Ok come on now. There is nothing to feel guilty about. You have a healthy baby girl and you must stop beating yourself up! You haven't chosen this, it's just life.

When you have another baby, you never know how BF will go. Galactagogues and a decent breast pump might help but if they don't you don't need to go through all the pain and guilt again as you know what the problem is - forewarned is forearmed.

I don't know what to say hon - your baby is wonderful and it's not your fault.

Right, here's the thing; I can't get over it. I just can't and it's getting ridiculous. I have a beautiful baby girl who's thriving and yet I can't stop this self indulgent wallowing.

I feel guilty ALL THE TIME. I have good day and bad days but it's always there, every time I give her a bottle and I'm worried it's going to make me depressed. I check out the feeding boards contiuously, obsessively read anything vaguely related to infant feeding, still cry quite often at night (poor DH!), I don't know how to get over it really.

And it's made me never want more children, purely because I don't think I could go through the guilt and heartbreak again. I manically research things that might make a difference 'next time' and can't find anything.

So. Where from here?

Ooo that is nice- but a bit sad there are obviously so few sites about it

Nitnat, the book weasle recomended is excellent. Really really good, and even better if you get it now and have a read through so you don't need to do so in a blind panic once your baby's here . I produced colostrum during my pregnancy (though never leaked) but had very little milk and my baby lost an awful lot of weight. I'm not saying that to scare you and many women are able to brestfeed succesfully even with THB, but if I could go back in time I'd make sure I was aware of signs to look for that baby is feeding well and getting enough milk. For example, wet nappies, poos changing colour etc. However, don't be worried if baby doesn't seem settled or full after feeding particularly, or if you seem to be feeding non stop- this is normal even with mums who have an abundance of milk!

I also wish I had seen a bfc before birth, and got together useful numbers eg) a bf cafe, LLL, somewhere to rent a breast pump etc so I didn't have to struggle doing this with a newborn. And if all else fails, domperidone did help me to mix feed up till afew weeks ago (DD now 16 weeks) so is well worth a shot

Oh I googled THB and this thread appeared at the bottom of the first page! How great is that! I honestly feel like we could be helping people

nitnat
please arm yourself with information and go to the doctor to ask for a prescription of domperidone. You may have no problem (1/3 of women with THB don't) but if you want to BF you will need to be prepared from the beginning. Get real, proper, RL help with latching and positioning from day one and as soon as your milk comes in, try expressing, with an electric pump if you can lay your hands on one. You need to stimulate the mammary tissue you have to produce maximum and then more. I think if you stimulate it lots you can start to produce more, even without galactogogues. Worth a try. But the main thing is to remember that any BM is a gift even if you have to supplement, and if you do have to supplement/ff, you are not a failure and your baby will be just wonderful regardless!

i have also just found this research paper

which contains this encouraging remark
"Even with the more severe types of hypoplasia, some women progress to full milk production and thus can be encouraged to keep stimulation and draining the breasts."

So it is clearly worth trying! People have found benefit with drugs to increase milk production such as domperidone and fenugreek (a herbal supplement).

nitnat

could you go and see a local bf support group and speak to a counsellor? We had quite a few pg women coming to one group i used to go to. you could see if you could have a private word with the counsellor about your concerns and see if she has any experience of this. There may also be a lactation consultant locally, they usually have further qualifications .

Also, then if you do have problems the local supporters aren't total strangers for you to have to contact at an emotionally and physically difficult time after childbirth.

It might work out fine for you, keep an open and positive mind . For me realising what it is has helped a lot. this looks a good book.

Good luck and congratualtions on your pregnancy.

Just found this thread! I believe I have tubular breasts from the sites I have seen. I am so scared. Did any of you still have colustrum while pregnant but then still didnt produce milk? I started leaking colustrum at 17 weeks and am 29 weeks now but my boobs have not grown and def like the piccies.
I feel scared to mention to anyone?

I know what you mean.
Do you know, when I was preg I was sooooo pro BFing that I gave others the 3rd degree about not giving in and persevering with bfing. I'd just had it drummed into me (from MN no less!) that every woman can BF. So I believed it and just thought that I hadn't tried hard enough with DS1.

It's only now that I realise how important FF really is!

feeders

<<gives up>>

alienate formula feededers

Absolutely- but it won't stay that way. Pretty soon Leonie other hardcore bfeeders will come to join in and suddenly it won't be such an amusing chat.

