Just want someone who has been there/is still there...

[stephanielittl7]

Hi first time posting on here didnt know it existed! Am currently caring for 3 people on my own with little support. Am caring for DS with SN, DM with terminal cancer, DGrandma cant walk very far due to severe arthritis. Am doing this alone no other family around they have pissed off and dont answer phone. really want to know what help is available and what you all did to help you cope with all the things you have to do (only bit of support i get is for my DS) i dont get any help with anyone else. What if anything is available? TIA

[Velvetbee]

hi Stephanie,
Have you looked into getting Attendance Allowance for your DM?
I wonder if she has any input from Macmillan. They might have a social worker who could point you in the direction of practical/emotional and financial help.
Sorry, you're having a hard time. It must feel as though you're drowning some days.

[stephanielittl7]

Hi Velvetbee thanks for replying. Did not know DM could get attendance allowance will look into that. Also will call Macmillan too yes somedays i do feel like im drowning am finding life very difficult atm. [busad]

[whataboutbob]

Just found this and wanted to send my support. You should also be assessed for carers allowance if you are doing more than a certain amount of caring hours per week. This is too much for one person so if and when your relatives, maybe you can let them know in no uncertain terms you are not here to do everything and a crisis is in the pipeline. Then tell them what help you'd like them to give eg sit in with mum one night a week, whatever will make it easier for you. Also, consider going to see your GP and outlining how this situation is affecting you. They may have some suggestions and at least you'll be doing something for you.
My Dad has Alzheimers, and on the Alzheimers Society website those relatives who do bugger and leave it all to one designated family member are nicknamed "the invisibles".

[whataboutbob]

oops that should of course have read "who do bugger all".

[stephanielittl7]

Hi Whataboutbob thanks for replying. Unfortunatley i already get carers allowance for DS and you can only get it for one person . when DM was ill with cancer 1st time db said hed help but never did and it was left to me then . Now shes ill again hes invisible Wish i could contact him but he wont answer phone I have to do it all cos theres no'one else to do it. I expect the invisibles will turn up at the funeral eventually. And again thanks for replying its nice to know im not the only one who is going through this

[whataboutbob]

Sorry about your brother. Mine has mental illness so is another worry to add to my list. Re Attendance Allowance, ring the no 0800 88 22 00 on Monday. They'll send you a form and the claim will be backdated to the day you rang. I got it for Dad. The GP will probably be contacted to write their bit. As Dad's GP is sympathetic I think he wrote a good supporting spiel and that helped. There's 2 bands lowest is £55 per week, highest I think £74. It will be paid into your mum's account and is to help with any aspect of her care. Eg you could use it to get a carer to sit in with her every week/ do her cleaning etc.

[stephanielittl7]

Thanks whataboutbob will ring them tomorrow Really need the help atm and am grateful for every bit my family gets xx

[chocaholic73]

You are entitled to a carer's assessment from your local authority. I am waiting for one of these at the moment. Do you have a local carers' support group in your area? They may be able to advise you.

[stephanielittl7]

Hi Chocaholic i had one of those for my son when he reached adulthood and his respite was changing. Will ask about one for my Mum tho thanks for advice As for local groups i dont think there is one in my area but will find out. And thanks again to everyone who has replied to my post its nice to know that im not the only one.