how do you have sex on a camping holiday if you go with children?

(60 Posts)
Fairylea Fri 19-Apr-13 09:16:05

Well.. exactly that really!

Dh and I have two children..dd aged 10 and ds who would be year old in the summer.

We like the idea of camping for a week somewhere but what do families do about having sex ? Surely you can't in a family tent... ? Dd would hear us...! So do you just not have sex ?

I know this sounds ridiculous but it's putting me and dh off camping and I wondered what others do.. thanks.

UC Fri 19-Apr-13 09:18:38

Quietly!!! Or you do other things that don't involve so much moving. It can make things interesting!

You tire them out aaaaaall day so they sleep really really deeply ;)

Or get creative...

Or make it into tantric tent sex.... i.e. its too naughty to have it.... well... anyway...

Sounds fun... I;d worry more about the hard beds

DizzyPurple Fri 19-Apr-13 09:21:32

I agree, quietly! Besides if you are noisy half the campsite will hear not just your dc! I do love camping though.

DeepRedBetty Fri 19-Apr-13 09:22:32


Apart from anything else, sound carries a loooong way on a campsite.

MegBusset Fri 19-Apr-13 09:22:50

You don't! I love camping but not conducive to sex at all imo!

TheRealFellatio Fri 19-Apr-13 09:25:00

Blimey - can you not contemplate just going without for the week? hmm

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 19-Apr-13 09:25:09

Wouldn't it just be too stressful? You're lying there next to your sleeping children, in a field, with a thin bit of canvass separating you from however many people are out there in that field?

I can't imagine that's going to lead to much desire, tbh! grin

It's only a week.

I'd say get someone to have the kids the day before and go at it till your legs shake, wink then just enjoy your family holiday and look forward to falling into bed when you get home.

YoniMatopoeia Fri 19-Apr-13 09:26:05


Trillz Fri 19-Apr-13 09:27:33

Sex on a camping holiday is not very nice even without children.

Iamcountingto3 Fri 19-Apr-13 09:30:50

As others have said, quietly. We do have a big tent too so the kids are on the other side of the central pod, not just on the other side of the canvas - think that would feel wierd.

HolidayArmadillo Fri 19-Apr-13 09:32:45

My DS was conceived in a tent. blush

seeker Fri 19-Apr-13 09:33:22

OP sounds like a stealth boast to me!

Startail Fri 19-Apr-13 09:34:03

I had sex enough in an air mattress as a student, to know that trying to do it quietly is impossible. In a tent with my 12y DD listening? No way.

DD1(15) wouldn't worry in the least, but DD2 would be VVVblush

Fairylea Fri 19-Apr-13 09:39:31

Thanks everyone smile ... not a stealth boast at all! We are like every other couple and go through droughts and peaks like everyone else... in fact it's only recently my sex drive has come back since nearly bleeding to death in c section with ds andthen being extremely ill for a while... so I guess we are enjoying getting back to some sort of normality for us and we started exploring holiday ideas etc etc!

Thanks for your replies. We aren't noisy sexers (!) But dd is at the age she would die of embarrassment if she so much as suspected a squeaking mattress so just curious about others experiences really. smile

RedPencils Fri 19-Apr-13 09:39:49

Everyone around you will be able to hear you. Its a complete passion killer.
its only a week.

Fairylea Fri 19-Apr-13 09:43:07

See the only time I've ever been camping was aged 11 with my dad on our own.... so I have no experience of camp sites as an adult! I do remember hearing my dad farting in bed in the canvas room next to me and trying not to giggle.... !

Trillz Fri 19-Apr-13 10:03:23

I agree with seeker - oh we can't possibly have no sex for a few days is a good stealth boast grin

MooMooSkit Fri 19-Apr-13 10:06:43

I think I have a high sex drive but I think I'd rather go without for a week than to risk other people/kids hearing me shag! Too embarassing!

GirlOutNumbered Fri 19-Apr-13 10:07:59

You don't go a week without sex AND you have kids!

If you really cant wait, why not jut try quietly or use your own imagination.

TSSDNCOP Fri 19-Apr-13 10:09:42

Yet another excellent reason to not go camping. Ever.

