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Please help just recieved worrying text from DD 14

(33 Posts)
treadingwater123 Wed 22-Jan-14 22:03:01

Recieved this text from my daughter after she said she needed to talk to me, I went into her room and could see she'd been crying but she just kept saying she didn't know how to tell me

I left her alone for a while and got this text
I wanna go to the doctors cos I think I have depression and anxiety and I cut sometimes and i can't like cope, I get so frustrated and upset an down and everything all the time idek

anthropology Sat 12-Apr-14 08:28:36

You sound like a lovely mum who is doing the right things and shes done the best thing by letting you know . If she showed the GP evidence she was suicidal, he needs to refer her urgently to camhs to assess the danger to herself - (rather than involve a friend ?) and she may well be more vulnerable for a while having shared her feelings . Try not to blame yourself(I know how hard that is) she may not understand why she feels as she does and its hard to reveal such dark thoughts to mum . I would ask Monday for an urgent referral, and phone the relevant department to push things. If she needs someone sooner, find someone qualified/ specialising in adolescents - privately run (but NHS used) adolescent units often have psychotherapists who see patients privately and have a lot of experience.

It may take some time to unravel and find the right support and things may get more difficult for a while, so try not to worry too much about schoolwork/friends etc if she isnt strong enough to cope. Try to assure her that many other teenagers struggle at this age, depression is an illness, and with the right treatment and support, she can be helped. best of luck to both of you.

anthropology Fri 28-Feb-14 09:11:38

just seen this thread and having been there, wonder if you had an urgent referral to camhs and found other support for her and you ?

Theoscargoesto Fri 31-Jan-14 09:59:14

Can I suggest that you ask your daughter to look at the ChildLine website, and to contact them? They are a brilliant resource. Sometimes it's hard for children to talk to us, but talking to someone is important. You are doing a great job of making sure she knows you will support her whatever happens. Take care.

Facebaffle Fri 24-Jan-14 18:27:22

l'm so glad your daughter has confided in you. You must be a great mum for her to feel that she can tell you what she has done.

I am also waiting for an appointment with CAMHs and have been since the start of December. Our circumstances are different to yours and I hope the self harming issue means you're not waiting as long.

I was given some advice from another mum prior to getting an appointment. She told us to write everything down about what our daughter has said or done (we're dealing with ocd). She said it was so easy to forget things when you eventually get an appointment and your notes will act as a prompt.

I don't know if I've missed it anywhere but have you informed your daughters school? They may have a student counsellor who can have a word with her and even if they don't then it's good to keep them in the loop.

Keep us updated. Good luck smile smile

Selks Fri 24-Jan-14 15:28:42

It's great to spend positive time together, that's always a good thing, but I'd try to present that as 'a good thing to do anyway' not specifically because of the situation right now. The main thing is to be mindful of your own feelings and anxiety about recent events. It's bound to be alarming and worrying, any parent would feel upset and worries if their child is unhappy and self harming, but it's important to find ways of managing how you feel and keeping a balanced approach to life with DD.
However, you're the real expert on you and your DD, not me, and it sounds like you've been doing a great job of supporting DD.

treadingwater123 Fri 24-Jan-14 13:55:41

Thankyou selks - I'm struggling with the life as normal bit, although she been happily getting up for school so that's good
I bought her her favourite sushi and drinks yesterday and have offered to take her to wagamam for lunch tomorrow (her fave ever place ) should I not be indulging her, I just want to make her feel little better x

Selks Fri 24-Jan-14 13:11:04

Treading, it depends...referral can normally be done quite quickly but in some areas there can be a wait to be seen by CAMHS as unfortunately they often have waiting lists. However, children who are self harming or suicidal are normally seen urgently for assessment.
I would suggest the following:
- Go back to GP and request CAMHS referral
- Once that is done CAMHS should be in touch to let you know what is happening / when she will be seen
- If you don't hear from CAMHS soon do phone them to ask what is going on. Also if DD deteriorates or you have worries they usually have a Duty person available that you can talk to
- While you are waiting for CAMHS to get in touch you can continue to access the GP for support or if you are concerned
- If the suicidal feelings increase to the point that you are concerned she may act on them, or if the self harm is more significant / life threatening (e.g. overdose) then go straight to your local A&E with DD.

In the meantime, you are doing all the right things with DD. Keep up the unconditional support, but if she can't put her feelings into words yet that is ok - the main thing is that she is able to tell you how she is feeling even if it is just 'ok' 'not good' 'terrible' etc.
You could suggest that she tries writing down how she feels, allow her to keep this private if she wants. Let her know that there is nothing she could say that would stop you loving her etc.
It's important to keep up normal life as well. Let her still have time to herself, see friends, do fun things etc. Keep up normal routines and boundaries etc. I know it's hard not to feel like you're treading on egg shells but young people in this situation need to feel supported (as your DD does) but that people are not panicking about what is happening. Let her know that many young people feel as she does, and it is a period in her life that she will come out the other end of a stronger person.

I'm a CAMHS practitioner by the way. Best wishes with it all.

