Anyone ever SAID anything to you about breastfeeding in public?

(351 Posts)
gail734 Fri 12-Apr-13 18:52:52

I don't go out of my way to do this, but yesterday at lunchtime I BFd DD (9 mo) in TGI Fridays. The alternative was going to be some fussy crying. I promise you couldn't see a thing. The two mummies with me looked a bit surprised. The waiter looked horrified. Nobody said anything, though. A friend told me that another woman called her "disgusting" when she realised that she was feeding a new baby in a sling, while walking around a supermarket!

HairyGrotter Fri 12-Apr-13 18:54:35

Nope, I breasted in public for 14 months, and not one word was said?! I would have LOVED it if they had, so a little disappointed. I wasn't a 'neat' breast feeder either, I have massive tits and sprayed everywhere, also a quick let down so DD would often pull off. Classy is I!

OHforDUCKScake Fri 12-Apr-13 18:55:25

Its always other women, wtf is wrong with them?

Yes people have said things to me.

It was always along the lines of "awww" or "how old is he?" Or "nice to see a baby being breast fed, I fed mine until they were...." The latter is always an older lady.

Never bad words.

OhDearNigel Fri 12-Apr-13 18:56:36

No. Not once. Even when BFing a 3 year old. Not a sausage, very disappointing !

YoniAWintersTale Fri 12-Apr-13 18:56:45

No

Not even when my nipple was nearly inthe face of unfortunate male< neighbouring passenger on a cramped Ryanair flight

Only one bad comment in nearly 4 years. Otherwise if anyone's noticed it's been a conversation starter. smile

BeaWheesht Fri 12-Apr-13 18:57:28

No-one said anything when I fed ds until he was 9m. Someone did say something when I was formula feeding dd though along the lines of 'oh they say breast is best, I fed all mine, never mind' which made me cry for about a week because there were various medical reasons why we hadn't managed to breastfeed fully (mix fed)

pointythings Fri 12-Apr-13 18:58:06

The only comment I've ever had was from a lovely old lady who said it was nice to see a baby being fed properly smile.

JeniBernard Fri 12-Apr-13 18:58:15

I remember breast feeding my son in the Toby Carvery when he was very little - was there with my dad and step mum. I managed to make 2 tables move away from us. Funniest thing was they were the ones who moved because the manager said it was their issue and he wasnt;t going to tell me to stop doing anything. My stepmum practically fell in love with the man on the spot and goes back in weekly now!!!!!!!

Molehillmountain Fri 12-Apr-13 18:58:54

Honestly, I have bf three children one til 15 months, next til 20 months and this one 21 months and counting and I have never had a negative comment. A spattering of nice one and lots of eyes averted but not in an "I'm disgusted" way, more an "I don't want you to think I'm staring way.".

BeaWheesht Fri 12-Apr-13 19:00:23

Pointy things - see even when I'd only ever breastfed with ds I would have found that comment offensive.

Yes - I was breastfeeding ds3 in the cafe at Buckfast Abbey in Devon, and an elderly lady approached me, so I braced myself, and she said, 'It is lovely to see someone breastfeeding a baby - well done!' Or words to that effect - it was over 15 years ago!

TheNebulousBoojum Fri 12-Apr-13 19:00:38

I used to feed DD discreetly on trains more than 20 years ago, in parks and random other locations. No one ever said anything negative, I got a few smiles and several positive comments. DD approved, and that's the opinion that mattered to me.

gail734 Fri 12-Apr-13 19:00:53

TBF, the waiter was just a boy. He did a big comedy double-take, looked mortified and walked on. We couldn't find him to get the bill!

Startail Fri 12-Apr-13 19:01:42

Only nice things and normally nothing at all.

SanityClause Fri 12-Apr-13 19:02:00

I only ever had positive things said to me.

Once in Bruges, I was BFing at the table, and the waiter brought out my fish. He saw what was happening, and whisked it away to take it off the bone for me to make it easier to eat.

Iwantmybed Fri 12-Apr-13 19:02:32

Nope, not even in church at a funeral.

TheNebulousBoojum Fri 12-Apr-13 19:02:32

Oh, and then DS 15 years ago. I've always found people to be pretty decent for the most part.

landofsoapandyoni Fri 12-Apr-13 19:02:39

Only my mother, who told me it was disgusting and not natural!hmm

GentlyGentlyOhDear Fri 12-Apr-13 19:02:46

A fairly young waitress at TGI Fridays said something along the lines of 'It's so great that you're breastfeeding in public', which was sweet, although it made me wonder how rare and unusual it seems to people.
Never had any other comments though and would probably have cri

Nope, about 18 months of public bfing here, and I can't even think of a time when anyone even looked confused I didn't cover up especially well either. It could just be that I'm very unobservant though grin

LynetteScavo Fri 12-Apr-13 19:03:46

No, nobody ever said anything to me, or look surprised in public.

When I went for a family meal at FIL's when DC1 was a week old, I was told I could go into the spare bedroom if I needed to feed.

When I got married when DC1 was 4 months old my chief bridesmaid, who I had been best freinds with since I was 12, looked very embarrassed, and didn't know where to look when I asked her to help me take off my wedding dress, to feed DC1. I told her she could go and socialise while I fed. I got myself back into my dress, somehow, but have still not got over it.

They are the only two negative experiences I had, in 3 years of b'feeding.

nellyjelly Fri 12-Apr-13 19:04:32

Noone ever said anything. A young waiter did approach our table and then did a body swerve when he realised what I was doing. He then asked a female colleague to deal with us. He was just a lad though so wasn't bothered.

WidowWadman Fri 12-Apr-13 19:05:20

Apart from one silly woman tutting (and risking getting an earful from my husband) once I only ever had positive comments.

Most of the time people didn't notice anyway. But if they did, they usually told me how wonderful they found it. [cringe]

Bearcrumble Fri 12-Apr-13 19:05:38

No one has ever made a negative comment to me - a couple of nice ones but mostly people don't bat an eyelid. I tend not to feed when out now that dd is 1 except at places like the one o'clock club.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 12-Apr-13 19:05:41

Why is this an AIBU?
Oh and there's a BF/FF topic especially for you.

Only comment I've had is a positive one off an older lady (70s-ish) who said how nice it was to see, since you hardly ever do, and that she'd fed all three of her children and loved it. She then launched into a rant about her granddaughter-in-law who refused to even try to BF because she thought it was nasty. Oops. grin

Kiwiinkits Fri 12-Apr-13 19:07:25

Only ever positive things to me, too. And I've bf'ed EVERYWHERE, on busses, in parks, in restaurants, in the front seat of the car (not while driving, obvs), even in a meeting!
I would have been ready with a few comebacks, thanks to MN, if anyone ever DARED to say something negative.

TheOldestCat Fri 12-Apr-13 19:07:51

Mostly positive things. A neighbour walked away when I was feeding DS at a party saying he didn't like to be around it. I was too bemused to say anything.

Loved the nice things over the years so concentrate on those.

TroublesomeEx Fri 12-Apr-13 19:08:09

The only people who ever made a negative comment to me about breastfeeding in public were my dad and his wife.

People either looked and said nothing, or made positive comments about it.

A couple of men who spoke to me for whatever reason whilst I was doing it looked embarrassed and apologised (completely unnecessarily).

I BF out in public all the time, wherever and whenever it was required.

Chottie Fri 12-Apr-13 19:08:46

No, I breast fed two DC for 9 months each, no negative comments.

Softlysoftly Fri 12-Apr-13 19:08:55

Only once and that was in hospital with dd2 this week. She was hospitalised for 3 days and the only fluid she ended up taking was breastmilk.

The dr who came and checked her said "oh still feeding it'll become a comfort thing if you're not careful".

thebody Fri 12-Apr-13 19:09:21

No never, breast fed all 4 and never had a negative comment.

Norem Fri 12-Apr-13 19:09:22

Have fed 5 DCs for a total of approx 8 years breastfeeding in all, never a bad word said smile

Thatsinteresting Fri 12-Apr-13 19:10:02

When I was bf my dd1 at a bus stop (she was 2 weeks old) my mil tried to cover her and me with a coat. Other than that I've only had positive comments made to me.

exoticfruits Fri 12-Apr-13 19:10:36

I bfed 3, everywhere and anywhere and never even went into separate rooms-I never had a negative comment. I have never heard one made when I have seen mother's bfeeding these days-I am always ready to stand up for them, but it has never been needed.

LydiasLunch Fri 12-Apr-13 19:10:54

Only my mother who accused me of flaunting myself when I latched on in a cafe.

corlan Fri 12-Apr-13 19:11:13

DD1's father told me that I should go and feed DD1 in the pub toilet rather than sitting on a bench on the town green. I told him not to be silly so he stood up and walked away, his low slung jeans revealing his arsecrack to anyone who looked his way!

He's my ex now.

TroublesomeEx Fri 12-Apr-13 19:12:11

nellyjelly I had that type of reaction from a couple of men too. I think that they just didn't really understand it wasn't an issue for me.

The plumber came round once and I was having a good old chat with him in the living room before he left over a cup of tea before he left - DD was about 6 weeks old so he'd made it too and I was just sitting on the sofa with her. He didn't realise what I was doing until I said he'd have to show himself out and he looked mortified and apologised profusely. I think other people sometimes assume you don't want to be seen and feel uncomfortable.

WorraLiberty Fri 12-Apr-13 19:12:27

I thought all this 'horror' and mortification about public breastfeeding was just made up, to give people something to start a thread about grin

Springforward Fri 12-Apr-13 19:12:35

Nope. I got some nice positive comments though, and a few sad comments from women who'd tried but not got it established.

My local Costa were fab and would even offer me table service if I wanted a second coffee, bless them.

I once got leered at by a middle aged bloke but his wife clocked it and gave him a royal telling off, very loudly, bless her!

I was also hugely impressed by the trio of boy racers sat opposite me in the MOT garage who didn't bat an eyelid. I suspect they were just glad DS had stopped crying.

FannyFifer Fri 12-Apr-13 19:13:16

Never had a negative comment, only slight negative reaction was a man sitting across from me on train moved seats when I was feeding DS.

Loads of positive comments, my favourite was an old man who wandered over when I was feeding DS, stroked his head and said " that's great, baby getting if on draught, just as he should" and off he went. grin

TheSecondComing Fri 12-Apr-13 19:14:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandMini Fri 12-Apr-13 19:17:04

Only ever positive comments. What a heartening thread this is. I've had some very nice comments and some bloody lovely offers of help, like moving my buggy when it's in the way and I'm in the middle of a feed, or fetching a coffee or something.

I tend to smile/say something friendly if I see someone else feeding....is that annoying (note I usually have DD2 hanging off a boob at the time, so is supposed to be a solidarity thing)

MmeThenardier Fri 12-Apr-13 19:19:51

Never.

A waiter once gazed in awe at my GG milkers.

inneedofrain Fri 12-Apr-13 19:20:06

OK I BF through a summer of 50degre plus heat, so had very little on (opps) mostly a cottom vest and a cotton sarong, the only things I ever had said to me where things like

Do you want another drink, here i´ll get that for you (when reaching for baby bag etc) would you let me hold little one while you eat / drink. let me move you are in the sun, oh and when I very carelessly knocked my drink over covering me and the table in fruit juice everyone in the bar stopped, moved me, cleaned the table got me another drink etc. I have had little ones head patted whilst she was BF. and one lovely lady when little one was 1 or 2 weeks old and I was really struggling with BF/ sleep etc. sat with me and chatted away (she had had something like 7 kids) and I now realise that all the time she was repositioning DD for me to get a better latch, lifted my arm up and rested on her bag etc She made me feel so much better just by talking to me

This is all in the country that up untill 3 years ago you could not by tampons easily (ie in supermarkets) because of religion!

ArabellaBeaumaris Fri 12-Apr-13 19:21:04

Nope, & I've fed all over the place.

Just once, in a motorway service station cafe. We originally sat at a table in the middle, but DS (then 10 weeks) woke up, and as he was still a bit of a novice at latching we moved to a side table for a bit more privacy.
Cue (very young) waitress coming over. "I'm sorry, was there something wrong with your table?"
Me: "No, I just wanted to move so I could feed the baby."
Waitress: "You're going to feed him HERE?!!?!"
Me: "Actually, I'm feeding him right now..."
grin
To her credit, once she had got over her shock she came back and helped me cut up my food when she saw me juggling with knife, fork and baby.

Only one comment, ever, in over 3 years of feeding.

DD1 PFB had her 1st vaccination and I was waiting to go and feeding her for comfort.
Only person in the waiting room with more than 30 chairs.

Elderly lady walks in and sits directly opposite me in a narrow waiting room. Then tuts and sighs before telling me I shouldn't do 'that' here.

I simply ignored but decided to change DDs nappy. Unfortunately for her, in her hast to sit opposite me she failed to notice that she was in the baby area, with the change mat right next to her.grin

ItsYoniMeMikeOxard Fri 12-Apr-13 19:22:06

Quite a few positive comments. I had a conversation with one woman about her being embarrassed by other people bfing in public, I wasn't feeding at the time though, and she recognised it was her issue.

ArabellaBeaumaris Fri 12-Apr-13 19:22:19

Oh, several times other mums have thanked me for feeding in public. Which is odd but nice.

Forgetfulmog Fri 12-Apr-13 19:22:19

Softly - that's awful & from a doctor too! Is your dd ok now?

I was ushered out of a mother & toddler group into a side room when I wanted to feed a 3 month old dd. I didn't go back

Oodsigma Fri 12-Apr-13 19:22:46

Nope and I've fed for 41 months so far!
I'm almost disappointed. Have had a few offers of somewhere private but I always say 'I'm fine here' and carry on.
People are usually nice and the waiter in Pizza Express once offered to cut my food up for me.

chickensaladagain Fri 12-Apr-13 19:23:33

I was asked to go and feed dd2 in the toilets at a restaurant because another customer had complained -she hadn't seen anything but had heard dd1 saying that dd2 was having her lunch before us

I told the waiter to go back and ask the lady if she wanted to eat her lunch in the toilet!

My dad and my brother weren't that keen, I blame my mum who always used to feed us in the bedroom apparently

lisad123everybodydancenow Fri 12-Apr-13 19:24:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Darmont Fri 12-Apr-13 19:24:27

No not one word to me thank goodness. I was very discreet and even fed my dd at the back of church on Sunday morningssmile!!

AllDirections Fri 12-Apr-13 19:26:43

I fed my 3 babies anywhere (discretely of course) and I didn't get any comments with DD1 (16) and DD2 (12) but with there was a couple of incidents with DD3 (6).

I was feeding DD3 in doctor's waiting room and the reception asked if I wanted to go into a private room to feed. I declined and thought no more about it. Then a few weeks later I was in a hospital waiting room waiting for my sister to finish work. Again I was asked if I wanted to feed in a private room and I declined. I would have thought the woman was just being considerate but no, she told my sister it was really inappropriate for me to have been feeding in a public place. After that I questioned whether the doctor's receptionist had felt the same way.

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 12-Apr-13 19:27:13

No. None at all in 10 mths of bf out and about.

