MIL keeps trying to give DS solids!(29 Posts)
So today I found her feeding him Milky Bar! She keeps telling me to give him baby rice and rusks! He is 16 weeks old and I know he isn't ready for solids yet. Plus he is EBF. She bottle fed her children and filled them up with baby rice, etc and she thinks the same will work for my DS. I don't want to shout but it is really testing my patience now that she thinks she knows better for my son! Will the chocolate have done him any harm? It was only a tiny bit and he did seem to love it but now he won't eat but I think that's cos he's tired.
Aaarrrggghhh thanks for letting me rant!
You have to be strict with her.
Tell her to stop feeding your baby solids, especially sugar, or she won't get to see him.
if she calls your bluff, stop her from seeing him.
If you have to shout, then I say do it, but I bet most people will say don't shout.
Maybe print off the NHS guidelines and tell her to memorize them?
Chocolate won't have harmed him but I am shocked that your MIL thinks that it is acceptable to do that. Tell her firmly and absolutely that this is your child and under no circumstances is she to feed your child. He is breastfed and that's the end of it until you decide to begin weaning. You are his mother, not her.
Relax! A tiny bit of chocolate won't do him any harm at all - though I wouldn't recomend it in large doses.
It's difficult to follow today's methods, and not upset the older generation, but bear in mind that she didn't manage to kill off her own offspring, so her methods can't be that bad. Baby rice at 4 months isn't such a bad thing.
How often do you and DS see her? Can you let her have her way and use your own methods when she's not around, for the sake of family peace?
That one little bit shouldn't do any harm but tell her that the reason they recommend a minimum of 17 weeks before weaning is because his gut isn't developed yet. She could make him poorly (as in tummy bug poorly, not seriously ill). She probably just doesn't understand and thinks she is doing good. Don't worry.
My DM did this too - it drove me crazy!
Can you let her have her way
Why the f* should she? it is her son and up to her how and when he is weaned.
Thanks for the support guys I know it was different for the older generation. People have told me that people used to feed their babies solids from birth!
Phyllis it's not the harm that the food could do it's more the principle that he is MY son and we all raise our children differently. I know what is best for him and I don't think feeding him chocolate is very responsible!
I think your MIL is being very disrespectful if she isnt following your wishes, but first you have to make it very clear, in words of one syllable if necessary, and if you have not done so already, what the position is. You can be pleasant, but firm.
Chances are it won't have done any harm, but she can't know that for sure. I wouldn't let her have unsupervised access if she can't respect your wishes and continues to do something that might harm your baby.
There are several issues-
She's being territorial over her GC
She dismisses your role, thinking she knows better
Rather than discussing why and when to wean, she decides unilaterally that she'll go ahead in her own timescale .
The food choices she's opted for are not nutritious (analytical armadillo and others explain why not to give baby rice)
You and her son must give a united message that she's being inappropriate, or it'll just escalate.
Phyllis, it's ridiculous to say its difficult to follow today's methods and not upset the older generation. The older generation are perfectly capable of understanding, like everyone else, that guidelines change and that each parent is responsible for how they want to raise their own child. There is no way I would risk harming my child by allowing anyone to 'have their way' when they are with them, especially on something like giving solids. What's the point of the OP waiting if her MIL is just going to give him solids when she has him?
OP, this is totally to do with the lack of respect your MIL has for you, you need to make it clear that going against your wishes won't be tolerated.
I've tried the route of "doctors, etc advise that only breastmilk or formula are needed for the first six months." But she just dismisses that by saying they don't know what they're talking about! Plus when DS is overly tired he cries and won't eat then MIL tells me that it must be my milk and I should give him formula. I could sort of understand that comment if he hadn't put on about 10 lbs since birth!
Get your DH to bollock her, it goes against the guidelines (absolutely no food before 17 weeks) and it's sodding chocoate she gave him, not baby rice or pureed apple. It's his mum and you should present a united front.
And don't leave your DS unsupervised with her in the future, she can't be trusted.
Your dh needs to step in and tell his dm to butt out.
In the meantime don't leave baby with her, so opportunities to sneak food into your baby don't present themselves.
I would also be inclined to cut down visits drastically too. And if asked say you cannot trust them with your baby's health.
I weaned my son early- however that was my choice! It's your choice not to and she should respect that!