Youvr both handled it brilliantly. Hope each day is better than the last one for you both x

treadingwater123 Fri 24-Jan-14 12:08:42

We're going to see him again on Monday

How long does camhs referral take ? I'm wondering if I could stretch to some private treatment while we wait x

Selks Fri 24-Jan-14 12:05:37

The doctor needs to refer your DD to CAMHS (child mental health services). Sounds like you should speak to the Dr again to make this happen.

treadingwater123 Fri 24-Jan-14 11:54:34

Went to doctors yesterday as predicted dd wouldn't open up I spoke for her as far as I understand the situation she was very upset and nodded to confirm she cuts and feels suicidal
A plan was made to go back on Monday with a friend of DDs that she has confided in to maybe help her to get it out
The doctor suggested writing it down which she did last night, I asked to see it and she said no but I've just found it in her bedroom and it makes for very upsetting reading sad

mummytime Thu 23-Jan-14 09:48:27

If she can't talk then tell the GP what you said here. What you are looking for is for him to refer her to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health), which in some areas is called TAHMS (I think, Teen and Adolescent Mental Health).
They are the specialists and in my experience are very "friendly". It could be there are other issues, but they should be able to spot those too.

Damnautocorrect Thu 23-Jan-14 09:33:06

If you can catch yesterday's this morning there was a piece on it there it was really good.
I'm sorry she's feeling this way

ThePost Thu 23-Jan-14 09:15:53

Sorry, posted too soon. I meant to say that I suffered (undiagnosed) my first depressive episode as a teen and it would have made such a difference if I had been able to reach out to my mum the way your DD feels she can with you. You're obviously doing a great job.

ThePost Thu 23-Jan-14 09:01:09

If she can't talk, can you show him the texts she's sent you (with her permission of course.) It may be the easiest way to communicate with people at the moment for her. Poor wee thing. I hope she gets the help she needs and starts to feel more like herself soon. thanks

treadingwater123 Thu 23-Jan-14 08:58:04

She got up for school as usual today which I'm thrilled about, ideas worried telling me last night would have resulted in her not wanting to get up and going as normal - I've made her an appointment for today at 5:20pm if she won't talk (which I'm predicting) do I just tell the GP what she's told me?
Thanks for the reassurances and input my brain keeps wandering into blame and negative mode but need to be positive that she has come to me x

twentyten Thu 23-Jan-14 07:33:30

Good luck today.Being there is so important-and she reached out to you.you are doing a good job.Good luck today.

FrontForward Thu 23-Jan-14 07:22:50

I found the teenage years so hard because of watching my DDs painful journey. My eldest went to CAMHS but didn't find them very useful. I paid for a counsellor for my other daughter and that was really really useful.

I too had that sense of failure because they needed this. So many of my friends daughters went through a similar patch. Divorce and a close friends suicide probably triggered the issues in our family but I think girls do have this teenage turmoil. Everyone told me to keep the faith that they would be ok...they are. I have two adult lovely daughters who I'm very close to.

treadingwater123 Wed 22-Jan-14 23:16:27

Thanks so much everyone -I'll let you all know how tomorrow goes
I'm tired and sad x

olympicvibes Wed 22-Jan-14 22:30:41

Oh so much going on in your family. So sorry to hear that. Yes it can all pile up so quickly and on top of pressures at school and with friends and hormones...she is learning about the world and very adult situations but she is still a young girl. Tough age to be isn't it? I hope that you are ok, you've obviously very strong the way you have got through the last 5 years.

olympicvibes Wed 22-Jan-14 22:25:10

Maybe now that she has said it she now feels very vulnerable for doing so, but there'll be all sorts of emotions I am sure. It could also be that she finds it impossible to talk anymore tonight. You've had a shock, but she has probably hidden her feelings very well. I know I did when I was her age. Hugs to you, she knows she can talk to you and that is gold dust and she reached out, really don't forget that x

treadingwater123 Wed 22-Jan-14 22:24:30

It seems maybe texts will have to do for now
I've just text to say I love her millions and I'm behind her 1000000000% and she said love you mam xxxx

She has always been super bright, gifted in some subjects is doing really well at school, but very shy - she has recently cut contact with her harmless but pretty useless biological dad (I've been with my husband since she was two and they have good relationship)
My dad has cancer and over christmas we were told he is now terminal and probably weeks left so she definitely has a lot going on in her head god love her x

SecretWitch Wed 22-Jan-14 22:18:24

Treadingwater, I also want to let you know my son is doing well now. He is on medication to help cope with the depression and has a good relationship with his therapist. Getting support for your lovely daughter is the first step. You are and will be her best advocate...

twentyten Wed 22-Jan-14 22:18:13

It's often the bright beautiful ones who suffer most- so much going on. Not your fault. Very very common sadly- but she is asking or your help. You will get through this

treadingwater123 Wed 22-Jan-14 22:17:04

Thank you she seems unable to talk to me directly about it and when I went in to give her a cuddle I seemed to irritate her and she wanted me to go away.i told her she can always talk to me x

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