There is a girl in dd's (9yrs), class who has been nothing but trouble since she joined 3 years ago. Nearly all of the others girls mums have mentioned trouble of some sort with the same girl. She goes through periods of being very mean and hurtful to dd. Trouble is, she seems to have some sort of charisma/hold (for a lack of a better word) that none of the other girls except dd has the ability/courage to say no to her. Even dd sometimes seems captivated by her. I try to encourage her to stay away from her and to play with other girls, explaining what real friendships should be like, which seems to work for a while, but only after she has been badly hurt. Until now I always played it down thinking it's all a part on growing up and learning how to handle relationships. However, when I picked her up today she was in tears over what this girl had said, which was..".....the perfect punishment for (dd) would be if her mum died, her dad went to prison she went to an orphanage and was never be allowed to see her baby sister again..." I felt so angry that a 9yrs could be so calculating mean without provocation. Am I making a big deal out of nothing or should I speak to dd's teacher?
Tricky one. From what you say, your daughter is not being bullied regularly by this girl, but is (along with other class mates) occasionally on the receiving end of an abusive outburst...which is upsetting for anyone. The yardstick for major action should be is your daughter being damaged? From what you have said, it would seem that the 'charismatic' girl is lashing out and this is a sign of an unhappy, perhaps abusive relationship(s) at home. Your daughter may not be being damaged but if this goes on, then the risk increases. Your primary concern should be for your daughter and I would suggest raising this issue fairly vigorously with the school asap. The outcome will hopefully improve things for your daughter and may lead to some one taking an interest in the disturbed girl which may otherwise pass under the radar.