I had a few 'looks' when I was BF 4 month old LO on a bench in the high street, and had a man move away from me in a cafe too, but I think it was more from embarrassment that he'd seen my boob ;)

olivertheoctopus Fri 12-Apr-13 19:31:21

Nope. I'd have bloody loved them too so I could tell them to fuck off. I bf DS1 in a police station whilst giving a statement once (not because I had been nicked!!). Think the weirdest looks I ever got were in the concourse of a French hypermarket but I'm pretty thick skinned!

gail734 Fri 12-Apr-13 19:32:13

LadyBeagle - oh come on, people put much more inappropriate things on AIBU just because of the traffic! I could easily have called the thread "AIBU to BF in public?" but that would be ridiculous. I just wanted to hear everyone's little anecdotes. I remember a great thread about all the stupid things that people had said to them when they were pregnant.

Softlysoftly Fri 12-Apr-13 19:32:47

forgetfulshe's on the mend, had dd1 in children's assessment last night as well, this virus has been a nightmare. The Dr was young I'm therefore giving her the benefit of the benefit of the doubt but it was a bit thick considering they were talking about a feeding tube at one point hmm.

Nurses were amazing though and I got free food for breastfeeding. smile

Oh, and I was sitting next to a woman on the train, busy BF little 3 month DS, and she said 'do you breastfeed?' I wanted to go 'DUHH', but then realised I must be better at being discrete than I first thought.

Another woman on a train (I wasn't feeding him at the time) asked if I bottle or breast-fed. I said I do what ever I feel like at the time and what is most convinient, and she said 'that's the best way, having a choice is the best'.

Annunziata Fri 12-Apr-13 19:35:14

Not by a stranger, no. I wasn't allowed to feed in front of my brothers/dad though (all of whom had seen plenty of breasts but never mind).

In thirty years of cafe/ restaurant work, no one's ever complained to me about a woman feeding either.

Sprite21 Fri 12-Apr-13 19:35:19

Nothing rude or disapproving but I did have a male friend comment rather matter of factly on the spray element (it was early days of getting milk regulated). His girlfriend shot him a quizzical look and I was a bit uncomfortable.
Okay I wasn't trying to hide it but there's no need to comment!

HandMini Fri 12-Apr-13 19:36:00

I'm really torn about private rooms being offered for breastfeeding. I have seen a few signs up, esp in hospitals saying a room is available for feeding. I have asked for and used the rooms several times and they are often v nice with comfy chairs etc. However, if I were being particularly principled about it, should I refuse the use of these rooms and feed in the general waiting area because then it becomes a normalised public activity?

Coffeenowplease Fri 12-Apr-13 19:39:54

I dont think I would know where to look. I like looking at cute little babies but I dont want to stare at some woman trying to feed with her boob out so I sort of notice then look away type thing. I dont have children btw.

First time my friends DW whipped her boob out , right out to feed her DD I was very surprised, mainly because Id never met her before and thought shed be shy but clearly she wasnt at all.

MrsKoala Fri 12-Apr-13 19:40:05

i've had tuts, and a 'disgusting' at a motorway service station when ds was about 3 months.

My mum however, makes the most ridiculous song and dance about it. She hisses 'oh god, you're not going to feed here?' I was ushered into the musty store cupboard at a hall where my neices were having a party. I bf'd at my wedding and mum made more of a spectacle of it than if i had been left to just discreetly do it. She constructed a little 'den' in the corner and insisted on standing with her coat held up, looking round guiltily, as if i was changing my pants on the beach.

One of DH's mates sat giving me filthy looks with a look as tho she was going to vomit - she has made it clear she hates all babies tho and also told us quite seriously 'IT is so ugly' when ds was born, and posts Malthusian hatred on FB. So no real surprise there.

MagratOfStolat Fri 12-Apr-13 19:41:53

See, I had the opposite.

I was at the beginning of my post-natal depression, with my lack of breastfeeding contributing to it in a BIG way. DS just couldn't latch onto me, I'd seen a specialist and was finally told to move to formula because of how distraught I was getting. On top of that, he wasn't sleeping right as he was only 4 or 5 weeks old, so I stopped in the ASDA café to give him a bottle.

Some wretched hag confronted me about "not doing the best by my child" and how young women today care more about how their breasts look than their function. I broke down crying and told her it isn't that I wouldn't, but that I couldn't, that I feel like the worlds shittiest mother every single damn time I put on the kettle and I didn't need her to rub it in my face any more than I needed a bullet in my head.

To her credit, she then apologized and made a quick getaway. But it seems like you can't please anyone, whether breastfeeding or formulafeeding.

abbyfromoz Fri 12-Apr-13 19:42:26

Just sniggers from young studenty types but that didn't bother me... They don't have a clue....yet wink

HandMini Fri 12-Apr-13 19:42:27

mrskoala - jeez, that's awful. Well done for continuing to feed with all the negative influences around you.

ShirazSavedMySanity Fri 12-Apr-13 19:42:45

I rarely fed in public (I was too self conscious) but with my eldest, I sat in a quiet corner of M&S and fed. An elderly last come over to me and said how lovely it was to see something so natural. I was embarrassed but tried not to show it and just said something about her being a hungry girl.

Lots of starring in a pub garden when she was very tiny, but no one said anything.

abbyfromoz Fri 12-Apr-13 19:43:58

Btw- i have actually absentmindedly pumped under a shawl in front of friends but that was at our house. Boobs were about to explode!!! They looked shocked but i couldn't care less! Lol

I think private rooms should be available - we didn't get the 'hang' of breast-feeding until 10 weeks, so a private room was a godsend for us.
I wasn't comfortable during those first 10 weeks feeding in public because my baby would arch his back (almost to the point of falling off my lap), I could spend 10 minutes or so trying to get him latched, my boobs would often be completley exposed, plus a 'quiet' room always helped to calm him as I could sing to him without feeling stupid.
I would've have felt people staring at me, making it harder to latch. (The same way you feel when your toddler is crying in public and you feel everyone is staring and you just want the ground to swallow you up!)

tethering Fri 12-Apr-13 19:44:34

I never had anyone comment and I breastfed everywhere - supermarket, cafes, pubs, parks, etc. The only person who had a problem with it was my mum who would cover me with a blanket or close all the blinds in her house (just in case someone managed to see me through her front windows) grin

5madthings Fri 12-Apr-13 19:44:47

Only my mil who thought i shouldnt bfeed in public and kept trying to get me to go somewhere private, after five children and over nine yrs of bfeeding she gave uo. She was also critical when i put ds4 and dd onto bottles so i couldnt win!

Once i bfed ds1 in a department store and a member of staff came and told me i should be sitting behind a curtain.... I told her i was fine where i was.

Oh and a dr was horrified that i was still bfeeding ds2 at 2yrs and told me he shoukd be eating solids by now...because a two yr old is obviously going to be ebf... I bfed ds3 who was a few mths old at thr same app and he was equally hortified that i was tandem feeding and declared that i couldnt possibly have enough milk. The fact that ds3 was over the 99 per centile on the charts seem to pass him by...

I've had a few negative ones, once on a train a man looked over and said it was disgusting to sit with tits out, the woman sat beside me pointed out to him he was reading the daily star and whilst he was obviously a fan of ogling womens breasts he was confused about what they were actually designed for!

Another time a woman asked if I had to do that in public, she was trying to eat her lunch and I was putting her off and could I not go to the toilet and feed. The waiter in the restaurant smiled and asked if she would like to be moved to the loo's since she thought it was an appropriate place to eat lunch.

And there was the wonderful old gent who brought me a cup cake and a cup of tea because his recently deceased wife loved a sweet treat and a cuppa when she fed her babies many moons ago. He made me cry

chocoluvva Fri 12-Apr-13 19:48:55

Only one comment while I was feeding at a baby and toddler group from a mum who commented that it was nice to see someone BFing their baby.

mrsmindcontrol Fri 12-Apr-13 19:50:34

My dad never let me BF infront of him. Would always have to go into a different room. Fuckwit.
When I was BF DS3 aged about 9 months, I had to have an operation & was asking the anaesthetist about the effect it would have on my milk. He asked me what on earth I was doing 'still' BF when he was that age....?confused

HairyGrotter Fri 12-Apr-13 19:50:36

Aww Glen, that's lovely. I'd have shed a tear too! What a gent

Ironbluemayfly Fri 12-Apr-13 19:50:59

I only had positive comments about how good my baby was in restaurants, but I did tend to death stare at anyone who looked at me disapprovingly, which I think put them off saying anything.

MsBella Fri 12-Apr-13 19:51:35

Yep! 'Why do you have to do that right in my face' man sitting next to me on a seat in a shopping centre and 'put your tits away you slag' by 1 girl in a group of 3 (I was breastfeeding in primark with dd in a sling
But to be honest it was a good excuse for me to have a rant at them, I was VERY angry to be honest

littlepeas Fri 12-Apr-13 19:51:37

I've breastfed 3 dc - dc1 for 7 months, dc2 for 17 months and dc3 is 19 months and still going. I've never been approached when in public, but did get one particularly nasty look feeding approximately 9 month old dc3 on a bench at Chessington World of Adventures! My mum does not like breastfeeding and has repeatedly told me to stop since the day I had dc1. A close friend commented that I am becoming one of those mothers quite recently.

TheNebulousBoojum Fri 12-Apr-13 19:53:42

Interesting how it's women commenting negatively or expressing distaste.

But Sprite was uncomfortable about an observation?
if you are doing something interesting, then people might ask something. I wonder how many would have been as comfortable as Fanny:

'Loads of positive comments, my favourite was an old man who wandered over when I was feeding DS, stroked his head and said " that's great, baby getting if on draught, just as he should" and off he went'

grin That's lovely, but others might have felt that he should just have ignored her.

MsBella Fri 12-Apr-13 19:54:33

Not to mention all the many, many comments made by people to eachother but not directly to me, been called a slag for it a few times which makes NO sense!

And a fair bit of tutting and disgusted/disapproving looks

BettyStogs Fri 12-Apr-13 19:54:47

No, never anything negative. Keep expecting some comments now as DS is 19mo and still feeds occasionally in public. A few (mostly child free) friends and family members have asked things like how long I'll keep bf for, but in an interested way rather than negative.

littlepeas Fri 12-Apr-13 19:55:18

*'ve had a few negative ones, once on a train a man looked over and said it was disgusting to sit with tits out, the woman sat beside me pointed out to him he was reading the daily star and whilst he was obviously a fan of ogling womens breasts he was confused about what they were actually designed for!

Another time a woman asked if I had to do that in public, she was trying to eat her lunch and I was putting her off and could I not go to the toilet and feed. The waiter in the restaurant smiled and asked if she would like to be moved to the loo's since she thought it was an appropriate place to eat lunch.

And there was the wonderful old gent who brought me a cup cake and a cup of tea because his recently deceased wife loved a sweet treat and a cuppa when she fed her babies many moons ago. He made me cry*

How bloody lovely. You've encountered some fab people (we'll ignore the fuckwit ones).

littlepeas Fri 12-Apr-13 19:55:44

Quote was meant to be in bold - duh!

MrsKoala Fri 12-Apr-13 19:55:45

aaawww Glen i have just cried a bit at that - altho i did cry at Tree Fu Tom earlier, so i may have pmt.

TheNebulousBoojum Fri 12-Apr-13 19:58:16

Oops, not exclusively women, but enough to make me irritated that they are not supporting a woman's right to choose.
Who was the fabulous Mnetter years back who recounted the tale of feeding in a park with two young men walking past?
One gawped, the other belted him and said 'Stop perving, them's baby tits not looking at tits.' and apologised for his mate's lack of discrimination.

Pandemoniaa Fri 12-Apr-13 19:58:33

Apart from ex-MIL who once wondered if I'd be "more comfortable" sat upstairs feeding 8 week old ds1 in the spare bedroom - to which I smiled and reassured her that I was as comfy as anything where I was - I only ever had favourable comments or none at all. Admittedly, as a very small titted person I suppose it wasn't that obvious when I was bf but for all that I didn't make any great efforts to conceal what I was doing. It was also surprising how many elderly ladies said how lovely it was to see a baby being bf.

PuffPants Fri 12-Apr-13 19:58:36

Seriously? I never once encountered so much as a raised eyebrow. People were overwhelmingly supportive.

MsBella Fri 12-Apr-13 19:59:45

I kind of thought everyone had had some bad comments, its absolutely great that loads of you never have!

I have been really lucky, there are some fab people out there.

HairyGrotter Fri 12-Apr-13 20:01:29

My DD's childminder still breast feeds her 2 year old, she apologised, such a shame folk feel they have to. I couldn't give a shit, crack on.

My mum was very supportive, she BF all 4 of us, and told me all the 'home truths' of it, and even had empathy toe curls when DD was first latching on ha

PuffPants Fri 12-Apr-13 20:01:44

YY to the elderly ladies, they generally commented more openly but it was always positive encouragement. I suppose in their day it was normal. It's our own mothers' generation where it fell out of fashion.

beginnings Fri 12-Apr-13 20:03:10

All these nasty comments! The only ones I ever got were positive. In Ireland breastfeeding is even less common than in the UK. I was there visiting my parents when DD was a few weeks old. I was feeding her in a café and an older lady looked over at me and said "Aren't you great. Well done." That's a big compliment where I come from. Her friend looked a bit uncomfortable though grin

My DMIL (who BF all five of her children!) did ask me if I'd be more comfortable out of the living room at her house - it was only at that point that my 17 year old nephew noticed what I was up to - he scarpered as soon as it was brought to his attention and I was accused of having made him uncomfortable. Sod that for a game of soldiers. I said I was quite happy where I was thankyouverymuch.

glen you just made me cry too! What a sensible woman and what a fabulous gentleman.

blueberryupsidedown Fri 12-Apr-13 20:04:21

I was asked, in a hospital waiting room (incidently, where I had my DS2 three weeks before...) if I would like to go to a 'private room to do that discretly'.

It was a crowded waiting room because my DS 2 had broken his arm and we were waiting for his cast to be removed.

I gave the 'nurse' a load of whatnot, and as it were, other people in the waiting room backed me up and said that they didn't mind. It was Whipps Cross hospital in London.

I was breastfeeding on brighton beach when a group of lads walked past, one said 'hey look at that baby sucking its mum's tit, ooh it's turning me on, <sings> who's sucking on your titty toniiiiiight'

So yeah.

MrsKoala Fri 12-Apr-13 20:04:26

As an aside - i'm starting to get a bit anxious, because DS is 7months and has 2 teeth and i'm getting quite a lot of 'oh, you aren't still feeding are you?' and 'isn't it time you stopped that' from friends and family. But if anything DS likes it more now he's weaning and i'm happy to continue. DH said i should have stopped by 2yo...

I think everyone was happy up to 3mo, but now they are starting to feel uncomfortable. i may need some good comebacks soon.

No, no negative comments. I bf in public places (cafes, shops, car park - in the car) when the need arose. People would have got a mouthful if they'd said anything though!

lunar1 Fri 12-Apr-13 20:09:50

Plenty of positives with my two, mostly from older women.