The thing that gets to me the most is that I'm so bloody pro breastfeeding, I'd give anything to be able to give that to my daughter. But you know what, I can't ever imagine getting to a point in my life where instead of feeling proud of something I'd achieved and simply helping and encouraging more women to do the same, I felt the need to alienate ff in order to do so. I just don't understand it!

hahaha, I have been manically refreshing for the past hour!

I'm also smiling, weird eh? perhaps we're finally getting over it and can laugh about it now. I think it helps that most people on that thread aren't bothered by FF

Well that was quite fun actually lol. First time I've come away from one of those threads smiling

<<tries to stay away from thread now I'm happy>>

<<Fails. Returns to thread and refreshes page obsessively>>

Well, now we know how to find each other in the future anyhoo, just start an AIBU ff bashing thread

That is, one of my friends who is currently breastfeeding

No, I haven't told many people either. Just family, and DH obviously. And one of the breastfeeding mums actually, who's trying to be supportive and keeps saying that I did my best etc but then berates mums from her AN classes that ff as being regimented

I find myself telling every one! I'm one of these people who can't stop talking once I start. I always end up saying too much
I think it's to protect myself so people don't think I gave up too easily.

It's so annoying isn't it - it's not something I want to discuss with people really so when I say 'I didn't produce enough milk' I know they are thinking 'yeah right, just didn't try hard enough' and I want to explain myself but can't. I have had people say that I gave him a bottle too early (if I hadn't he would have been very sick), didn't put him on the breast enough etc etc...well meaning 'advice' but so wrong...only my best mate (and DH) know about the THB issue because it's something I am only just getting my head round myself after a lifetime of feeling like a freak because of the way they look...

Oooo can I have one of those t-shirts in a Large please

Chipmonkey agree with Fruity, feel like you've really hit the nail on the head with that comment. That's exactly how it feels, like we're told continuously that everyone can breastfeed if they try hard enough, keep feeding and you'll get there etc and with all the stubborness will in the world, it's just not happening.

I do believe, strongly that breastfeeding should be made more 'public' so that every woman regards it as the norm, but not at the expense of ff mothers, and the way in which your SIL was treated is so sad . Perhaps you could forward her t-shirt size to Fruity before she goes in if she has another baby!

And thank you, I do feel proud (now) of my teeny tiny amount of milk. I still manage to hand express approx 40mls throughout the day (though she has stopped latching on) which she has in a tiny dream feed. It's a stupidly small amount, but at least it's something I guess.

Fruity I'm sorry you're feeling a bit crappy again, must be really hard to see that. I'm lucky that no friends are giving birth in the near future, but the other 2 are still breastfeeding. It is hard. In my darkest moments I wish something would go wrong with their feeding too so I didn't have this continuous reminder of how it went so wrong with me. But that really is mean and I try to limit my evil thoughts!

Re any future babies, I will do as Kat plans also. But I do think, despite not 'getting my hopes up' that it will continue to be a very big issue for me, and I'm kind of loathed to raise it within myself again, knowing how depressed I've been about it. Even though I know next time it's not going to happen, the feelings of guilt are going to stay and it does put me off having another child naturally, but we'll see. I do try to look at it, as you've said, that we are lucky to have babies as all, but turns out I'm a 'glass half empty' girl! I think it's that feeling of being cheated more than anything. If some miracle happened and I had milk in abundance next pregnancy, I would fight whatever battles I had to in order to breastfeed, but I do wonder if, facing those issues after the first prenancy (latch, pain, cracked nipples) I might have given up anyway? I doubt it because I was so determined to breastfeed, but who knows- and if I had, I bet I'd feel better about ff than I do now having been forced into it.

chipmonkey - you've set me off again! But in a good way It's just so comforting to hear from someone (who has no trouble bfing) who understands how we feel. A lot of women (especially on here) who have no trouble bfing can't understand how anyone can't produce enough milk.
You've got it in a nutshell;
"health professionals have forgotten that some people DON'T produce enough milk, in the same way that some people don't produce enough insulin. You would never hear a nurse tell a diabetic patient to "keep eating those biscuits, everyone can process sugar!""

Now I have some ammunition to fire at those who think I've just been lazy!

