How can a school deal with violent and disruptive behaviour?

(5 Posts)
M00ki Sat 09-Nov-13 12:27:07

My dd is in Yr2, and at east once a week (more often 2 -3!) she comes homes complaining of being hit, punched, kicked, pushed, spat at etc by a girl in her class. She explains that this girl does this to everyone, so she does not feel like she is being bullied / victimised, but obviously does get upset when it happens.
After one of the 1st instances we spoke to her teacher. The girl was punished by missing break times and writing a letter of apology to both us and my dd. This has had no effect and she still continues to be abusive. I have had other mums approach me and ask us whether we have had any problems with this girl as their daughter comes homes in tears, and doesn't want to go to school in the morning because of this girls behaviour. And the abuse from this girl isn't just physical, she can be very nasty and controlling. All in all i know of at least 3 other parents who have complained about this girl.
To make matters worse this girl is VERY disruptive in class and demands an awful lot of the teachers time. My dd's teacher has not been in class for a couple of days and they have had a supply teacher in. When i asked my dd what the supply teacher was like she said she had no idea because this girl was so disruptive when the supply teacher was in class that my dd has never once spoken to the teacher in 2 days!
This girl has obviously got serious issues that need addressing, and i can not help feeling sorry for a 6 year old full of so much anger and nastiness. Having said that she is making other childrens lives a nightmare, both in the playground and in the classroom.
We plan to make an appointment with either the teacher or headmaster to raise our concerns, but what options do schools have in a situation like this? Punishment / withdrawal of treats has had no effect, i don't suppose they have the staff levels to create some sort of additional help. We would really like to meet with the school with some ideas of how to resolve the problem rather then just going to moan, so any advice would be much appreciated!

Maryz Sat 09-Nov-13 12:37:06

I'm not entirely sure it's appropriate to have this in the bullying topic (Not criticising you as such) because as you say it doesn't sound like bullying but more like a behavioural issue with one child. And if it is a serious behavioural issue, support will have more affect than punishment any day.

In which case it's up to the school to push for additional help and support for this child. In many cases, the end result of such disruption is that the child is eventually diagnosed with SN, and support is put in place. Sometimes the child has no diagnosis, and then it depends really on how the school can work with the parents.

But I always post this on these threads - would you rather be the parent of the disrupted child, who will eventually come out on top, will be successful academically and get a lot out of her education and her life. Or be the parent of the disruptive child, who probably faces a lifetime of difficulty and unhappiness.

Because I've been both. I have watched dd (the good child) being sat beside disruptive children because she could, apparently, cope hmm and get hurt and upset. But I can tell you that being the parent of a child who is causing so much difficulty in school that other parents start talking at the school gates, that you dread every day going to collect, that every parent teacher meeting leaves you in tears is just awful. And watching your child gradually alienate everybody around him is equally awful.

The best thing you can do is support the school. Ask them what they want you to do (sometimes parent complaints can be used as leverage to get support). Talk to your dd about how some people find it very hard to behave (just as I assume you will talk about how some people find it harder to learn to read, or some are better at sports etc). Try not to judge, if you possibly can, because judgement and condemnation really won't help.

DeWe Mon 11-Nov-13 11:33:26

I agree with Maryz.

But I will also add that the school should not be discussing the other child with you. They can discuss how to prevent your dc from being upset by them, but not how they are punishing the offender.

And I don't think you meant to imply this, but I will put it in case you did think you have a say: You have no say on the other child's treatment/punishment. Going in and saying "we think you should XYZ the other dc" is very much overstepping a line. You need to go in with the attitude of "how can we help my dc".

headoverheels Tue 12-Nov-13 19:25:24

There was a violent and disruptive boy in my DS1's class. Eventually the school organised 1 to 1 support for him (ie a designated TA) for part of the day. As far as I know he didn't have a SN diagnosis, so I assume it was funded out of the normal staff budget. It can be done if it's a serious enough case and there are any funds to spare.

Keep reporting each incident. It's a tricky situation for all concerned - it's good that you want to work with the school rather than just moan. I hope a solution can be found.

RobinVanPrissy Tue 12-Nov-13 19:29:13

What MaryZ said.

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