I need to get dd2 in a routine.

[ionesmum]

My dd2 is nearly one and we're in no kind of routine re. feeding. She doesn't drink out of a cup very much so still breastfeeds more or less on demand. Also she still breastfeeds to sleep and has at least one night feed. I can't leave the house for more than two hours' without her and I need to start going out and getting some sort of predictability to our days - but I don't want to stop bf. Where to I start?

Thanks in advance!

[PrettyCandles]

Do you always start the day at the same time? I found it very helpful when trying to establish routines to make sure that, no matter what had happened the previous day (or night! ), the baby started the day at the same time.

[ionesmum]

Hi, prettycandles. Thanks for taking the trouble to reply. We start our day at around 8 a.m., but sometimes dd2 will fall asleep mid-morning, in which case her afternoon nap either doesn't happen at all (so a grumpy dinner time) or it gets put back (so she isn't tired at bedtime). Then there's the fact that I never know when she'll want a feed, so I can't leave her for long. I need to be able to go out again - I've had one night out in three years!

[hercules]

You can go out!! I went to work full time when dd was 5 months and in no sort of routine with bfs. She managed fine and I stopped expressing around 8 months. She simply takes more solids when I'm away and I feed her whenever when I am at home.
Just go out!

[hercules]

Leave her with dh and go out. She will be fine. If she is thirsty and wont use a cup then let get whoever is with her to hold a lidless cup of water to her and she will drink if she wants to.

[emkana]

Hi ionesmum,

my dd2 is 19 months now, and I still don't have a b/feeding routine. Never had one with dd1 either and she fed until she was over 2! But what I found with both my daughters at the age that your daughter is now is that you can feed them when you're around, but they can also get by without you if you're not around. Just go out for as long as you need to! Whoever is looking after her can try and distract her with other things - things that work for us are
a/ snacks
b/ cow's milk in a bottle
c/ watching Teletubbies - a firm favourite! If dd1 or dd2 woke up while I was out and I couldn't feed them back to sleep then he would watch TT with them and they were more than happy and often fell asleep again.

Also I started after one year to not feed whenever wherever - so I tried to get away from feeding in public, again trying to distract/offer snacks or another drink. This was difficult initally, but go better and better. Now dd2 still asks for milk whenever she likes, but she actually understands now if I say "Later!" or "wait".

Good luck!

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[ionesmum]

Thanks for the advice, I feel like a bit of an idiot really but I can't stand the thought of her crying and wanting me. Dd2 doesn't eat a lot in that way of solids, which doesn't really help.

Thanks again, I will have to be firm on the cup thing!

[PrettyCandles]

My two still needed two naps a day at that age. I tried to start the day at about 7 (but dd insisted on a 6-6.30 start) with a short nap of 30m-1h max at about 9.30 or 10, lunch at 11.30 or 12, another nap at about 1 or 1.30, and getting them up by 3.30 no matter how much or how little they had slept. A snack after the afternoon nap and supper at about 5 or 5.30. Bedtime about 7-7.30.

I think that it might be a good idea to work on dropping the night feeds before trying to structure the daytime feeds. TBH (and I'm pro-Gina) I don't think that having no routine to daytime breastfeeds is a big deal at this age. But it's harder to make changes if you're tired, you and your dd, which is why I think the night feeds should be your priority.

[PrettyCandles]

She may not be eating a lot of solids because of the on-demand freeding, especialy the night feeds. A very good way to get her to take other foods or a cup is for you not to be around. She will cope, and you will not hear her crying. You don't even need to give her a cup yourself at first, let her get used to it with someone else and then it may be easier for her to take it from you.

[ionesmum]

Tell me about it, prettycandles, I'm running on empty. So what could I do about the night feeds?

Thanks for bearing with me

[ionesmum]

Sorry! crossed post! I will get dh to try the cup with her.

[hercules]

When dd was 5 months old I went out for lunch with my mum and left her with dh. I was very nervous and had no idea how she would cope but she was fine. I went to work full time she carried on sleeping during the day and at 6 months went on to solids with expressed milk or formula.
She was and still is fine.

[PrettyCandles]

You're not going to like the answer.



Don't feed her.

Is she in your room?
Does she tend to wake at the same times?
Will your dh get up to her during the night, at least for a week or two?

[ionesmum]

Prettycandles, our dd is in our room and we can't move her out as we only have two bedrooms. What's more, our bedroom interconnects with dd1's - it's virtually open-plan - so any noise and everyone ends up awake. So letting dd2 cry is a non-starter. Plus I'm so bloody knackered I just want to whack her on the boob, hope she goes off to sleep again and nod off myself for a bit whilst she does it!

We are trying to find a bigger house to move to. Maybe we'll get some sleep then!

Hercules, I will have to give it a try.

[dinny]

Ionesmum, am in exactly same position as you except ds only 6 months. But I csn't see how we'll ever be in a routine. I love feeding him in bed all night but dh is getting really frustrated with his lack of any sex life.

[ionesmum]

dinny, I loved it too until she got teeth!

[PrettyCandles]

Inconvenient . We also have a 2-bedroom flat, and had dd in our room until 12m because of her early waking - ds was and is a very good sleeper, and we didn't want her early waking to jeopardise his sleep. Does dd2's crying ever wake dd1? It never woke ds, as I discovered after we moved her in with him (he must take after me, I fell asleep in the bedroom directly over the live band during my sister's party). As a compromise we moved dd's cot as far away from our bed as possible, to the foot of the bed, and pegged a blanket to the side so that she wouldn't see us when she woke. Mind you, we did it before she could stand, I imagine your dd can pull herself up to standing and look over the side of the cot by now.

[ionesmum]

Yes, dd2 wakes dd1, who tends to be a light sleeper anyway. Very often I wake up and see dd2 staring back at me over the top of her cot! Plus she rattles the bars which drives me nuts. She co-sleeps sometimes because I'm so tired and it works but I don't want to continue with that really.

I guess the sleep thing will have to wait until we move.

Thanks again.

[PrettyCandles]

How did I manage that goof? It should have been:

Inconvenient .

TBH I don't know what you can do, other than try it and see. Maybe it'll only take a week to teach tyour dd2 to sleep through. It's quite possible [hopeful icon]. Perhaps you could sleep in the living room while training her? That's what we did for the first few nights, and when we had a hiccup I slept there alone as seeing her daddy didn't bother her.

[ionesmum]

It's okay, I got what you meant!

I will have to give your ideas a go. Thank you so much, you've been a great help!