I feel like I have to constantly explain myself every time someone says "Aren't you bfing?" Perhaps I should just wear a t-shirt saying "Dodgy boobs!"

I know it's not the be all and end all but I can't help feeling every time I see a bfing mother.
It's like when I was trying for DS2, it seemed as though every one I know was falling pg after just 3 weeks of trying so was extremely of them.
Then I had my second c-section and I was of people having natural births (I wanted a home birth too)

I reckon if I have a third boy next time it might just send me over the edge (how ungrateful is that! )

It seems like there's always something to be envious of. Hopefully I won't end up a bitter and twisted old women!

Girls, I am one of the "lucky" ones who had no trouble with bf but please, please don't think that you have failed your babies.
Absolutely every mother has some issue that didn't go well. I am a bit of a hippy and would have loved to have a home birth. Well, after 4 Caesareans, I have to accept that it's never gonna happen! And firstontheway, I have 4 fabulous boys but am very of your daughter, again something that will never happen for me.
Fruity, I think you are right, we want what we can't have and feel hard-done-by if it doesn't go your way.
And I do think that in the efforts to get everyone to bf, the health professionals have forgotten that some people DON'T produce enough milk, in the same way that some people don't produce enough insulin. You would never hear a nurse tell a diabetic patient to "keep eating those biscuits, everyone can process sugar!" But my SIL who has a medical condition for which the medication means she can't bf, was very upset by a nurse in hospital snootily saying "Oh, you're formula feeding" without actually checking her notes to see that SILs meds would make a bf baby comatose!

FruitynNutty, do tell your friend about the trouble you've had with bfing. She was probably talking about her football boobs in a "Look what we have to go through" kind of way and had no idea how upsetting it would be for you.

And firstontheway, be proud of your 10mls of EBM! Every, every drop you can manage will help your dd and you should be so proud of yourself for making such an effort for your baby, lots of babies get no breastmilk at all and you are fantastic for going to such efforts for your little one under such difficult circumstances.

You all deserve a medal!

I know, I try to think about women who can't physically have children, I'm so lucky. Especially as I have PCOS - I should count myslef lucky I can have children at all. Even though it took a long time.

BFing is so small compared to everything else, I don't know why I let it get to me. I think it's because it's been taken away from me. You always want what you can't have.

Hi ladies
thinking about what to do next time...I'm thinking, buy an electric pump and start expressing as soon as milk comes in, and go to the doctor and stamp until I get a prescription for domperidone. That might help to increase supply enough to mix BF with bottles of EBM? Hopefully. If not, I will do as I did before and mix feed as long as possible, and hope it goes as long as DS did (4 months ish).

Fruity - I felt exactly the same when I saw my SIL BF, that's what started me musing on why my breasts were different. It hurts. But you really must put it behind you - you are a great mum, your DS is happy, you made him!!! so your body is amazing. You just had bad luck but think of people who have worse luck - people who can't conceive or carry babies at all...maybe that doesn't help you but it helps me, to think at least I have my DS, some womens' uteruses or ovaries are the crap thing and that's worse....

Buggar, I'm now feeling incredibly
A friend of mine had a baby yesterday morning. Her milk is in already. She's just told me she's got loads of milk and her boobs are like footballs. (I don't think she knows about my bfing probs)
Great, just when I was beginning to get over it. I've still loads more friends giving birth this year. What am I going to do? I so need to get over it now. It's going to be harder when I see her BFing in person
I just feel so incredibly jealous and bitter. I should be BFing ffs! It's a natural human thing to do, why have we been given such shite boobs?

Sorry, absolutely terrible grammar, spelling and punctuation I hope it makes sense!

Well I don't know about you but know I know, much as it hurts me I won't be psyching myself up next time. I know I can't physically provide enough milk so won't get the same disappointment as this time and last time. Obviously I'll still feel cheated and let down (s'cuse the pun) but I won't spend my whole pregnancy desperate to get it right this time because I now know I can't.
I've heard you can take progesterone during pregnancy which could help a little but I won't set all my hopes on bfing next time.
I only wish I'd known about it when pregnant with DS1 and DS2.
Women really need to know about it, especially those who preach about everyone woman being able to bf. Yeah, it's only 1% of women who physically can't do it but we have managed t get into that 1% so anyone can, if that makes sense?

No, she stopped latching on

Still goes on last thing at night purely for comfort but that's the only time she wants it, when she's not hungry, just sleepy!

