Extension to provide downstairs bedroom and shower room-HELP PLEASE!

[time4me]

Our son is 19,severely mentally and physically disabled and doubly incontinent-horrendous bowel problems,chronic diahhorea especially in the middle of the night.DH also has chronic physical and mental disabilities due to a brain tumour and resultant MRSA following surgery.
My physical and mental health are at a low ebb and I have been treated for depression on and off for years.Part of the reason is that we live in a tiny house with a tiny upstairs bathroom and toilet,and I have struggled with my son for so long with very little respite,plus my husband and a 17 year old dd who is lovely but 17!
I work fulltime and are always just below for the threshold for any financial support.
However now social services are going to send someone round tomorrow to see the feasiblity of a downstairs extension including bedroom and shower room.
My social worker has said they will just want to turn our backroom into a bedroom.
This will be a disaster because its the only room we use for study,eating and also sons wheelchair is stored there.But they will opt for the cheapest way of doing this. <br /> Any suggestions about what to say to get this extension without compromising my backroom which will only create more stress if taken up by my sons bedroom? Thanks so much.

[nightshade]

tell them exactly what you have said here. advise them that the extension is to improve the quality of life for the family, not make it worse.

use your local MP or disability action group for support throught the process.

[onlyjoking9329]

Hi sounds like you have a lot to deal with.
we have three kids with autism and were assessed for an extension but we didn't like there ideas and were not helpful so we didn't do it. my understanding of the DFG is that it is not means tested, but that might just be for children.
do you get much help from social services or macmillan nurses?
i also have a DH with a brain tumour GBM grade4

[time4me]

Hello nightshade and onlyjoking
First of all,onlyjoking, so sorry to hear about your DH,I hope he is making progress.My husband nearly died due to MRSA,which travelled up his spinal column and has left him with disabilites and also epilepsy.I am sorry to hear about your DH,and you sound very brave.
Advice sound good,I was going to pay for the extension myself and had paid for the plans etc when DH took ill and didnt work for 3 years,now he is able to do a few hours a week. <br /> The extension would make such a difference to us,but I really dont want to lose the back room.Thanks for replying ,both of you x

[ManxMum]

Give them your original plans and say 'that's what will suit us best'

But, don't hold your breath on the time scale. It could take ages to do. Sorry to say that.

Good Luck!!

[onlyjoking9329]

Thanks, Steve my DH won't ever get better
we ended up putting a conservatory and downstairs utility & toilet in ourselves, we badly needed a downstairs loo as DS was struggling with toilet training and i was battling to get him upstairs to the loo as i have dodgy back.
i have mates who have had work paid for and done no problem, one mate had a through the floorlift and double extension.

[time4me]

onlyjoking,my heart really goes out to you,I am so very sorry.
The bloke came round and it went much better than I dreamt of,he was very practical and didn`t even suggest we use our backroom,which is what I feared.
Thank you for the messages,you get so used to everything going in a downward spiral that it comes as a shock when it starts going the right way.I am cautiously thrilled to bits!

[onlyjoking9329]

great news grinning for you.

[time4me]

Thanks onlyjoking,by the way you have a beautiful family and are lovely yourself.
I did meet a gentleman with a malignant brain tumour while my husband was been treated.I am not sure of the grade etc.
He had been treated for 6 years with chemotherapy etc only conservatively.
In between he had enjoyed good health and been able to go on holiday abroad and even do roofing work.He had two children under 10.
His beautiful,positive wife gave me a lot of strength and encouragement.I hope things turn out much better for your husband than the doctors have predicted.