Intervening when other mother isn't paying attention

(13 Posts)
Fleaflea87 Fri 04-Nov-16 14:23:42

Hi sorry I'm completely new to this site but needed a bit of advice smile
I my son is in reception(4 years old) and in the play ground after school another boy (7 years) shoved him very hard and he fell backwards. The other boy then stood over him while my son cried. I called over to my son and asked if he was OK he replied that the older boy had pushed him, the older boy turned and told me my son had tripped so I said come on I saw what happened your much bigger then (my son) he's only little it's not kind to push you need to be a but more gentle, can you please move a bit so he can get up. Now I didn't raise my voice or even talk sternly (I'm very quiet and hate anyone shouting at children I prefer to discuss and give them a chance to resolve things)
Anyway I thought that was the end of it .... I thought wrong the mother of the older boy came over nearly ten minutes later and got right in my face accusing me of shouting at her son hmm and that her sons best friend saw my son 'trip' as well (who ever heard of tripping backwards while running forwards? Lol) he never lies and that hes not that sort of boy. I explained what i had saw happen but she kept getting more and more in my face repeating that I should have come to her and not said anything to her son. Bare in mind I don't even know his name let alone who his mother was. I told her that had she been watching her son she would have seen it herself. Again she kept repeating herself getting more and more aggressive it wasn't until the teacher came over that she walked away.
I was very shaken up by this I didn't realise mothers bullied other mothers in the playground. To top it off she tried to make a complaint against me for yelling at her son thankfully I had witnesses but how am I meant to handle this? I'm quite anxious/nervous in general as it is from years in a abusive relationship and now I'm panicking about going to pick the kiddies up, was I in the wrong for saying something to him? Any advice is welcome x x x

neolara Fri 04-Nov-16 14:27:22

Other mum sounds deranged.. You behaved completely appropriately. Don't sweat it. Anyone who saw will think she's bonkers. In fact, she's probably behaved like that before and has a reputation for doing so.

JuddNelsoninTheBreakfastClub Fri 04-Nov-16 14:35:41

The mother sounds like a bully and the son is learning the behaviour from her by the sounds of it. I would maybe speak to a senior teacher about it, explain the situation and that there were witnesses. I'm sure this mother will have have behaved like this before, the school may already know about her. Then if anything happens again they know there is history. When there were issues with my DS with bous in his class I never spoke to the parents, always the teachers. I know it's very hard but try not to let her intimidate you, get other mums as back up flowers

JuddNelsoninTheBreakfastClub Fri 04-Nov-16 14:36:24

*with boys in his class

Fleaflea87 Fri 04-Nov-16 14:37:26

Thank you neolara i know I sound a little sensitive but I was just so shocked by her behaviour x x

Fleaflea87 Fri 04-Nov-16 14:40:09

Thank you JuddNelsoninTheBreakfastClub I've spoken to the head who has had words but I just find it so hard as it is to go out this has made it so much worse. X

DixieWishbone Fri 04-Nov-16 14:42:16

You were absolutely right in saying something to him and it sounded like you said the right things. What were you supposed to do? Stand there while your four year old lay on the ground unable to get up, with a boy who probably outweighed him by 25% standing over him and intimidating him? Of course not.

From the behavior of the woman and her DS you can tell the fruit didn't fall far from the tree. There is no point arguing with someone like that. All you can do is sit there thinking about icy winds blowing across the arctic tundra while wolves pull apart a deer in the foreground (the woman being represented by the deer). It gives a kind of crazed mercenary look to your eyes. When she has run herself down or you need to leave say 'Thank you for your input' and walk off.

If you see her again and she gives you the evils give her the deer ripping look and ask 'Can I help you?' while walking past.

DixieWishbone Fri 04-Nov-16 14:45:49

As and add on to my previous post: Don't practice the deer ripping look in the supermarket. I tried that and caused some woman to go 'Ooh sorry' and scurry straight out of the bleach aisle.

JuddNelsoninTheBreakfastClub Fri 04-Nov-16 16:49:51

Dixie grin. Flea I'm not good with confrontation either, I would have been really shocked too, you didn't do anything wrong, you were protecting your child. Unfortunately there are bullies everywhere life and I'm trying hard how to deal with them too. It's good the head knows, I'm sure there will have been issues before. Don't let the b******ds get you down as someone once said to me although easier said than done flowers

Fleaflea87 Fri 04-Nov-16 18:05:06

Thank you all so much smile I'd like to say I was brave but I went and collected my two early shaking like a leaf. It's so frustrating I hate feeling intimidated on the plus side I did see her as I drove away she took her wing mirror off her shiney BMW in the lanes grin karma getting her I guess. Hope you all have a lovely weekend x x

JuddNelsoninTheBreakfastClub Fri 04-Nov-16 20:47:34

Lol good karma is working! Stay strong smile

DixieWishbone Mon 07-Nov-16 11:58:02

Looking on the bright side, although to you it was a hideous and stressful confrontation, to her it was probably just Friday morning and was the 10th row she got into last week. She probably has trouble keeping straight exactly who she has and hasn't ripped a strip off. Now her wing mirror has come off she has completely forgotten all about you having transferred her anger to whoever owns the tree or bush that damaged the mirror.

I don't like confrontation either, which is why I perfected the deer ripping look. You don't have to do or say anything, just focus on being like an indifferent rock to the waves of aggression. I used it on a shouty manager at work. He was disconcerted.

JuddNelsoninTheBreakfastClub Mon 07-Nov-16 17:44:03

I need to practice that look Dixie!

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