If you were to have another baby, what would you do? I was thinking about this the other day and I gues I'd breastfeed till day 2 or 3 (I seemed to have colostrum at the beginning but not sure how much) and then mix fed till they won't take the breast any more like this time. It sounds terrible, but it has, in a way, put me off having any more children, just becuase I know how utterly heartbreaking it's been and I'm not sure I could go through it again. Am hoping I'll find something else to feel guilty about feel better when she starts weaning

You Jack's now 12 weeks old and weighs 13lb3oz (6kgs) He's just on formula now though so is quite a lump He's on the 50th centile for weight and head circumference. 91st for height!
Well done for May getting to the 9th! Are you persevering with the bfing then?

I've definitely got it much more in one breast. Nice and lopsided

I've decided, in my next life, I'm going to bf my babies until they are 21

Wow Weasle, that's really interesting, I didn't realise you could have it on just one breast! How brilliant though that you've mangaged to fully bf DS2 anyway though, you must be so proud

It's hard isn't it when the advice that is given to everyone else just doesn't work for you ie) to feed more often and milk supply will increase- I wish!

Wow, this is a revelation to me. I have one hypoplastic breast and one more normal one. I have PCOS.

Everything now makes sense!

My tubular breast hardly increased in size at all in pregnancy and when my milk came in.

I failed at feeding ds1, as someone told me the solution for lopsidedness was to feed more from the smaller side, so i fed from that lots and often expressed from the larger side to store for my return to work. i could hardly express anything from the smaller side, but thought that was not representative of milk production. ds1 had failure to thrive and was mix fed then ff by 4 months.

with ds2 i did no expressing but just fed from both sides lots, 1-2 hourly for the first few months. He strongly prefers the larger side, but we have managed to keep going and i am still feeding from both sides at 18months.

i suspected that there may have been an issue with milk production on my smaller side, but seeing these photos is amazing as that is exactly what that side looks like.

Thanks so much for talking about this issue, another reason to love MN!

Just wanted to add, I had terrible supply issues, and domperidone was the only thing (and I tried EVERYTHING) that worked for me. I tried to get it prescribed to no avail, then bought it from www.inhousepharmacy.com without a prescription. Kept me breastfeeding for 8 months although I had to supplement every few days when what I'd pumped ran out.

Gah, after stalking you out my internet broke lol

Glad you're okay though, and that Jack's (cute name!) doing well VERY impressed he's sleeping through! Had 3 nights in a row where Samaya slept from 8 till 4 ish, then last night woke up 3 times- I feel so cheated!

Grr that thread really hurt. I just know the threads that are going to end badly, with me getting really upset and hurt, but somehow just have to read them anyway, it's ridiculous. Felt the same about the 'smug' thread, as soon as someone mentioned bottles feeding I should've hidden it, but just had to stay to witness the bunfight

I wonder what hormone your friend was on? Tbh, I think you're probably right and that it wouldn't have done anything unfortunately- I was on a stupidly high dose of domperidone and it really made minimal difference, if any at all. It just frustrates me the way HCPs didn't seem to want to bother with us though. I saw so many HVs/ GPs and really no-one had any idea what the condition was, let alone how to treat it. All you get is 'if you feed enough, the milk will come!' So frustrating.

I am feelingf slightly better though, mostly. Occasionally have a really good cry in the evenings, and a vent to DH, but all in all she's doing so well I can't complain. I do think she's starting to get exzema though on her ears and cheeks One of the main reasons I wanted to bfeed was because I have asthma/ exzema and they run in DH's family also so desperately wanted to help avoid that for Samaya. Even though I was bfed and DH's bro was bfed and we have multiple allergies, I'll always wonder 'what if' if she ends up with them.

How's Jack's weight doing now? I had May weighed on Thu and she's 4.7kg!! Just a bit abouve the 9th centile- not too bad for a baby that dropped down to the 0.4th

I'm here!

A whole month since I last posted - slap on the wrist for fruity!

