What do you make of this?

(3 Posts)
FateLovesTheFearless Thu 26-Jul-12 16:04:31

My dd is seven. I should mention she is awaiting assessment for aspergers/autism and it can be pretty difficult to have a prolonged conversation with her.

During the holidays (live in Scotland so over half way through now) her behaviour has been great. However last week she began playing up and i couldn't work out a trigger behind the sudden change. She came down one night to tell me she was having trouble sleeping, this isn't new, she has had trouble sleeping since about three, before then she was a 7pm-7amer.

I said to my DP that something wasn't right, I just know with her and went up to chat. I have found the best way to get anything out of her is just to lie with her and let her talk away.

After discussing fairies and unicorns she fell quiet then eventually said she was worried about going back to school. I asked her why and she says two boys are being mean to her.

In summary, these two boys are older than her, in primary six or seven. Apparently they used to be friendly with my dd during lunchtime then turned mean. One of the boys insists to my dd that she bit his leg. She maintains to me that she didn't, wouldn't ever do that and would be pulled into the head teachers for it. There have been no incidences of her doing anything in her three years at school. In fact she recieved a platinum award for good behaviour at the end of term.

She maintains that almost every day this boy is mean to her, that she hides when she sees him until he is gone. Apparently, if he spots her he will chase her, pick her up and drop her on the ground. She says she doesn't like him touching her.

I asked her why she didn't tell a teacher, she said she wouldn't be believed. She also said its been going on since primary two.

My dd is a difficult one to talk to as stated and she has a poor memory. She can't remember his name, says she doesn't remember how she got to know him and can't seem to make up her mind if he is bullying her or not.

Her school work has gone downhill in the last year but it's hard to know if it's related to what's going on, her possible sn or both. She also doesn't have a great concept of time so whilst she says it's been going on a long time that could actually not be the case.

I am obviously going to go into school but I suspect I may not be taken seriously based on my dd's sketchiness. I also find it strange this boy is insistent she bit his leg, being an older boy it seems odd if she didn't actually do it.

Any thoughts?

DeWe Thu 26-Jul-12 18:31:49

I think you need to talk to school.

It may be he did it once, but it's playing on her mind, so seems like lots. My dd2 does this. "He always..." but when you drill down you find it was once-and then it was only they said they would rather than they actually did it.

I suspect on the biting the leg, it sounds like a silly thing a child says, gets a reaction and then repeats it. Possibly he had an insect bite and pretended he thought she had done it. She then gets worried she'll be in trouble about it, and so it builds up.

If he really is picking her up and dropping her regularly then I'd have expected the teachers to notice at some point.

I would talk to the teachers along the lines of:
DD is really worried about school. Apparently she's started a friendship with a couple of older boys, which she now feels that they're being mean to her.
They're teasing her by saying she bit one of them, and that she'll be in trouble, and they apparently have picked her up and dropped her as well.

I wouldn't start pointing fingers at the school work. Just point out your dd is upset and stressed about going into school because of it. If she has been playing regularly with 2 older boys then I'd expect it to have been noticed, so they should know who.

Now it doesn't really matter if it happened once, or 50 times, or is mostly imagination, the school still need to reassure your dd by listening to her and taking it seriously, making sure it can't happen ever again. The point is you need that help for your dd to be secure, not you need retribution for the older boys, and I would focus on that.

FateLovesTheFearless Thu 26-Jul-12 19:47:56

Thanks that helps a lot and I agree with your approach. The school and where we live is in the 'bad' area of town and bullying is pretty rife there it seems. I will approach it as you suggest and see what they suggest to deal with it.

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