Help - I've forgotton what I'm supposed to do!

[kayjayel]

I bf DS with much tears, pain and anxiety (until about 3 mths when it got easier) and am committed to bf DD (1 day old now) - but it still hurts like hell!

I think my babies just have tiny mouths, and feel more confident that pain will ease with time, but I've forgotton lots of stuff (or maybe didn't know it with ds) - can anyone help me with these questions:

• for these first few days of colostrum how often should she feed? Should I be bothered, or is it fine just to go with her?

• She's had two feeds in the 24 hrs so far where she fed for 1.5 to 2 hours (swapped sides a few times), is this okay or sign of a poor latch? Should she be having such long feeds? She is actively sucking and fairly awake for most of it.

• I vaguely remember that if you hear a clicking sound its a sign of a poor latch? Is that right?

I'm sure there's lots more I can't remember, and will worry about but that'll do for now! TIA

[HeadFairy]

congratulations!

My ds had a tiny mouth and never really opened wide for a while and I was in pain for quite a few weeks but I persevered and it got better. In the first few days before milk came in ds was feeding almost hourly, trying to stimulate milk I think. Once my milk came in he was feeding every three hours or so, and they did take ages at first. I was very envious of those who had babies that would finish a feed in 10 mins. My feeds always took at least two hours and stayed that way until ds was about 4 months old. I think they tend to feed a bit, doze a bit, feed a bit and doze a bit. In the end I just resigned myself to sitting on the sofa with a baby latched on for days on end. He's still a really slow feeder, lunch can still take him hours at 9 months

I seem to remember someone saying to me if there's a clicking it may be because there's a poor latch, I'm not an expert. The clue I had that ds had a poor latch was my nipple came out of his mouth wedge shaped. I hope someone can come along with a bit more advice, but as for length and frequency of feeds it sounds like you're spot on.

[TinkerbellesMum]

Congratulations on the new little one!

• Go with what she wants, she is the best judge of her hunger levels. Put her on whenever she asks and you will do wonders for your supply.

• Nothing wrong with long feeds, especially in these early days, it helps build your supply.

• Clicking is when her tongue is catching the end of your nipple, so it means you aren't in far enough. Take her off, tickle her nose, cheek and lip until she has a big wide mouth and tell her what you're doing, she might not know now what you're saying, but do it consistently and she will learn what Mummy wants. When you have a big wide mouth move her quickly on.

You shouldn't see any areola above her nose,
her bottom lip should stick out and curl down
her cheeks should be rounded rather than sucked in,
her chin shouldn't be touching your breast.

[kayjayel]

Thank you! She is lovely!

Thats really reassuring with the long feeds - I don't mind as during the feed it gets less painful. I thought clicking was bad, so thats helpful - I'll try and reposition her if I hear that.

Headfairy - its really reassuring that someone else has a tiny mouthed baby and it worked out! It definitely helps this time that I'm less stressed about it.

I think I need someone to come and see and help me with latch, as when I try and remember all the different bits of position I just get stressed. But I'll try to avoid the clicking.

Thanks so much for replying - last time everything was so horrid and hard and I completely forgot to go on mumsnet - this time my resolution was to remember to get on the internet early!

[TinkerbellesMum]

Try here for a list of support groups near you.

Something I read talked about the difference between "breastfeeding" and "nursing". It said that we're the only mammal that worries about what our baby is doing when they're latched on (is it feeding or comfort sucking?) and that we shouldn't worry because both are really important. It said that mothers breastfeed for 6 months to a year but mothers who nurse will go on doing it for years because they're not asking what their baby is taking. Which is a long winded way of saying what I said before, allow her to be on whenever she wants to be.

[kayjayel]

Thanks TM. Interesting difference with feeding vs nursing- when it stopped hurting I decided consciously to see it as a fix all - pain relief, comfort, food, distraction etc and from that point I was so much happier and gave myself permission not to be worried anymore if I was 'doing it right' - which does fit with what you said. Must go - more feeds I think!

[HeadFairy]

i was lucky, when ds had a poor latch it didn't hurt so I just resigned to sitting there for hours.... if it had hurt I think I would have given up ages ago. Good luck, it really helped me to go and see the bfc and feed him in front of her. She could see where i was going wrong and try and help me correct things, but actually he couldnt' correct his tiny mouth, I just put up with it until he was big enough to open his mouth wider. I did wonder if it's because I've got massive nipples

[TinkerbellesMum]

I'm surprised mouth size has anything to do with it as Tink was 31 weeks and I'm an H! She did very well from the start, they were amazed in the unit how well she took to it.

[HeadFairy]

maybe my ds was just very lazy, he still is pretty lazy about eating.

kayjayel, I was just bfing ds before bedtime and I remembered one thing I used to do was once he was latched on, I'd use a finger and gently pull his bottom lip down slightly so he'd slip a little bit more down the nipple and then I'd flip his top lip out too as he never seemed able to do it on his own. If you have the same trouble again it might be worth trying.

[kayjayel]

I don't know whether it is her tiny mouth or not, but it makes me feel better - she just won't open very wide, and the more I tease her to get her too the more she just starts screaming with frustration. I think my nips are normal size, so I was blaming it on her!

HF, thanks I'll try that as I think she could take more in. She quite frequently gets into that clicking noise. BFC coming in a minute to check latch so I'll post any more tips (maybe I'll post that I now have that mythical perfect latch and all pain has gone ).

Its weird - last time I was a state, but at least it got consistently easier bit by bit. This time I can remember easy bfing and it makes it harder to go through this pain stage as I so want to be in the 'shove it in and let me read a book/go back to sleep' stage!