I'm feeling alright at the moment, yes that thread really upset me. My own fault really but I was hoping to show that stupid bint that we're not all as blessed as her - obviously she ignored me completely. Luckily I think it was just mainly her that was completely and utterly deluded

I was talking to one of the mum's this morning who was telling me about this hormone she's on to control her anger due to PCOS (and too much testosterone). Her boobs have filled with milk because of this hormone she's taking!
Well, I wish my GP had told me about this magic hormone Still, it probably wouldn't have worked, I imagine we would still need enough of the tissue to produce it? I don't know. It's a bit late now anyway. Baby Jack is in a nice little routine now with his formula. Really don't want to mess that up as I'm sometimes getting a full night's sleep!

How are you first? or is it You now?

Hi FruityNutty (It's me, firstontheway )

Just wondered how you were getting on with it all, I know the thread on AIBU upset you- me too. Feel like I really need to stay away from those threads lol!

Thanks for the hug and the kind words
I feel like, if I hadn't had to go back to work so soon or if I could afford to buy all the natural remedies then I could have done a lot better.
I know my baby's had a good start but I've realised it's to do with me not him. I sort of feel like I've been robbed of my womanhood or something. Especially as I have PCOS and struggled to conceive then couldn't manage to give birth naturally (something I was desperate to do with DS2).
Anyway, I'm going to have to get over it now. There's no point in dwelling over it.

To make mattes worse, the Hot Milk bras I ordered ages ago (before I knew about the hypoplastic boobs) turned up today They look really nice too Sod it, I'll still wear them

Very nu-mumsnetty (((hug)))

My DD is around the same age as your son I think- was 6 weeks on Sat. Went for our 6 weeks check today and she's bounded up to the 9th centile

I can't even imagine being back at work right now, am in awe! My days are fully taken up with one quite demanding child, let alone needing to look after more... I babysat yesterday for a friend of mine's DD (2.3yrs) while she was at work and it was a nightmare- am very impressed!

I'm sorry things arent looking great for you FWIW I have VERY little milk, literally about 5mls over both full breasts I think, so please don't feel alone. It really is heartbreaking I know. And I'm sure will be tough when you see friends breastfeeding (am avoiding one in particular as it's very upsetting) but you have done an AMAZING job. While most people seem bemused as to why I'm bothering, my DH has become incredibly supportive- telling him about my friend's comment yesterday he reminded me how so many babies get no milk whatsoever, and every last drop counts. You've carried on for 6/7 incredibly tough weeks when you could have given up immediately, and at least you can look back and know that you tried, and couldn't have done anything more.

first - That is so kind of you but unfortunately whatever milk I did have is going
I'm losing the will now tbh. I'm absolutely devestated but I really can't cope with the stress of pursuing it even more. I've been back at work (I'm a Childminder) since baby was 4 weeks old so am rushed off my feet anyway. If only I had time to make it work

I'm trying to concentrate on how lucky I am to have him. However, the bottles/formula are a constant reminder. I'm not sure how I'll cope when friends of mine have their babies and start BFing. Force a smile I suppose .

How awful for you to receive those comments . I'm lucky, I've got very sympathetic friends/family. They knew how desperate I was to BF and I've told them why I can't do it.

I'm hoping with time I'll come to terms with it.
I admire you so much for being so strong and battling on. How old is your lo again? I'm sure you've said before

Sorry, couldn't get to the computer over the weekend...

FruitynNutty, poor you
How did the feeding marathon go over the weekend? If he's still being fussy, let me know and I'll send you one of these bottles I was talking about- they may not work for you but they really did help my DD latch on again once she'd decided the bottle was easier.

Have you decided to see another Dr about the domperidone? If you can bear it, and you still want to try, it really is worth it to keep pushing.

We're in the same situation as before. Keep getting arsey comments from various people, MIL, my mum's friends etc (visited them over the weekend) about how she just 'doesn't like your milk' and wants the bottle (while I'm fighting trying to get her latched on before topping up). And when I gave her a 10ml bottle of EBM yesterday (which I was VERY proud of, expressed over two sittings though) my friend asked what the point was when she saw the 120ml formuls bottle I gave after

My baby boy is starting to refuse me He's only 6 weeks old
My fault for giving him too many bottles of formula.
I might try and have a weekend of feeding to get him back. Still having the bottles at night though so I get some sleep. I've got the next three days off work so I need to take advantage.
It's so heartbreaking to have him pulling off me all the time

It's so bloody stupid, I saw an advert for motilium on tv today - it's not like it's dangerous, so why can't they just prescribe it?

