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Please talk to me, 15 year old dd not eaten for 2 weeks

(14 Posts)
bootsycollins Sat 27-Apr-13 10:50:20

Took dd to the doctors on Thursday for the second time, dr has referred her to a local eating disorder clinic so I'm absolutely desperate for them to get in touch. I know there isn't going to be a quick fix for this but it's now been 2 weeks since she last ate and I'm terrified. She's weighing in at 7 1/2 stone with a BMI of 18.

I'll try to give as much info now as I can to avoid dripping, I'll have to be quick because I think I can hear her getting up.

In January this year I joined Slimming World because I genuinely need to loose 4/5 stone, dd was a big baby and had always been a sturdy robust child even though she enjoyed a healthy, balanced, varied diet and has always been very active. I never made an issue of her weight and reassured her (when she brought he subject up) that I had always been a sturdy child and that it was just puppy fat and that as she grew it would just disappear as it had with myself (I was slender until health problems and medication caused crash weight gain).

I didn't want to take her to the weight loss club as I didn't think that it was the right environment for her to be exposed to, however she wound lovely dh (her dad) round to her way of thinking and I took her with me. Felt very positive after first meeting but after 2 weeks of her loosing 4lb a week she stopped following the healthy eating plan and his has spiralled down into total starvation.

I've stopped taking her to the weight loss place in Feb because she's not following a healthy eating plan she's punishing herself by denying herself food. I've talked and talked to her about this, argued with her, took her to the doctors twice now and now were just waiting for the referral to the eating disorders clinic.

I'm going to ring NHS out of hours service later, I'm amazed that she hasn't collapsed yet. My priority for today is to persuade her to eat, even if it's just a little fruit, I know that her body won't be able to cope with anything more substantial.

At what point would she be admitted to hospital to go on a drip?

I'd really appreciate it if anybody could offer any practical advice, I. Going out of my mind here. Husband is very supportive but we're at a loss as what to do with her while waiting for his referral, I'm so scared.

notfluffy Sat 27-Apr-13 10:58:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saddayinspring2 Sat 27-Apr-13 11:02:12

Is she drinking?

notfluffy Sat 27-Apr-13 11:09:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bootsycollins Sat 27-Apr-13 11:39:13

She's drinking water but not excessively, I'll give the GP a ring now. Thanks.

Saddayinspring2 Sat 27-Apr-13 11:51:53

She needs bloods tests to check electrolyte levels if it is genuinely that long without all food... If she has had shakes yogurts etc then that is better/ less of an urgent issue.

bootsycollins Sat 27-Apr-13 11:52:04

I'm on hold with 111 now, just given details for triage list and waiting for telephone operator to get advice. She's going to get a nurse to call me back, hopefully should be within the hour.

Saddayinspring2 Sat 27-Apr-13 11:56:47

If no response need to retry as there have been problems with this system closing cases by accident before call back.

bootsycollins Sat 27-Apr-13 13:59:07

Nurse phoned me back within 2 minutes, dd came downstairs as I answered the call and I went upstairs to talk to the nurse in private, dd was unaware that I'd called 111 as she was still in bed.

As she's hydrated and not experiencing any breathing difficulties, chest pain, bleeding, various different sharp pains in various places etc the nurse suggested that if she hasn't eaten by Monday ringing GP.

She did spend a lot of time on the phone with me, she explained how difficult it is with her being 15 and being able to refuse treatment and sympathised with how difficult the situation is and that it's a positive step in the right direction that dd has agreed to a referral to the eating disorders clinic. Basically dd is hydrated and hasn't as yet collapsed/fainted so advised softly softly approach to ensure that she doesn't refuse to attend dr/ED clinic appointments.

Dd caught me out and knew that I was on the phone to someone about her, I admitted that I'd called 111 because it's now been 2 weeks since she last ate. I let her vent at me, she called me a sly, sneaky bitch etc i told her tough shit she's stuck with me and I won't just lie down and let it happen. Dh then joined discussion and I really think we made some progress with her.

