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Infant feeding

At what age does BF become more about the mum than the child - when to stop

38 replies

horseshoe · 25/04/2008 23:21

Did anyone choose to stop because they felt their child was getting too old? What age is too old?

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wrinklytum · 25/04/2008 23:25

Oh dear.It'll all end in tears.....

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StarlightMcKenzie · 25/04/2008 23:27

This reply has been deleted

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pinkspottywellies · 25/04/2008 23:28

I don't enjoy bf and I certainly do not do it for my benefit. I do it because it's the best thing for dd (yes, still) and something she has done (almost) every day for 18 months and I can't think of any reason to justify stopping her from doing it.

Before I had her I thought that 6 months would be enough, then when she was a few months I thought a year was enough!

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PinkTulips · 25/04/2008 23:47

trust me sweetie.... bf-ing a toddler ain't doing nothing for me!

i've been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for 4 years straight now and am tired, worn out and would like my body to go back to normal but as long as ds finds comfort in it then he's free to continue... i chose to have him, it's my duty to do everything in my power to ensure he gets the best start in life nutritionally and emotionally and i believe bf provides that.

and the look of utter satisfaction on his face makes up for everything else he puts me through

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gagarin · 25/04/2008 23:53

Preferably once breast feeding has been established you stop when your LO no longer wants to feed. Doesn't matter when that is.

IMO you should also stop when you can't bear to do it anymore. When you realise that it's making you resent your LO.

Nothing to do with age or readiness.

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milou2 · 25/04/2008 23:55

Do you mean too old to be seen to be feeding in public, at baby and toddler group? Or to be feeding during the day, not just at bedtime/wake up time?

The help that I got from feeding when my two had coughs, bugs, nasty falls was invaluable. I didn't know about that before I found myself feeding beyond a year. I really appreciated being able to breastfeed when they were ill.

It was hard for me to be feeding when I was ill though, no handing them over to someone else.

I think it's a bit like carrying a child, they wriggle down very firmly when they have had enough.

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horseshoe · 26/04/2008 08:34

Well I would like to BF this time and would be happy to keep going until 2 years old at least. I have had a few negative comments which surprised me. Mainly about the nutritional side of it.

IMO I see great benefits in the nurturing side of it too and the closeness.

OP posts:
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StealthPolarBear · 26/04/2008 08:37

Good for you, have you seen this thread?
When's your baby due?

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emkana · 26/04/2008 08:38

It's never more about the mum than the child.

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belgo · 26/04/2008 08:38

Breast milk is always nutritious, what ever age the child is. It doesn't suddenly stop being nutritious when the child reaches a certain age.

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Tommy · 26/04/2008 08:38

have you ever tried to force breastfeed a toddler?

you can't carry on just because the Mum wants to if the toddler doesn't.

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FrannyandZooey · 26/04/2008 08:45

My son self-weaned when he was nearly 4
children let you know when they have had enough, most children left to their own devices will wean between 2 and 4 years old

people who breastfeed older children are not doing it for themselves I can assure you! That's a very odd thought

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kiskideesameanoldmother · 26/04/2008 08:49

Last night I asked dd, 3 yrs old, when will she stop bfing. I was feeling tired and jaded. She responded, 'Not yet.' Then latched on wearing the most blissful expression.

It lifted my spirits.

Does that count as more for dd or more for me?

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BumperliciousNeedsToSleep · 26/04/2008 09:01

Horseshoe, keep an open mind, do it for as long as you feel comfortable (your LO will soon tell you when they no longer need it) and ignore what anyone else says. If they have negative opinions just refuse to discuss it with them, it's none of their business.

Good luck!

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FrannyandZooey · 26/04/2008 09:07

Kellymom makes great reading on this subject
she has some very useful stuff on nutrition, dealing with criticism, the emotional benefits etc

I'll get a link to my favourite page

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EffiePerine · 26/04/2008 09:08

I've cut down on bf (DS is 18mo) but definitely my decision rather than DS's - he'd feed all the time given the chance!

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hercules1 · 26/04/2008 09:09

I've breastfed dd till 3 and ds till 4 and believe me it really isnt about the mum. You really cannot force a child to bf and those who say it's about holding on to them being babies and they're clingy etc are the ones who have either no or little experience of people breastfeeding past the baby stage. They put their opinions down to a 'feeling' and will insist their opinions are just as valid as someone who does have experience of the issue.

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FrannyandZooey · 26/04/2008 09:09

I printed out and read frequently when feeling discouraged by people's comments

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skidoodle · 26/04/2008 09:32

OK, but when does it become as much about the mum as the child?

I've always been led to believe that BFing was a very rewarding experience for mothers and I'm still waiting for the pleasure I was promised.

In 5 weeks it's gone from initially being something I really struggled with that made me cry because I thought I wasn't managing, to being something very painful physically but not so bad emotionally, to being something I do many times a day for lots of time.