Not a lot really, just looked all sympathetic (Which is more than I can say for GP!). I asked if formula can be prescribed as I have no choice but to give it to him but she said only people on benefits can get it prescribed If I didn't give him formula he wouldn't thrive though! Bloody ridiculous. She was nice though so at least that's something

I'd like to go down the herbal route but, my god, it's soooo expensive

What did the HV say?

Health visitor couldn't help me today either

Oh poor you
Am not suprised though, unfortunately GPs are notoriously rubbish for prescribing things like this. As I said I had to see quite a few GPs, some of whom were terrible (seemed to think that 25% body weight loss was acceptable! And refused to believe I had a problem and was clearly of the 'every woman can breastfeed if she keeps putting baby to braest often enough' school of thought) until I found one willing to prescribe it. Keep trying, I know it's so so tempting to give up (and no-one could blame you!) when you're hitting brick wall after brick wall and nothing seems to make a difference, but remember it's not just about food, it's about love and attention for your DS, and the milk is an added bonus. Our love isn't measured in how many ounces of milk we make for our babies.

Morgangee, what a lovely post, thank you
Very interesting about the Goat's Rue, I'll be looking into that.

I would. I swear, half the time GPs have no idea what they are doing. They always seem to be looking things up

Yes I told her about it. She was just sitting there smiling (almost grinning). I swear she thought I was a loon. I took all the documents which she skim read. She really wasn't interested.
I think I need a second opinion.
I've spent the day in a rage

Stupid GP. Did you tell her about the HTB? Did she believe you? Did you take the documents? The advice you normally give does not apply here - and to just advise to supplement is so unhelpful. Can you see another GP? I don't know how it works.

Well what a waste of time that was, GP very unsympathetic. Didn't take me seriously at all. Said she can't prescribe Domperidone as it's not in her book . She said very matter of factly "Just supplement with formula" She just told me what I know already, drink more water, keep feeding etc...
I'm going to speak to the health visitor tomorrow when I get him weighed, see if she can help me.
Now I'm thinking is it all worth it? I haven't got spare cash to be buying lots of remedies, my only hope would be if I was prescribed domperidone. If I give up now I'll regret it but it's so draining. It takes me twice as long to feed because I give him half an hour of me then it takes 20 minutes to get through a bottle. This is nearly every 2 hours! Although he's much better at night thank god!

Thanks for the lovely words of wisdom firstontheway and morgangee, it means a lot, and made me cry (but in a good way)

Ladies - keep going! I do know women who have had all this to contend with, and got to two years! :-)

Equally, I know some who didn't make it for very long - but every day they made it, made them feel wonderful. Struggle is always rewarded. Just make sure you get some space and time, to talk about how you feel about the loss of a happy nursing relationship. Don't let anyone take your experience away from you!

On top of domperidone, the herb Goat's Rue has got a good reputation for encouraging tissue growth. Something for you to look into and research. Domperidone can make a difference, and you can get it prescribed off-licence by the GP - I know someone who had got them to do it. But it's not a magic wand - you do need to have enough tissue in the first place, for it to make a difference. :-)

Topping up with formula isn't the end of the world, when you have no choice at all. But having your baby to the breast, for at least some of the day, is worth so much to both of you! You can always feed formula in an SNS, if you aren't getting any breast feeding at all. I know it's a total faff - but it can get you some suckling time when you need it most.

Keep going Mamas! You're a marvel! Sticking it out and slogging on, when no doubt eveyone is telling you "It doesn't matter!" Think how proud your babies will be of you, when they grow up! How lucky they were, to have you as their Mum!

http://www.kellymom.com/herbal/milksupply/herbal-rem_f.html

I agree, it seems very odd that so few HPs know about this condition really. Obviously now I've had the surgery you can't tell, but I can't tell you the amnount of doctors/ surgeons who examined me before I was put on the NHS waiting list for surgery. Obviously had very odd shaped boobs and no-one identified them?

FnN- Thank God my baby started latching again as soon as we used these bottles, so they were worth every penny! She also does the pulling/ groaning and it really is heartbreaking isn't it? Sometimes she gets so hungry and distressed trying to latch on and I feel mean encouraging her, as all she wants is something to eat.

