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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Infant feeding

Please help!! 10month dd is making me exhausted, drained and stressed.

15 replies

rosyrabbit · 11/05/2008 10:56

It is a nightmare, she is more clingly now then ever before and I feel it is my fault...

She has always been clingly, bf every hour even at this age. She is now screaming for me to hold her all the time whenever I am near her.

If I am out of her eyesight she will be content with dp or other family. But as soon as she sees me she is demanding I hold her....

Then she pulls at my top in public to bf. She constantly wants to be close to me and feeding. But I can leave her for 6hours or more in the day with dp and she is just fine without milk.

I now really want to stop bf in the day. But I enjoy it at nighttime. She will not take milk or much of any fluids from a cup or any other source apart from my breast.

I am now starting to feel so drained. She is sooo demanding and it is all getting too much.

Sorry this is so long, any advice welcome.

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sarah293 · 11/05/2008 11:01

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rosyrabbit · 11/05/2008 11:03

Really, any idea how long it will last? Did you have the same problem?

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EffiePerine · 11/05/2008 11:08

Will she take a cup from your partner?

The clingy stage is really tough - they do grow out of it but it seems to take a loong time (can't remember when DS got a little better, but I was working 4 days a week by that stage so different).

I think if you want to stop bfing during the day, try it (and be prepared for some tantrums in the first few days!). You may find she feeds more at night however...

I would say that the clinginess isn't because of the bfing, it's more that she gets comfort from that because she's feeling clingy IYSWIM.

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Wisknit · 11/05/2008 11:09

I know it doesn't help you but you're dd isn't the only one. My ds2 is exactly the same (and 11 months) ds1 went through the same phase.
they get throught it. ds2 now coming out of it feeding 6-8 times a day and slept 10 hours last night!

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tiktok · 11/05/2008 11:11

rosy, this is normal, developmentally-predictable behaviour.

It lasts less time if you accept it, and feed her/cuddle her without a fight. That way, she builds up her confidence that the world is a good place, that her needs will be met, and that you and she have a lovely, loving relationship.

When you accept it, the phase lasts a few weeks. If you fight it, it is prolonged.

Lots of studies on child development back this up.

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rosyrabbit · 11/05/2008 11:16

She will take juice or water from dp in a cup. But never milk, thats why I don't think I can stop bf untill she is 1year.

Also she eats more when left alone with dp. She must be filling up on milk when I am around.

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rosyrabbit · 11/05/2008 11:18

Also dd never sleeps through the night. Never has. So I am considering sleep training. Even tho I feel I don not have the energy right now.

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tiktok · 11/05/2008 11:18

No need to stop bf, rosy - this will not change her needs for you one iota, and could upset her, too.

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tiktok · 11/05/2008 11:18

I'd suggest leaving sleep training until after this phase has past.

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EffiePerine · 11/05/2008 11:20

If she's clingy, sleep training not a good plan right now! DS didn;t drink much milk at this age during the day - he stocked up at night while I was there .

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rosyrabbit · 11/05/2008 11:21

I feel I have accepted this for a long time, she has always been very clingly and feeding alot. But now it is getting worse I just feel so tired of it all.

I can not get anything done as I am constantly holding and feeding her.

I know I sound harsh, but I have done it for 10months and I am starting to resent it.

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rosyrabbit · 11/05/2008 11:27

Tiktok and effieperine - I know you are right sleep training is not going to be easy at the moment.

I am just starting to feel I have 'spoiled' her as my mum said I would by holding her and feeding her whenever she wanted from birth.

And I did this as I felt she was so small and helpless. And in need of my constant attention.

But now that I know she can understand alot of things I say and she is very clever, I feel if I let this behaviour continue she will always be demanding and a spoilt brat.

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tiktok · 11/05/2008 16:00

You have not spoiled her. You have responded to her needs, and this is essential to build healthy, emotional well-being...and it lasts a life time.

This is being a good mum. In fact, if you had resisted reponding, she would have been more upset and clingy now (or else she might have given up and ended up being damaged in other ways).

Sounds to me that you have not had much support in responding to her - your mum telling you that holding her would 'spoil' her is just horrible and undermining.

She is not a 'demanding and spoiled brat' - it's an uncomfortable thing to think of your little daughter in this way. She's a baby - and you and her need each other

You do need support and encouragement, and maybe it'll help to get this in real life. Can you speak to your HV about group support, or one to one counselling, about how you can meet your baby's needs, and your own, and feel better about things?

Hope this helps a bit.

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mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 11/05/2008 16:14

ITA with tiktok. You after all refering to your baby and not a dog or cat. You have repsonded to your dd perfectly. You have trusted your instincts with her and yes she is going through a clingy stage, but thats all it is, just a stage. Tiktok is right in saying that if you had ignored her she would have been worse. She simply needs a bit more reassurance as she becomes more aware of the world around her. After all the world is a frightening place for someone so small.
Also with it being so hot atm, she is probably quite thirsty so its only natural she is drikning a lot more from you

My DS never ever ever left me till he was a bit more mobile. If I need to get on, I put him in a sling and carried one with it. Infact 6 weeks after I was born I went back to my part time work with ds in a sling. When he woke I bf him and put him in the sling again and he was happy and content.He is now the most outgoing and confident little pest you ever did meet, BUT at the same time the MOST loving and kind little boy too (pest all the same though)....lol.

Keep persevering it will pay off in the end.

ps. I bf ds till he was 2.4 and self weaned so well done you

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rosyrabbit · 12/05/2008 09:03

Thanks for the suport everyone.

I am going to see HV this week just to be sure.

I was just starting to feel as though I had got it all wrong as I have just went with my instinks from day 1.

I have never bothered reading lots of books and forcing dd to sleep alone 7-7. So felt I had let things get out of control.

Hope this phase passes soon. Thanks again every1...