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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Infant feeding

Discretion?

97 replies

VictorianSqualor · 04/02/2009 00:05

Your opinion on 'discreet' breastfeeding would be much welcomed.
Thankyou.

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moondog · 04/02/2009 00:07

Rule of thumb is to be as discreet as one normally is with personal matters in public.

I'm not a hide in thr bof sorta gal.

Neither am I a slap yer baps out type.

Just lifted my top and was away.

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mmelody · 04/02/2009 07:02

I try and be discreet when out and about but thats because I dont want people seeing my boobs as they are pretty ample. I dont care if people see me feeding DS but just dont particularly like getting any of my body out..
Its easy to be discreet anyway... again I am a lift up your top gal!

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EldonAve · 04/02/2009 07:25

you need to define discreet - are we talking about the amount of flesh on show or that you can't tell you are feeding a baby?

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SamJamsmum · 04/02/2009 07:36

It's a pretty subjective term.
I think for most people the process of feeding is naturally quite 'discreet' as baby pops on and the nipple may be exposed for no more than a couple of seconds and then the baby offers full coverage.

I think someone who says 'I have no problem with discreet breastfeeding' may not be very supportive of breastfeeding in public at all.

If a mother says, 'I prefer to breastfeed discreetly' then that's her right.

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VictorianSqualor · 04/02/2009 08:34

That's a good point SamJamsMum.

EldonAve, whichever. Just your personal opinions on discretion in relation to breastfeeding.

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EldonAve · 04/02/2009 08:39

I think discretion is overrated

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cmotdibbler · 04/02/2009 08:54

Well, I think getting your whole breast out and leaving it all on show is a bit much - but I've never seen anyone actually do that.

I tried not to expose more breast than I would comfortably have on show in a club whilst feeding - and I think thats about the right level. DS did have some other ideas once he got nosy, but as I was a top up/vest down girl, it wasn't terribly obvious.

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JackBauer · 04/02/2009 09:00

When DH'sbest friend came to visit shortly after DD1 was born he asked me to tell him when I was BFing as he found it a bit weird and would leave the room.
He explained that when he was younger (early teens) his aunt had a baby and fed it at the dinner table by removing her top completely and pulling down her bra which completely freaked him and his brothers out.
I pointed out that I was actually feeding DD1 at the time and he hadn't noticed. He now has no problem with BFing and brings me cushions/water/whatever I ask for while feeding.
So I think my point is, discreet BFing is when you feed without other people knowing you are feeding.

But I do like SamJamsMum point as well.

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moondog · 04/02/2009 09:07

Yes Sam, very good point.Mother's decision not that of general public.
Still, hearty guffaw at stripping auint and a table of lads.

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JackBauer · 04/02/2009 09:22

It did make me rofl moondog.
After he ahd told us this I was in family pub with DH, his BM and his brothers (amongst others) for lunch and started feeding DD1. At which point, best mate announced at full volume 'Look, she is BFing and you can't see her tits at all!'
Cue table full of men staring at my boobs debating whether they could see nipples or not.
Not my finest hour, but a lot of converts from 'BFing is disgusting' school over to our side.
So being too discreet woudln't have done that.

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wastingmyeducation · 04/02/2009 09:31

I'm as discreet as I can be. Which probably isn't very.
I reach into my top and unhook my bra and extract pendulous boob before I lift up my top to offer to DS, and I try and angle myself away from people etc.
But it's not easy with big, long boobs and rolls of back fat.
My opinion is that if it looks like you're trying to be discreet, most people won't mind.
I don't go out of my way to hide what I'm doing though, and I want people to know I'm feeding my baby.

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moondog · 04/02/2009 09:34

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VictorianSqualor · 04/02/2009 09:36

Wastignmyeducation, you say you're as discreet as you can be. Is that as discreet as you want to be?

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wastingmyeducation · 04/02/2009 09:42

I want pert boobs and no back fat, but it ain't happening soon!

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VictorianSqualor · 04/02/2009 09:46

lol

That's another question actually.

Those of you who feel you feed discreetly do you do it for other people's benefit or because you feel uncomfortable getting it all out (so to speak) ? If it's because you don't feel comfortable with it is it your breast? your nipple? your stomach? your 'back fat'

Sorry to be so nosy!