2 negatives, I make sure nothing can be seen but one man sat near to me and said "my turn next", he didn't realise it was my dh stood a few feet away. Needless to say dh scared him off!

The second time was at a sure start centre by the bitch of a receptionist, she asked me to move to the toilets as the waiting area wasn't appropriate. Ds2 was 2 weeks old at the time and I was finding feeding really difficult, I ended up crying for about an hour in the managers office. Thankfully he was really good and got me the breast feeding midwife out. Think she also spoke to the receptionist too. She has never looked me in the eye since!

SomethingOnce Fri 12-Apr-13 20:10:00

The only time I think I had a comment (it's possible it wasn't about m, although, sadly, I'm pretty certain it was) was waiting in the queue for a festival-site-to-public-transport bus.

A young man glanced at me discreetly breastfeeding and said to his friend, 'Ugh, I feel violated'.

Pandemoniaa Fri 12-Apr-13 20:11:24

The generational issue is interesting too. I'm very old (children aged 30 and 31) and we were all encouraged to breastfeed and be out and proud about it.

My mother and MIL's generation (born in the 1920s) were the generation who were encouraged to think that formula feeding was the modern and more desirable way. I was ff but MIL did bf although certainly not on demand (she was genuinely gobsmacked about me ignoring the "rules" that said babies were only fed at 4-hourly intervals) and never, ever, in public. "Public" being a category extended to her own sitting room if anyone else was in the house.

So the elderly ladies that used to comment favourably when I was feeding my babies are now long dead. Them being my grandmother's generation (born at the turn of the 20th century).

Smellslikecatspee Fri 12-Apr-13 20:12:56

Glen, that did actually make me go awwwww

Ps: love the name smile

Dawndonna Fri 12-Apr-13 20:13:16

Interesting Pandemoniaa I got an awful earful some 28 years ago from a woman in John Lewis about breastfeeding Ds1. Even then JL were good, and kicked her out. grin

intheshed Fri 12-Apr-13 20:14:14

The only person who ever complained was my MIL grin

minouminou Fri 12-Apr-13 20:14:25

Awwww....that old guy....what a hero!

We took three-day-old DD to a big Sainsbo near us, and she needed feeding, so I asked the staff in the cafe if they minded me sitting in a corner to feed her despite my not intending to get coffee or anything. They said it was fine, so I got on with it....after a few minutes I looked up to see one of the ladies coming over with a big cup of water and a biscuit for me. I must have been very hormonal and tired because I welled up at her. She did say something nice, but I can't remember what....
Nasty comments....not really. One of my nieces had never seen a yo e bf-ing and was expecting to be freaked out, but wasn't in the end.

GizzaCwtch Fri 12-Apr-13 20:16:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KristinaM Fri 12-Apr-13 20:17:18

No, the only unhelpful comments I had in 5 years of bf were from health care professionals. No comments from the general public at all. I obviously look very scary wink

beginnings Fri 12-Apr-13 20:18:35

MrsKoala, I think, to use an MNism, that no is a complete sentence. The next time someone suggests "Isn't it time you stopped that", just say no!

DD stopped herself at 9mo when I became pregnant. It made me a bit sad!

miffybun73 Fri 12-Apr-13 20:19:49

I fed DS for 14 months and DD for 9 months, frequently in the park, cafes, beer gardens etc. I had one or two nice, positive comments, but nothing negative, either verbally or disapproving glances. Maybe it helps that I'm small of chest and the little ones stayed still whilst feeding.

BegoniaBampot Fri 12-Apr-13 20:20:33

i BF everywhere and for quite a long time. Can't really remember anything that negative. surprise maybe but nothing to bother me.

EggsEggSplat Fri 12-Apr-13 20:20:40

Never had anything negative, but years ago a friend and I were in a fairly posh restaurant outside Sydney (only mention location because Australia is a bit prudish about BF in my experience, or at least it was 14 years ago) with our respective DHs and 4-month-old babies.

A man at the next table gave us a bit of an evil eye as the babies started fussing and we both latched them on, but an hour or so later, as we finished our meal and were getting up to leave, he came over and complimented us on our lovely babies and the good job we were doing in keeping them happy and not letting them disturb other customers. Maybe we made a BF-in-public convert that day?

beginnings Fri 12-Apr-13 20:20:59

GizzaCwtch my DH too!! It was bloody ridiculous. He used to get all twitchy and only stopped when I pointed out it was HIS behaviour that was drawing attention!

miffybun73 Fri 12-Apr-13 20:20:59

Just realised that probably sounded strange, I meant "little ones" as in my children, not my aforementioned small boobs smile

ariane5 Fri 12-Apr-13 20:21:46

My worst experience was when ds2 was 3 days old.... IN NICU

I had been trying to establish bf and had a screen half round where his incubator was but it was v v busy in there and they were putting a new baby into a cot next to ds. The nurse was huffing and puffing as the screen was in the way and the new babys dad was there.
In the end she said to me very angrily " you need to stop now he is right there (pointing to other babys dad) you nedd to put away"
I was shocked but in my tired/hormonal state just did as I was told.

The next day the nurse came and apologised and said she had been feeling unwell and dizzy after long shifts and hadn't meant to stop me breastfeeding.

littlestressy Fri 12-Apr-13 20:24:00

Only positive comments, last summer I was bf DS in the park (about 6 mo), lady walked past gave me a wistful look "that brings it all back" she said with a big grin.

About a month ago took DS (now 16 mo) to supermarket, he was recently out of hospital and getting stressed. I took him to one of the benches by the tills and fed him, older lady next to me on the bench "he's feeling better now love!"

I used to think up good retorts in case anyone ever said anything but they never did

Goldenbear Fri 12-Apr-13 20:24:36

I BF my DD until she was nearly 2 but didn't get any negative comments about it except from MIL who said that she was too old for that now. She was very pro breast feeding babies but not beyond 6 months. My DP was breastfed until he was 6 months, he is 31 and she still curses the nurse who she thinks ruined it for DP's younger brother as she kept taking him away in the hospital despite her protests.

lakeofshiningwaters Fri 12-Apr-13 20:26:01

2 nasty, 1 nice.

Nice - an old gent in Costa who said 'My wife fed my 2 boys, and they grew up into corkers. Yours will too!'.

Nasty - a power-suited couple who loudly proclaimed 'God, there's just no need for that, surely 'they' should use a bottle when they're around people' (clearly neither ds nor I were people!)

2nd nasty - a group of young Mums sitting near me in a park had a loud discussion about how breasfeeding was perverted, and wasn't it nicer to buy your baby pretty pink or blue bottles. Boobs are meant for men not babies.

2nd one just made me sad.

Pandemoniaa Fri 12-Apr-13 20:29:43

My MIL's generation (women in their 50s at the time) did seem rather suffused with resentment about how we refused to hide away in order to do perfectly natural things like bf, Dawndonna. I'm wondering if the woman you encountered in JL was that age too.

MrsKoala Fri 12-Apr-13 20:31:19

lakeof - that is very sad. i haven't got very nice boobs and have never attracted a 'boob man' so the boobs are meant for men attitude is totally alien to me. How weird. I have known women who's H's were annoyed they bf'd. But then i find that as odd as those who's H's go off them sexually when they are pregnant - i just can't imagine it.

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Fri 12-Apr-13 20:31:19

Never had a negative. Had quite a few positive.

Had one Spanish mum sit down next to me on a bench in a park in a tourist spot and say something apologetic about "I'm still feeding her", to which DD1 (clearly older than said baby) demanded a feed and we sat in companionable silence doing so. I'd have had a chat, but my Spanish is limited to 'where is the beach' and 'one beer please', and I don't think her English was great.

Dawndonna Fri 12-Apr-13 20:34:26

Yes Pandemoniaa you're right, and of course she was.

Spo Fri 12-Apr-13 20:34:58

I ssw a woman get asked to leave the baby pool last night because she wss breastfeeding angry

marriedinwhiteagain Fri 12-Apr-13 20:37:39

Yep - my step father with ds who said "you aren't going to do that in front of DH's dad are you?" tut.

Two old bags in M&S cafe with DD who complained to the cafe manager who asked me to be moved to the toilet. I sent back a message to say that if they wanted to have their lunch in the lavatory they were very very welcome to take it there.

5madthings Fri 12-Apr-13 20:38:38

Tbf spo that's because you cant eat/drink anything in a swimming pool. She could gave just sat at the side of the pool?

marriedinwhiteagain Fri 12-Apr-13 20:39:37

BTW DS is now 18 and dd nearly 15 and I hope times have changed. I turned round to a lady in church, with a fractious baby, a few weeks ago and smiled and just said "well feed her - God won't mind". But then middle aged bags can get away with that. smile. She relaxed straight away and fed the baby and there was peace for all. grin

Spo Fri 12-Apr-13 20:40:17

5 she was sat on the steps at the edge...just looked like she was cuddling him I thought..

Dawndonna Fri 12-Apr-13 20:40:25

Good for you, married Abuela would have been as proud of you as she was of me! It was her I was out with the day somebody commented. My grandmother was great with the stream of invective and it did surprise people, particularly as she spoke so very well. grin

5madthings Fri 12-Apr-13 20:42:57

Well that's odd then but if she was still technically in the pool is shallow bit with steps leading down into pool then they are just enforcing the standard no good/drink.

But yes if she wasn't in the water that was crap. I used to get out and feed my ds2 sat on the benches at the side of our local pool and nobody said anything.

5madthings Fri 12-Apr-13 20:44:21

I have fed in church and at my grandmas funeral and no one said anything. Mil would have been horrified tho and she also thought anything past 6mths was too long...ds2 fed till nearly four years old!

MrsOakenshield Fri 12-Apr-13 20:45:45

the only rather odd (not exactly negative) comment I got was from MIL's DH, who said it was much easier in his day, they just gave mums a pill and then they bottle fed. I'm guessing he wasn't aware that MIL bf'd all four of her children . . . we all ignored him and I think he got the message.

oldwomanwholivedinashoe Fri 12-Apr-13 20:48:24

No negative comments at all in England but in France....
I had a curtain pulled around me to hide me whilst breast feeding in a restaurant.
I was made fun if by a group of teenagers when feeding on a park bench
And I was spat at- yes spat at- by a woman when feeding on a cafe patio.
I was very discrete feeding both my children and always used a cover blanket but in France I think bottle feeding must be the thing.
I only fed my first child publicly in France- when I had my second I always went back to the car when in France to avoid other negative experiences.

FlatsInDagenham Fri 12-Apr-13 20:53:31

Re swimming:
A few weeks ago I was feeding at the swimming pool, on the benches at the side. An attendant approached me and I braced myself for a negative. But she merely told me that babies who have recently fed are more likely to vomit when they get back in the water, and could I make sure the baby is properly winded and has a few minutes for the milk to settle before we got back in.

Fair enough.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Fri 12-Apr-13 20:55:06

I got asked if my "tits didnt work" for not breast feeding!grin

Spo Fri 12-Apr-13 20:55:22

Ah well maybe they were right then...but no useful advice like that..clearly heard the attendant say it was because some people might be offended..

BegoniaBampot Fri 12-Apr-13 20:56:42

i'm surprised about france and surprised they seem much more uptight about it than the UK.

paperclips Fri 12-Apr-13 20:58:02

Never had any comments while feeding in public, but when DS was about 8 weeks I was carrying him in a shop and an older lady stopped to coo and admire him (he is beautiful). She asked me if I fed him myself. I said yes and she gave me this knowing look and said "ah yes I can tell" with a big smile.

I always wondered what she meant by that.

FlatsInDagenham Fri 12-Apr-13 20:59:22

The only negative I've had was my BIL's refusal to be in the same room while I fed.

Fucking idiot.

Other than that, I've fed so far a total of 4 years and will feed absolutely anywhere - cafes, supermarkets, parks, cinemas, museums, buses - I can honestly say I've never had a negative comment.

JumpJockey Fri 12-Apr-13 21:00:12

Oldwoman, I had a totally different experience in France, was BFing DD1 aged 9 months in a resto and the owner came over and we had a rather stilted chat (with my faded A-level French) about how his daughter had bfed 4 children. It took me a while to understand his term for bf (allaiter, which I took to mean milking as in cows until he made a boob-squeezing gesture!).

Other comments I had were entirely positive - people bringing me cups of water while sitting on very expensive sofas in JL, a church verger who told me about their changing facilities when I'd popped into a random church on the way home when DD suddenly woke up hungry, a lady who came up to me in a park and said "that's the loveliest thing I've seen all day". Even a lady who invited me to sit down and feed if I needed to while viewing her house! I don't remember any negative comments at any stage, my dad would avoid looking directly but that may just have been because he'd never seen my adult boobs until then.

JulieCarp Fri 12-Apr-13 21:00:20

One old lady who came over and said hoow lovely to see a BF baby
One old lady who came over to say "My husband is most upset to see THAT going on".
I told her to tell him to stop bloody looking then!grin

brdgrl Fri 12-Apr-13 21:04:34

I breastfed DD 'in public' until she was about two, at which point she was only being BF at bedtime so no longer out and about. I always used a shawl or blanket and covered up, and actually I never much liked doing it around other people (just my personal choice and no comment on any one else's, I preferred to go off and find a quiet spot to be alone with her when I could feasibly do so). But I never had a nasty comment or even a dirty look my way.

MrsDeVere Fri 12-Apr-13 21:05:08

I have bf four of my five.
I don't think I remember a single negative comment.

I do look a bit hard though grin

Anyway, you cant see anything when I feed. I have never had a baby who thrashes about when feeding. I don't use blankets but do use fake pashmina things.

When I had DD though I remember just getting a boob out over my vest top. I was young, I was a rebel. grin

quoteunquote Fri 12-Apr-13 21:05:41

1991 five hr into a 11 hr journey train journey, I was sat by the window, in a near empty carriage with my DP next to me discreetly feeding pfb two months old, under a big T-shirt, cardigan and big scarf,

This chap walked past on his way to the loo had a looked at me , as he came back a few minutes later, he glanced me as passed, he then came back again, about five minutes later he appeared with the guard, I had just finished feeding DS,

The guard then told me that if I wanted to feed the baby I must go into the loo, the chap stood behind him making wasp chewing lemon sucking cat's bum faces,

I handed DS to his father and went bat shit crazy, I suspect they are still in therapy,

after trapping them in the carriage, I gave them sandwiches and refused to let them go anywhere until they went into the loos and ate them, I explained why their attitude intimidated women out of breast feeding, and all the consequences that had for babies ,mother's health, and society I explained why they were perverted nasty little shits,who clearly didn't know what breast were for, I wouldn't let either of them leave until they explained to me the error of their way, it took a long time, I was so cross that the nasty bastards thought they could bully a young mum, I don't often lose my temper but when I do, I explode.

It involved the transport police (Birmingham NS) I made the guard call them, who made the error of taking both the twonks details in front of me,

I put in a complaint to the rail company, and made them agree to retrain staff, I tracked down the original git, to his company(bank) and informed them of their attitude,

I had a lot of free train travel, free family pass, three apology letters, and the change in policy,

but in nearly ten years of breast feeding it was the only time anyone ever said anything, I suspect word got around.