And now a miracle has just happened, she's had a shower then asked me to make her something to eat. She'd felt faint in the shower and had to get out and lie on the floor and it scared her, I didn't jump for joy or make a massive deal. I went upstairs and gave her a hug, had a chat and went through a suitable menu and she's said that she'd like a bit of spaghetti with weight watchers sauce.

I'm absolutely ecstatic, just need to keep communicating with her on a daily basis about it. I know that she won't be able to eat much quantity wise and it might make her sick but I'm just so relieved that she's going to eat something of her own free will.

I'll update later, thank you so much lovely Mumsnetters xxxx

bootsycollins Sat 27-Apr-13 19:47:12

Just got home from shopping, had a fabulous breakthrough day with her. Spent an hour in Asda with her and she's chosen weight watchers bacon, weight watchers bagels, 2 cook in sauces from weight watchers, fat free cottage cheese. She's got awful tummy ache and I don't think she'll eat again today but I'm just so glad that she's eaten today, tomorrow's a new day.

I was looking at private care for eating disorders before I posted this morning, Rhodes Farm have an intensive day as well as in patient courses of treatment, left a message with them and somebody's going to get in touch with me with information on prices etc. I'm keen on the idea of an intensive days treatment in an attempt at pulling her back from this, it's a slippery slope, I don't want her to loose years of her life to this shit, it's so difficult.

tiger66 Tue 14-May-13 12:14:12

You sound like an amazing mum. Well done for everything u are doing for her. It sounds tough and having been there as an anorexic 15 year old, you sound great. Wish my mum had been as understanding.

bootsycollins Mon 20-May-13 11:53:31

Hey tiger just found your comment, thank you, it's really difficult but since the day I last posted things have been much better, she's managed to eat some fruit and an evening meal most days. I've had her referral to ED clinic but it's at CAHMS for now which is fine by me. She's still obsessively over exercising and calorie counting but I'm just so happy that things seem to be going in the right direction.

We had a lovely day out on Saturday and went to a lovely restaurant for lunch where she treated herself to a gourmet burger, chips and an ice cream sundae, miraculous!. She had a doctors appointment last week and she'd lost 1kg in 3 weeks despite eating every day so this illustrated the point that consuming food doesn't equate to weight gain.

Can be 1 step forward and 3 steps back and I hope that together we can work through this and put it to rest rather than face a lifetimes struggle.

Did you manage to put it behind you tiger?. I went through a bad 5 years but have escaped the clutches of starvation hell. Thought of the day, destroy it before it destroys you thanks

tiger66 Wed 22-May-13 22:02:39

Yes mainly but I still am very conscious of what I eat. Very rarely eat fatty or sugary foods. See eating as a way of having energy to do what I want to do. I don't have scales in my house and still exercise.

Maybe a way forward is working through healthy food and what it offers our body. Eg. Fish good for brain power and blueberries for immune boosting properties. I found that as soon as I could work out what food was offering my body it was easier to cope with.

My own experience was that after struggling with anorexia, I then went on to suffer from bouts of bullemia. I ate to please my parents then went and threw it up. I am not saying that will happen to your dd but may be something to watch out for especially if she is suddenly eating fatty food.

Hope things continue to improve for u xx

Nannyme1 Sun 30-Jun-13 03:28:14

It sounds like you are still going to seek out treatment even though she is eating which is great - don't let her talk you out of that!
If you think she is eating a lot and she is still loosing weight then watch out for the bathroom visit/shower/ walks straight after a meal.

BMI of 18 is low but only just underweight so probably wouldn't be tubed etc unless other health conditions like previous heart problems etc.

This can be a very sneaky disease but you sound like you are making all the right first steps. You say she is still counting calories are you counting to? I say this as you can choose foods to make it look like you are eating a lot (can fit in a lot of foods under 400cals a day) and if she is exercising (only need an hour a day to burn that amount off) then she is still is in affect not eating. So just be aware so you can tell doctors if she goes and says I'm eating three meals a day or eating loads of food just be aware yourself so you can tell them what is actually going in.

Good luck!!

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