Is this normal procedure when complaining about a bully??

(18 Posts)
B1234 Sun 13-Jan-13 00:28:55

I complained to my daughters school about a bully and was told that a meeting would be set up between myself and the head teacher when I arrived at the meeting the head teacher walked in with the bully's mother? Is this normal?? Please

exoticfruits Sun 13-Jan-13 06:15:03

No- ask to see their bullying policy, they have to have a written one.

SavoyCabbage Sun 13-Jan-13 06:17:10

So they didn't even tell you beforehand? I would not be happy with this - no matter what the subject was.

B1234 Sun 13-Jan-13 10:28:54

Exotic fruits I have asked for a copy but have to wait until Monday as they needed to print it off

Savoy cabbage no they didn't ask me first I left the meeting and was told to wait outside after a heated discussion then the head teacher carried on the meeting with the bully's mum when they left I then had a meeting with the head teacher when I got home the bully's mum was waiting for me with 5 other members of her family (3 women 3 men) outside my house they all came to my door looking for a fight the police were called but now I have 2 dc who won't go outside and hide every time there is a knock at the door. I don't know what to do who to turn to and who to trust as I have lost all trust in the school.

exoticfruits Sun 13-Jan-13 17:12:26

It sounds an appalling situation that should never have arisen. I am surprised that you haven't had any more replies- I will bump it up in the hope that you get some.

DIYapprentice Mon 14-Jan-13 17:48:36

Bloody hell, no wonder you're upset! I would contact the local authority. The Head's actions were completely out of order.

DIYapprentice Mon 14-Jan-13 17:55:43

If you type in ['local authority' school] into google, you should hopefully come up with a link to your council's website about schools. (Just tried it for my council) That should contain links to anti-bullying guidance, school services etc. This can give you some guidance as to what the rules/criteria are and who you can complain to.

If going to the local authority doesn't help, then you can go to Ofsted. If you go to them first they might just send you to the LA anyway.

OddBoots Mon 14-Jan-13 17:57:55

No that is not normal, not normal at all. Sorry to hear what you've gone through.

WENDYEG57 Tue 15-Jan-13 06:34:48

It sounds as if the headteacher knows very little about conflict resolution, let alone bullying. Yes- you could contact the local authority but your first line of action should be to speak to the chair of govenors: possibly see one of the parent govenors first. They are there to represent you. make sure you keep a log of everything that happens-when, where, who and what. Put everything in writing and keep a copy. Are the police going to charge these people with harassment/threatening behaviour? Insist that they do. What form did the bullying take? Clearly, the pupils involved learnt how to be bullies from their family!

Bunbaker Tue 15-Jan-13 07:02:15

I am horrified at the head teacher's response. This is extremely unprofessional. Does the school know what happened afterwards? I agree that you need to contact the chair of governors and the local authority. That is appalling.

B1234 Tue 15-Jan-13 07:27:02

DIY apprentice thank you I will contact the LA today

B1234 Tue 15-Jan-13 07:37:27

Wendy eg57 I have written to the head teacher and the chair if governors yesterday outlining what happened at the meeting and the events that followed after the meeting at my house. I have not heard anything from the police. The bullying started as name calling then the bully stopped other children playing withy DC then escalated into slapping my DC in the face, pulling DC hair and threatening to smash her teeth in every time I have spoke to the school the bully has told my DC that she is a grass. I don't know how long I can keep my DC off school as I feel it's not safe at the moment to send DC in

B1234 Tue 15-Jan-13 07:39:25

Bunbaker yes the school know as I phoned them and the police went to the school after they left my house

WENDYEG57 Fri 18-Jan-13 05:58:27

Hi B1234-sorry I haven't responded until now-pressure of work. I hope you get a positive response from the govenors. Chase the police up regarding charges-they should keep you informed. I am saddened that your DC is missing school when it ought to be the bully who is kept off. Almost all bullying starts with name calling. So many schools and teachers don't know enough about the causes of bullying and give children unhelpful advice (e.g.ignore it). Around 65% of young people say that when they report to a teacher nothing changes. In response to what I felt was a real need, I have published an ebook which teaches children and young people how to stand up to bullies and what to say to in reply to rude comments(it's also humorous and illustrated). I've had really lovely feedback from mums who've said how much it has helped. If you think it might help have a look at the website- www.thelittlebookofretorts.com.
Keep in touch- I would like to know how this is resolved.

plisplas Fri 25-Jan-13 18:26:46

In my opinion, what the school did inviting the other parents is totally wrong and I fail to see what good can come out of that kind of meeting. However, if the school wanted to deny that the bullying was happening it would have been easier for them having the other parents present, as it would have made you felt intimidated. It seems a common strategy to get rid of complains. It doesn't solve the situation, but next time the victim will think twice before complaining. This way, statistics will show that there is no bullying in the school. Maybe I am wrong, but that is how it feels sometimes.

That's dreadful!

Magdalena45 Sat 26-Jan-13 00:50:11

Definitely NOT appropriate or good practice. I ran an anti bullying peer support program in secondary school for 2 years and would have been appalled if that had happened.

Labro Sat 26-Jan-13 08:42:25

No, that should not happen.

Contact the LEA specifically about your dc missing school and they should arrange for work to be sent home or tutoring to take place. The educational welfare officer should also have been informed (details of these are on your county councils website) and make sure they have a copy of your letter to the governors and LEA. This also removes a loophole where the head lists your child as 'absent' so nobody looks into it.

It sounds like the head was hoping you'd deal with a problem family for him!

Make sure that any further meetings you have at the school are minuted and that you take an independent person with you. LEA also have parent liason people who should help you with this. This is disgusting behaviour on the part of the school.

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