The dr made me feel bad today :(

(42 Posts)

Dd is 19 months old and still breastfeeding.

We recently returned from abroad (a "at risk" country) and dd has developed a severe diaorreah.

So worried I took her twice to a&e in the past 2 days, the dr said not to worry as long as she is still drinking fluid (bf being absolutely fine with him) but to bring her back if she starts vomiting.

She vomited twice during the night, so I took her back this morning to a&e.

I saw a different dr who said to me that bf is useless after 6 months and why am I still doing it.

He said we have to force fluid down her with a syringe and that's it, no more bm.

Then the nurse came and dd was crying from being force fed, the nurse said not to comfort her just let her cry.

I asked to leave at that point but they wouldn't let me and said if I leave now they would report me to social services for neglect. They wanted me to force feed her the drink before leaving.

I did what they asked and then left asap.

I am now back home feeling terrible, and wondering am I really neglecting my child by bf her?

Passmethecrisps Thu 16-May-13 12:39:27

They are being ridiculous. If you enjoy it and your DD gets comfort from it then why not? I presume she is eating solids and drinking water as well under normal circumstances?

Yes, she is eating normal food when well, and drinking water. But due to whatever is causing her to be unwell, she has gone of her food since yesterday sad

Ignore ignore ignore. Carry on as you are!!!! Breast feeding will be better for her as its food and drink in one.!

pixiegumboot Thu 16-May-13 12:44:10

complain. WHO guidelines are 2 years. Grrrr! !!angry

BiscuitMillionaire Thu 16-May-13 12:45:10

There are some shockingly ignorant doctors out there. And why were you not allowed to comfort your distressed child? Seems appalling.

peeriebear Thu 16-May-13 12:45:13

I think I'd complain about your treatment actually, sounds like they need a spot of retraining!

They asked me not to comfort her as they said otherwise she is going to think that what we are doing is not right.

But to me an unwell child needs comforting no matter what.

If she feels like crap she won't have any idea what's going on around her. Best not to leave her crying and create a fear of the place and the staff trying to treat her.

You r totally doing the right thing comforting her!!!

EauRouge Thu 16-May-13 12:53:32

Yes, make him feel bad by telling him that he's a rubbish doctor and he needs retraining! You are doing a fantastic thing by BF and it is the best thing for babies with D&V. Sorry they made you feel bad sad Please be reassured that you are not doing the wrong thing at all, you sound like a lovely mum.

Complain, complain, complain. Fancy threatening to report you to SS, what a pair of bastards angry

Here is some information for you to print out and stick to a 2x4 to hit them around the head with share with them.

I hope your DD is better soon.

spidersandslugs Thu 16-May-13 12:55:37

How the Fuck is breastfeeding useless after 6 months? & how the Fuck is formula (reconstituted crappy gloop) a better option after 6 months?

That doctor is an ignorant twat. Report him & the nurse for saying they'll call in ss. You are not neglecting your dc. The first doctor who saw your dc will back you up.

<pissed off>

LemonBreeland Thu 16-May-13 12:57:36

Wow, where to even begin with that? Breastmilk is completely the best thing for her and will help her recover.

As for being told not to comfort her, that is frankly none of their business.

I would complain, complain, complain.

Thank you for reassuring me that I am not neglecting her, poor little soul was asking for milk (miiii in her words) but they said not to give her. Now that I am back home, I have given her some and she is now asleep. I, of course, offer her some other drinks but bm is what calms her down right now.

I want to complain about the treatment but I am scared of what they can do if they call social services.

I think they thought I am not a good parent as I brought her 3 times in 3 days (today being the 3rd) but I am genuinely concerned about her due to the destination we travelled to. And I only brought her back as she vomited and the dr said to bring her back if she does.

Ss (if called) will see for themselves that there is nothing to worry about. That dr needs reporting because next time he may well talk someone out of doing something that is doing a child alot of good. Someone will believe him and spout the same crap her did to their friends. All those potential mums talked out of breast feeding their children.

girliefriend Thu 16-May-13 13:05:39

Sounds very weird tbh, can't imagine why a dr would say of that hmm

If this is real then obv you need to put it all in writting and go through PALs to make a formal complaint. You can't be referred to ss for bfing your child.

They have nothing on you op x

SteepApproach Thu 16-May-13 13:08:24

I'm sorry that you and your little one have been poorly treated. I can understand your reluctance to complain as well. Perhaps it would be wise to access your child's medical records to see what has been written down. I think in case of A&E visits your HV will be automatically be contacted anyway and will follow up with you to check on lo's progress? Is your HV sympathetic? If so, you could also discuss this experience with them.

WouldBeHarrietVane Thu 16-May-13 13:09:44

Dear op - I am so shocked by what happened sad absolute rubbish!! Why would the who say 2 years if there was no benefit after 6 months? Just rubbish!!

My DS is 22 months and still loves bf - I think the emotional and sleep inducing aspects alone are worth it, let alone the immunological benefits which are also very clear!

EauRouge Thu 16-May-13 13:12:40

What would they report you for- questioning advice? It is not a crime to question advice, especially if it goes against both NHS and WHO recommendations.

PALS would probably be the best people to speak to, you should be able to find their contact details on the hospital website.

lizzytee Thu 16-May-13 13:19:43

OP, you have every right to complain at the way both you and your daughter were treated. If you contact PALS (Patient Advisory and Liaison Service) at the hospital where you were seen they will explain how to raise a complaint. Think about it: you were given patently inaccurate information by a senior healtcare professional (don't give breastmilk, breastfeeding is 'worthless' even though every reputable source recommends continued breastfeeding for babies with diarrhoea), bullied when you questioned the treatment recommended and from the description you give it sounds like your daughter wasn't treated with the compassion and dignity that every patient deserves.

