Could my 17yo have Aspergers?

[thinksobutnotsure]

I'm becoming increasingly concerned with my 17yo DS. He's always been quite isolated socially, but this has become much more apparent as he gets older, with other elements of his manner/behaviour prompting me to wonder if he actually has Aspergers.

I don't know much about Aspergers, but have had a read around. The following definitely apply to DS:

• socially isolated
  
• seemingly no perception of other's personal space
  
• emotionally immature
  
• lacks empathy
  
• monotone voice
  
• quite clumsy. E.g. finally learned to use cutlery properly aged 12 or so
  
• extremely picky with food, long list of foods he won't eat
  

The thing that didn't ring true in the websites I looked at was a very strong interest in one particular subject. Tbh he has never had a strong interest in anything:(

I'm really worried, especially as I feel I shouldn't have let it get this far without doing anything. I guess I hoped it was just his age and that he'd grow out of it, but he doesn't seem to have developed at all in recent years.

Academically he does very well - A* student

I think I need to get this checked out now, but how on earth do I go about this with a 17yo?? I'm scared of mentioning it to him in case he thinks I'm saying theres something wrong with him.

Please help

[hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman]

People with Asperger's have difficulties with all three areas of the triad of impairment but like all people with autism they do not have to have all of the indicators. For example, lots of people will tell you that those with autism cannot make eye contact, that is not true. I have worked with children on the spectrum who cannot make eye contact and I have worked with kids who can make perfectly good eye contact but they still have autism.

Is he still at college or in education? If so you could ask them for advice. If not, your GP would be the first port of call but they might want to hear it from him rather than you.

[thinksobutnotsure]

He's still at school. Because he does well academically (it is a very academic school, not so strong pastorally), he's always assumed to be doing really well by the teachers. He doesn't cause any trouble and so as far as they're concerned he's fine.

That's the problem re. the GP - how do I get a 17yo to go to the doctors when he doesn't know/realise there might be a problem?

[hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman]

You could approach your GP first, without DS there to see if the GP thinks there is cause for concern the go from there? But I agree, ultimately if DS doesn't want to go you can't force him. My own son has Asperger's, he copes fairly well day-to-day but he is socially isolated so you have my sympathies.

[thinksobutnotsure]

Thanks, I'll make an appointment with the GP, can't do any harm I guess and see what he says.

Anyone else?

[DystopianReality]

My DD is 16 in March and was referred 16 months ago. One of the reasons we went to the GP was that she picked up the book 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightime'. She just read it and said 'I feel like he does', 'That is how I think'. You could do worse than leave that hanging around...

Ask him if he feels the same as everyone else, or does he feel different? That is the first thing my DD said to the consultant paed which she hadn't expressly said to us.

The diagnosis came as a real relief to her as I've heard often happens. They have spend many years (often secretely) recognising that they are not like 'others' but not knowing what it is that makes them different.

Our paed said Asperger's is a variant of the norm...There will almost certainly be someone in his class on the spectrum too.

Talk to him first, ask him some questions, go gently, see what evolves, broach the subject, see what his reaction is; keep it airy and normal, don't weight it unduly. Be prepared to wait over a year from referral (if that's what happens) to dignosis (it is a three pronged approach).

There is a lot of help out there and he may be very grateful to you in future years.

Good luck

[thinksobutnotsure]

Thanks Dystopian some really good ideas there about how I might get DS to talk

[secretscwirrels]

If he is happy and he doesn't see any problem what would the benefit be of giving him a label?

[thinksobutnotsure]

I don't think he is happy at all though. He is very emotionless and struggles to any task independently. At present he does everything with me because he has nothing whatsoever to do with his time outside of homework. He is due to go to university next year and I have no idea how he will cope.

[secretscwirrels]

Ok sorry I had misunderstood.

[DystopianReality]

Somtimes it's important to have a label. It can help enormously with the transition say. from secondary education to further education. Universities are falling over themselves often to get some of our children with Asperger's (they are often bright ++). There is always a system in place in universites to help teens (and others) with Asperger's and it is to their advantage that there is the 'label' or diagnosis. It can make all the difference to the situation and sometimes even whether they suceed or fail in their experience of living independently, self-directed learning, living with others, sharing, coping etc..

For us it has been a positive process. And 16 months ago DD was a depressed, unhappy ball of misery. She is so much better now, having had the diagnosis, some counselling at school organised by CAMHS, and almost most importantly, with our, mine and DH's awareness of it and our reading round the subject. It is as much an 'epiphiny' for us as it is for them.

[ToffeeWhirl]

You could try ringing the NAS helpline for advice. I have phoned them for help before and they have always been extremely helpful.

[thinksobutnotsure]

Thanks Toffee, I've never heard of that before

[ToffeeWhirl]

A friend of mine worked there and used to tell me how dedicated and well-informed the helpline team are. They certainly lived up to that image when I phoned them. I'm sure they could point you in the right direction and send you relevant information.