Bitchy little ten year olds...

(8 Posts)
WaitWhatOh Sun 16-Feb-14 00:58:35

sad I can't even sleep, Lying there thinking about this. I used to ask Mumsnet all sorts of things when I was last pregnant, so thought I'd come pour all this out too.
DD who is ten is suffering at school under the hands of her 'friends' She's a nice kid, obviously I would say that, but she is just lovely. {I have a smart arse kid too, this DD is not at all like that} really very unstreetwise, very straight forward, works hard, does well, kind, pleasant, friendly - probably a bit of a geek really. I find myself sat with her trying to tell her how to be more feisty and answer these girls back more... and all the while thinking, really? does she have to change her personality to handle this?
all the tales behind your back, bitchy comment, passive aggressive, but really quite nasty v hurtful stuff.
I've been to school, they listened, they acted, it hasn't helped. Socially I know their mothers, they are very nice people, and I can assure you most of them think their daughter is nothing like they actually are. I honestly don't know what to do. Why doesn't parenting come with a fail safe hand book?

Pagwatch Sun 16-Feb-14 10:12:23

My DD is 11 and we experience very little of this.
Dd did have a couple of girls saying she was fat but I spoke to the mothers and it stopped.

She doesn't have to bite back. She shouldn't.
What is the dynamic? How did it start?

Oblomov Sun 16-Feb-14 12:45:04

I have 2 ds's . But I have been truely shocked at some if the nastiness between the girls recently: ripping up one girls birthday invites etc!!

How many girls on her class OP? Does she have any friends at all? Do they stay out of the way of the 'nasty girls'?

WaitWhatOh Sun 16-Feb-14 16:38:26

These girls are her friends sad she's been friends for a few years now and this seems to be recent -recent as in the last six months or so. She reminds me of a little puppy dog ... She goes back up to the group happy to join in, sometimes gets grief comes back...

They are finding her an easy target. Which bothers me greatly. They can one minute play and chat the next turn their backs on her or go silent as she approaches. I intervened when one said they should feed her gluten. - she's gf- to see if she gets sick. ����. I am not sure there's any more girls left to play with but this, this is just soul destroying. She went to a party and they snubbed her there. Told her to shut up. I'm furious but well aware I could make it worse by getting involved more. It drives me crazy because as adults we wouldn't stand for this and I admit I am infuriated with dd going back every time. She's generally happy this has not made her sob every night or affected her schoolwork but ffs should she really have to deal with this? What do I say? Do?

VenusDeWillendorf Thu 20-Feb-14 02:40:20

Go back into the school, and insist they do a whole school workshop on bullying. Google KIVA to see what you want - its a fabulous programe in Finland. http://www.kivakoulu.fi/there-is-no-bullying-in-kiva-school

You might have to invite those girls over more..... One at a time, to subtly tell them off!

Encourage your dd to play with other girls in the class, especially those who share her geeky interests, and get her some animal time - horse riding, dog walking, hamster racing etc.
She also needs some time with other activities, and in a new group, apart from school frenemies.

Good luck with it.

Ghanagirl Sat 22-Feb-14 18:12:14

Hi was just about to post, as I'm having similar problems with my 6 year old, she's in year two and is a twin brother. She has a "friend" who is shy and outwardly sweet but in reception the teaching assistant told me this girl is quite unpleasant to my DD, I then spoke to teacher who confirmed, unfortunately my DD still wants to play with her and in year 1 and 2 the teachers have not really mentioned anything, but my DD says things like My friend would not let me play and told others that I was "brown so I should be the boy" the school is ethnically diverse and the girl is from a minority background also but not as "brown" at my wits end, heartbroken that my once confident and feisty little girl has become so unconfident. At a party today and the other girls mum told a "funny" story about my DD and it made me realise that although she is outwardly nice maybe her daughter getting negativity from mother.
Help please��

Ghanagirl Sat 22-Feb-14 19:20:46

Sorry OP, haven't really helped you, just worrying over my DD.
Sorry

mamalovesmojitos Tue 25-Feb-14 10:27:46

Op I could have written your post. My dd is 10 too. I've raised it with the school once and things improved but now the situation is deteriorating again. The worst thing about me is I get very emotional about it and started crying in the last meeting which was very embarrassing and made me look completely inept.

I'm going to request a meeting with the teacher, sending in a note tomorrow. Will go better prepared this time with a list of points and somebody else with me. It's heartbreaking hmmhmm. I was never bullied, this is totally new territory for me. Just offering a virtual handhold to you. thanks

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