I did chuck a couple of twonks off a bus in London a few years ago, when they started on a mum feeding a tiny baby in a sling.

Only the very ignorant would intimidate a mum feeding a baby, never tolerate ignorance.

Fifty months (holy shit). No remarks I remember.

Staring teenagers, yes, but no remarks.

I've had negative comments from HCPs and others about "still" bf and their bullshit reasons for my giving up, starting before 7mo hmm , just no comments during the act itself. Which is handy, because I can't reach to stab them in the face with a biro when a toddler is latched on grin

Ikeameatballs Fri 12-Apr-13 21:08:29

Once when ds was about 5 months old someone commented positively on the fact that I was managing to feed him whilst walking about the park and looking after dd.

Once a male friend commented positively on my multitasking as I was feeding ds whilst standing up on one leg whilst unbuckling my shoes!

Can't remember any negative comments and fed dd til 6 months and ds is still feeding at 3.4

I never had any negative comments, the waitress in Starbucks brought me a glass of water with my decaff without me asking, she said, " I always wanted a glass of water when I was feeding." and lots of older men saying how lovely it was to see a baby being fed. Most of the time people didn't notice- and I once BF sat in the window at Betty's in York and they brought me water too!.
I was sort of disappointed too- I love a good row grin

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Fri 12-Apr-13 21:12:52

Wow quoteunquote, but remind me never to get on your bad side. You is well 'ard!

Only ever had positive comments, and they were all from elderly ladies (some of them with their husbands).

Most of the time the younger folk didn't even know I was doing it. I got on the bus feeding DS3 in a sling, sat next to a woman who said, 'oh, I thought you were feeding him....you are!'

She was amazed grin

Meglet Fri 12-Apr-13 21:14:17

No. I 'only' managed 5 months of it between both dc's though.

Jenny70 Fri 12-Apr-13 21:15:53

I breasfed 3 children over 6 years (including tandem feeding toddler and baby) and never received an actual comment in public - and I fed wherever and whenever it was required. Many a "averted glance", but never even a rude face or roll of eyes ....

Amanda I'm in agreement with you! Excellent job though quote!

(PS - just finishing off The Year of the Flood again - did you know the third book has a release date?)

Blending Fri 12-Apr-13 21:20:09

No but quite a few nice ones

I popped into a pub for some lunch and I braced my self when an old guy made a bee line for me as I BF 4 mo DD. With a big smile he said "Does she want a whisky chaser with that?" grin

I was waiting for my MOT in the garage waiting room,and a teenage lad came in and spotted me, I waited for him to cringe or run out but he didnt bat an eyelid, and brought me a large glass of water and said that his Mum had always got thirsty when she fed his little sister.

FreedomOfTheTess Fri 12-Apr-13 21:20:40

Only once, a power-suited woman complained loudly to the man she was sitting with, saying "look at that, she's breastfeeding where people are eating and drinking, it's disgusting."

I spoke up and said, "my baby is a person, he is eating/drinking, so what's the difference? And if that's putting you off your latte, I don't care, as it's your problem not mine."

She looked rather embarrassed that I'd spoken up in reply, I think she thought I'd just take it, and didn't say anything else. They did move to another table though.

Springforward Fri 12-Apr-13 21:22:35

Bless the lad in the MOT garage, that was really thoughtful of him!

RainbowsFriend Fri 12-Apr-13 21:29:06

Mainly my DM who ALWAYS asks if we are still breastfeeding, and always has a reason why it's time to stop. DD is 21 months, I'm 3 months pregnant and still going!

PIL bless them are obviously a bit uncomfortable and deliberately avert their gaze, and MIL especially has a problem with me feeding DD at the dining room table for some unknown reason. She never says anything, just looks disapproving! grin

Both of them (in their mid-late sixties) though were of the generation that were told to schedule 4 hourly feeds, babies were taken away at birth to the nursery, so the mothers could rest etc, so never stood a chance with breastfeeding themselves - and probably didn't have any friends who did either, so it probably does seem "unnatural" to them - especially a very vocal toddler grin

The worst comments I've had were a group of obviously new mums in cafe "disgusted" at my feeding a child of DD's age. Well I thought the same when DD was tiny, but now it's just natural (but I wouldn't have said anything in earshot!).

When DD was tiny, I did have an old gent buy me an orange juice when I was sat down feeding DD (before she had her usual hungry meltdown) as I'd had to feed her before I could get myself a drink. He refused to be paid back as well, bless him smile

Crawling Fri 12-Apr-13 21:32:06

I sat in a group once and about six mums were being really disgusting and horrid about bf even goinvg as far as to say it smust give them sexual pleasure.

Then dd needed a feed cue shamed faces whwn I started feeding and said watcah me orgasm now. They left the room and a mw xclapped.

Crawling Fri 12-Apr-13 21:33:24

Sorry on phone with a non tired baby bouncing on me.

Theyoniwhisperer Fri 12-Apr-13 21:38:32

Nothing ever from a stranger, DP's sister asked me not to bf in front of her kids (boys around 11 and 9 at the time) and so I would spend family gatherings upstairs in a spare room. Was actually fine with me, I was happier up there reading a magazine than making small talk with my in-laws.

My sister's in laws are also weird about it and at her wedding I breastfed three week old DS1 in the hotel lobby and her DH's brother came over to say hello, noticed me feeding and shouted 'that's TERRIBLE!'. I think he was a bit mortified afterwards.

Ikeameatballs Fri 12-Apr-13 21:38:42

Have just remembered a comment that makes me sad but also weirdly smile.

Feeding dd as a tiny baby in front of my very elderly gran, must have been about 96, led to the most bonding conversation between us that I can remember. She talked about feeding her first her first daughter who later died as a child sad.

rainbow2000 Fri 12-Apr-13 21:40:10

No not really have do you want to feed in the toilet i said no why do you.
Had some women sitting in the parents area,she was about 60 and i was bf my pfb.She gave me the eyes never said anything which i find worse but huffed and puffed.Until i pointed out to my ma we were in teh parents area and where are her kids.She didnt know where to look.
And ive bf 5 of them and my 2 teenage boys were not embarressed feeding their brother why would any one else be

quoteunquote Fri 12-Apr-13 21:44:20

DP, did then point out I had fed them the sandwiches, which meant there was now no sandwiches, but he didn't mention it again, DS slept through it, somewhere out there are two men who will never quite be able to eat a caerphilly and mango chutney sandwich.

Crawling a friend had similar, a group of women(new mums) suggesting it was sexual, really screwed up thinking.

MmeThenardier Fri 12-Apr-13 21:44:47

quoteunquote - respect.

You make me want to have a baby and bf on a train in the hope that I will have the opportunity to educate some people the way you did.

MrsKoala Fri 12-Apr-13 21:50:26

Quote - you are now my hero smile

Crawling - i once had a male 'friend' say that women must get sexual pleasure from internal examinations and smear tests and even from putting tampons in hmm . So much so he wouldn't allow his gf to have a coil in case she got turned on when it was fitted.

minouminou Fri 12-Apr-13 21:51:59

I've also bf-ed loads of times in a room full of gay guys. With DS, we'd get the occasional comment like "The left this time, sir? Excellent choice...."
There was one guy who had come out v early on in life and had never - ahem - tried it with a lady.... I caught him having a shifty look at my massive norks in what I hope was amazement.

no but ive had a few mean looks, although lots of approving nods too to equal it up

landofsoapandyoni Fri 12-Apr-13 21:55:52

I can remember going to the dentist when DS2 was about 5months old. The dentist was my old boss and he commented on how slim I was, I said it was probably the BF. He was really shocked I was 'still' feeding DS2 because his wife had stopped feeding their DD, who was a week older than DS when she was 6 weeks. He asked me if my DH minded!hmm I said no, why would he, I was saving us lots of money by not buying formula!

<notes down quote's name and remembers not to cross her!>

Smooshy Fri 12-Apr-13 21:55:56

I bf 5 kids and had no comments at all. Maybe I give off "don't comment or else" vibes? (Probably not!)

EggsEggSplat Fri 12-Apr-13 21:59:07

bows down in front of quoteunquote with massive respect

I remember when DP and I went to register DD's birth, she needed to feed and the registrar tried to put me off by saying something about it not being an appropriate place for me and would I like to come back later? I just said I was comfy and wanted to get on with registering as the CS scar was uncomfortable. This was nearly 13 years ago, and about 3 weeks after DD was born.

It's probably the only time someone actually said something, but I did get a few glares, which were conspicuous by their absence when DP was around. He was always so ridiculously proud about me being able to feed our DCs.

But then, his mum (now 84) had bf'd her 3 and was very practical (and approving) about it, whereas my mum ff me and DBro. My Mum always said something about her boobs being too small for making milk, but really she's got issues about intimate bodily functions and I feel that the idea of bfing was something she just couldn't take to.

pearlgirl Fri 12-Apr-13 22:08:03

Never been aware of any negative comments in public - bf all four out and about - one lovely waiter even offered to cut up my food for me when I was feeding ds4.
Sadly the only negativity I ever had was from pil who with ds1 wouldn't stay in the same room - which made visits when ds1 was tiny interesting as he was one of those babies who fed little and often. With later dcs they have stayed in the room - so I feel I have done a bit of educating there.

Permanentlyexhausted Fri 12-Apr-13 22:10:57

An older lady (in her 70s maybe) told me "That shouldn't be allowed" when she saw me feeding DD. That was the only comment though.

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Fri 12-Apr-13 22:14:20

Jackie - Does it? That's exciting.

Ooh, just had a Google. August. Fab.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 12-Apr-13 22:16:18

fed for 3 and a half years in public. (and it felt like everyminute of that at the time!) don't remember any comments. funny though. i did not feed in front of pil. hmm mixed feeding has it's advantages. smile

foofooyeah Fri 12-Apr-13 22:18:41

One gawped, the other belted him and said 'Stop perving, them's baby tits not looking at tits.' and apologised for his mate's lack of discrimination

That made me giggle.

yaimee Fri 12-Apr-13 22:19:55

I'm really glad to read all this, especially the lovely comments that some people have had.
I really struggled to bf and ended up giving formula and expressed milk.
I got 2 negative comments about ff in public, people saying it was a shame or asking why no bf which really upset me.
I was mortified to ff in public and avoided certain places as I felt I was being judged.
So it just goes to show, sometimes you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Someone always has something to say.

EldonAve Fri 12-Apr-13 22:23:26

Only had positive comments myself incl in the US embassy

Worst was in an airport with husband's mates going how great it was that bf was so acceptable nowadays (one of them clearly wasn't that keen)

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Fri 12-Apr-13 22:23:53

An old work collegue of mine lovely bloke, bit of a womaniser commented once when I was feeding a tiny dd, "I thought you said she needed feeding?" <comes in for a closer look> "but I can't see any of your breast that's not fair"
I just rolled my eyes and laughed at him, whilst his wife went beetroot.

Dd2, sat on bus feeding dd, old lady sat behind taps me on the shoulder, "I thought you were feeding, much better than them screaming on the bus"

I can't remember having any negative comments though,

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Fri 12-Apr-13 22:24:05

I've had many lovely comments from men and women of all sorts of ages. I can only recall one unpleasant experience when feeding 3 day old ds2 in Tesco (first trip out because I urgently needed groceries!). Someone complained to the manager about me feeding him on one of the seats at the bottom of the checkout so the manager asked me to move to the changing room. I had a slightly hormonal rage at him & put him in his place.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Fri 12-Apr-13 22:24:08

I've not had any negative comments so far, but now DS is 7 months and on solids a few people ask if I'm still breastfeeding. I can imagine that the "still" is going to become more emphasised from now on.

For the first 6 weeks I was really grateful for private rooms as DS could take up to an hour to latch on (tongue tie) and I found the struggle to be embarrassing. Now I feed anywhere.

Gizza I go to a Catholic Church. Not only has everyone there been lovely about me nursing DS, there are also signs up saying breastfeeding welcome. I think it is one of their drives and they really support it, so ignore MIL next time and feed in a pew!

totallystumped Fri 12-Apr-13 22:31:47

I never experienced negative comments when feeding my 2, neither did my friend much to her chagrin I suspect who was probably the most in-you-face bfeeder I've ever met. I remember 3 of us older mums at an out door summer event weghing up whether to say something when she sat stripped to the waist, in the full sun trying to persuade a hot and bothered, equally uncovered baby to feed when there was a seat in cooler, shadier place about 5-6 metres away. We chickened out, but did fetch the baby a hat.

tvmum1976 Fri 12-Apr-13 22:35:59

no one ever said anything to me about breastfeeding in public. When i started to ff, I got a few negative comments.

I sometimes feel like the 'person who criticises a woman for bf in public' myth is similar to the 'angry feminist who gets cross when men hold doors open for her" myth- ie they are caricatures used to prove a point and don't actually exist in real life, or at least not to any significant level.

browniebear Fri 12-Apr-13 22:39:54

Only ever had positive comments here too. Along the lines of 'oh it's lovely to see a mother feeding'

ExMil did once say 'can't you do that later?' When I was feeding a 3 week old ds at SIL wedding. I was on a bench in the grounds of a hotel at the time, not a sole anywhere near us hmm

RosyfingeredDawn Fri 12-Apr-13 22:59:53

When my DD was about 5months, I fed her on a bench in a churchyard, always covered up with a muslin/shawl,
Young guy (about 18) and his girlfriend made some very nasty comments about my "ugly tits" and how disgusting I was and how I shouldn't be showing my breasts in public. He was carrying a copy of The Sun which I reminded him of.
His girlfriend told me she was going to call the police and get me arrested, she then pretended to ring them.
I told them to fuck off but was quite scared as there was noone else there and I had my pfb with me.
They did fuck off in the end but left me quite shaken.
That was the only time, but that was enough, I did continue to bf to 10 months.

MsBella Fri 12-Apr-13 23:00:35

Tvmum unfortunately its definitely not a myth
Would be better if it was of course

KnittedC Fri 12-Apr-13 23:07:00

I've found this thread really interesting as I managed to work up the courage to bf in public for the very first time ever this week; it's so reassuring that people's positive interactions seem to have largely outweighed any negative comments. Now I've got past my shyness I'm planning to do a lot more public breastfeeding for as long as me and my 6week old pfb daughter choose. It's great to feel so empowered smile

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Fri 12-Apr-13 23:10:47

That is great KnittedC. Add in the fact that most people don't say anything. I have had masses of smiles over the years with my two. Of course, I always smile at anyone sitting feeding their baby too - whether bottle or breast. It's just nice, isn't it, seeing a mum and baby together. The disapprovers are a tiny minority.

toobreathless Fri 12-Apr-13 23:14:17

Never had a negative comment, have had positive ones.

Also had a few people come over to 'have a peep at baby's not realising I'm feeding then get a bit embarrassed- bless!

