daughter bully caught lying, so then falsely accuses daughter of physical abuse - school found that it 100% did not happen, but still put daughter back in class and told them to get on!(5 Posts)
my daughter N is in year 7 and has had problems with K bullying her from the first week of secondary school. They have know each other prior and even though in the past they seem to want to be friends, clash very easily and are quick to fall out.
Knowing this history and the fact that all 11 year old girls seem to think every minor thing is a major crisis I basically told my daughter to ignore her and get on with school. After a while it seemed that it was not going away, and that K would try and provoke a reaction from N, who would stupidly rise to it causing more problems. So I told N to stand up for herself as most bullies will back off. Instead what happened it that K would start goading N, and then when N reacted, K would run off to tell a teacher on her (neglecting to mention the lead up to N comments) N would then feel whatever she said, would just sound like an excuse, and was even told this by a teacher!
K prank called N over the weekend pretending to be a boy, and then sent her a text telling N that It was her that 'trolled her' (her words!) When I raised this with Ks mother she seemed disappointed in K and said she would remove her ipad etc as punishment. K denied it happened to her mum, so I said I had texts, K then changed it to claiming it was all meant for some-one else, and her mothers tune then changed towards me - if her daughter was still denying it happened, therefore she must be believed over proof! I suddenly then get told that K is now accusing N of 'slamming her into a locker' and slapping her at school and she was going to make an official complaint.
Both girls are in same class, and same sets, so spend entire day within a few meters of each other, (they also share same friends, which I think is part of Ks problem, as every time N makes a friend, K suddenly out of the blue calls them up and invites them over!) so first action was to move N to another class (which she was happy with) so at least home room time would have them separated, even if rest of the day they were together!
School then officially investigated complaint, with statements from N & K and ALL other classmates, friends, enemies and impartial witnesses..... ALL came back (apart from K) that NOTHING had happened.
School then tell BOTH girls to learn to get along and that they are starting a clean slate and then move N back into the same class as K!!!
This from a school that is known for handing out negative referrals and detentions for being a few minutes late to class, or not handing in homework on time etc etc!
The message they have sent it that it is OK to make false serious allegations against others, and that the victim will be as much at fault as the bully! Also my concern is that the bully has not acknowledged that she is at fault at all, and still maintains it is all N! Her Mother seems to support her in this in spite of evidence. My other concern is that it puts my daughter in a situation where they bully can feel she can carry on accusing her....... Which is exactly what has happened as when they get home from school today - I find out she has now gone home to her mother and accused N of threatening to punch - this on the the same day as this investigation has completed (today!) and the mother is supporting this new allegation and complaining to the school tomorrow.
N is now so scared of going to school in fear of being bullied or/and again having to go through the stress of another investigation over and over even though she is doing nothing wrong, this fear is actually making her ill!
So - has anyone had to deal with a school who has handled things in a similar way - following their investigation procedure for a 'serious incident' but then not acting on their findings, and does anyone have any suggestions what I can do, as my daughter loves school and does well there - but is now dreading it!!!!
Thanks for taking the time to read
Hi Wilma, you can make an official complaint to the school. I work for a local authority and even though schools are self governing there are guidelines on how to complain.
Look on your local authority's website for your area and you should find their procedure.
This is the advice I give out.
Even though school has investigaged, first of all make an appointment or write to headteacher telling them how unhappy you are with how they've dealt with the bulying. Tell them you have dates, times of incidents if you've made diary notes etc. if you are not happy with the response Headteacher's response, put a sealed letter in to the Chair of Governors making an official complaint. Then if you are still not happy find out if the governors have an independent panel and complain to them.
If you want the complaint to be taken further than that, you can go to the secretary of state for education.
Hi SalaciousCrumb ,
What amazingly brilliant and practical advice - just what I was looking for. Thank you so much, have already been busy with reading up and writing!
If you or anyone else can give advice on how to help my daughter through this hard time that would also be gratefully received
Insist that school splits them into different classes and keeps it that way.
Find out if there is a safe place for N to be at breaks and lunchtimes in the short term: there's usually somewhere like an Inclusion Centre for vulnerable children which is staffed during non-teaching periods. It's somewhere she can go, just for the short term, to keep out of K's way. No point requesting that K go in there instead as if she doesn't want to go, she won't, and unless school has determined that she is doing the bullying it can't be enforced.
Hi Harriet ,
Thank you, I will speak to the school about your great suggestions.
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