Hoping she feels better soon.

I am for real (I don't post very often but I am real)

I will look into pals and take it from there,

I am reluctant to complain as I don't want it to have any further effect on dd future treatment there.

My worry of the social services is that I am scared that they think I am not a good mum and take her away (very tearful since this morning as they made me feel like a bad mum) I know deep down that I am a good mum to her and provides to her every needs but they shattered my confidence this morning

I spoke to dh who is out of the country until next week, and he wants to complain.

Maybe if you didn't complain there's a middle ground. Perhaps speaking to the nurse manager or head of department and inform them politely that their staff appear to be in possession of out dated information and perhaps they could be reminded of WHO guidelines re breast feeding?

And I don't know my health visitor really well,

We moved when dd was 9 months old and I haven't had any allocated to me, she had her 12 months check with one but she said she wasn't my usual one. The only time I see health visitors is when I go and get her weighed at the baby clinic

EauRouge Thu 16-May-13 13:33:24

What's your HV like, is she supportive? If so then could you have a chat with her? Or a local BF counsellor.

No one wants to be told they are doing things wrong, especially by medical professionals. I am so angry on your behalf. I hope you start getting your confidence back soon.

EuroShaggleton Thu 16-May-13 13:35:55

Complain and change drs.

This all sounds very odd.

Euro this was in a&e so the chances of me seeing this dr again are hopefully very slim

xylem8 Thu 16-May-13 13:43:17

Maybe she is too weak to BF sufficiently to replenish fluids at the moment.
Probably the BF was making things worse for her because diahhorea diminishes lactase so lactose is best avoided completely during a bout of diahhorrea.He probably thought this outweighed the benfits of BF at her age.
But he should have put things more diplomatically.

WouldBeHarrietVane Thu 16-May-13 13:57:45

Xylem the rules on lactose do not apply to human milk according to the latest research as set out in the big bf textbook often used by hcps - Breastfeeding Answers Made Simple (BAMS).

tiktok Thu 16-May-13 14:04:32

Dear me. Breastfeeding is the 'Treatment' of choice in diarrhoea - it is the right thing to offer (there is NO evidence that because it has lactose in it should be avoided - this would only be in serious ongoing diagnosed cases of lactose intolerance. There are several guidelines on this and if you need to hunt them down, re-post and I will send you links.

And as for telling you not to comfort your child - what planet are they on?

I can understand you may not wish to complain formally at present but when the dust settles you may think again. It is dreadful that this doctor remains unchallenged to make other mothers and babies feel bad.

At the very least, write to the head of A&E, the breastfeeding lead in your area (the maternity unit will know who it is), and explain what happened.

What you did and said is not grounds for involving social services, and you don't need to fear that.

WouldBeHarrietVane Thu 16-May-13 14:04:52

The more I think of what happened, the more I get angry that I let them treating me that way.

I will concentrate on dd getting better for now, but once she is recovered I will make a formal complaint

MonstersDontCry Thu 16-May-13 15:39:43

I would seriously be making a complaint. WHO guidelines are bf until at least two!

MonstersDontCry Thu 16-May-13 15:40:12

And hope your DD gets better soon.

tiktok Thu 16-May-13 15:44:27

It's highly likely the hospital will have a breastfeeding policy. But beyond that, the doctor's own practice and knowledge is way out of date.

Finding out local policy and quoting it will be more effective than quoting WHO guidelines, I think.

WoTmania Thu 16-May-13 15:45:46

What a distressing situation for both you and your DD. Please do complain - the dr needs some extra training breastmilk isn't 'useless beyond 6 months' just for starters and that could be very damaging misinformation if he said it to for example a first time mum of an 8 mo.

WouldBeHarrietVane Thu 16-May-13 15:46:26

Op please don't blame yourself. It can be very difficult to challenge hcps when you are 'in the moment'.

I had to call one of the bf helplines when I was in a similar position (ds less unwell though) and they gave me info I used to seek a second opinion.

FannyFifer Thu 16-May-13 15:51:04

Why didn't you make a GP appointment?

weebarra Thu 16-May-13 15:51:23

Please think about complaining. My DS2 had a vomiting bug when he was 2 and the only thing he could keep down was breastmilk. The GP told me that it was the only reason he wasn't on a drip in hospital. You are not a bad mum!


I called my surgery as soon as I got of the plane on Monday, I took her to a&e Tuesday, Wednesday and today because she was getting worst,

We are still waiting for the stool analyse results (from Monday) to know exactly what is wrong with her.

Will look into the local policy when she is better

If you want to leave hospital, they should have asked you to sign a 'waiver' stating that you left against their wishes and if anything were to happen to your baby it would be your 'fault'.

(I demanded to leave the big hospital when DS was 4 days old - they wanted me to stay in and BF him - we were having so much trouble BF and I couldn't see how staying on a noisy ward with 13 other ladies and their new babies would help - I had to sign this waiver).

TwitchyTail Thu 16-May-13 20:17:05

Doctors know nothing about breastfeeding. I should know, I'm a doctor. We get about an hour on it at medical school if we're lucky hmm The experienced folk on here know far, far more.

Email your experience to the hospital's PALS department, then forget about those idiots and enjoy bfeeding your daughter until you both decide the time is right to stop.

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