TheMNeffect Fri 12-Apr-13 23:14:54

I once had a pervy guy say 'oh, I probably shouldn't look' when he realised what I was doing. hmm

BF was once mentioned in one of DS's school letters. Apparently some parents had complained about a mother BFing in the playground at pick up in front of her DC and they wanted the schoo to ban it. Luckily the school had a very sensible approach and made it clear in the newsletter that they would not be banning BFing.

TheMNeffect Fri 12-Apr-13 23:18:29

Just remembered, I was once BFing at my friend's house. Her DP was sat next to me and she said in a way that was clear she wanted me to stop, 'you do know what she is doing, don't you?'. I think she felt threatened that he might be looking but he couldn't have seen anything even if he was confused. I just ignored her smile and carried on.

Inertia Fri 12-Apr-13 23:18:32

No negative comments - would have been ready for them. Once had an encouraging comment in Pizza Hut from a dad who was there with his older children - along the lines of what a good job i was doing.

Yellowtip Fri 12-Apr-13 23:21:13

Yes, bfing a tiny, tiny DD1 I was asked to leave the restaurant (Ritz Carlton, Palm Springs, CA). I was being incredibly discreet too, completely covered, no noise, nothing (1990, perhaps the RC has changed).

ElectricSheep Fri 12-Apr-13 23:21:59

The only time I had a comment was from an elderly git gentleman who tutted and muttered disgusting. I told him it was the best for my baby and that it was pretty much 100% certain he'd been fed that way when he was a baby. He looked a bit surprised and wandered off.

When I had DD2 I was at university and often fed her in the student cafe before a lecture or tutorial. Loads of the younger students would come over and ask all about it, how it worked, how it felt etc. I used to get them fetch me a drink, to wind DD2 and change her nappy. I told them it was good practice for when they had kids grin Sometimes they'd rock her to sleep in a lecture and she'd get passed round for a hold and I'd have to track her down when it ended. Fortunately she was a very content baby.

That reminds me actually, I often used to feed DD in her sling under my coat or cardigan on the bus standing up or in a lecture to keep her quiet

SuffolkNWhat Fri 12-Apr-13 23:22:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yellowtip Fri 12-Apr-13 23:22:37

Sorry, Palm Desert, not Springs.

BegoniaBampot Fri 12-Apr-13 23:23:08

Rosyfingereddawn - that's awful. Quite speechless actually at how foul some people can be.

YoniOno Fri 12-Apr-13 23:26:24

I formula fed DS, for various boring reasons that strangers (obviously) don't know. I had loads and loads of glares and couldn't even react with any kind of moral high ground the way all you bf-ers can sad at least you know you're doing 'the right thing' whereas ff-ing a little baby can feel like shooting up heroin in public.

Booboostoo Fri 12-Apr-13 23:28:07

It's lovely to hear that the majority of comments have been positive!

I've bfed for 22 months now mainly in France but also in Greece and have not had any negative experiences. A few women have made positive comments, either sharing their own experiences of having young babies or saying what a nice thing it is to see bf.

The only slightly negative experience I've had is a (British) friend who can't sit in the same room as me when I bf. I think he finds it sexually explicit which is bizarre particularly as he and his wife have shared her glamour photo shoot photos with DP and I so we have seen a lot more of her than her breasts!

DD is a rather large 22mo now and still bfs loads so I have to admit I am more apprehensive about bfing an older looking toddler in public.

MintyyAeroEgg Fri 12-Apr-13 23:28:10

No comments, positive or negative, in 2001 and 2003/4.

Yellowtip Fri 12-Apr-13 23:31:50

Just read back. Yes Rosy, that's awful. Very grim people.

Mumcentreplus Fri 12-Apr-13 23:32:09

No..but if they had ..I would have ripped their faces off...

rainbow2000 Fri 12-Apr-13 23:33:36

But in this day and age id love someone to say something.Unfortunately im no longer bf which is a shame.

Mumcentreplus Fri 12-Apr-13 23:34:45

Actually when I think back someone tried to talk to me about feeding my baby in the toilets...I said would you eat your meal in the toilets??..don't piss me off!

whodunnit Fri 12-Apr-13 23:36:02

fed 3 DC for 15 months each and never got a comment. I often want to say something nice to feeding mums, but can't think what.

I once heard someone using BF as a weapon to embarass the bank manager into agreeing a loan. Started feeding the babe in the loan interview.... probably very wrong to do but amusing to me.

Mumcentreplus Fri 12-Apr-13 23:36:12

I think I had I 'don't piss me off I'm breast-feeding face' grin

GetWhatYouNeed Fri 12-Apr-13 23:36:49

22 years ago, sitting on a bench feeding couple of months old dd very discreetly in Sissinghurst castle gardens, along came another young couple who sat on the only other free bench opposite us, looked at us, muttered to each other then got up, lifted the bench, turned it round and sat down facing the other way! never forgotten it.

BreatheandFlyAway Fri 12-Apr-13 23:37:59

I was once driving through central London with baby ds and he was screaming fit to bust, to the point I wasn't sure how safe I was to drive. I pulled over in a bit of a panic, sat in passenger seat and quickly popped him on to feed (instant blissful silence! smile)

A male traffic warden on a clear mission instantly appeared (I was on a yellow in the day time). I opened the window and before I could say anything, he saw baby feeding and instantly softened completely and said kindly, "you take all the time you like, love" and walked on. He walked past a few more times (In the course of his job, not weirdly!) and nodded kindly in my direction throughout the long breastfeed. It was a lovely memory of bfing. Thank you, traffic warden!

thenightsky Fri 12-Apr-13 23:38:32

I breastfed both mine in 1986 and 1991 and never had a word said. Perhaps things are getting worse instead of better sad

I had a negative experience once with one of my friends. I was attempting to breast feed ds3 (I had a big t-shirt on so you couldn't see much). He starts staring. Next thing I know he takes my breast away from ds3 and starts grabbing the nipple, pulling it saying "oh its so sweet". I was shocked.and I think I said "get off" or something like that. It did leave me shaked though and afraid to do it infront of people.
The only negative comments I got were from my family, who were against me breast feeding because "I had no goodness in them"

yaimee Fri 12-Apr-13 23:42:04

What the fuck sami
Poor you!

Yellowtip Fri 12-Apr-13 23:43:12

Breathe you got lucky. I got pulled over by LAPD for the same. They didn't charge me but only because I was on my way to LAX to leave the US for the last time, so not worth it from their point of view. Very grumpy about the whole thing though, miserable cops.

BreatheandFlyAway Fri 12-Apr-13 23:45:56

Sorry to hear that, yellow sad Yes, I was lucky that time.

Yellowtip Fri 12-Apr-13 23:49:53

Makes you wonder about California though doesn't it? The UK seems much more enlightened, at least in this respect. Odd, that's not how I'd have expected it to be.

elfycat Fri 12-Apr-13 23:50:07

I used to work in a TGIF and I got told by a waiter that someone was BF (I worked in the office/on the door, but was a qualified nurse so I'd get asked all sorts) and what should they do, ask them to feed in the toilet?

My reply was very short and basically suggested they should rethink their whole life attitude to breast feeding and the appropriateness of toilets as somewhere to have food. Oh and offer a glass of water.

Luckily my own experience was more positive. I only ever recieved compliments about BF. I know this isn't always the case.

The sad thing is, I was so much in a trance due to lack of sleep, I didn't react much. Just an "oi get off me" . Then I mentioned it in passing to my OH in a "you never guess what that idiot did to me today..." And his face went angry and threatened to thump him!

GirlOutNumbered Fri 12-Apr-13 23:52:54

Never had any comments. No ones ever looked bothered even.

DevonCiderPunk Fri 12-Apr-13 23:55:41

Yep, was asked to use the loo in an M&S café back in 2003, and had 2 unfortunate experiences on trains with blokes who suddenly felt the urge to sit on the fold-down seats near the doors where I was BFing DD (near her massive, unfoldable pram) and stare pointedly... Imbeciles...

I gave birth to DS after a gap of several years and noticed a huge change in attitude, would BF anywhere and no-one gave a damn smile

DewDr0p Fri 12-Apr-13 23:58:20

I fed all 3 of mine anywhere and everywhere and only once did I ever get a negative comment. In a John Lewis cafe of all places. Some silly old woman who had been sat on the next table muttered something about it being discusting as she walked away.

She was very very lucky I was midfeed and had 3 dcs under 3 with me so couldn't run after her...

Far far outweighed by positive comments and smiles though.

elfycat Sat 13-Apr-13 00:28:43

Day 5 with a 36+2 early, small, yellow (to be admitted toxic with jaundice in another 4 days) baby in M&S Hedge end. Couldn't find the feeding room to do my first public-ish feed (misdirected by staff who didn't know they had a feeding room) so went to the cafe. A lovely member of staff looked at my stressed out face, found me somewhere quiet to sit and then offered to get my order for me.

Two other groups were around and I was sure they knew what I was doing, but they didn't say anything until after I'd finished when I got asked how we were doing and congratulated on feeding her. I'd had a brilliant breast feeding advisor in hospital and between her and my first commenters I felt able to feed for as long as I wanted, 1 year with DD1 who surpassed the HV expectations with her weight and gave up by herself and 16 months with DD2 who also stopped 'asking'.

I went back into M&S months later and commented to customer services how it had been on my mind to go back in and say thank you the whole time. Apparently 'Margaret' gets lots of compliments and mine would be mentioned at the next staff meeting. If you're out there Margaret, thank you!

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 13-Apr-13 00:30:16

Ds4 10 weeks is the only one I've bf in public. I was a little apprehensive of it at first but couldn't care less now, anything to stop the crying!

No comments yet but a couple of women were obviously talking about it in baby clinic but I couldn't hear if it was positive or negative.

When ds3 was little a women commented that she couldn't do that about another women bf at baby group. Not sure if she was talking about the breast feeding or the fact the women stripped down to her waist to do it though.

chipmonkey Sat 13-Apr-13 01:13:27

Never anything negative

I once though a girl was staring at me feeding ds1 on a train but then, when she got up and I saw her white cane I realised she was blind and couldn't have been staring. I felt very foolish!

Other than that, mostly praise and niceness!

roundtable Sat 13-Apr-13 01:37:11

Never had negative comments where I live, lots of smiles and I'm sure wistful looks in rememberance to their time with their babies.

Didn't have any looks or comments when I fed in public (with a giant muslin) in Abu Dhabi, even though people were convinced I'd get told off.

However, in Florida at the mo. First day out with the friends I am staying with and again with the giant muslin, I've had one man hide behind the menu at a restaurant and another man say, 'I can't believe I'm about to see this, omg, she is...' Even though there was nothing to see, he was totally covered up as was my breasts. I think to the rest of the coffee shop, it was totally preferable than the screaming baby I walked in with.

Bizarre.

Bogeyface Sat 13-Apr-13 02:07:21

Once and it was brilliant, but no words were actually said.

I made a right hash of feeding her DD (looking back I realise I had no support), and only did it for 6 weeks. I really struggled to co ordinate everything and the one time I tried to do it while I was out I really cocked it up. There was DD who was a real screamer when she was hungry, naked tits all over the place, people looking over as it sounded like I was killing her then looking away again in disgust when they saw my flabby knockers, it was carnage grin

This very dapper old gent came over to me and I expected something negative. He picked up the blanket I had dropped, draped it over us both, smiled and went and sat back down!

I almost cried at his kindness and understanding, it was just so lovely smile

Bogeyface Sat 13-Apr-13 02:08:15

feeding HER DD?! It was my DD, I promise!

Molehillmountain Sat 13-Apr-13 06:12:27

I think bf seems to attract fewer comments than other bits of parenting by the sounds of things. And I don't actually blame people who have no recent experience of a family member bf for not understanding. I certainly didn't understand be a toddler until I'd done it. And that was after my sil and a couple of friends had. I did respect their choice but I certainly didn't "get" it.

BumBiscuits Sat 13-Apr-13 07:01:29

The manageress at the hotel restaurant I was in offered to open a bedroom for me to bf in. She wasn't at all worried about me feeding in her restaurant but thought I might be more comfortable with my feet up.

I can't remember if it was the same occasion but DD2 woke up hungry just as my fillet steak arrived at the table. I had to feed her while my meal sat in front of me getting cold. When I'd finished feeding DD the manageress replaced my meal with a fresh hot one and took DD for a walk in her pram while I enjoyed my dinner in peace.

An elderly gentleman friend of my late DGM was having a close look of DD1 when we met him and his wife in a shopping centre cafe. He didn't realise I was feeding her for a moment and when he did he shot back, mortified. He wasn't bothered about me feeding but embarrassed that we thought he'd been ogling. I didn't think that for a second and was chuffed in a way that I was managing to be discreet. I was always far more bothered about anyone catching sight of my jelly belly than breasts.

We were stopped at lights outside a right-on looking cafe coffee shop the other week where in the window there was a woman proudly breast feeding one child with both breasts fully out and exposed. I though oh my that's taking it a bit far, but she was perhaps just switching sides at that moment or proving a point, I'll never know. I did once answer the door to my postie with a parcel for me with my boob out in my early days with DD1 ... I had no idea until I saw his shocked face!

Only nice things.

I've had looks once or twice, when babies were closer to one. I think some people get a bit shock about older babies compared to younger ones. No idea why.

Ignore the silly fools! Far more people have ever been positive about my bf in public than negative.

katkit1 Sat 13-Apr-13 07:21:35

Not a single look, glance, comment came my way - only quit due to repeated infections

Astr0naut Sat 13-Apr-13 07:45:13

I fed mine everywhere and can't remember any comments. again, mainly supportive.

IT did make me laugh when I fed dd on a plane last year, she was 7 months. we were sat behind 2 rows of lads, presumably on a lads' holiday. one of them must have clocked me, because there was suddenly a ripple of heads turning over shoulders.

they must have been v disappointed just to see a bare shoulder and baby' s head. hope they had more luck in Malaga.

FriendofDorothy Sat 13-Apr-13 09:37:04

One gawped, the other belted him and said 'Stop perving, them's baby tits not looking at tits.' and apologised for his mate's lack of discrimination

This is probably my favourite breast feeding quote ever!

lljkk Sat 13-Apr-13 09:51:06

Only comment I ever got was gushing praise for feeding openly, by someone who said she wished she had been brave enough to do that.

Odd look here and there, I suppose. More inquisitive than critical, I think.

BegoniaBampot Sat 13-Apr-13 10:02:23

I can understand people being embarrassed and uncomfortable with being around BF which is fine as long as they realise it's their issue and keep it to themselves.

Regards older women being critical, my mum came from a generation where you couldn't mention pregnancy to men, even family members and close friends. Remember her telling me that when someone came round you were expected to cover yourself in a coat and keep out the way. they were also encouraged to FF which was the big thing

notyummy Sat 13-Apr-13 10:06:00

Only positive things. Lovely ladies in Asda cafe carried my tray over and refilled and poured my tea so I could carry on. Old gent in cafe walked past, noticed and said 'ah lovely' and grinned.

Few double takes, but none that I thought were in a disapproving way.

Loa Sat 13-Apr-13 10:34:42

Lots from family both sides - eventually they gave up -by 3rd DC really.