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lollyheart · 04/02/2009 10:17

I am discreet for other people's benefit, i have no problem with who can see my very large boobs, i am so proud of myself to be able to feed my baby

at home i hardly wear anything on top, well actually i am quite a naked person

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JackBauer · 04/02/2009 10:23

I feed discretely as I don't want my flesh on show, there is rather a lot of it.
I was also a bit nervous (to start with) of people being critical so worked out what hid the most, and then got into the habit of feeding like that.

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BouncingTurtle · 04/02/2009 10:31

1st question - what SamJam said.

2nd question - I'm discrete because it is what I feel comfortable with... I'm couldn't give a rat's arse whatever other people think.

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4andnotout · 04/02/2009 10:38

I think you can tell when im going to feed dd4 as i have to reach into my bra and unclip my bra but i think im quite deft at pulling top up to nipple height and angling her in straight away so never have actually nipple showing. I wear a vest under my usual top as i too have back fat or back meat as we call it and wouldn't want anyone to see it

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madmouse · 04/02/2009 11:09

I have never worried about what people could see and generally felt very comfy feeding anywhere.

Once I was bf in full line of sight of a 16 year old lad in church. I asked dh to block the view as I thought it was unfair on the lad tbh. Hormones and all that.

Must say I am a bit at jackbauer's story. That is not on I think for the very same reason.

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pluto · 04/02/2009 11:38

I prefer to aim to be discreet in public - but not to the point where I'm trying to hide what I'm doing IYSWIM, otherwise one of the advantages of BFing is kind of undermined. I don't stress about what what's exposed and what isn't because once baby is latched on and top is down there's probably less to see than would be exposed by a bikini or summer dress anyway. I also prefer reasonable discretion because it's warmer(!)and I feel my boobs are for me, DH and baby -noone else needs to see them entirely exposed. What I'm not so good at is being relaxed about BFing in front of elderly male relatives, aged FIL in particular, who clearly sees BFing as a bit disgusting, I guess it's a generational thing. Fortunately we don't see him very often

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CherryChoc · 04/02/2009 11:46

I usually wear a vest or something which basically serves to protect my abdomen from DS' cold hands!! My mum always tries to pull my vest down and make sure it's covering everything because she doesn't want people to see my stretch marks - but I don't really mind what people see. I tend to "arrange" the breast first and then get DS in position before I pull the final bit of clothing away so that I don't accidentally flash nipples!

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AnnVan · 04/02/2009 12:08

I lift my top and feed away. I don't think I show that much, but I don't hide either. At first I faffed about with blankets etc to cover up, but decided it was too much hassle. So now I make sure I'm as covered as I can be. I do for mine and others benefit. I think bf in public/wherever is important, but there's no need to show off everything either. Get annoyed if people complain about bf in public, because it's not as if you take off your entire top -Unless you're the auntie discussed earlier!

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Anglepoise · 04/02/2009 12:16

I had a similar experience to JackBauer's friend: at a (reasonably small, afternoon) party in my 20s, the host's sister sat on the sofa in the middle of the room and bf her baby for what I remember as being the entire party (she did claim at one point to be bfing for 8 hours a day so I think it's possible). It may be coloured by memory/the fact I don't really like the sister but I remember it as being very much boob-over-the-top whole-thing-on-display. There were a lot of 20-something boys at the party and it just created a really weird atmosphere. Perhaps we should all have been a bit more grown-up about it, but it put me off bfing in public for a long time, just because it had made about a dozen people feel really uncomfortable. It wasn't until I hit my late 20s and friends started bfing very discreetly in front of me that I came round to it. Since finding MN I've realised how important it is to bf in public if you can so I do, but I try to be discreet, partly for me, and partly because I want to show that it can be done rather than making people feel uncomfortable!

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cornflakegirl · 04/02/2009 12:53

I'm with wastingmyeducation - I have big boobs, and too much fat generally, and I tried to flash as little as possible. I generally flashed more than I would have liked, as a) vests underneath hadn't occurred to me, b) big boobs mean that I need to hold the one that DS is feeding from and c) DS had latch issues for the first 3 months or so, so it took a while to get him on, and I had to pay close attention to what he was doing.

But I still fed in public (including in church), and apart from my FIL, I didn't have any adverse reactions.