I'm so worried about dad who nit coping as a carer....

(3 Posts)
Dickorydockwhatthe Sat 21-May-16 16:03:29

I know this may not be the best place but I'm hoping it will be seen as desperately need advice referring this situation. My Dad is in his 70's and is a carer to my step mum who is older with lots of health problems which are unlikely to get better. They live in a one ground floor council flat which has resulted in him living in the bedroom and step mum in the front room. Things have taken a nasty turn in the fact my step mum is becoming abusive, nasty and aggressive towards my dad probably due to frustration and pain but she has always been of an emotional nature and can be manipulative at times any how so things have magnified. Nothing my Dad does is good enough and she seems to paint a awful picture of him to anyone who listens which is all lies. My dad feels very vulnerable and trapped as I don't think he is coping with the emotional strain she seems to put upon him and the fact she is acting irrational. The other day she called the police because my dad banged a door and she couldn't sleep turned out she has a water infection so maybe that's why.He is doing the shopping, cleaning etc which to be honest gives him an excuse and a reason to go out but he really isn't coping I can see it in his face but he is too scared to admit it because of what others might say or because she may have to into a home and she will never speak to him. Her family are useless and have their own problems and she doesn't seem to burden them with anything but if they do one thing they are angels whereas my dad is a bastard. I fear for his health and wellbeing and I don't know what to do. He told me today he was thinking of ringing the nurses to say he has to goongaway for a few days and booking a cheap b&b because he can't deal with crying, the anger and abuse. Please help me?? The thing is I have no spare room for him to stay if I did he could stay with me but I don't want my 70 old father sleeping on the couch. Sorry I've posted in chat too this is all new ground for me so trying to seek advice.

Kwirrell Sat 21-May-16 20:57:46

I would contact his local authority Elderly persons unit. Tell them you are concerned about a vulnerable adult. I have found them very sympathetic.

If you tell them what you have posted here, they will do an assessment. This will take some of the burden and responsibility away from your dad. They possibly might be able to arrange respite care for your step mum to give your dad some breathing space. He really does have to be firm and tell them that he is not coping. Horrible situation, but he should not have to carry on alone.

Iflyaway Sat 21-May-16 21:07:04

I can only reiterate what Kwirrell has said.

Horrible to be caught up in this - been through my parents with this all. While a single mum...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now