I need support - night 2 of no more breastfeeding dd at night - she is 2 and a real milk fiend.

[Jenkeywoo]

dd was 2 at the end of March - loves breastfeeding and so do I. Has always fallen asleep at the breast and never slept well but in the last couple of month has started increasing the night wake ups (to 5 or 6) and also sits up and demands 'mi-mi'. I've been so tired I've just been giving in but she also has cerebral palsy and the days are incredibly hard work so I'm at the point where something had to give.

Last night I explained that she could have mi-mi before we go to bed but not in bed and that mi-mi was all gone until the morning. She definatively understood and last night cried for about 30 mins (with me cuddling her and her asking for 'just a little bit') - she then gave up and went to sleep. She was up an hour later and then slept till 6am which for her was pretty amazing.

Today I let her have BM whenever she wanted and also explained a lot again about what would happen at bedtime. Again she has mi-mi downstairs before bed and cheerfully said 'later mi-mi, see mi-mi morning'. Tonight however she had a massive flailing tantrum for 40 mins- I couldn't touch her. Made herself gag on phlegm etc. Finally she stopped and told me she had a headache so I got her some calpol and a drink of water - she then lay on my chest and about 10 mins later was asleep. I am now feeling sick to the core that she will wake up again soon - it breaks my heart to see her so upset.

I need reassurance that things will get better - has anyone else been in this position? Also she will be ok without BM over-night won't she? I am not stopping her by day but I need to get the point where she can stay at my mums or dh can help out more at night as the moment I can't cope with her demands night and day. I love breastfeeding and really don't want to stop but have finally reached the point where I know the nights have to be sorted out for me to carry on loving breastfeeding. all a bit sad really

[moondog]

Jenkey, poor you and poor her.

The best thing would be to go away first and then beleive me,she will adjust to a night without breastfeeding (and prob. quite happily). I think you are going about it the wrong way by trying to stop nighttime feeds and ^then6 thinking about going away for the night.

Do yuo get my drift?

[Jenkeywoo]

I know what you mean moondog but I just can't leave her when she is so distraught and tbh no-one else would have her at the moment - my mum offered to have her last night but at the last minute her fiance objected as they were going away for the weekend this morning and he didn't want to be tired. I have to get her sleeping better before I can have any sort of break from her.

[moondog]

Jenkey,honestly,she will settle better if you are not there.You being there is what is making the situation so stressful.

Arrange a night away with a friend or a sister?

[Jenkeywoo]

I just can't- she won't allow dh anywhere near her at night. She is extremely close to me as I am her 'legs' as she can't walk. Her days are pretty crap so I am not willing to torture her nights. She does understand what I'm doing - in fact in the tantrum tonight she wasn't asking to be breastfeeding but was generally shouting about wanting to go downstairs. I think she gets it but is just really pissed off about it! anyway, on a positive note.. she is still asleep and has been since around 8pm which is better then most evenings.

[moondog]

Oh bless you.
Must be hard.
How about getting your mum to stay over with your dh?

Honestly Jenkey, the way you are going about it is doomed to failure it really is (if by failure we are talking continued breastfeeding at night which you have obviously had enough of.)

I'm trying to apply my knowledge of SN, breastfeeing and scientific principles of behaviour here.

Let her develop her relationship with her daddy. Don'r make yourself her be all and end all.It won't be good for either of you. She may have CP but she is entitled to develop as an individual.

[harpsichordcarrier]

ah jenkey I thought this might be your thread

sorry this is so hard for both of you
you really should be in bed though

[Jenkeywoo]

well we did another night - she woke at about 11pm and this time it only took about 5 mins of crying to settle her. She was cross that there was no breastfeeding but I can handle cross. She woke up at 6am and said 'morning, hello mi-mi' and I was happy to feed her then. I hope each night gets easier but so far we have gone from 5-6 wakings to only 1 so that's got to be better.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Jenkeywoo - sounds like you are over the big hump - let's hope things go better from now on

It took me about a week for DD to learn to go to sleep without being nursed to sleep and another week to learn to stay asleep without asking for milk in the night.

It's really hard and you are being very brave.

[moondog]

That's great.

[welliemum]

That sounds great jenkeywoo.

I second what moondog says though - my 21 month old dd2 will scream blue murder if I try to put her down without a breastfeed, but she'll settle very happily for DH.

Hope you feel loads better with quieter nights from now on.

[Jenkeywoo]

15 mins crying only tonight.. I'm so pleased, this is not half as bad as I always thought it would be. Dh is jealous as it always takes him 1 1/2 hours and at least 2 vomits if he has to settle her

[chickenmama]

I actually think you're doing the right thing. I read somewhere - No Cry Sleep Solution, I think - that having a night time cut off point is the best way to deal with it. The child learns that after a certain time there's no more milk til the morning and they accept it. So glad it's going well for you

[moondog]

Brill