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Please help just recieved worrying text from DD 14

(70 Posts)
felttippens Wed 22-Jan-14 22:03:01

Recieved this text from my daughter after she said she needed to talk to me, I went into her room and could see she'd been crying but she just kept saying she didn't know how to tell me

I left her alone for a while and got this text
I wanna go to the doctors cos I think I have depression and anxiety and I cut sometimes and i can't like cope, I get so frustrated and upset an down and everything all the time idek

fluffling Thu 04-Dec-14 13:12:32

Just read the whole thread, you're wonderful to have supported her so long and not give up.
Hope all is well, flowers how did the appointment go yesterday?

felttippens Mon 01-Dec-14 19:07:17

We have appointment with camhs on Wednesday to see a psychologist
The school welfare officer is now involved as well

furcoatbigknickers Thu 27-Nov-14 22:24:36

You are clearly doing a great job as she can come to you. Doctors and just being there is the right direction.flowers

twentyten Thu 27-Nov-14 22:22:35

You poor thing. Are you getting help yourself ? Please look after yourself. thanksthanksthanks

felttippens Thu 27-Nov-14 21:39:27

Things are going very badlysad my own anxiety has got the better of me today and I'm struggling to cope

anthropology Thu 27-Nov-14 18:24:29

Getting the urgent camhs referral is a good step. Many of us have been through a refusal (or inability) to engage. She is probably scared of her own feelings too and trying to keep control so seeing professionals will be terrifying. As you are doing be strong, calm and consistent and when Camhs talk to you make sure they understand the seriousness of her thoughts and actions. It helps to have notes, or copies of texts etc, if you feel she is a danger to herself. Try to keep interacting and keep her texting about practical things. If you need to go to camhs, I know how difficult it can be to persuade someone to go. Try to assure her its an assessment and she wont have to say anything she doesnt want to say, and you and her will discuss the next steps together. If she is missing school perhaps you can explain the assessement might be able to help with school pressures and exams etc....anything to get her through the door once !! btw gp you spoke to doesnt sound like he has a great deal of experience with teens and suicide....you know her, if you are worried for her safety, you will know best until there are professionals who know her better too. I know its probably not what you want to hear, but fight hard with Camhs for the help she needs . We all suffer guilt, but there is very good advice on this thread, and its true that retrospectively, the guilt doesnt help either you or her. I wish I had realised that much earlier.

twentyten Tue 25-Nov-14 21:12:01

How are you doing?

felttippens Mon 24-Nov-14 22:12:10

Yeah I'm going to try and keep the conversations light And see if I can tempt her out of her room tomorro

twentyten Mon 24-Nov-14 22:05:19

Keep texting. It's so hard. Could you try and get her to text you about everyday things? Leave tempting food / drink in her room with no words? thanksthanks To you.

felttippens Mon 24-Nov-14 21:36:31

Oh, progress - received a text saying I'm sorry

felttippens Mon 24-Nov-14 20:21:07

Ive spent most of the day chasing my tail trying to get her some help - eventually managed to get gp to do an urgent referral to camhs so im just waiting to hear.

DD has stayed in her room all day, no communication, nothing to eat or drink.

If I go into her she ignores me as if Im not even there

LuluBrush Mon 24-Nov-14 01:24:41

What a sad thread. I feel so, so sorry for you OP. You just want them to be happy don't you. I have no advice other than to make sure you look after yourself.
I really hope your DD gets the help she needs.
thanks

GreenMouse Mon 24-Nov-14 01:02:20

Poor you treading, I'm sorry you and your DD are going through this. It's hard if she will not engage and is refusing help. Have you thought of steering her to online help? There are forums where young people with MH issues can talk to their peers, in my experience they tend to be more comfortable with communicating online than face to face or even on the phone. One site that my DD finds helpful is moodscope.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, although I will echo what previous posters have said, carry on pushing for help. You have to be a squeaky wheel if you want the mental health services to take notice.

Mini05 Mon 24-Nov-14 00:55:21

Is she going to school at all? What about meal times does she eat with you all? Is she just sitting in her room?

How about you ring gp and get them out to see her
You will have to pile it on thick(as they don't like home visits) tell them how she is refusing help won't go anywhere. You are getting abuse from her and are very worried about her going further into depression and not she's saying she doesn't want to be here. You will have to say you worried she might to get them out. But if she won't go then you have to bring Dr.

I'd you manage surgery to do this, don't tell her. She will have to speak to the dr then

felttippens Mon 24-Nov-14 00:43:08

She's now 15 but that's by the by
I've always considered myself a good mother (have three kids) but in the case of this situation helpless and weak - even if I insist I just get total refusal and short of physically trying to move her I can't see a way to get her to do what I ask

Mini05 Mon 24-Nov-14 00:40:34

I agree with canyou she is still only 14 at the end of the day.