When we moved to a area where bf was very rare I found a few other mothers at toddler groups would wait till I was busy with toddler and trying to feed baby then make very loud nasty comments but never to me directly- but I had more positive comments and more help that those few comments.

Found HCP especially HV weren't very positive either with HV constantly wanting me to go to ff hmm.

Out in public - hospital waiting 2 hours in hot environment two toddlers plus baby- we'd gone through the snacks, books and other distractions and they were all fretful baby wanted to feed. Old guy opposite started chuntering about how it was disgusting - not saying anything to me but talking increasingly loudly working himself up.

I was very close to snapping looked up - his elderly wife caught my eye - then suddenly move them to other side of room and told him to shut up.

Loa Sat 13-Apr-13 10:36:51

After a set on injections - I fed one of the babies in GP waiting room - receptions were talking loudly in office about coming over and stopping me.

An old woman sat near me leaned over and said ignore them and if they dare I'll talk to them.

JumpingJackSprat Sat 13-Apr-13 10:42:01

Love the story about the old man bringing someone a cupcake and tea because of his late wife, brought a tear to me eye!!

Inertia Sat 13-Apr-13 11:08:53

Shocking about the GP waiting room Loa - I was encouraged to feed DCs in the waiting room after jabs.

Molehillmountain Sat 13-Apr-13 11:39:40

I wouldn't in any way like to justify the comments that some people are unlucky enough to get, but I think they are often borne of ignorance (no one they know has breast fed), guilt, envy and regret (they weren't encouraged to bf or didn't get the right support) and so their defence is attack ie if people who are bf are wrong it makes my forced "choice" right. My mil didn't bf because they were encouraged to do four hourly feeds and told that then, surprisingly, they didn't have enough milk. It takes a strong woman like her to then be delighted for her bf daughters in law. But overwhelmingly it seems that people either keep their thoughts to themselves or are positive.

MrsKoala Sat 13-Apr-13 11:47:40

i was on an american bf forum once and some of the things the posters said were appalling. one's mil even called social services on her - apparently they gave the mil what for tho.

i think from what i've heard the US has quite a different view of bfing.

i'm about to move to Canada and am worried it's similar over there sad

Voodika Sat 13-Apr-13 11:53:46

I've had a couple of raised eyebrows but I'd rather that than a screaming hungry baby.

I think older generations come from a different time when views were different but I bought a big scarf and I don't think many people really noticed.

Strangely with my first two I fed them anywhere and everywhere but with my third I was much happier somewhere more private. It's not that I feel I shouldn't feed in public but I kind of wanted more personal space. She's probably my last so I love just cuddling her and kissing her little hands whilst she feeds.

I do wish there was more breastfeeding on television so that it becomes more normal.

I'm sobbing reading this thread!

Can't wait to feed dc3 when he she born and am going to go postal at anyone who is bloody rude.

Can't believe I am crying so much!

EggsEggSplat Sat 13-Apr-13 12:03:54

MrsKoala - I don't know about Canada, but yes, Americans do seem rather prudish about breast feeding and in fact anything to do with breasts, eg see Facebook's ban on breast feeding photos, still regularly enforced while they let violent/sexual images remain. Also the storm over various nipple-flashing 'wardrobe malfunction' incidents.

The only restaurant/cafe I have ever heard of to actually explicitly ban breast feeding was at the Tokyo American Club (I don't think there was any legal protection in Japan, or at least not in a private members' club). This was about 10 years ago, though, and I know there is quite a strong 'lactivism' movement in the US now, so maybe attitudes have improved.

BegoniaBampot Sat 13-Apr-13 12:11:53

They should show it more on TV, especially the soaps. everything else is fair game on the likes of EE - why not breastfeeding, discretely done.

Loa Sat 13-Apr-13 12:18:38

Inertia I agree and I would have changed GP but there is a shortage of places here and it took a fair bit of complaining for this one to take us on as it was.

BumBiscuits Sat 13-Apr-13 12:19:25

begonia they should show more breastfeeding on the telly, but how does a young baby act out breastfeeding?

SuffolkNWhat Sat 13-Apr-13 12:25:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior Sat 13-Apr-13 12:25:23

DP's brother looked a bit queasy angry but otherwise nothing.

BegoniaBampot Sat 13-Apr-13 12:27:12

you put a baby close to the breast and pretend it's feeding - it doesn't have to be real, no latching on and boobs need to be visable - just the suggestion that that is what is happening and that it's often discrete as in RL.

Exactly - most BF doesn't involve exposing yourself completely, or being able to see the baby's face. There should be a lot more of it on telly.

I BF at my Nanna's funeral last year. LO was about 4 months at the time, I was offered a room (which I did use when he started crying towards the end), but for the vast majority of the time I fed him in the sling. Everyone commented afterwards about how quiet and good he was - I just said 'well, he was breast-feeding for most of it!'.

I've never noticed another woman BF in public, but have seen FF mums looking a bit uncomfortable sometimes. I always smile at them and say something like 'someone's enjoying her milk!'. I did get a couple of funny looks when FF LO in a Waitrose cafe once (he was about 1 month old), not sure why.

BumBiscuits Sat 13-Apr-13 13:02:04

Ah yes if it is a wee baby they could use a doll. No one is ever going to portray a "late" bfer of say 9 months plus eh?

My 2nd fed until she was a couple of weeks past her 2nd birthday and a few of my online peers LOs fed for similar durations, I can't imagine soapland ever portraying that.

To be honest I shouldn't care one way or the other as I don't watch the soaps. grin

BegoniaBampot Sat 13-Apr-13 13:43:18

i don't watch them but a lot of people do, those who BF, those who don't, those who think it's disgusting, young people and children where it would be good to normalise it and show it as nothing to be hidden away. they've tackled rape, murder, child abuse, HIV, DV, incest, torture, gay storylines, racism etc - thoink they can handle some BF.

Voodika Sat 13-Apr-13 14:55:25

By suggesting BF is shown on television I wasn't particularly thinking big emphasis and close up shots necessarily.
I don't watch loads of soaps but lots of people do. Someone in the background breastfeeding in a cafe or hospital waiting room during panning shot is all that's needed to begin to normalise it. Just little subconscious nudges towards Bf.
I guess it's not really the producers' top priority.

I also think bf could be mentioned alongside ff when children are learning about nutrition, my 9 and 10 year old knew nothing when Dc3 was born but can happily explain the main food groups for healthy eating.

totallystumped Sat 13-Apr-13 16:20:34

Just remembered one actually, when she was born, after a farcical delivery, a midwife started to take her away to clean up etc "aren't I supposed to put her on the breast?" shocked look "You WANT to breast feed?" (just over 13 years ago)

BegoniaBampot Sat 13-Apr-13 16:49:56

yes I'm not talking about making an issue of it on telly or the soaps - just to show it happening as they seem to show everything else.

Shagmundfreud Sat 13-Apr-13 16:58:42

Breastfeeding is the thing that most new mothers spend most time doing when they have a tiny baby, so how soaps with new baby story lines, and reality TV shows like One Born Every Minute manage to make it largely bloody invisible is beyond me.

RainbowsFriend Sat 13-Apr-13 17:55:10

I find it very funny that when I feed DD on picking her up from the childminders, the older children being minded always come over for a look as if they've NEVER seen such a strange thing before grin.

I am very happy to normalise bfeeding a toddler for them smile

Lessthanaballpark Sat 13-Apr-13 18:01:38

No one ever said anything negative to me but the HR did suggest that I express my milk in a toilet cubicle, until I told her that by law they were required to provide me with somewhere quiet to express which wasn't a place where people went to defecate and urinate!!!

ruby1234 Sat 13-Apr-13 18:23:21

I was once waiting for a friend (in a steamed up car in the rain) in the car park of the breast screening unit at our local hospital. My DS needed feeding, so of course I did.
Immediately some jobsworth car park official banged on my window and told me "You can't do that here".
I smiled nicely at him and said "I think you'll find I can" and I did.
He scowled at me for a long time and pointed me out to his mate, then they both scowled at me until we left.

TokenGirl1 Sat 13-Apr-13 18:38:54

The only negativity I've had is from family and a close friend. My sis and bil asked me not to bf my 15 month old dd their wedding in case I offended other guests so I was given a small room with cleaning implements and a toilet in so I could hide away. I told them I was offended by the request but didn't make a big fuss as it was their day. My step mum regularly asked me how long I was going to continue for ( I did until dd was 20 months when she self weaned). And my best friend asked the same and when I said until she is ready to stop, she said "well just as long as you're not going to do it until she's three, that would be gross". None of these people had kids so maybe goes some way to explain the negativity. From strangers I've only had nice comments, especially older ladies saying what a great mum I was.
I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, even though I couldn't wait for dd to self wean towards the end as she was doing 2 hour mammoth feeds before bed!

RockinD Sat 13-Apr-13 18:39:51

Thirty years ago I fed my two when and where I wanted. including the queue at the Antiques Roadshow and the back of the Coroner's Court in Kettering. Never had a problem.

FIL was a bit confused and a bit [embarrassed] at first, but he got used to it.

Now, as an older lady, I'm always delighted to see women BF and I tell my work colleagues,"if you don't BF I will come round and counsel you!"

RockinD Sat 13-Apr-13 18:40:24

Oops [embarrassed] natch

I EBF my Dd until 6m, in all sorts of places including a train absolutely packed with 11-14 year old boys & girls coming home from school, cafes, & standing by our main road through town while the Olympic torch went past, Dd was about 1m old. No-one ever stared, looked pointedly away or made any nasty comments, except my mum & sister who were obsessed with rushing me off to private rooms, covering me up with massive heavy fleece coats etc. They were both aware a) it was a heatwave b) my Dd was dreadfully grumpy when she got too hot & c) I was still fainting regularly when I got too hot due to stupid hormones not going back to normal. They both made me feel like it was something to be ashamed of, which really pissed me off.

tvmum1976 Sat 13-Apr-13 19:23:39

RockinD

Now, as an older lady, I'm always delighted to see women BF and I tell my work colleagues,"if you don't BF I will come round and counsel you!"

Not sure if you're serious here, but pleeeeeeeeese don't do this. As someone who tried to breastfeed and had the most utterly miserable time of my life doing it and eventually had to quit even after extensive help from all kinds of experts, I think this would have sent me over the edge....

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 13-Apr-13 19:39:52

Hello

This isn't an AIBU, so we've moved it to Breast and Bottle Feeding.

Once...in a restaurant, DD1 would have been about 6mth, waitor came and asked me.if i would have been more comfortable in the bathroom hmm i smiled at him and asked him if he would like th eat his dinner in the loo? He also got 'the stare' from the 9 extended family members grin i went on to breastfeed her until she was 16mth and her sister until 9mth (self weaned sad ). I breastfed on buses, trains, cafes, at DD1s nursery during a talk about DD2 as the topic was babies (massive screaming fit when she was 2wk old and starving!) and once even walking through the St Enoch Centre in Glasgow smile I miss it sad

Oh lots of lovely comments from mostly elderly ladies, my mum and grans were a bit confused but they soon got used

Barbeasty Sat 13-Apr-13 21:37:47

My brother really doesn't like it, but has conceded that it's the worry he might see his big sister's breasts. He wouldn't mind anyone else.

The only "negative" comment I've had was on a walk with DD1. A small group of us had stopped to have lunch and were feeding our babies. We were in the grounds of a sort of college for special needs teenagers, with public paths through and a cafe etc. A member of staff came and explained that they thought it was lovely but 30 students were about to come for their lunch and they didn't know how they'd react.

Crocodilehunter Sat 13-Apr-13 21:48:07

My 4yo niece has never seen anyone bf before, when she saw me she was shock once she'd seen it a few times, she came over to investigate and said "tell me when you're going to feed him with a bottle and I'll help you but it makes me a bit scared when you feed him like that" grin
Little love was even more shock when her mum said she used to be fed like that!!!

My stepFIL is quite funny, he'll come in drunk when we're visiting, make a beeline for DS feeding or not and stroke his head then will have long rambling chats with me whilst I'm feeding and not bat an eyelid, his family thinks he's mad but one of them did ask me if I was going to feed DS in the toilet when out and about confused think it was more out of ignorance than unkind though.

Crocodile - that is very funny!

When I was visiting my mum and many younger siblings last year (baby was about 3-4 months), my little brother (6 years old) said 'is the baby asleep?', I said "no, I'm feeding him". "But where is his bottle?", "I'm feeding him with my boobs".

His face was PRICELESS. He came in for a closer look, and made a shock face when he realised what was going on.
"Your boobs make milk????"
"Yup, just like a cow makes milk for her baby, I make milk for mine".
"Does it hurt you?"
"It can sometimes, but mostly no. Mum fed you like this too, you know"
shock!

Honestly, it was so funny. With him being the youngest, he'd never seen a baby being BF before (all the other including me have seen our mum BF our siblings), so it was a bit of a shock for him I think. I spent the next couple of days being very closely inspected each time baby wanted feeding.

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 13-Apr-13 22:06:15

Ds2 who is 10 did say "you didn't feed ds3 like that did you!" about ds4. Ds3 was prem and I expressed. Had to explain that he was also bf.

Ds1 who is 18 jokes about being the only one to be ff from the start. I did ask him to leave the room in the begining if he was sitting next to me and I had to feed from that side as I struggled with ds4s latch in the beginning.

Think I was more bothered about it than him though. He comes and kisses us both good bye if he's on his way out and I'm feeding. Im glad that even though bf hasn't been the norm for them they've been fine about it

FriendofDorothy Sat 13-Apr-13 22:27:58

My 2 year old niece loves watching me breast feed. She sits as close as she can and alternates striking her cousins head and my boob.

Apparently she asked my sister a few weeks ago if she could have booby milk. She wouldn't stop until my sister let her try to prove she wouldn't get any milk!!!

VerySmallSqueak Sat 13-Apr-13 22:38:59

Crocodile that is so very very sweet!

I had no negative comments at all.
A couple of nice ones,a few little looks and nice smiles,and a few (men usually) looking into the far distance in a not-noticing sort of a way.

LikeCandy Sat 13-Apr-13 22:43:47

Thanks for this thread - this coming Tuesday will be the first long trip out with 3w/o DD1 and I'm sure we'll need to feed in public.
I have scoped out 'safe' places to go (John Lewis and Mothercare both have feeding rooms) but after reading this I'm not nervous about giving it a go anywhere!
Nice to read that the positive comments outweigh the bad!
(Plus DH can be fairly threatening looking - I'm sure that'll help!)!

Blending Sat 13-Apr-13 23:37:35

LikeCandy, the first time I bf in public was when I was stuck in a hospital waiting room with DD, full to the brim of people, all bored as we were delayed for hours. I was so nervous as the seats were in a horse-shoe formation, so it felt like I had an audience!

I just got on with it, and was looking around defiantly waiting for someone to make a comment- but nada! Once I'd done it once I was fine, and it made life so much easier, before that I had to have a plan of action centred around John Lewis, Mother care etc

Hope it goes well for you.

LikeCandy Sun 14-Apr-13 02:36:11

Thanks blending!