You are quite right though Kat- and I'd never looked at it like that before- that perhaps better to not have breasts that work properly than something else. We were graced in that we had no problems concieveing our baby (FnN ) and I do feel unbelievably thankful of that. Likewise, my mum mentioned that hundreds of years ago our babies may well have died had we not been able to feed them or afford a wet nurse, so I am glad that while it is a poor second, formula is available and our babies are thriving and growing healthy on it Somehow though, despite all of that, I can't stop that feeling of guilt and pure sadness that I'm unable to feed her myself. It's just so painful not being able to do this one thing for my baby.

Very good luck at the doctor today FruitynNutty- hope you get the domperidone and an explanation as to why this wasn't picked up ante/post natally. Please don't feel bad about your C-sections, you went through 9 months (of hell if your pregnancy was anything like mine!) making every last hair, fingernail and eyelash on your DSs body, the birth day is a tiny, quite unimportant part of that process. If your body wasn't designed to give birth you wouldn't have got that far

Thanks fruity - I think this is a very good idea. I wish it was not such a secret Please, please don't feel guilty about this, anyone. I would have taken an augmentation in a heartbeat a few years ago, and in fact still would, if it was free and not too painful
It's about 66% sure that your augmentation had nothing to do with the problems - only 33% of women with this condition can BF exclusively. You always hear 'only 1% of women physically can't BF' - I had no idea that 1% included me (Although I had some milk, so I guess it didn't)
I just wish one single MW or HV had recognised it. Do they really not know about this? It's pretty bloody obvious when you look at me. Just please try not to feel too let down by your breasts, you know, you could have a uterus that doesn't work, or legs, or eyes...all of those would be much worse. At least our babies have access to perfectly 'good enough' formula milk and with our love and care they will thrive perfectly well. And at least we have babies

Wow, thanks firstontheway
Damn, my printer is playing up, I will hopefully be able to print out the those pages later. What a lot of money you've spent! There's no way I can spend any more cash.

I'm sorry your DD wouldn't take the breast I suppose I can still cling on to the fact that DS is happy to latch on. However he does a lot of pulling and moaning especially on the smaller right boob. It's frustrating for him and for me. Poor thing doesn't understand and I just want to be able to give him what almost everyone else can give their babies

I'm trying to count myself lucky. I have two healthy DS's. We tried so hard to conceive them. I should be happy they're here. Still hurts that I can barely perform a basic human function though Especially after all the heartache of conception, then having 2 c-sections (again! See, I can't even manage to give birth naturally!)

Hi MamacitaGordita - You're very welcome, I think the more people who understand it the better. If more people knew about it then I would've known when I had DS1

Sorry to stumble in to your thread ladies but I was intrigued by the title and will be looking at your links with interest. I just wanted to express my admiration for your determination and think your point about bf being about more than food (comfort, closeness etc) is so important, firstontheway.

Argh I just wrote a really long reply and lost it!!

Have just read the original thread that started this one off

Can totally empathise with the jealousy of women who breastfeed without problems. I have two friends who've given birth in the same month as me, both exclusively breastfeeding withoout a problem- which is great for them, but it's so hard to be happy that things are going well for them to the point that I now avoid seeing them. I just can't bear to watch them feeding, it destroys me. I feed her for an hour and then get out this gigantic formula bottle and it makes it all seem pointless tbh.

I really hope you get the domperidone prescribed too- it made a big difference for me. But it was very hardto get, I had to see four different doctors and even now I'm prescribed a small dose and have to buy motilum at hideous expense to increase it to the reccomended dose! Hope you're lucky first time. Just make sure you go in there well clued up and prepared to argue, as many doctors don't even KNOW that it increases milk supply and are extremely wary of prescribing high amounts! I took this research with me;

one
two
three
four

and this book. Which I would thoroughly recommend anyway, I borrowed a copy from a breastfeeding cafe and have now bought my own it's so good. This is where I first heard about tubular hypoplastic breasts and realised I had them from the diagrams and descriptions. It also has an excellent section in the back about comping to terms with not making enough milk. I read it and jsut thought yes, that makes so much sense! About anger, jealousy, inadequacy, resentment of other mothers etc (I'm making myself sound like a lovely person aren't I!)