Take back some control, otherwise you will be ill. Do as said
Tell her you love her and because you love her you can not see her go through and talk like she is doing. You are from now taking control over this, teenagers like to sit in there room, BUT she needs to be downstairs with you, isolation is not good(too much time to think) tell her she's doing it!!
Ignore the back chat,shouting etc switch off.

Push push for more help(if you don't tell them(not ask tell) you can't handle it!!

Canyouforgiveher Mon 24-Nov-14 00:28:16

treading my dd's refusal to engage in help is also the hardest thing. I know what you mean. Even academically she will refuse our help tutors etc. I think it is a manifestation of depression tbh.

But you could just take back a bit of power and walk into her tomorrow and say This is what is going to happen.You are going to GP. Then you are going to whatever therapy she says is recommended. You are no longer in control of these decisions because I love you too much to let you harm yourself so I am taking control back. You can have more control back when things stabalise. It is hard but literally that is what we did.

I know it is hard. I know no two cases are the same. I feel for you. But don't let her run everything. She has an illness - she is depressed. She can't actually decide on how to treat herself because she is ill. You can help her. And in my dd's case she was actually a bit relieved to realise that we were actually in charge for the serious stuff - not her.

your dd sounds like mine - nothing overtly suicidal but low level harming and general misery. It is hard. I wish you the best.

felttippens Mon 24-Nov-14 00:18:15

I'm finding her complete refusal to engage in any help the hardest to deal with at the moment
Spoke to gp
Nothing they can do tonight unless she has taken an attempt on her life or is violent to other people in the house
Said in his experience it sounds like cry for help and not actual suicide intention
Said he will send report to gp and I can ring tomorrow and ask to be put in touch with the duty team

Canyouforgiveher Mon 24-Nov-14 00:04:15

treading I don't know if this will be helpful or not - hope it is

1. It is not your fault. It isn't. We have 3 children. We reared them all the same but dd just finds it very difficult to get through the teen years. If we had only her or if she was the first teen we would definitely think it is our fault. now we try to adjust to her needs but also understand that it is just the way she is (equally we now don't take much credit for the other 2 being ok either - luck of the draw)

2. You need to pull in all the help you can get. the school, CAMHS, etc. You need to push as much stuff to the school as possible (when dd was finding it hard to go to school at 13, I arranged for one teacher to be the person she went to every morning. That was enough to get her in the door.)

3. In contradiction to no. 2 above you need to realise that you are the only person who truly cares completely about your dd so go with your gut. This was an aha moment for me a few months ago. DD was having terrible times going to new school. therapist was helpful, psychiatrist was helpful, school was helpful but one morning I woke up and realised the only people who worried about dd 24/7 were dh and me. So we asked ourselves what we thought would help and did that.

4. you have more power and control than you think with a teen. My dd is obsessed with being in control but I can sometimes say to her you are not in control,I am because I love you and want you to be safe and happy so tell your control bit to shove off because this is how it is going to be. It is hard but it is possible. We did this about her meds actually and it was hard to get my head around but glad I did.

5. You will think you are alone. that all the other parents have great children who don't have problems. Don't believe that. There are a lot of parents out there dealing with exactly the same as you. I am. I wouldn't have believed it till I am in it. Maybe try to reach out through therapists etc to see if there is a support group for parents you can join.

My heart goes out to you. It is the hardest thing we have dealt with as parents. But we have friends who are older whose daughter went through similar and worse. She is a happy successful 34 year old now. My friends said to me recently that they felt sorry that she had to deal with so much but in retrospect felt they were the best people to guide her through it. I hope t be able to say that some day. Not sure I'm there yet - still a lot of guilt.

felttippens Sun 23-Nov-14 23:48:48

Waiting for a callback from 111

felttippens Sun 23-Nov-14 23:12:11

Ive texted her to say ill take her to hospital and she said fuck off

felttippens Sun 23-Nov-14 23:11:17

Every time I go in her room shes Getting totally agitated

MoJangled Sun 23-Nov-14 22:53:22

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any magic solutions but just wanted to offer a hand hold.

She's texting you, so she's communicating with you, even if talking face-face is too much for her to do just now, which is much better than not texting you.

The not wanting to be here - that sounds very alarming. Are you concerned she may do something now/soon? if so, I guess you have two choices (that I can think of): call 999; or go and sit in her room with
her, quietly with a book or laptop or something, saying that you're just going to be with her but there's no need to talk, just so that you're with her.

Really good luck. You sound like a wonderful mother doing everything you can. xx

Hassled Sun 23-Nov-14 22:50:25

I know that "go away" stuff is heart-breaking, but she knows you love her and she knows you're there for her. Please talk to someone in the morning - GP first, and see where you go from there.

felttippens Sun 23-Nov-14 22:45:06

I've just been into her after her Sending me texts saying she doesn't want to be here anymore and she just tells me to go away

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