Voodika Sun 14-Apr-13 10:43:04

My DD1 had a fiend to play, they are 9. I was feeding my little one.
I loved her comment. " what are you doing? Oh you're milking her"

MB34 Mon 15-Apr-13 10:51:41

I was (discretely) bf in a cafe and an elderly gentleman came over to me and said, I don't want to intrude but you've got a very lucky baby there.

I assume he meant that I was bf him and not that I have big boobs lol!

MrsDeVere Mon 15-Apr-13 11:14:35

Ha ha that conversation could have SO easily gone the wrong way MB34 grin

BramblyHedge Mon 15-Apr-13 11:19:05

Nothing very negative but was asked to move to a side room by a nurse in the outpatients waiting area as some elderly man had complained to reception.

Emilythornesbff Mon 15-Apr-13 11:58:11

brambleyhedge that's not on. She should know that.

I've fed both my DCs everywhere; on public transport, restaurants, park benches, supermarkets etc. I got to almost a year with DS before a shop assistant in an independent department store raced towards me as though thwarting n armed robbery, and asked me to go somewhere private to feed ds. I hadn't even got started.
No one else has ever commented.

I love those loaded comments (like from my DM) " well it's fine if you're being discreet, but there's always that small percentage of women who refuse to be discreet.." not really mum.

DinoSnores Mon 15-Apr-13 19:03:20

The only negative I've had while BFing DS to 16 months and 8 week old DD (I am literally feeding her as I type this) is from my mother. We were out for lunch in John Lewis when DS was 4 weeks old & she said I should put a muslin over his head. hmm

Other than that, absolutely nothing. There was an older chap who tapped me on the shoulder in Starbucks when I was BFing DS. I was all ready for an argument and was almost disappointed when he said, "Would you mind keeping an eye on my coffee? I'm just off to the loo." grin

I've fed in loads of places, church every Sunday as she always needs fed during the service, on the ground outside a NT cafe after the fire alarm went, on trains, planes, buses.

MyNameIsAnAnagram Mon 15-Apr-13 22:05:43

Only ever positive comments, usually in m&s cafe by battle-axe looking old ladieswink

Two stick in my mind though, one new mum who when I was feeding 4mo ds came up to me and thanked me as seeing me had helped her have the courage to feed her 10day old on public for the first time. The other was on holiday, I was feeding 11mo ds in a park and an Italian lady of 60ish was talking to me about it. She didn't speak English and I don't speak italian but she was clearly saying how great bfing is and how it helped you lose the baby weight grin

geekette Mon 15-Apr-13 22:12:20

mostly positive comments. I did get a sad comment once. it was in the hospital restaurant. an older lady told me how much she would have loved to bf but she lost her baby.... and she was in hospital because the husband was quite frail. brought a few tears to my eyes...

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Mon 15-Apr-13 22:22:40

Only one negative comment from a man I thought was my friend (and his wife was bf her baby at the time) DD was 6 weeks and everyone else at the office was cooing and he was 'can you not go to the loos to feed her!'
I was shock otherwise I would have given him a piece of my mind. Everyone else told him to bugger off and stop being silly. This was 10 years ago and it still bugs me.
Every other comment was lovely.

CalamityJ Tue 16-Apr-13 04:59:23

Friend's DH & friend came round when DD was 4 weeks old. Time for her feed so started preparing with shawl & he said 'you're not doing that here are you?' What, in my own home on my sofa when my DD is asking for a feed? Why yes I am! He swapped places with my friend and I carried on chatting to her. What a knob. Only ever had positive comments especially from my DF who seemed proud of me as 'breast is best' (his words and he doesn't usually do 'proud')

Fifyfomum Tue 16-Apr-13 05:27:10

Only nice things.

BeCool Wed 17-Apr-13 12:15:33

I BF 2 DD's everywhere for 14 & 18 months.

the only person who ever said anything was a so-called 'friend' who looked horrified and said "people are looking" when we were in Pret. She was terribly embarrassed and wanted me to stop - she is very much an uptight "what will people think?" kind of person. I am not.

I'm pretty sure that was the last time I embarrassed her with my babies eating habits met up with her. Some friends just don't carry over into life as a parent (I could never take my DD's to her place - they might touch something!)

I can't recall any negative comments, although an elderly French aunt was a bit non plussed when I bf DS1 aged 7 months in a restaurant.

I do recall being at Gatwick driving to drop bags with DS1 (2.5) and DS2 (3 months) and there being a huge (45 min) queue. DH wasn't with us. I asked if it was really going to take that long and if there was an alternative? Told that sorry, no, I'd have to wait. So I said, "That's fine, I'll feed him here," and started fiddling with my top.

BA lady grabbed my bags very quickly grin

fancyanother Wed 17-Apr-13 13:06:37

I've breastfed everywhere, and I've never had any comments. Was never remotely aware of funny looks either. I do remember whenI was BFing my second DC, my DS1 had had the process explained to him loads of times. When we were in a cafe, a mum was trying to feed her baby discreetly and he shouted loudly 'Look mummy- that babys having his milk!'

I've had loads of nice comments - I particularly like the older lady who was a little hard of hearing and bellowed "GOOD ON YOU PET!" in the middle of Sainsbury's cafe, causing the entire place to fall silent in surprise. In the same cafe albeit on a different day, I was approached by a wandering toddler who tried to climb onto my lap and latch on (I was feeding my newborn at the time). The little boy's grandma was horrified and kept apologising as he tried to lift up my top, I couldn't stop laughing. I considered posting on here to see if he was anyone's tandem-feeding toddler.
The only slightly negative things I hear are when children are told "don't look over there / stop looking at what she's doing" in public - I can't exactly reply "no, it's okay, look" because that would clearly be weird, but it makes me sad to think that children might think of it as shameful or disgusting because of these messages. I have been known to address the child and say "my baby is having a nice drink of milk, that's all" but it depends on exactly how cross / embarassed the parent is looking and how far away they are.

toffeelolly Wed 17-Apr-13 13:49:11

I think people who say any remark's about breastfeeding in public are the one's who are disgusting.

toffeelolly Wed 17-Apr-13 13:53:36

And if i wanted to breastfeed my baby, i would in public, what is the problem?

Fillyjonk75 Wed 17-Apr-13 14:13:54

I was always ready for negative reactions, but never had any. Some people used to seem a bit more interested than they otherwise would be but most I doubt most people even realised what I was doing.

I've never had anyone make a comment. I always make an effort to smile at breastfeeding mums when I notice.

They do need to mention it more on tv. They don't even have to show mum feeding the baby. Just have a breast pump and breastfeeding cushion on the side. Mum wearing a obvious breastfeeding top.

WoTmania Wed 17-Apr-13 15:54:47

no one has ever said anything to me even when nursing a 2/3yo in public (probably by the time they were that age they felt I was a lost cause)

In Sainsbury's once I was desperate to find a seat so I could feed DD. So I sat down on a seat in the cafe without buying anything and started feeding her.

Almost immediately one of the cafe staff came striding over towards me. I was quite prepared to burst into tears at that point, but she very kindly said "Would you like me to bring a glass of water? Is there anything else I can get you?"
smile

midori1999 Wed 17-Apr-13 16:50:36

No one has ever said anything at all to me.

When I was feeding in arrivals at Cancun airport at Christmas though, a very security guard came and took us to a 'special' line at the end with only a few other people in front of us. The airport was absolutely packed and I imagine we would have been there for hours otherwise, but it may not have actually had anything to do with me breastfeeding, although it's very accepted in Mexico.

Coming back through the airport another English couple did give me a look, give each other a look and then smile/smirk at each other after they had noticed me breastfeeding. I wasn't sure if it was as I was breastfeeding an 18 month old, because I just whipped my boob out or if it was because I was feeding her in a carrier, but I didn't care less.

WouldBeHarrietVane Wed 17-Apr-13 17:19:10

Yes - negative comment in a patient care setting and this thread has just inspired me to complain about it.

gabsid Wed 17-Apr-13 18:48:20

I read bits of this threat but haven't spotted anything negative stuff.

Same here I bf 2x for 14 months, anywhere.

Who are these people who think you have to hide to feed your baby because someone might be offended - of what? Something that has always been the most natural and lovely thing?

BasketzatDawn Wed 17-Apr-13 18:56:24

My then 5yo nephew, in 1990 : What's she doing? <I was Bf'ing ds1, then a few weeks old>

My very coy SIL : You know that book of yours that shows how babies are fed, bottle feeding and the other way? Well, this is the other way.

Basketz: It's called BREASTFEEDING.

Over about 6 years feeding 4 boys more or less wherever they needed it, and before any legislation to 'protect' <ha ha , cynical old gimmer>, I had, I think, never any real negative comments. Several silly, ignorant ones, but no hostile ones - and like others a few elderly ladies nbeing quite positive.

BasketzatDawn Wed 17-Apr-13 19:03:48

My GP, when i was feeding ds4 very discreetly in waiting room, a month or so old: <and very loudly> WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BABY?

ME, quietly and quite puzzled: Feeding my baby. <GP then went on her way, and I carried on feeding ds4>.

GP later apologised, a lot, and explained she had mistaken me for somebody else hmm. I had lots of weird convos with that woman, she was a bit ofa cowbag <no longer in her books>, but I still can't work out what she thought I was doing with someone else's baby under my shirt, and why she needed to talk so loudly.

BasketzatDawn Wed 17-Apr-13 19:04:25

NB GP was very loud; ds very quiet feeder!

rednellie Wed 17-Apr-13 19:17:17

I've had lots.of lovely comments, but once I misjudged getting back to Kent after a visit to friends in London. So, on a commuter train, DD desperate to feed but no room. So once people got off and I managed to find a seat I started feeding poor DD. This florid city suit looked over, jaw dropped, and he emitted this "That is disgusting!" In the loudest plumiest voice you ever heard.

Typically I was so flustered I just turned my back on him and carried on feeding.

Backinbelfast Wed 17-Apr-13 19:20:26

Loads of positive comments in general.

Two negative ones:
Once in a cafe, when the cafe owner said "Oh, have you not got a scarf or something to cover yourself up?" when I was feeding discreetly (though I am still not sure if she was actually criticizing me, she didn't say anything else when I said: No, I'm OK though thanks.)
Another time when I had to sit on a picnic chair at a car boot sale and the nearest stall-holder said "You can't do that here, love". I just said I wouldn't be long (though felt angry) and he tut-tutted and went off...

I've breastfed everywhere too - when out with pram, have had to sit at bus shelters if no park bench nearby...sitting in an aisle of Asda as the baby-feeding room was full/ baby was starving...

soimpressed Wed 17-Apr-13 19:27:19

I was breastfeeding my DS at a first birthday party for one of the other babies from his post natal group.

The hostess came up to me looking disgusted and said ' That's why I stopped breastfeeding at 8 weeks. Still, hindsight's a wonderful thing...'

Typically I couldn't think of anything to say back.

BasketzatDawn Wed 17-Apr-13 19:51:27

My mum once said something very positive about BF, when i was bf somebody or other, prob ds1. 'Breastfeeding's a lovely feeling, isn't it?' The list of pos comments re parenting and my mum is fairly short, but that's one I do recall. It gives me a warm glow still.

When i was told I couldn't feed ds at my nephew's party, he of the coy mother above, becos her dad was 'a bit old-fashioned', my dad said 'Isn't breastfeeding a bit old-fashioned then?. I still spent most of the party in a cold bedroom, sitting on floor, with bad back, lovely relies.

Great thread with some brilliant comments. I too fed everywhere and anywhere and was a fan of the aggressive staring back at anyone looking or tutting at me. I did manage to totally embarrass the elderly ladies and priest who were running the baptism classes at church by whipping out a boob mid class to feed my 3 month old DD2!

oinkment Wed 17-Apr-13 20:03:20

Funniest comment was from my neighbour's lovely 9 yr old daughter who suddenly realised that the baby was feeding, not sleeping and exclaimed "are you feeding your baby WITH YOUR BOSOMS??" which made me chuckle.

Nearly 6 years of bfing over the years. Lots of lovely comments, lots of smiles, a few people wondering if I'd be more comfortable elsewhere but I think they were just being kind, not horrified. Not so much as a negative eye roll from anyone. I used to be coiled, ready to defend myself from arsey comments but I don't even think about it any more.

midori1999 Wed 17-Apr-13 20:27:57

The posts about children have reminded me of my friend's 8 year old DD. she gets very embarrassed about boobs in general and when I went shopping with my friend and her DD one day and the DD realised I was going to breastfeed in a coffee shop we'd popped into she was mortified. I told her not to worry, no one would see my boobs and when I fed my DD she walked round me slowly, peering from all angles until she finally said 'you're right, no one can see your boobs'. grin

Fuckwittery Wed 17-Apr-13 22:13:21

I've just ditched a friend as she told me a horrified story about how she'd gone out with her friend, let's call her Kate, Kate had done something minor and annoying, brought her small baby with her unexpectedly (to what sounded like a family friendly venue - what exactly did she expect friend to do), and THEN, breast fed her! I saw red and said, I don't think you're talking to the right person as if the baby needs feeding, it needs feeding, and you're not going to hear me criticising a mum for feeding her baby! Oh but Kate could have brought a bottle.... me, explaining why it's not always possible to express and why the fuck should she? She still whinged and moaned about how Kate had been indiscreet etc and embarrassing (even though Kate had gone to a quieter place to feed!). Bearing in mind I've had lunch with this friend loads and definitely fed my babies during lunch with her there, I think she was thick to tell me this story, or maybe I was so discreet she hadn't noticed! But I certainly won't be meeting up with her again when I have DC3.

dogdaysareover Wed 17-Apr-13 22:46:41

Only ones from PIL who informed me I wasn't 'allowed' to go to their house when DS was a baby and needed feeding as they were offended shock. Actually, bloody fine by me grin Will just add this comment was made whilst at their house, a copy of The Sun laying on the coffee table. Everyone else was lovely, inlcusding actually lots of quite old ladies who commended me on it.

MrsMarigold Wed 17-Apr-13 22:55:56

I have breastfed on the tube and nobody said a word.

shufflehopstep Wed 17-Apr-13 23:12:24

No negative comments but have had some people avoiding looking at me which I think is usually embarrassment on their part rather than disapproval. Had a few comments about how wonderful bf is from some people. Have fed expressed milk in a bottle also on occasion and never had comments about that either. I think the majority of people respect other people's decisions and are polite.

Cathycat Wed 17-Apr-13 23:19:02

I've breastfed all 4 while out and about (not at once though lol) and nobody has ever made a negative comment. I may have been lucky, I don't know... and although each baby was a different experience (one would take a bottle, the other wouldn't etc) it was nice to know that it was always on tap! I always found that they didn't need / want a long feed while out. If I was stuck - eg., on a country walk on a cold day - I would use the car - very comfy! smile

Thumbwitch Wed 17-Apr-13 23:28:21

I was a lot more restrained with DS1 than I am being with DS2. So far, haven't had any problems - even had to feed DS2 yesterday at the Warner Bros. Studios (Harry Potter tour) and while they did lead me off behind the scenes (literally! grin) I think that was more for MY benefit than anyone else's, and I was quite happy to do it there rather than in the very noisy cinema area.