I think you have to be very firm with her, tell her she is not to give your child solids under any circumstances until you decide to!
so don't do Doctors.
say "I have told you that I do not want you to feed my child.
He is my child, not yours, now please stop, or I will have to stop you seeing him or being part of our family"
Has your dh not said anything? My inlaws are like this my dh says something. If it's my parents are being overly bossy, then I say something.
Even if mil thought that he was ready for solids she must be very ignorant to think that chocolate is an appropriate meal at that age. Don't even get me started on baby rice, but to be fair, that's marketing that's duped loads of people into thinking it's a nutritional option.
He's got the rest of his life to be stuffed full of chocolate by his grandparents!
I had this kind of crap from my MIL as well. You have to stamp on it quickly with DH on side or it just gets worse. I had MIL shove me out of the way once when I was changing DD because she was crying and she felt I wasn't doing it fast enough. Giving in leads to misery. Set the ground rules now and save yourself some pain.
I would have been livid if this happened to my children. It is terribly arrogant to go against the clearly stated intentions of the parent, however right you THINK you are.
That rings a bell tube, but my push out of the way was at bath time. Whilst repeating over and over about how much she wished she was in there with him...
It's already started upsetting me. It makes me feel like I must be a bad mum if she keeps undermining me on everything it started with the breastfeeding but that got sorted now its the solids and me not giving him a dummy. Apparently its nasty not to give a dummy but 1) I've tried to give him one and he doesn't like it and 2) wtf is nasty about it? DP thinks its best to ignore her but ignoring it clearly isn't helping cos now she's gone further and done something I told her not to. At first it was just suggestions which is why DP said to ignore it
You are not a bad mother. This is all about control and being the alpha mum, proving she is better to your dh even if she doesn't realise she's doing it. It says more about her than you. She no doubt would not have tolerated interference when she raised dh. I hope your dh will understand that this is serious because it's knocking your confidence and give you the support you need here.
Is you MIL looking after your DS? If so, it is time to find an alternative childcare arrangement. It will cost more financially but will be worth it.
Otherwise you will never bet able to control what your MIL does when you are not there.
If she doesn't provide childcare then just don't leave her alone with the baby and cut down on how much you visit her.
I remember coming in and finding my MIL stuffing Raspberry Ruffle into ds, the child could barely sit up ffs, he certainly couldn't push her hands away if he had had enough! Luckily ex H went postal so I didn't have to look like the uptight bad guy.
I certainly would NOT let her have her way, why should she? She's HAD her dc, why does she get to make these decisions for mine too?
I am shocked - totally unacceptable.
Treat her like any other dangerous animal and don't leave them together unattended. Oh, and your husband needs to have some strong words with her.
How come you're with her so much?
What Humphry said - I would be livid at the situation and arrogance.
thrn your dh's stance of ignoring it isn't working.
tell himto man up and tell her (his mum) to butt out.
I have a MIL like this. Drives me nuts and so I hardly we take my children over to see her which annoys my husband. But when I say my toddler isn't allowed crisps or sweets because he's been naughty today and he comes home with a Lilly pop in his mouth and a packet of skips in his lap I'm livid! My daughter is now 9months and has never had formula always BF on demand. I started giving her solids at 17weeks because she has always been big for her age in weight and length and had started trying to steal food off of our plates. She also had 4 teeth by then too. Different babies are ready at different times, some babies may not e ready for solids until 6months+. A little bit of chocolate as others have said isn't likely to hurt him but yes I would be livid that she completely ignores you and does what she wants. My MIL goes on an on about how selfish I am for BFing because it means she's tied to me. And for Christmas bearing in mind my DD wasn't even 6 months she got her a massive selection box of chocolate! Not just a packet of chocolate buttons or something that I could maybe just give her one of a whole selection box! Not really an appropriate gift is it?! And the last time we all visited because it was her birthday sigh I really try to avoid going there lol - she sat with 8 month old DD on her lap feeding her a whole packet of crisps!!! I'm sorry but no wonder every one of her 4 children has always been overweight my DH included. I say stand your ground, perhaps try to avoid shouting unless its a last resort but I would reiterate to your partner that what she is Doig is making you feel like you're a bad mum when you're not. And her undermining you isn't acceptable because it is YOUR baby. If she can't listen to you try to avoid seeing her!
Join the discussion
Please login first.