Help for first-time-failed second-time-hopeful BF Mum in Norfolk or Bedfordshire

(13 Posts)
lucasmama08 Tue 10-Nov-09 20:35:35

Hello I'm 4 months pregnant with my second child and wanting to try breastfeeding again after a complete car crash of an attempt with my first baby (currently 13 months old). I know I should be looking to join a local bf group for a bit of support but I'm worried it might be a bit cliquey for me and my disposable nappy-wearing, non-bfed son. Can someone please tell me how silly I'm being and recommend a good local group! I really need to join sooner rather than later as I couldn't drive for the last 2 months of my last pregnancy (fainting spells) so might not be able to get out and about closer to my due date. Thank you x

KristinaM Tue 10-Nov-09 20:39:10

sorry i'm not local to you and don't know of any groups but just wanted to say good luck with your plans to bf your baby.

do you want to post about what happened last time, as there are lots of bf experts here ( not me) and they might be able to advise

Grendle Tue 10-Nov-09 20:47:14

BfN have some in Norfolk and Herts.

lucasmama08 Tue 10-Nov-09 20:53:11

Thanks for your reply and the good luck - got a feeling I might need it.

Last time is a looooooong story, the very basics are that little man failed to latch (despite 3 weeks of help from 3 lactation consultants, 1 health visitor and my very pro-bf midwife) possibly partly due to a tongue-tie and partly to who knows what (he still has a terrible latch even with a bottle). The whole sorry affair culminated in 12 weeks of mastitis, a missed breast abscess so large the ultrasound lady thought it was a breast implant (ruptured on its own before surgery leaving a lovely fistula) plus a very dehydraded and jaundiced baby in the 5 days it took before we spotted he needed formula like now.

Still a bit traumatised about the whole thing tbh!

I think the key this time will be lots of help in the early days to get the latch sorted and enough confidence to speak up and disagree withe the professionals when I know something just isn't right (sometimes 'more skin to skin' just isn't enough of an answer!). If that fails I am as yet undecided as to whether I'll express again as it quite clearly did not agree with me last time. Plus my husband has said he'll support me 100% in trying again on the condition that I promise to retire gracefully if we don't get the latch sorted within a resonable time.

lucasmama08 Tue 10-Nov-09 20:59:41

Thanks Grendle - do many first-time-failed Mums attend these sort of things? I don't want to be the cautionary tale in the corner and neither do I want my sorry story of woe to scare any of the first time Mums! I guess I'm just being a bit of an over-sensitive scaredy cat hmm

GruffaloMama Tue 10-Nov-09 21:08:03

Hi - am in Cambs so not much use but just wanted to say that I'm sure you'll find the groups less cliquey thank you might fear. Nearly all BFing mums have experienced some difficulty at some point with it so I'm sure they'll be impressed that you're trying again after a difficult first go and are making efforts to try to succeed. Have you asked your Health Visitor about any local groups?

Also I wouldn't assume BFing mums are paragons of virtue! My 13 mo DS is breast fed. But <whispers> he wears disposables, has an addiction to Waybuloo and has a dummy. The house is a tip and this evening he poo-ed on his shoes and wee-ed on the rug. Polishing my halo is frankly one bit of housework I can't fit in. In fact I can't even find it for all the rubbish lying around, the sleep deprivation and the maternal guilt about everything else. I really hope you have a lovely pregnancy and a better start to your breastfeeding next time. But the support here really can be great if it's not going well.

lucasmama08 Tue 10-Nov-09 21:39:20

Lol GruffaloMama! Yes, I suppose I'm worried about walking into a room full of polished halos as people turn and gasp and point at my poor little formula-fed son blush

KristinaM Tue 10-Nov-09 21:52:22

I'm not any kind of expert, let alone on tongue tie, but it sounds to me as if you need to re-define what happened last time. You didn't fail - you succeeded in bf a baby with feeding problems for ???/ how many weeks??? . despite HUGE probelms??? and not enough of the right support at the right time????

is there any reason to think that your next baby will have tongue tie ( genuine questions, i dont know, does it run in families)??

have you searched the bf threads here for tongue tie?

major sympathies on the mastitis BTW. mine didnt get as far as an abcess and it was bloody agony

KristinaM Tue 10-Nov-09 21:54:13

BTW no one will know that your older son has formula

my first two were not bf and only one person has ever asked me in the 5 years i was bf teh last two

lucasmama08 Tue 10-Nov-09 22:11:14

Thanks KristinaM - it was bloody agony not to mention the nightly sweats and fevers Would be a bit more assertive with my GP next time, I did suspect it might have turned into an abscess for a number of weeks before I finally turned up at A&E in desperation!

My husband has a mild tongue tie so it could happen again. My lovely midwife has written 'please support with breastfeeding' and 'family history of tongue tie' on my notes for me The trouble seemed to be that the tongue tie, although apparent, did not seem to be particuarly serious. Plus he did do a pretty good impression of an adequate latch, despite dropping off at least every 60 seconds. If I even dared to twitch or take a deep breath he'd be off before then.

Although I did keep my (rather paltry) milk supply going for almost 3 months he only actually got 3 weeks of breast milk as I had to pump and dump the rest due to the non-bf friendly antibiotics, macro-antibiotics and painkillers I was on. But I did try!

KristinaM Wed 11-Nov-09 07:53:53

i was so rubbish at expressing, even with an electric pump. i can't imagine expressing for 9 weeks to have to dump it - that must have been soul destroying sad

you deserve a medal grin

there are lots of antibiotics that ARE compatible with bf - the breast feeding network can advise. not that i am wishing mastitis on you again

kellymom has info on bf and tongue tie

ItNeverRainsBut Wed 11-Nov-09 08:48:08

LLL Bedford and Luton - could always call one of the numbers listed here for a chat and support?

lucasmama08 Wed 11-Nov-09 09:20:09

KristinaM - I have to admit that it all looks more impressive written down than I had remembered it to be. My GP managed to give me bf friendly antibiotics for my first course but after a culture of the breast milk/pus was taken I had to be moved to a more potent combination. By this stage only the milk from one breast was usable anyway. From memory I think it was the macro-antibiotic that completely prohibited bfing. I do remember that it gave me diarrhea. I'm more angry at myself for not being more proactive in those first 10 days or so before things got so out of hand, but I suppose I shall have the benefit of (bitter!) experience with me this time. Your comments have really helped give me confidence so thank you

ItNeverRainsBut - thank you for the link. I've had a good look at their website and they seem like a nice friendly group. Flitwick (where they meet) works pretty well for me and I am going to pluck up the courage and go to their meeting on 2nd Dec. Thank you

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