This is why hotels with adjoining doors were invented. Bless them grin

WallyBantersYoniBox Fri 19-Apr-13 10:15:01

As well as quietly, I would recommend "in the dark".

I know that sounds like it's stating the obvious, but fellow campers do forget that the Gaz lamp or torch tends to illuminate the entire tent!

I have seen some very interesting shadow theatre displays on my way back from the toilet block! shock

CajaDeLaMemoria Fri 19-Apr-13 10:17:28

I've been camping five times with 'parents' (other people's, not mine).

On three of the occasions, the parents had sex. We all knew it. It's not just the sex noises, it's the way the rent moves, the smell...

A few years later, one of the parents told us that when you have kids, you have to be sly. She seemed so proud until one of the more outspoken people said we had all known.

Don't do it!! Or go outside or something. Getting arrested would be less scarring for your children :p

YoniMatopoeia Fri 19-Apr-13 10:24:23

wally I was just coming back to add with the lights off

I too have seen some interesting 'shows' late night, the sillouette created by any light source is most revealing.

gerbilsarefun Fri 19-Apr-13 10:39:28

Have a look at this, it may help. Not tried it myself though smile

WallyBantersYoniBox Fri 19-Apr-13 10:43:10

Oh god "Ruth got Vangoed"!!!! That's enough to put me off for life.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 19-Apr-13 11:35:02

yes, even if you think you're silent - you are not! breathing changes, little noises that you are not aware of. Sound of movement.

slapping and squelching wink

There is no such thing as silent sex. There is only ever 'you not being aware of the noise you are making' sex!

And your poor kids will be in bed like this

or all of a sudden, from the darkness, will come a tiny voice "what are you doing, mummy?"...

Quenelle Fri 19-Apr-13 12:24:12

"Ruth got Vangoed" Yuck!

I remember on a trip years ago there was a couple in a very small bivouac at it one morning. They were blissfully oblivious to the fact that everyone on the campsite could see the whole tent sort of writhing and humping. It was quite a sight.

troutsprout Fri 19-Apr-13 13:10:17

Eeewww @ " Ruth got vangoed" need the 'Pop and go' knickers!

Lottapianos Fri 19-Apr-13 13:18:55

My best mate went on a caravan holiday for a few days with her parents when she was 18 (no idea why!). She went to bed early one night and her dad told her he hoped she would sleep really well (ewwww!) She didn't think anything of it but half an hour later she could hear them at it in the next room/compartment/whatever. She said the walls were so thin, she could hear them kissing! shock As well as everything else (vomit)

She has never quite forgiven them for not being able to restrain themselves for a few flipping days. So don't do it to your children OP - you will scar them for life!

grin at I'mTooHecsy's picture

Listmaker Fri 19-Apr-13 13:20:11

I agree that it's really not possible once your dcs are over a certain age. My DH used to go on lots of camping trips with his ex and I think had plenty of sex but I am not a camping fan and would do a weekend max for lots of reasons but one is no chance of sex and I like to have sex on holiday with my DH!!

My DDs are teenagers and they (and I) would die if they realised what was going on. It's impossible to be quiet enough. It's so quiet at night in a field!

Also it's too bloody cold! I am wrapped up in about 10 layers by the time I go to bed. There is no way I'm taking anything off for sex!

TSSDNCOP Fri 19-Apr-13 13:24:08

Oh dear God, was that a link to Camping By Netmums with all the flashing emoticons.

Your tent, your rules hun.

TunipTheVegedude Fri 19-Apr-13 13:31:45

I read once that one of the effects of sexual arousal is that your hearing gets worse (because of bloodflow being diverted to other areas). Thus any noises you are making will sound noisier than you think.

Do you remember the original Iron Age Village project, in the 70s? There was one interview where they asked the couples (who were all living together in a big roundhouse, Iron Age style) what they did about sex and the answer was that they just had to accept there was visual privacy but no auditory privacy.
They were there for a year so I suppose they just had to get on with it.

