Should I move my DS?? Advice appreciated.

(10 Posts)
jellyrolly Sun 16-Jun-13 11:10:52

My DS2 who is in reception, was bullied for the majority of the first term. Nobody knew until it all came out in a sort of breakdown, we were horrified but the school dealt with it effectively and he settled down. He is now being bullied again by two different boys. I don't use the term lightly, his behaviour changes so dramatically at home that I know something is wrong and eventually he tells me. He has the usual large bruises and a horrible injury to his ear, it looks as it if someone tried to pull it off - grazed, bleeding, purple and red behind it. I have seen the two boys behaving menacingly towards him and I believe him.

This all happens at lunchtime, the school is known for having poor lunchtime supervision. Otherwise it is good and he is happy in lessons and with his friends.

My husband wants him to change schools which I don't disagree with but I want to be sure it is the right thing. DS2 is very sensitive and we try and work to make him cope as well.

My problem is that DS1 who is being assessed for ASD, is very happy in this school, he is in YR2. His class is lovely and it is hard for him to settle, he finds change difficult.

I feel as if I have to choose only one of them to be happy. I also don't want to keep moving them so I want to get this right. Any advice or similar experience greatly appreciated. Thank you.

hurricanewyn Sun 16-Jun-13 11:48:05

If you went to the school to demand action & better supervision at lunch time, would you be taken seriously? Would you be assured that your son was safe?

I wouldn't move your son straight away - he's not the problem. But I would be demanding swift & decisive action, not just window dressing & platitudes. And think about the police - he was injured enough to bleed!

jellyrolly Sun 16-Jun-13 12:50:58

Thank you, I will go and speak to them tomorrow. My husband will also email and he works in education so knows how to frame it better than me. Lunchtime is always a problem, I think they should have a teacher outside as they know there are severe problems but they just seem to sit in the staff room. I will see what they do.

I wish I had taken photos of his ear sooner, it is much better now but will photograph it now anyway in case I do take it further.

pennefab Sun 16-Jun-13 16:03:55

My only regret is even considering keeping DC at school for another year (even though DC seems to be coping with bullying ok, admits that if others treat DC so poorly why should he even try). Teacher admits to problems, but school ineffective at addressing.

Happily moving on for autumn!

BardOfBarking Sun 16-Jun-13 16:09:14

'They just seem to sit in the staffroom'

Yes, that would be called taking a lunch break, surely you don't begrudge them that? The school has an absolute responsibility to protect your son. which they are failing to do, but you cannot expect the teachers to supervise at lunch time too????

hurricanewyn Sun 16-Jun-13 16:36:40

Is there any supervision at lunch time? What happened to your son sounds like something from Lord of the Flies

jellyrolly Sun 16-Jun-13 18:52:22

Thank you pennefab. I will see if they are prepared to tackle the problem first but I don't want to regret leaving him there.

They are short of lunchtime supervisors. There have been numerous incidents at lunchtime, my eldest DS has had his head repeatedly banged on the concrete playground and had his head sat on so he felt he couldn't breathe, no-one came to help him, children have escaped from the premises at lunch time, luckily no harm came to them, other children have left because of lunchtime problems. During the first term my DS1 spent every lunchtime crying in the toilets for weeks but no-one noticed. Another boy told his mother who told me.

This is the context of my disappointment that staff will not come out and step in. I don't begrudge them a lunch break, I know what a lunch break is. But if I worked in a school where this sort of behaviour was constantly reported I would get out there and do something about it. These are 5 year old children. I just wonder what has to happen before someone with more authority is prepared to tackle the lunch hour.

lljkk Sun 16-Jun-13 18:57:50

I imagine technically they are short of MSAs, it's not the regular staff letting you down, but it could be they are chronically running short of MSAs in an effort to keep their budgets tight.

I am another one who only regrets that I didn't move DS sooner.

I know it's crazy, but no way you could move the DS2 while leaving the DS1 where he is?

jellyrolly Sun 16-Jun-13 21:07:17

The teaching staff are great lljkk but there have been a lot of comments about how vigilant the MSAs actually are, it's a small town. Even the kids say they just talk on their mobiles and don't intervene if there is a fight.

I could just about manage with them in different schools, I'm thinking about that too. I'm going to visit some others next week.

Thank you for saying that about your DS, it must be hard to feel like that. It helps me knowing that almost no-one regrets moving their DCs.

mountainspring Fri 28-Jun-13 23:40:25

Pulling his ear off?? Bruises?? Move him tomorrow !! - you will never get a school to suddenly change direction like that and why should your ds be the catalyst for change anyway? He deserves better than that for his first few years of educational experience.

The school might solve the bullying (if you're really lucky) but even so, he will know you left him in an unsafe and threatening environment and might struggle to learn, relax and concentrate when all the familiar smells and sounds mean he's got to watch his back all whole time and dread playtime.

Could you make up a reason for moving him that doesn't criticize the school if you think its going to impact on ds1?

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