I don't hate it, but I don't love it anywhere near as much as I thought I would. I'm pleased that we're still going after rocky start but that's about it as far as pleasure goes. It's just something I do - baby's hungry, feed baby.

Actually I wish it were that simple. Mostly it's more like - baby may be hungry, put baby to breast, baby wriggles about and punches boob, maybe kicks me in CS wound, I take baby off breast, baby cries, put her back on, she feeds for a while, comes off, I spray milk in her face, she licks nipple and spray of milk seemingly enjoying milk bath while DH goes mad about milk going all over the furniture, I wind baby, she gets very angry, I put her back to breast, she gets even more angry, I try to calm her, it doesn't work, eventually she stops crying when I put her down on a mat on the floor, apparently she was crying because she'd had enough of me...

Because of all this I'm still basically tied to my home. There is no way I could manage all this in public. My dreams of portable baby food are still just that - a dream. I don't get much of a feeling of bonding from the BFing. Well occasionally I do, on the occasions when everything goes right and she latches on happily and sucks away until she gets that milk drunk face on. But that's not often.

So does it keep getting better? I've no particular desire to stop or anything. But BFing for me right now is all about the baby and giving her food and I kind of expected it to be a more emotional and nurturing experience.

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tiktok · 26/04/2008 09:49

skidoodle....that's so sad. But you aren't alone in still struggling a few weeks in. Lots of people on MN can empathise with what you are going through with the fighting, and this is deffo something worth bringing to a breastfeeding counsellor's attention. Someone experienced who really knows what to look for can help make things better - I do this sort of thing all the time with mothers I see or speak to.

I am a bit at your dh and his moans about the furniture. Not v. supportive and not fair to make a big deal of it when you are so clearly under pressure.

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BumperliciousNeedsToSleep · 26/04/2008 09:51

Oh skidoodle it's very early days for you and the way you are feeling is completely normal.

For me it was something I tolerated for a long time. It took about 4 months to feel like I actually enjoyed it. And 10months on there are still times when I think that I want to stop but then there are times when we are laying in bed together and DD is just looking a me in the eye when she is feeding. Or when I come home from work and she launches herself at my breast.

You will learn your baby's needs as you both get more practiced. Your DH needs to button up about milk on the furniture of forever be sentenced to night feeding duty (if it helps why don't you sit on a blanket).

5 weeks is still really early and it will get better. Is it still painful? (apart from the CS scar) if it is maybe you need to see a bf counsellor to get your latch checked. Experiment with different positions to make both you and LO most comfortable.

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skidoodle · 26/04/2008 10:15

Thanks guys Things are good really, we're figuring it all out and I feel confident we'll get there eventually. It's good to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. This board is full of women who seem to really love breastfeeding, so I was just looking for hope that one day I would too.

tiktok - I hadn't even thought to talk to a BFing counsellor. It's been getting gradually better all the time so I figured it would continue to improve. For a while we were doing all the feeds in bed as I couldn't get her to latch on in the regular sitting up position, but now we do all the daytime feeds downstairs. That's a big step forward for us

I did see a BFing counsellor who came to my house and she was such a help but she came in her own time and spent ages with me and I don't like to ask again unless I'm really not managing, and I'm doing OK really.

Bumperlicious - it's not still painful, no. I can't believe how hardy my nipples have become.

Hopefully as time goes on I'll start to enjoy BFing more. I'm encouraged that you're still BFing while you've gone back to work. I'm hoping to keep going for at least a year but will have to do my research to make sure I can keep it going while I work.

As for DH - don't worry he's already had an earful from me about calling my milk "smelly" (which he didn't, he just said it that old milk could get smelly). I can be quite careless about things when I'm concentrating on something else.

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hercules1 · 26/04/2008 11:10

Skidoodle- I never particularly enjoyed breastfeeding and was elated when stopping.

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llareggub · 26/04/2008 11:22

Helo skidoodle. I really struggled feeding DS after my c-section and it was really, really tough for a long time. I borrowed the AA's philosophy about one day at a time and regarding breastfeeding as something I would do today. I didn't think about tomorrow!

DS took ages to feed and used to feed all evening. I have very big norks and I felt very self -concious in public. If anyone had said to me I'd last 6 months breastfeeding, I'd have laughed at them because it was sheer hell.

However, it seemed to get easier over time and before I knew it I could do it without much effort at all, and anywhere. I can't say when and how it happened, but it just did.

We are still breastfeeding at 18 months and it is bliss. I wake him up in the morning and he jumps into bed with me and feeds. He is a very active breastfeeder and climbs all over me while I snooze. As I mentioned earlier, I have very large norks and he often has a feed while I lie in the bath, while he stands next to me!

It becomes second nature after a while and every time he has been ill I've been grateful that we battled through the bad times because he gets so much comfort from breastfeeding when he has been ill.

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llareggub · 26/04/2008 11:23

Just noticed your comment about going back to work. I went back when my son was 9 months, and at 11 months I was working full time and breastfeeding.

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