Meringue33 Fri 19-Apr-13 13:34:32

When I was 15 and my sister 11 we went on a long camper van hol with parents. A few years later in my sex obsessed twenties I was thinking about it and asked my mum why they would want to go on such a long hol without sex... Her response: "What makes you think we didn't have sex??" Mortified. We didn't hear it though smile

Earthymama Fri 19-Apr-13 14:09:50

This story is one of my classics,
We went camping in Glastonbury, (town not festival) and arrived around mid-day. Huge field empty, chose our spot, then decided to have a nap (not a euphemism!)
We were roused from sleep to find a party of about 20 people setting up camp nearly on top of us blush They had put the windbreak so close to our door we had to slide out sideways, I kid you not! They partied all night with the exception of the teen in bed right next to us who called her every friend and acquaintance back home in Birmingham to complain vociferously about being forced to go on holiday!

The next morning a friend helped DP and I to take out the tent pegs, pick up the tent and move it to the other side of the site.

As we sat having tea in the evening a Maestro pulled up next to us and out came an elderly couple. They got out a double air bed and bedding and nothing else and disappeared inside.

Soon the unmistakeable sounds of passion were heard and we grinned as we went off to have a shower and change for supper in town. Still going strong as we got back, cue knowing nods from fellow campers.

When we got back at midnight still at it, very loudly! Still at it when we fell into dose around 2am ish. There was a plaintive cry at some point of, 'Can I stop now?" Answered by, "But darling it is SO lovely" and on it goes.

Blessed silence greeted the dawn, then the dawn chorus broke as the mists cleared over the Levels. Our couple too were early risers because away they went again!

About 8.30 they emerged, deflated the air bed, put down the rather large frame tent and back into the Maestro they went!

We were exhausted, 2nights with no sleep hmm

We went out that evening but home and tucked up by 11pm.
At 1am a young couple started screaming and shouting. Then car doors slam and the car zooms off! Cue shouting and yelling by young man who says she has got all his clothes. I peep out and yes it is true! Goes on, he gets wilder, the. police come to calm him down and return him to the tent. All quiet until about 4 am when he is heard wandering around muttering about knives, holding a conversation with an invisible person generally scaring the doodah out of us. A brave soul, (who later discloses she is psychiatric nurse) comes out and calms him down until the police return and take him off!

I have never been as tired after a holiday; we got in the house mid-afternoon, fell into bed and didn't wake until the next day grin

This was one of our first visits to Glastonbury; now I go in search of sanctuary and healing and find it, though when I remember this camping trip I do wonder why we went back!

EssieW Fri 19-Apr-13 14:20:34

Twnts aren't soundproof!

I wouldn't so much be worrying about the children hearing you as the rest of the campsite. Though we'd probably applaud.

Maybe wild camp? Middle of nowhere.

seeker Fri 19-Apr-13 14:40:33

Twnts? That's a double entrendre waiting to happen!

HeirToTheIronThrone Fri 19-Apr-13 14:49:32

I lost my virginity in a tent... [confession face]

MrsHoarder Fri 19-Apr-13 15:08:46

Wally shock

As for OP, sex in a tent is usually unsuccessful. Save your energy for nice wholesome activities like walking to the pub

Yonihadtoask Fri 19-Apr-13 15:18:38

We don't have a tent, but do have a caravan. That's bad enough.

Don't even like to have the sex at home when the kids are in. (teen boys...)

MrsMc82 Fri 19-Apr-13 17:43:23

Wait for the rain! Drowns out any noise!

Fairylea Fri 19-Apr-13 17:46:24


<giggling childishly at naughty stories>

I can't decide if I'm put off camping or viewing this as some sort of challenge! Hmmmm !!

SirChenjin Fri 19-Apr-13 17:50:15

Don't do it! Dear god, my older 2 (15 and 13) would be scarred for life if DH and I went at it, although the 6 year old might not realise what was going on. It's only for a week - who on earth feels horny enough to have sex in a tent surrounded by strangers with their kids in the next sleeping compartment fgs??! No thanks!!

AuntieStella Fri 19-Apr-13 17:54:23

I remember the Iron Age programme - their one permitted modern item was contraceptive supplies.

And I can remember being at a major Scout Jamboree when in my teens and two of the young leaders sloping off to a tent for a 'siesta'. And yes, we could tell what they were up to.

austenozzy Fri 19-Apr-13 18:06:41

I think you're missing the obvious answer - you book into a hotel! Camping is for scouts and brownies, in my curmudgeonly opinion. :-)

Sunnywithshowers Fri 19-Apr-13 18:10:43

My DSis was traumatised as a teen when she went with our parents on a caravan holiday. She distinctly remembers the words 'You ready then gel?' and couldn't shut out the other noises... <boak>

Pancakeflipper Fri 19-Apr-13 18:12:44

Twnts .... Giggles immaturely.

