Low level bullying - how to address

[Fr0ggy]

DS (7) was being bullied last term by some of the boys in his class. I spoke to his teacher who adressed the boys concerned. DS was then allowed to play but the game was throw the ball in DS face. I went back & spoke to the teacher & the boys involved were spoken to and missed a play time. I had hoped this (& the Christmas break) would put an end to it. I was wrong. It has started again.

When I spoke to the teacher about it before, she said that DS had been withdrawn in class for a number of weeks and had thought it might be down to a medication change. DS is ADHD but his meds haven't been changed since September so I think the being withdrawn was down to the bullying.

DS was really looking forward to going back after Christmas as he loves school but told me last night that he was sad with himself as he had tried to kick another child. When asked, DS said that the boys would only let DS play if he was 'on' all the time and kept changing the rules to make him lose. There were a few other things, ehich while all low level, add up together. DS said he chased boy A (who appears to be the ring leader) when to try and kick him as he was upset. DS recognises that he shouldn't have tried to kick boy A - that's what started the converation as DS doesnt usually talk about school other than 'fine' when asked.

I had a good chat with DS and it seems that child A has been trying to belittle DS and exclude him (although only when others are around) to the point where DS has said he wants to stay in every play time & read a book rather than go out and play.

I know it doesnt seem much but it is really starting to affect DS - he has started having accidents at night since returning to school.

I've asked DS's teacher to call me. What can I expect from the school interms of support & dealing with this seeing as 'talking' to the boys involved hasn't worked?

[Fr0ggy]

Thanks Lux. Sorry to hear your DD is going through such a bad time.

I spoke to DS's teacher about it. She seems to think it is not as bad as it seems and that DS is being too emotional due to his ADHD. She says DS has a lovely friendship group but that in any group of boys you get days where one fels left out etc. To be honest, it felt a bit like victim blaming. The plan is to speak to the boys involved again & monitor. She has also said she will ask for DS to attend a couple of ELSA sessions (emotional literacy).

DS is quite sensitive and emotional at the moment. I know that ADHD kids can be more emotional as they struggle sometimes with social situations and frustration buthis low self esteem can also be caused by being bullied.

I'm keeping a close eye on it - the last 2 days seem to have been ok. I've got a follow up meeting with the teacher in 2 weeks before DS's ADHD appointment so we'll see how we go.

I know the child i think is the ringleader is going away in a few weeks on holiday so it will be interesting to see how the dynamics of the group work then.

If anything else happens I will be writing to the school and quoting their bullying policy.

Fingers crossed this can be nipped in the bud quickly!

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Can I add the anti bullying policy will be basic ... You need the behaviour policy and complaints policy ( this is more bout parental expectations than complaints and worth a read weather you put in a complaint or not)

You should have a list of expectations - or can they involve a play leader to help with games? Can teacher help with rules so it's fair? Are they teaching play ground games? Can others ;bystanders) be encouraged to speak up about unfair treatment?
Can they report incidents to one person rather than play ground dinner ladies ta teacher to build a bigger picture? Can you be informed of incidents? Can DS have a safe place to escape too? Library?

[Fr0ggy]

Thanks Sally.

DS came out of school very down on Friday & was quite upset. He'd been on a school trup all day so I knew the playground issues weren't a problem. DS told me that there had been a work sheet for the trip and the group with the most answers won a prize. Boy A told DS that the team who won the prize had cheated and didnt deserve the prize and that they were gloating about how they had beaten DS.

The way DS was upset & angry over this was disproportionate to what had happened (even if true) so I think the teacher is right in that DS is exceptionally emotional at the moment. Boy A is quite astute for a 7 year old and I think knows how to push DS's buttons... I still see this as emotional bullying.

I am going to spend the next week and a half going through school policies to see how they can help with DS. We've got an appointment with DS's consultant on the Friday so anything the school try & attribute to DS's ADHD, I will be able to ask about.