Condensed version of events (happy to expand of relevant but typing on iPhone).
DD very unhappy at school past while. Eventually she has told me last week one particular whom she has never really got on with has being making her life a misery - isolating her, intimidating her and assault! When DD explains what has happened I go into the school to explain the problem - they act very promptly, objectively interview kids and conclude my DD is telling the truth but things pan out to be worse then I thought!
I am called in later the same day - again very impressed with the way this has being dealt with - prompt and effective. But then
I was told after the investigation BOTH my DD and the bully were sat down and had the school rules read to them! Now apparently my DD was told this was mostly for the bullies benefit! She was very upset by this as she felt she must have done something wrong and spent ages self examining her behaviour... I raised with the teachers that I was unhappy as my DD felt she had being reprimanded - the response was that if she felt guilty perhaps she needs to look at her behaviour!
The initial solution was to ask both girls (again I feel only the bully should have being asked to do this) to be friends and has worked to some extent after a few additional days of my girls coming home in tears. When I went in for a follow up meeting I was informed if this did not work both girls would be asked to play separately ... This is a tiny school (5 in a class) and the class overlap in playgroups - this would leave my daughter often not able to play with her friends - if she couldn't play with the bully. I said I was not happy with this - that the bully not the victim should be effected by the repercussions of their behaviour! This was agreed but then again before school I was asked to chat to DD about avoiding the bully in the playground. Again I refused stating she has a right to play with her friends and again it must be the bully that modifies behaviour or avoids my DD. AIBU for this stance?
I would also like to add I did enquire as to whether she was in any way provoking the bullying - but no this is not the case.
Sorry if this is garbled - am upset by this as up until this point have had a very content 10 year relationship with this school.
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Bullying
So the school acknowledge DD is being bullied - so lets make her feel even worse...
Oeufman · 25/02/2012 20:44
It's one of the problems, isn't it. It is usually easier to 'solve the problem' by modifying the victim's behaviour because the victim is (generally) a child who would do as they are told, when clearly the bully is not. I got very angry with my DS's school when they said he needed to tell the teacher when a particular child was being 'mean' (ie thumping the crap out of him) - and putting all the focus on him instead of on the bully. I told them they had to manage the bully's behaviour, not my DS's. Still an ongoing battle for me, hope you get a resolution soon 
. (Also at a small village school, but not as small as yours!)
I don't think it's helped by being a small school, but the idea of sitting bully and victim down together is one some schools like.
The local very large (outstanding by bribery) secondary told us that was how they dealt with bullying-sitting them down to discuss it. their quote "when they're sitting next to each other they can't help smiling at each other. We don't often have to deal with them again." 
Yes, probably because the victim gives up on telling... we didn't chose that school.
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