I've never heard of formula being prescribed though, unless it's a special hypoallergenic one, not plain formula. The expense is crippling though, isn't it. I had a big temper tantrum outburst yesterday and added up all this cost and it's ridiculous. I've bought 1 electric and one manual pump, hired a hospital grade pump at £65 a month, spending £2 a day increasing my domperidone dose to what it needs to buy, bought about 5 of the hideously expensive adiri bottles (about £12 each and keep splitting!!) as we had problems initially with her latching on after bottles, books about milk supply and breast reduction PLUS the adittional cost of formula, a steriliser, milton tablets etc etc, have already spent hundreds

Also DD is going through a growth spurt at the moment and feeds are quite unpredictable and twice yesterday I had to listen to her screaming her little heart out while I made up her bottle, unable to do anything as she was so hungry sje wouldn't even take the breast

Hi firstontheway
It really is heartbreaking isn't it I would also give anything to exclusively bf.

Don't feel guilty, you were led to believe you would still be able to do it. It most definitely is not your fault although I completely understand that you want to blame yourself. I also feel the guilt even though it's completely out of my hands.

I get so unbelievably jealous of women who can bf successfully. I have a friend who can express bottle fulls in about 10 minutes and the same time as feeding he baby girl. She just makes it sound so easy

I hate having to prepare bottles all the time, I should be able to just put him on me and away we go!
I'm beginning to wonder if we can get formula on prescription as it's a huge expense we shouldn't need to have. It's not like we have a choice is it? I might ask the GP on Weds.

It's comforting to know domperidone helped you. Also interesting about the iron supplement. I hope I don't have trouble getting it prescribed.

Hiya
I believe I have this also- I had never even heard of the condition before I began attempting to breastfeed and couldn't- read the La Leache book 'making more milk' and it's detailed in thre along with photos, and I thought, wow! That's me! Like you, just thought I had odd shaped boobs, accentuated by the fact that I lost a lot of weight in my early twenties. I however did have a breast reduction/ uplift and I regret that more than anything, now I'm finding it so hard to breastfeed.

My DD is also 5 weeks and I'm still trying. Pumping, constant feeding, fenugreek, domperidone etc. And although my supply is undoubtedly biger than it was 4 weeks ago, (when we found out poor DD had lost 21% BW due to no milk ) it's still nowhere near enough, and am almost fully topping up with formula. FWIW domperidone has helped me quite a bit (though I found it very hard to get it prescribed despite being a neonatal nurse and knowing all about it), I also found that taking an iron supplement boosted my supply.

The worst thing is not knowing what caused my supply problems- the reduction (when I had it surgeon assured me it wouldn't affect my ability to breastfeed) or this underlying problem. So I have guilt on all levels

Will keep going- have come to the conclusion that any breastmilk is better than none, and besides all that, I feel strongly that the psychological benefits of breastfeeding for me and DD are just as important as the nutritional value, so even if my supply dwindles to nothing I will continue to comfort her with the breast. Still unbelievably gutting to not be able to feed exclusively though. I would give anthing.

I hope you don't mind kat, but I've started this new thread as I'm not sure how clear it is from the title and I think we all really need the support - I know I do! I'm sure there are loads of other women with this problem so I think it would be nice if we can all share our experiences.

Other thread with links to interesting websites

I just wanted to say how grateful I am to you, kat, for bringing this up btw!

I thought I just had strange shaped boobs - just assumed, as we all have different shapes and sizes, I was just one of the unlucky ones. I'd never seen anyone with boobs like mine but I sort of excepted it after years of desperately wanting an augmentation.
Ever since I failed at breastfeeding my 1st DS, I've been told "Every woman can bf, you always supply enough on demand". This has made me miserable ever since and it always brought a tear to my eye as I know I tried so hard (if only for 5 weeks).
I now have a 5 week old DS2 and spent my entire pregnancy desperately hoping to be able to feed him exclusively, I wasn't going to give up as easily as I did with DS1 as, after all, every woman can BF and it's supply on demand right?
Now I know it's a medical condition which is beyond my control. This new revelation helps a little but still leaves me feeling angry and upset. Angry that it wasn't picked up on ages ago and upset that it's happened to me.

What interested me the most was the fact that it is connected to PCOS which I have got. Just another kick in the stomach from the evil condition which makes it extremely hard work to conceive and costs me a small fortune in waxing bills. I'm just waiting for the next thing for it to throw at me

It would be lovely to hear from women who have successfully breastfed with this condition. Also wondering how effective domperidone is? I'm seeing my GP on Weds for my 6 week check so will be asking for some......

If there are any BFing councellors out there who have come across this condition I would love to read about your experiences