughter's needs with your doctor but there are important reasons why medical issues must be kept confidential once a child has become an adult.

I know it sounds trite but I think things will be ok. Yes it's not nice that she has to wait for her next apt but hopefully the meds will continue to help her to feel better.

[bettina46]

Hi again, I called our therapist and she spoke to our GP. As a result we both had an appointment last Thursday. DD signed a consent and I will be informed about my her medical issues.
DD had her medicine doze increased and she seems to be happier and more active. I'd love her to be better and better now. I keep my fingrrs crossed.
Thank you so much for your constant support and all your kind words

[worriedmum28]

Hi bettina 46. I am in a similar situation with my 16 year old DD. She has been under CAMHS since year 7 with anxiety problems, had CBT. When she was about 13 she started self harming, cutting herself with a pencil sharpener blade. Only came to light when her Dad noticed she'd carved the word FREAK into her thigh (this because a pupil had criticised her drawing in art). She managed to get through high school, just, had an exit pass to get out classes when she had a panic attack etc.
Two years ago she was diagnosed with depression and put on Prozac and had excellent support from her CAMHS worker. About 6 months ago, her dose of Prozac was doubled.
She has been at sixth form college since September, they were informed at enrolment about her mental health problems but still agreed to accept her because despite her depression, she had achieved ABBCC in GCSEs (B's in English). Although I felt she might not be able to cope with A levels, she insisted in doing subjects she was really interested in, and had to resist Maths.
The first two weeks were great, she was buzzing, then unfortunately she became involved with a girl (DD revealed she was gay a year ago) who sort of led her on then dropped her after 2 weeks. This affected her at college for about a month. Around that time, I was called into college as she had not been attending Maths. It was explained that she had signed a contract to attend, the college wouldn't get funding if she didn't and how important it was for the college to achieve passes in Maths!!
A couple of weeks went by, DD had massive panic attack one Tues, got sent home for rest of week? Got called in again as DD was being late for 8.40 lessons (the morns I left for work at 7am, she'd go back to sleep fully dressed, miss bus despite me phoning her every 10 mins).
She seemed to be doing better leading up to Xmas and at start of term, but by end of first wk wouldn't get out of bed for Maths on the Fri, phone call from her senior tutor bawling at me down phone. Managed to get her in, DD then was stuck in loo with diahorrea for 20 mins and at break phoned CAMHS for emergency appt and got on bus to hospital later, which I only learned when she got home. CAHMS worker told DD that he would refer her for Consultant appt to review her medication.
Last week was mocks week, DD felt she'd done ok, including Maths. On the Weds she came home after an exam saying aforementioned senior tutor had left her a vm msg saying why hadn't she been in maths and she was to come and get her leaving papers. I phoned this woman and asked why she had left this VM when DD was on study leave and explained that DD had been told she hadn't to attend ANY classes, and on recieving VM had liaised with Student Services who confirmed this. I told her the VM had stressed DD and she was awaiting consultant appt. ST told me she'd speak to Maths teacher, phoned me back saying no DD was meant to be in Maths and it had now been marked as another absence, DD had to stay in class and not leave for any reason!! I then had to liaise with Student Services, who informed me the Maths class had actually been cancelled that morn(???!!!), they contacted vice principal and head of Maths who confirmed that DD did not need to be in any classes that wk.
I was infuriated by this, and was mid writing complaint letter Tues morn when DD phoned saying she couldn't cope any more, she had been segregated in English class for talking, although it wasn't just her, she had another panic attack. About one hour later had phone call from some high up man saying they couldn't cope with her and she was to leave.
Now left with little help on DD's future, looking at apprenticeships. CAHMS worker NOT HAPPY with her exclusion. Have contacted council, LEA, no one seems to know who runs 6th form colleges, can't get her in another one till next year. Is it illegal for her to not be in education at 16, I have tried to phone child benefit can't get through. Do I have to pay for her council tax now? Questions, questions, no one can answer. DO I appeal, under treated mental health for 2 years being a disabilty ( my managers nephew was kicked out same college as they couldn't cope with his ADHD and parents appealed and won) greatful for any suggestions

[anthropology]

dont want to leave this but not sure I can help.

You must stay in some form of education or training until your 18th birthday if you were born on or after 1 September 1997. either

full-time education - eg at a school or college
an apprenticeship or traineeship
part-time education or training - as well as being employed, self-employed or volunteering for 20 hours or more a week

The LEA should meet with you if she does want to stay in full time education,now they have upped the age to 18, ask for your local pupil support unit who deal with vulnerable teens and non attendance, as a matter of urgency.. They may be required to provide alternative places to continue or you could even ask them to pay for a private college who will accept her if they cant provide a state alternative ! This very occasionally happens. They might be able to arrange online teaching and home teaching if she doesnt feel ready to go to a new school.

Put the pressure on them to help you and maybe get her to write a letter to about how important education is to her, although she needs more support and help.

I would get letters from camhs/her history ready and fight this decision, even if she doesnt return to this college although ideally if she wanted to return, you could sort part time attendance, and find a college to switch to in September. Although the urgent thing is to decide whats best for your DD.

Colleges do tend to be more flexible. in hours , attendance dropping lessions or A levels etc. Also, you shouldnt have to pay for her tax under 18, and if she stays in further education until 19 as it takes her a bit longer, you will get any benefits for a further year, like working tax credits or child tax credits....

Please fight for her to get the education she wants and deserves. Does she have an ed psych report, getting her extra support in lessons and extra time in exams as she would benefit from this. I wonder that an apprenticeship might be more pressure to deliver unless there is something she would love to do.

Ask camhs to help you get her extra support. Being on medication helps in some ways, but can also affect concentration etc. So sorry its been so hard. The school sound terrible. My DD was a bit younger, but got back into education in a small college, Her attendance was quite low but she did well and is now happily at university. good luck.

[worriedmum28]

Unfortunately the LEA said they do not cover 6th form colleges, neither do the local council and I have been left to find out who does. Have contacted Citizen's Advice, can't go in until Tues. DD has interview with apprenticeship company next Wednesday, even if you phone the different companies who advertise them they just tell you apply online. DD was studying A level Creative Writing, Film and Media, not much hope of finding apprenticeships covering that area!! Just feel so helpless with no guidance from anyone

[anthropology]

so sorry pupil support wont help. My DD was under 16, and by law they had to help. Even if they dont cover colleges, dont they have a duty to help you with alternative or home schooling in the meantime ? I hoped as they upped education age, they would need to cover it. ok, I would call the helpline at the childrens legal centre to know your rights between 16 and 18. www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=the_child_law_advice_line.

they also have a page on school exclusions.www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=school_exclusions....
best of luck.

[anthropology]

this might be useful for info
www.disabilityrightsuk.org/funding-further-education-disabled-students
she has a right to education, and colleges will get money from the education. funding agencies as long as they dont discriminate. I know how it feels to have to fight for everything, but I do think the law is on your side and she should be allowed to study what she wants to !