Go to your car when kids are sleeping or find a big bush.

Fairylea Fri 19-Apr-13 18:14:38

Well I think we might go for a caravan again... we stayed in one at haven and it had a separate door to the lounge area and the kids were up the other end of the van with their doors shut after bedtime so we just sort of barricaded the lounge door shut and used the sofa.... ! And err hoped we didn't have dd knock on the door wanting a drink in the night or something... thankfully all was ok and we were very quiet and she didn't wake up.

It sounds like campsites are much less private than I imagined! I don't know if I'd like that anyway regardless of the sex... but there's still camping gene in me.somewhere. I might persuade dh to try it for a long no sex weekend smile

I might sound a bit sex mad, I'm honestly not... just don't want to go on holiday and not have sex! smile to me having sex is part (a small part but still an enjoyable one!) Of having a holiday smile

thebeastandbeauty Fri 19-Apr-13 18:15:43

Haha, this reminds me of going to Glastonbury when I was about 16.

A couple pitched their tent next to ours, then proceeded to go in it and shag very obviously.

It was a bell tent and the guys arse was thrusting back and forth against the side. A little butt-shaped dent kept appearing.


wonderingagain Fri 19-Apr-13 18:17:33

Lol at that link! Getting Vangoed and Montyed!

wonderingagain Fri 19-Apr-13 18:19:13

There is certainly an afternoon nap ritual that I hadn't viewed suspiciously until now.

EssieW Fri 19-Apr-13 18:28:22

Yes I did notice my typo of twnts for tents...but thought I'd leave it for you all to enjoy...

wonderingagain Fri 19-Apr-13 18:30:38

Camping is so cheap you can afford a night in a hotel if you're desperate.

LadyDamerel Fri 19-Apr-13 18:34:12

Urgh, this has reminded me of a camping holiday with friends when we were students.

5 tents in a circle, 4 of them occupied by long-term-relationship couples and the last one by a couple who hadn't been together that long and were still in that phase where they liked to have A LOT of sex.

The first night we all sloped off to bed at about 1am and spent the next two hours listening to every kiss, suck (it didn't take much imagination to guess exactly what was being sucked, from the accompanying moans ::heave:smile, squelch and wet slapping noise.

It was horrific. You could hear absolutely everything.

TicTacSir Fri 19-Apr-13 18:34:35

Do not, repeat not, have a little lamp on in the tent for romantic ambience.
One wet, miserable summer in Cornwall DH and I were treated to a lovely enlarged silhouette sex-romp by the couple in the tent next door. imagine 8-ft tall shadows

SignoraStronza Fri 19-Apr-13 18:34:53

Treat it as a challenge. wink
We made sure we had a big tent with opposite bedroom areas. Go camping at heavy metal festivals. Wear the dcs out with beer cup collection (for the deposit) and air guitar lessons from obliging friends.
By the time motorhead started playing, dc (5) was fast asleep (with ear defenders on) and slept all night like a baby.
Popping back for beer/suncream etc and leaving dc in the capable hands of friends is also a trick worth mastering.grin

sassytheFIRST Fri 19-Apr-13 18:42:28

RAIN is your friend here.

chipmonkey Fri 19-Apr-13 18:47:51

I lost my virginity in a tent as well!smile I knew there was a reason why I liked camping!

Oh and twnts is just Welsh for tents, isn't it?

Ledkr Fri 19-Apr-13 18:48:49

We go for three to four weeks in the summer in our camper van.
We just don't do it! We like to think of ourselves as gloucestershires equivalent to sting and trudy styler and have tantric abstinence which preceeds weeks of non stop shagging when we get back grin
I never much fancy it anyway tbh I've usually had to much to drink and an really knackered from the days activities.
Nice break really.

nappyaddict Wed 24-Apr-13 10:10:42

Those that do have sex on camping holidays and take DC with you how old are your DC? At what age do you stop?

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