Where I live in Australia, it's a lot more common to see women breastfeeding in public and less comment is made; I was a bit wary here but I'm even doing it in my Dad's sitting room (something I never did with DS1) because, perhaps, I just don't care so much this time around if someone else has a problem with it, DS2 needs feeding and that's that. I'm very discreet though, no one would see anything apart from maybe a bit of skin between the two layers of clothing and above DS2's head.

whtsmum Wed 17-Apr-13 23:29:39

I fed all three of mine, 21mths in total. There was only one place I couldn't breast feed, and that was in the same room as my dad, niether of us were comortable about it. Other than that I fed them where ever they were hungry. Refussed point blank to feed them in a baby change/breast feeding room as we wouldn't eat our dinner in a loo!

willyoulistentome Wed 17-Apr-13 23:33:07

The only person to ever say anything to me was my Mum. She told not to feed ds1 in front of my brothers. Neither of them were in the least bit upset by it. Bd1s wife was pregnant with their ds1 at the time.
I told my mum off. Honestly. How daft.

Thumbwitch Wed 17-Apr-13 23:33:11

I should add though that my sister came over while I was feeding Ds2 in Dad's sitting room and she commented that it was gross (she's very anti, said the thought of it made her feel ill, she didn't want to be "like a cow" etc.). I expected that but was saddened that it had rubbed off onto her oldest DD as well (9) who also said "gross!" The younger 2 girls were more interested and less disgusted, and I told them all it was a completely natural thing to do and not at all disgusting or gross.

What did make me laugh, and disgusted my sister even more, was when my 5yo DS1 started pretending to be a baby again and her DD2 pretended to breastfeed him - we may have a convert yet! grin

bicyclebuiltforfour Wed 17-Apr-13 23:34:16

Fed #1 for 12m in London and can't remember anything odd.

Am currently (as in, at this moment and generally!) feeding #2 in NY. I have been shocked at how pro-BF everyone is: really pleasantly shocked. I fed him this weekend in a relatively posh restaurant during brunch: a waitress came over and sorted me out with a chair in a quieter part of the restaurant (in a nice way, not a 'get out of people's sight' way).

Have fed on the subway - nobody seemed to even notice.

Also fed whilst helping #1 at the playground: one arm cradling a feeding newborn, the other holding her hand. Playground was full of middle school kids who again seemed to not to notice (although they may have been more interested in flirting with each other wink).

Fed this weekend at a course full of men (fitness related, so young athletic types). No comments made, nobody seemed to bat an eyelid.

Fed today at a doctor's appointment (unrelated to baby or pregnancy/birth). The assistant drew the curtain to block out the craziness of the clinic and delayed calling the doctor through until I'd finished and baby was snoozing. Really considerate I thought: she treated nursing like it was a totally normal thing (as it is!) and not something to fuss about or make a big deal over.

And I'm not a neat nurser: I have a hugely fast and powerful letdown so if the seal is broken for more than a second gallons of milk pour everywhere... I also refuse to use a nursing cover (since I'm not embarrassed to be nursing...) so it can be quite obvious what I'm doing.

Couldn't care less what people thought to be honest: I'm giving my children the best possible start they could get and protecting my own health in the bargain. Anyone who has a problem with that is ignorant.

EvidenceBasedMum Thu 18-Apr-13 09:19:14

Really enjoying all these stories, especially as so many are positive.

Always intended to be a militant breastfeeder, so was hoping to encounter some criticism merely to give them a piece of my mind! Never happened though, even with a screechy reflux baby who was a nightmare to feed...

My favourite encounter was at a friend's christening when my DD was only a few days old. After the service I sat down to feed her (for the requisite hour and a half...) and was immediately surrounded by a group of toddlers. All were very interested and clearly remembered...and one little boy, who had been recently weaned, was practically drooling as he looked on with begging eyes!

I also was once having some ski boots fitted in a busy outdoor shop when a woman came and sat down next to me and breastfed her baby. We were in special ski-boot-fitting chairs which were raised up high and had special heated bits, so not even for general use...but not one of the rugged outdoor types so much as batted an eyelid!

Thumbwitch Thu 18-Apr-13 10:06:53

EVidencedBasedMum - that bit about the recently weaned toddler drooling made me smile and remember that a friend of mine in Australia had weaned her DS4 last august - and yet when he saw me feeding DS2 his eyes were all round and remembering - he turned to his mummy and pointed to her breasts, hopefully! She said "No, still broken, sorry" - amazing he can still remember doing it, my DS1 had forgotten all about it in a week.

LilyMarlene Thu 18-Apr-13 10:45:59

Was feeding 8 week old DS in a cafe with child-free 'friend'. I thought I'd done quite well latching him on with minimal fuss (and milk-spraying). I looked up to find my friend watching me coolly. She then smiled and said 'There's just no dignified way to do it, is there?'
I just laughed and changed the subject, but it wasn't the first or last unpleasant comment. <I imagine that the attitude stems from the fact that me and DH of 11 years had had an 'unplanned' (not-trying/not-preventing) pregnancy, when she would very much like a baby, but is unable to try yet.>
I've had no other comments, apart from a ffing friend and her DH who asked if I wanted them to close the blinds whilst I fed DS in their kitchen! You could see nothing, but I might as well have been sitting there with my top off the way they actedgrin

TwoTearsInABucket Thu 18-Apr-13 10:50:25

DD (3) saw my friend breastfeeding and said that friend was feeding baby out of her elbow! DD now talks about how I gave her milk out of my boobies and she sometimes breastfeeds her doll.
No negative comments here either, but then I felt quite self-conscious about it so would often find a feeding room. More conscious about my flab that the actual breast feeding.

girliefriend Thu 18-Apr-13 11:25:44

Some of these are making me laugh - honestly why are some people are so weird about feeding a baby?!

I bf dd for nearly a year and can't remember anyone saying anything negative and I bf pretty much everywhere.

SooticaTheWitchesCat Thu 18-Apr-13 11:35:15

I never had a bad comment from anyone about feeding either of my girls and I use to feed them anywhere they needed feeding.

KristinaM Thu 18-Apr-13 11:35:49

Thumb witch -my Ds is 7 and looks rather wistfully at babies being bf. once he whispered to me sadly " I can't remember how it tastes"

( he knows its very sweet )

bicyclebuiltforfour Thu 18-Apr-13 12:00:40

Reading about how toddlers remember it makes me sad: I BF DD for a year and she doesn't seem to remember at all. She treats it as totally normal when I BF her brother (and talks about how she can't BF yet since you have to be a mummy to have boobies that make milk), but when I tell her that it's how she was fed there's no recollection at all. I know it was 18m ago that we stopped, but it still makes me sad... sad

LadyFlumpalot Thu 18-Apr-13 12:28:24

The only negative I had was from my mum, she regularly mentioned that DS wouldn't be getting enough nutrients or food.

One day, and I'm not proud of this, when she was round my house and I had jut had another lecture about the pitfalls of breastfeeding, whilst making her a cup of tea I decided to ahem use the wrong milk from the fridge for her tea. She drank the tea and said "oooh, that was nice". I informed her we had switched to organic milk. Made me feel a bit better!

Aside from her, only positive comments.

LilRedWG Thu 18-Apr-13 12:55:54

Never had a word said. I even sat on the floor of the Lady's chapel during Sunday service at church. The vicar came over to offer me the peace just as I was putting myself back together. smile

LilRedWG Thu 18-Apr-13 12:58:16

That should have read, "Never a bad word said". I was quite disappointed.

louisianablue2000 Thu 18-Apr-13 13:23:32

I never had a negative comment but I did once the thumbs up from some lads who were walking past outside a cafe I was BFing one of the DCs in. It did make me giggle.

I think most people are actually positive about it. A friend once got shouted at by a woman for BFing on a train and EVERYONE else in the carriage and the staff were really supportive of my friend. IIRC my friend was bumped up to first class and the woman had to leave the train for being disruptive.

NC78 Thu 18-Apr-13 14:01:33

I never encountered any negativity when BFing my two children... if you don't count my bloody MIL hmm

nannyl Thu 18-Apr-13 14:41:02

i breastfed DD until she self weaned at just over a year...

I have fed her anywhere and everywhere... plane / train / airport / michelin starred restaurant / park / NT property / toddler groups / cafe...

No one has EVER said anything negative to me, or looked badly at me EVER.... not once....

and if they did they would have wished they didnt, when i would have pointed out the my infant was human, not bovine and therefore drank human milk rather than cow milk wink

Just to add i have no issue with anyone else feeding their children what they like / cow / human / vegetable / goat or whatever, but if someone was rude enough to question direct to me why i was breastfeeding a baby that would have been my responce back to them

I had an HCA put a screen around DS and I in SCBU. sad I hadn't wanted one and thought it wasn't needed.

I think that was about it though.

MrsReiver Thu 18-Apr-13 14:46:56

Midori - DS1 is 8 and he does that when I feed DS2 in public.

I've not encountered any negativity, but DS2 is only 8 weeks old. There's plenty fo time yet! We did once make a elderly lady cry in the library. I was feeding DS quietly in the corner while his big brother chose a book and she sat next to me to watch. Her DH had passed away recently, and watching me nurse DS brought back a lot of memories for her, we had a chat and she had a wee cry. It was really moving.

ChunkyPickle Thu 18-Apr-13 15:35:24

Never had a negative comment in 20 odd months - just nice little smiles as someone realises what I was doing and discreetly moves on.

I think that the sign of a good waiter/waitress is noticing these things and doing stuff to help - putting your drink down on the right side etc. - they should train people in that kind of thing, rather than harrassing you with 'is everything alright' just when you've put a huge mouthful in grin

I have to admit I don't take offense at (most) people offering me a private space/moving screens or whatever - they think they're making you more comfortable. If they were doing it with a catsbum face rather than a caring one I might feel differently though

Chunky It just dented my confidence at that time. It was the first time I had latched him on and you could see I was happy and cheery, you also couldn't see anything. I had said I didn't need the screen but had it put round me anyway, it made me nervous to BF in front of anyone.

gwenniebee Thu 18-Apr-13 15:51:47

I was at a medals' parade for my Dbro after his regiment had come back from Afghan last year. The Princess Royal was there to present the medals, and afterwards the Officers and their families went to the mess for lunch. HRH was there too (which was a surprise to me, as Dbro said it was "informal"). That day I learnt I can bf standing up... and I did so in front of royalty!! She gave me a friendly smile but sadly did not exclaim as to how wonderful I was.

No negative comments here, although I think my mum might begin to hint that I should stop soon as dd is 9 months now. In the last week if I have been in the bath with dd she has poked my nipples and got very upset, so I think she has linked her milk with where it comes from. She was rather annoyed not to be able to work out how to get to it from where she was sitting....!

Pyrrah Thu 18-Apr-13 16:46:04

I stopped feeding DD when she was 3.5 years (did not plan to, just kind of happened - was convinced we'd be in documentary territory and then she just suddenly stopped)

I live in London and don't have a car, so DD was fed everywhere - buses, tube, trains, walking round supermarkets, museums, restaurants, planes, in the middle of John Lewis furniture department. Basically if she was hungry she got fed wherever we were.

I bought clothes that allowed for minimal exposure of boobs, pp tummy etc but never any of those cover thingies.

I had so many positive comments - old ladies would come up and tell me how wonderful it was, ladies on the bus would cluck approvingly and tell DD she was a lucky girl and all my relatives were supportive (helped that there were 3 of us with similar age DDs all doing extended breastfeeding).

I had one negative comment - an American lady at a dinner once told me that breastfeeding my 2 year-old was disgusting whether in public or at home. Was hilarious when the middle-age man next to her turned round and said that the words disgusting and breast-feeding didn't belong in the same sentence and that he had been breast-fed till her was 4 as had his sisters! The look on her face was wonderful - not one person round the table agreed with her.

working9while5 Thu 18-Apr-13 17:07:14

No, not even when a mistimed delatching resulted in ds1 (3) being, erm, sprayed in the face causing him to SHOUT: "Mummy, why did you spray Rory's booby milk in my face? Why did you DOOOOOOOO that to MEEEEEEEE?" blush.

working9while5 Thu 18-Apr-13 17:07:48

Mistimed delatching of ds2 who would be Rory, of course. Not ds1.

WaitingForPancakeDay Thu 18-Apr-13 17:33:44

Never had a bag thing said and I walked round the Tate Modern with an 8 month DD in my arms feeding.

One thing that made me smile was my dad observing some mums together in the local town with their babies and he remarked how on earth could they breastfeed wearing the clothes they had on (clothes that would make Breastfeeding very hard without exposing far more than a boob). Bless him, it did not cross his little noggin that not everybody breastfeeds and there is an alternative.

ChunkyPickle Thu 18-Apr-13 17:41:27

Awwww - all these toddlers remembering is making me well up! DS only stopped a couple of months ago because I'm pregnant and the milk just dried up (thank god, it was killing me with my pregnant sensitive nipples),

I just don't think I'm going to be able to refuse him if (when) he asks once I've got the new baby.... Goodness knows how I'm going to manage the logistics though.

ChunkyPickle I doubt he will remember. DS1 weaned during my pgy and had totally forgotten before DS2 even arrived sad

He tried a few times to latch on mostly jealousy and curiosity I think but without success, and soon lost interest.

Cathycat Thu 18-Apr-13 23:22:29

Talking of children remembering being breastfed, my youngest was four and had just started school (!!!) and still talked fondly about how he used to have mummy milk. He would look all soft when he talked about it. He was two when I weaned him off and yes, he did love it, in fact so much that I could barely move around the house lol!!!

ArabellaBeaumaris Thu 18-Apr-13 23:28:30

chunky I weaned dd1 at 2,7 when I was just pregnant with dd2. During my pregnancy she would talk about mummy milk & how it would come back with the new baby, but by the time the baby arrived ahe showed no interest at all in going back on the boob.

WingDefence Fri 19-Apr-13 03:34:42

Thanks to all of you for posting these. I'm currently (as in literally - one-thumb typing!) bfing 3-wek old DD and it's been heartening to read all your stories. As well as handy to get an idea of what to say if I do ever get a negative response while feeding out and about.

Even though I never thought I could or would feed her in public u have done a few times now, in restaurants and cafes. One cafe/tea shop I went to the manager offered to keep my lunch warm but I've become used to eating one-handed so declined gratefully. Other than that, no bad experiences although I probably feel more embarrassed than other diners to be honest (not enough to stop me though) blush

Well done WingD!

JessieEssex Fri 19-Apr-13 09:50:07

Another one-handed reply here while I bf DD2 (6 weeks old today!) I fed DD1 all over the place and never had a negative comment. I was desperate for one - I was so ready with my responses! The only vaguely catsbum reaction was from my (otherwise lovely) MIL.

Banjo77 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:33:18

This is a good, funny take on breast feeding in public. I love this site they're all as mad as hatters smile

eveningharold.com/2013/04/24/mumsnet-post/

Interesting that in they have women being against breastfeeding in public. I've certainly had more tuts and mutters from women than men when I've done it.

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